Kiwi 01

Kiwi 01

Hey there folks, I'm Kiwi and I have fallen into a terrible trap as a cross dresser. I'm stuck between the point where nobody will take me seriously enough as a CD to ask me out, but because of my CD skills, nobody tells me to go home. Which isn't all that bad, but right on the trap exit door are the rules. Step it up and have sex with someone or forever remain known as a tease. Obviously, I had to lean towards the tease exit door, even though the door never opened. It's a vicious trap, but I stepped on the tree branch covered hole, so that's where I am. In the hole.

Of course, when I say "nobody" or "everybody" I mean like three people. Four if we count my roomie Jared, but we don't need to count him. He turns two blind eyes because I control the rent. Also, he smokes a lot and spends a lot of time looking like he's blind in both eyes. Shoot, I suppose I should include my, um, alternate "everybody" neighbors, Sylvia and Harold Greystone, but I'll get to them later.

So, there I was, living in a trap and minding my own business because nobody else cared to mind my business when things changed (and got weird). And I'll admit that the trap door swung two ways. I had some attention paid to me (swing open), but it was from the wrong rescuer (slam the trap door shut!). My need for attention was answered alright, but receiving such attention from the roomies best friend clearly stated "wrong" and "weird" all in the same sentence. It also stated that sex was a main topic and that scared me, so I rant and raved about Erick's actions and asked the roomie to keep him a way for a while. And I looked it up. Unwanted sexual advances were worth two weeks of avoidance.

Hah, Jared must have marked his calendar and counted down the days.

"Listen Kiwi, are there going to be any issues if Erick goes with me to the Monster Truck show tomorrow evening?"

"No, not as long as you're picking him up at his place and leaving from there and then dropping him off back at his place and coming home alone. I mean, no, no problem."

"Come on, Kiwi. He's all sorry and stuff."

"Hah, he hasn't said that to me as of yet. However, I know he is your friend, so whatever, but do not expect me to be nice or feed the two of you."

"Or we could split the difference. Maybe you can shoot lightning out of your eyes in a fury and rage while you fry up some Chicken?"

Hah, I'll fry that SOB Erick something alright and it might be his left cheek and not the upstairs cheek. There is simply no excuse for his behavior two weeks ago when he tried to seduce me after my roomie Jared fell asleep on the couch. I mean, at least buy me dinner first, right?

Well, here is what Erick thinks is a dinner date.

I didn't think much of it when he gently knocked on my bedroom door that one night, late at night, I might add, because he had spoken to me before through my bedroom door in the past. I mean, at my bedroom door. It all seemed harmless and safe to me in the past, so I said he could come in. Well, it started out feeling safe and then that harmless feeling became questionable, which led me to straight up asking him if he was confusing our chit chat for a date.

Well, he had an answer for all that. Two answers actually, only one was just an answer without words. He started to get "comfortable" right there in my bedroom as his first answer and then he said that the girl he was dating didn't suck dick and that he was about 9 blow jobs light for the month. I had to give me credit for being direct and honest about what he wanted and why he was in my bedroom, but then he made a mistake with his detailed list of missed blow jobs and I didn't miss the chance to fire back that his dates were all screwed up that two of those missed opportunities were actually from the month of May, so he was only light 7 blow jobs for the month of June. Which may have been my mistake because he felt that I was fully engaged with him. Hah. Well, weird enough, but not the weirdest part of the evening.

It was weird that he just started to get "comfortable", but it really got weird when I jumped out from under the covers to push him out of my bedroom before he became completely "comfortable" and he already had his pants off. That weirdness continued from my side because I don't sleep in much. I like wearing Brazilian high cut undies and a crop top while I'm dreaming. So, there I stood in front of him in just my undies and there he stood, pointing directly at me and neither of us moved for what seemed like forever. And I mean forever. Also, a certain part of him was definitely moving.

He was staring and I was staring and neither of us stared into each other's eyes. It was the first time I had ever been that close to another naked guy, who was also flexing at me, and it was mesmerizing to say the least, not to mention super weird. Well, then it went hyper weird when he started to stroke himself towards me as he stared me down and yes, the word down is a play on words. Also, in total disclosure, I peeked the roomie once because he is careless with his bedroom door, but all I saw was OMG, a lot of hair! Oh, so much, like a forest, so I don't count that because I didn't see anything and that's my story and I'm sticking with it.

"Are you just going to keep doing that in front of me, Erick?"

"I can't stop, besides this is so much better than going home and envisioning you in my mind. Are you going to turn around for me?"

"I can't seem to move my feet. You're buzzed, right?"

"Reach me something to wrap around me. Reach me a pair of your panties."

"I can't seem to move any part of my body. It wouldn't kill you to trim that up a bit."

I don't know what comes after super and hyper, but that's where the weirdness leveled up at. When he was finished finishing on my belly, well, we still didn't move much. I mean, he was all this and that exhausted or satisfied, but we maintained our weird position for another few minutes.

