All Comments on 'Kitten & Father in Florence Ch. 05'

Where else would they be, her back pocket? Her purse? The glove box of her car? Where does she keep her nipples? Someone please teach this guy to write thoughtfully and coherently, and to actually read back what he's written so laughable, misplaced prepositional phrases like this don't crop up again, as they do throughout this obviously hastily written 'opus'.

Look, man, stop. On page 1 I counted 6 instances of "snort" and 15 of "hmm." And that's just on the first fucking page. Stop. It. You're the only one I've ever seen who writes like this and it's as far from erotic as I can imagine. Fix your punctuation, fix your spelling, fix your sentence structures and learn how to become more dynamic with describing demonstrations of emotion for your characters. Your first series got these kinds of complaints frequently and were downvoted to oblivion because you refused to listen to 1) your audience, and 2) people who simply write better than you. Buy a fucking clue- either get with the program and learn how to write or just stop.

Anon: there was a very good reason for starting that sentence with “In her bra, ...” The obvious alternative was that she was not wearing one, as in a large part of the previous chapter. Readers of that chapter needed to be reminded that she now was. New readers to the series also should to know that she was, emphasized by starting the sentence with the prepositional clause.

Nightshadow: all your stories have a redhot H and many rave comments. Congratulations. I can't compete, but apparently a lot of people also like my stories. We have different styles. I don't like “monster cock” and similar exaggerated descriptions. If that is what your followers prefer, fine. There are a lot of them, more than 80,000 thousand to date for your latest story. Congratulations.

Considering your long and so successful experience here, I find it surprising that you would lambast another author, whose other stories you have apparently read without wanting to complain. If you do not like a story, you don't have finish reading it. It is more typical of the “anons” to be picky, to want to spout off about something, to comment that they had wanted the story to be different. Why stoop to their level?

As for describing demonstrations of emotion: in this series, that is downplayed intentionally. Kitten and her father have discovered how good sex with one another is, but that is not basically changing their emotional relationship. Note that they each forget sometimes who is arousing them. It is not downplayed in “Whoosh, Bang” or “Martha in America Ch 8”. Different stories, different characters, different relationships.

You and I have different styles. Perhaps we write for different groups of readers, despite our having the same purely vicarious interest in incest. Your characters think in long full sentences and speak in complete sentences. Fowler and Sam Johnson would have approved.

Mine often think in incomplete sentences, whose meaning is, however, usually obvious. When it is not, it suggests that the thought is also incomplete, perhaps turned into a question after a dash. Fowler would not have liked that, but it represents the way people do think in the situations when I write what is going through their minds (a better expression than “thinking”).

Similarly, there is a lot of discourse in my stories in which the persons reply with half sentences, as people really do. Grammatically incorrect, but discourse in quotation marks is what is actually said, including the non-verbal expressions; blame the characters for talking like that, not the author for putting it in writing.

AND there were only five “snorts” on the first page. Don't bother to recount; I ran a search on the text.

Nonetheless, thanks for reading my stories. I know your opinion about my style; you don't have to repeat it.

Nightshadow made a whole series of valid points, and anon was perfectly right in pulling you up about that nonsensical opening clause; as Anon asked, where else would she keep her nipples? Telling us they're in her bra is redundant, the statement her nipples popped out is enough to establish that she has some.

But did you learn from it? No; instead of saying "OK, I may have made a couple of boo-boo's here, I'll make sure the next one is more logically and cleanly written, thanks for the advice", you know, acting like an adult, you launch into a long tirade about how good you are at what you do.

Reality check. You're not even half as good as you think you are, and compounding it by refusing outright to take any advice on the grounds that you know everything about writing and the whole world is wrong smacks of a certain kind of autism.

When the people who are obviously better at this than you tell you where you're going wrong, surely it behooves you to pay attention? Who knows, you might actually learn something tom improve your writing. If you don't learn from your mistakes, you're doomed to repeat them, and whaddya know, you keep repeating them; doesn't the fact that the same criticism is levelled at you time and again ring any alarm bells?