All Comments on 'Laci Pt. 02'

Keep going. I'd like to read more, try to make it longer though

This looks really promising and I already like the main character

Stars with a pretty big time-skip in-universe, was there really a reason for it? If the intent was to let her obsession develop, it probably would have been more effective to do that on-page. But realistically speaking, why wouldn't she at least attempt to hook-up with Ralph? Even if he wasn't interested in a relationship, he obviously enjoyed the oral and so did she, so a "secret friends with benefits" kind of deal would have been reasonable. If you don't want the story to go that way, him shooting her down would have been a useful scene as well: it would put her in a situation where she tried sex and loved it, but the person she tried it with has no interest in her, naturally leading her to become frustrated.

Her sudden sharp interest in topping seems out of nowhere. If she's a sexual altruist, shouldn't she be dreaming about doing stuff that boys love? Topping and dominating boys who aren't even interested in that sort of thing in real life sounds like a selfish polar opposite from that. If it was an obsession from before, shouldn't her first experience brought change to those fantasies after she had a great orgasm from giving oral? I'm not saying she should just imagine giving out blowjobs without reciprocation now, but maybe the focus of her fantasies and dreams should have shifted to how good she makes the boy feel with whatever she is doing. Well, I don't know where you're taking it, so maybe my criticism is unfounded. These are only her fantasies so far. People's fantasies and actual sex lives tend to differ quite a bit. It's not as if she even has anything to leverage to dominate a presumably straight top boy in bed at this point.

This really needs to be revised.

Maybe I'm not paying enough attention, but this appears to switch from person to third and back to first person, but a different person... Both Lacy and Derick are switching up, and it's very confusing...

Loving the comments. I apologize for the confusing library scene. I was going for a perspective change between Laci and Derrick, then back to Laci, but it came out rushed. I'll be researching how to properly switch from ine character to another.

Loving it so far! I hope Derreck and Laci become a thing, with Laci (or her dick) on charge of course!