"Are you going to clean that up for me Erick or this a blow and go situation? That was gay, by the way."

"Hey, you moaned, Kiwi."

"Hah, I softly said "ewe, that was gay as hell you faggot" or something like that."

"At least say something to make me feel better."

"Hmmm, it's very warm, you hit your target, promise me that this happens again, it is very warm and I never experienced an "after effect" of a sex act. Are you breathing alright?"

And then he cranked up the weirdness even more because he simply turned around and walked out of my bedroom naked. Just naked. Who does that at a friend's house? On the other hand, I at least slipped on a pair of cotton capri pants as I chased him to the bathroom. I mean, he wasn't leaving his clothes in my bedroom, was he? And because it's my house and because he just blew his wad on my front, well, I just opened the bathroom door. I mean, I was the one who needed to get cleaned up, right?

"You forgot your jeans and boxer shorts faggot."

"Um, when you asked me to clean you up just now, well, what did you mean by that, Kiwi?"

"Oh, sometimes faggot boyfriend's lick their T-Girls clean and I was trying to figure if you're a regular down in the alley. By the way, we're never doing that again, right?"

"Hah, you pulled the front of panties open for me. Also, when you said I needed to trim just now, what did you mean by that? That's sissy stuff, right Kiwi?"

"I did not pull my undies open for you, I had an itch, that's all. And sometimes faggot boyfriend's take their T-Girls into consideration and trim it up down there. Nobody wants a mouthful of hair. I mean, you peeked down the front of my undies when I stretched them out for you, so you know what I mean. You don't need to be as smooth as I am, but come on, life isn't a locker room."

"LOL, do you remember that time you were our towel boy back in the day? That was funny."

"And that was first time you fagged me, so what? By the way, you still haven't agreed that this will never happen again, not to mention that we never speak of it ever!"

Alright, moving on because Erick doesn't understand what never doing that again truly means, which brings me back to the present day when that faggot would be visiting again for the first time in two weeks.

"Oh, Jared, you can bet that there will be fire and ice shooting out of my eyes alright, but no fried Chicken! Erick texted me last night and asked for a meatloaf, so that's what the two of you are getting and it will be ready to eat by 5pm so you two can make the 7pm doors opening for the show."

"Wait, the two of you are communicating? Did you kiss and make up, you know, without kissing?"

"No comment, but what he mumbled was probably as close to an apology that I will ever get out of Erick."

I could see that more questions were formulating in his head, so I blazed out of the living room and hid inside of my bedroom for a while. LOL, unlike Erick, Jared has it in his head that if he even touches my bedroom door then he will be labelled for life as gay.

We avoided any further conversation about the subject for the rest of that Friday night and went about our own business for most of Saturday. Well, along came late Saturday afternoon and there I was, in the kitchen barefoot while the guys prepared to go out for the evening.

Well, there aren't too many rules that say you can't dress comfortably while you're in the kitchen on a weekend night, so leisure shorts, a T-shirt and a ponytail it was.

Well, I should have figured that the roomie would turn another blind eye and let Erik linger into the kitchen.

"Hey Kiwi, so we're cool? I mean, you told Jared that we made nice, right?"

"No."

"So, do I need to worry about stomach pains from poisoned meatloaf?"

"No."

"Um, will you be awake when we return from the Monster Truck Rally?"

"No."

"Hmmm, will your bedroom door be unlocked later?"

"No."

"Alright. Will you make me a leftover meatloaf sandwich for tomorrow?"

"No, well, yes, of course. And I'll put ketchup packets on side and put it all in a brown paper bag."

"So, you're not all that mad at me and just maybe we can talk more later tonight?"

That concluded our question & answer period for the day. I wasn't about to let him walk me into saying something I wasn't prepared to say. We were having a spat over a sex act and it seemed like it should carry on for a while longer. You know, like long enough for both of us to get completely over it and by over it, I mean that was never happening again. He still hasn't said that yet.

"Erick, wait, what's your end game here? Do you see us in bed together or what?"

"What if I do? I mean, not tonight because I tried that trimming thing and I'm all nicked up, but it's not a crime you know."

"Got it, skip the dinner and the movie and proceed straight to the bed. Go get ready to eat."

Oops, sorry, now I mean that was the end of the Q & A session for the day.

"Erick, wait, when you were lost in your sexual hand solo session two weeks ago, you were mumbling stuff. Do you have stuff in mind? I don't think that you drooling in my mouth is sexy."

"Damn it, Kiwi, sex is from A to Z. Besides, guys just mumble stuff when they're exploding."

"Well, you better find another letter to mumble about because we're not doing that!"

"Is that an admission that we may be doing something though?"

"No comment, but D for drooling is out, 100%."

I mean, that's gross, right? And don't throw any of that shade my way because it's basically just a super wet kiss because that's out too! No super wet, no drooling, no nothing like that.

