All Comments on 'Kyle and Will Ch. 06'

so wish that this is what two guys can get from each other . have found that most are not one guy men. but does make me wish that is could be

Better than the last chapter, but not great. But a good way to end the story.

Thank you for writing this! Please write more! Love your stories

Now I love that they have really matured from the very two kids who could not confront their feelings leave alone come clean about their sexuality and their love for each other to this mature guys who can go through so much yet be able to finally come out as winners after talking things over. I really love this story.

I am in love with this story...how a young inexperience couple can grow and learn that if you fight for each other even if the other person is an ass and run at the sign of trouble. I wish my relationship ended with him coming back to me but he ran and because a slut for 5 guys and 3 girls. I did move on but still him and love him.

I thought this story had heaps of potential but you screwed it up by rushing through everything. Especially the last two chapters.

i liked the resolvement at the end, yes it felt tushed in the previous chapter, but I thinkit came down to you moving the story four years ahead. working on the time forward device will help your writing,a heading like four years later would have been acceptable, so we know we're no longer reading about high schools, that's my suggestion txs

This is honest constructive criticism, if you really are trying to get better, this needs to be addressed.

* The story is tedious to read.

* Choppy sequences and dry dialogue that continuously slips into 3rd person. (btw, who is this narrator?)

* I don't really feel for these characters, you lack the ability to emotionally invest the reader in their lives.

* Even the hook up descriptions are boring, like Mr. Rogers trying to read porn to a lethargic audience.

* The whole thing is rushed from one situation to the next, as though you became bored with it and just wanted a passable conclusion. Is this a first draft?

* Please, read your story aloud before you post as it will help you to hear what it is lacking.

Good Job!

Thank you! ThankYou! THANK YOU!!! I was So Happy with this story it is one of the more realistic stories I’ve read here!! I mean this is one of those based on actual events! I Love Love fiction but I’m a sucker for True Stories! If this is your life story Awesome if it’s fictional it’s awesome too! I HATE cheating and when in the last chapter he moved to NY With Neil my heart Dropped! And I thought Oh No!! I stopped reading stories when the writer added at the end the partner had cheated with someone close to them for a month and even downed him for being “simple” I left off reading anymore stories after leaving him a comment that said it wasn’t necessary and I wasn’t the only one to say it! So Bravo and Thank you Again for restoring my faith in the relationship!!! You’re FANTASTIC and if anyone says different let it roll off your back and You Do You!!!

This story started off great but by the final two chapters it sputtered out leaving lots of unrealized potential. After his injury, the exit of Will to NY made no sense. Kyle and Will were soulmates that suffered through literally years of obstacles to be together. Kyle was clearly caring and concerned for Will’s injury but Will treated him like shit. There is no way that a committed lover/basically husband at this point would let Kyle think there was something sexual with Neil and then move to another state with him, never explaining anything. They had lived together for years and he just ups and moves - acting like it’s just temporary. No one bails like that with not even a breakup conversation. Then upon return, he waltz up at the cemetery?! Sure he said he was planning to return anyway, but why then didn’t he call Kyle to express his sympathies, or in the days leading up to the funeral to make sure he was ok. To show up after the burial and act like nothing was wrong is ludicrous and inhumanly cruel. His words of explanation to Kyle rang hollow and insincere. Will seemed surprised that Kyle was hurt, that he assumed Neil was fucking Will, or that their entire life-long relationship was on the brink of collapse. Basically the main character of this story was painted as a selfish, heartless, illogical bastard. There was no reason for that part of the story - will’s recovery causing distance and irrational moods would have been enough to introduce some barriers for the couple. But the extremes to which it was written all seemed unrealistic and insulting. Made the ending seem kind of juvenile and too sweetly wrapped up given the depth of the wrongs inflicted here. Sad because the early chapters were so good and had loads of potential.