All Comments on 'Kiravi's Travelogue Ch. 07'

I read and loved the first chapter of this story when it was new, then somehow lost track of it. After seeing chapter 7 appear, I had to go back and catch up. I was amazed. It hasn't gone the direction I expected at all. Also, I didn't realize the authors were a husband and wife team. (I pointed this out to Ray, and his response was something on the order of "Don't even think about it!").

Between the two of you, you have created a deliciously erotic epic, and a masterclass in world building. You can squeeze an infinity of great stories into this world, and it's off to a great start.

I do have to say one thing in defense of my Neanderthal in-laws, though -- they weren't bowlegged!

Agree with everything MimiRay said. I love to read the story, following since the first chapter.

I would love to see a glossary/description chapter of sort for this universe. Some description of the races and a little on the overall geography. I read the chapters as they come out, so I often forget how the races look like or who worships which god. Sometimes I go back and try to find them out from past chapters, but it is getting more difficult as the number of chapters is rising. So a single point of reference would be awesome.

By the way, what happened to Niknik after the fight?

Great plot-driven story! Keep it coming!

I am hooked . This is just getting started it seems . From your hints . There is much more of this other world . And our 4 brave characters . ( Niknik included) . Are s diverse as can be . And likeable . The eventual confrontation with the Archian Priest and his monster . Should be epic . Oh . And seeing as this is your story to tell . You can make my ancestors bow legged with crow's feet and a tail . You will get no pressure from me to hastily post a new chapter . Take your time . This is so one of my favorites .

I'm with lonecrow re: a glossary type of guide. You could put it on your Bio page if that's better so long as you tell readers where it is. I stopped and debated what to do when I got to the introduction of Qusarly and you described her in comparison to a different type of character. "The proportions of her limbs, torso, and head, like all Hazuba, were closer to that of an Enges than a Man, just shrunken to the size of a large child." Doesn't really tell me much and I was wondering whether to start searching for the first couple of references to Hazubas and Enges and later Bhakhuris or to just slog along. I chose to slog along but wasn't happy about doing so. I appreciate your not wanting to reference "the hobbits hairy toes" every time you introduce one in a chapter but you have created a rich world with multiple races/species and political groups and it deserves to be appreciated as such rather than have readers just slog along.

Perhaps a paragraph or two of intro at the start of a chapter as a means to remind for the various groups referenced in that chapter, particularly if it's been 2-3-4 chapters since we saw them last.

I like your writing style and descriptive details and aside from the doubled paragraphs starting with "Leotie greeted her in Anghoreti" towards the bottom of page 4 the writing has been clean with very few editing errors. Nicely done.

Please don't take my suggestions as ultimatums, I'll keep reading, but I do feel doing something like that would help the reader enjoy your story even more.

See you in Ch 8

☆☆☆☆☆

You know the whole "men are insensitive brutes only thinking with their dick routine" is not only old and uninspired, but rather tiresome. As is the idea it's okay for women to assault men. Completely lost me on what itherwise was a good story.