Again, the Q & A period had expired, for the last time.

"Erick, wait, did you hurt yourself badly down there while you tried to trim yourself with your hunting knife? A T-Girl just texted me and said that other letters from the alphabet may not be so rough on you, but I'm clearly on the sidelines."

"Did your friend say that JSTT is for just suck the tip?"

"She just texted me and said, LOL, yes, but no. You will lose control and shove it all the way home and then her phone battery went dead, so no more questions. Go get ready to eat."

I promise, that's the last Q & A for the day. Besides, I already plated the meatloaf dinners and my guys do not eat cold food. Also, my guys don't let me eat with them.

"Erick, wait, you can softly knock on my bedroom door later tonight if Jared passes out, but only if you're prepared to answer the three questions that I asked you that you haven't answered yet. You know, like what happened two weeks ago never happens again, right? I'm a tease, not a sex doll."

"And maybe you can wear something purple to bed tonight and leave your door unlocked. And stop confusing me with Sam. His sex doll's name is Sarah Sue."

Oh yeah, my bad, I did get that point confused. Sarah Sue is lovely and has perfect skin. So, the guys ate and I shot water bubbles out of my eyes and stood there running through my dresser drawer in my head. I do have something purple. It's a skimpy workout outfit, not that Erick would ever see it. And then they off to the Monster Truck Rally.

"Have fun guys and Erick, don't let Jared drive home if he's all buzzed up. LOL, the rent is due, so he can't get injured until at least Monday night."

"Oh, here Erick, take the keys. You better drive now."

And away they went and left me home alone on a beautiful Saturday night, just like all of the other Saturday nights. But I made quick work of the kitchen clean up, made Erick his leftover meatloaf sandwich and put five slices on meatloaf on a plate and headed next door to the Greystones. I mean, everyone gets hungry and good neighbors solve that problem, right? I mean, I do and I even up the game with a fresh coat of lip gloss. Oh, not that I wanted anything to do with Mr. Greystone, but I think his wife appreciates the kick start and Harold and I had a routine. We talk dirty, he gets worked up and Sylvia enjoys her evening. Our dirty talk is weak, but it's well written and scripted out.

"Woohoo, Sylvia, are you guy's home? I came bearing enough food for two dinners."

"Child, what the hell are doing wandering around the neighborhood dressed like that? The younger men have raging hormone issues you know. Ooh, juicy meatloaf! Momma is getting some tonight! Come on in child. Harold! Talk to Kiwi for a minute while I set the table. Also, take some hormone pills or something, you old worthless POS."

It's such a shame. As a couple, they aren't all that, ah, mature? I mean, Harold is turning into a waist size that seems to be better described as wasteland, but Sylvia is still years away from developing those breasts that are the size of Alabama. She's like, um, Maine or New Jersey.

"Hey Kiwi, did you slip a sleeping pill into some of the meatloaf slices so I can finally pound your tight little ass in private for once or do I have to pound the same old thing?"

Huh, I never thought about that. I mean, that's a popular thing in my true crime shows and the movies, so maybe next time. Also, LOL, he added that to script without the Director's approval.

"Oh Harold, you're so silly sometimes, but maybe next time. Besides, you know that fat old man cock you have wouldn't fit up inside of my tight little ass? That's what you said, right? I mean, I'm not mad if you spread that around a little. I mean, the tight little ass thing."

"Suck me off, Kiwi."

"Suck me off, Harold."

"Alright Kiwi, that brings us to end of our weekly script. Did you catch my unapproved add to the script? Cool, right?"

"My friend just texted me and said we could add a few standard lines about shoving our hands in each other's pants????"

"Hah, a new script requires rehearsal. So, near the front of the fence tonight about 10pm?"

Hah back at you Harold, but I'm always open to new things and maybe it's time to rewrite our screen script after all, but not that night. I still had two guys coming home from a Monster Truck Rally where they will be inhaling all those fuel fumes and then there is the ride home with the wacky tobacky, not to mention a few more Q&A sessions with Erick.

Now, I didn't want any harm to come to them, but "go fumes" and "go earthy smoke", right?

Anyways, I ended up using the rest of Saturday night time wisely. I called Sam and asked him if I could borrow Sarah Sue for the evening. I put her on the outside of my bed in just in case Erick entered my bedroom with his guns blazing.

And Sam made a wise investment. Sarah Sue is cozy to snuggle up with. And yes, I dressed her in purple undies. Unfortunately, that skinny bitch probably won't stretch them out and I say unfortunately because, SOB, Sam must have purchased the "hey, Kiwi, this what a real tight little ass looks like" option package. LOL, he, LOL, writes words on her, LOL.

Also, Sam is dozing off in the arm chair in the living room because I only have Sarah Sue until 2 am. They have a club after party to attend later.

End Kiwi 01