All Comments on 'Lara & the End of the World'

need the Trump reference.

will this become a series?

Some rude reader is getting flustered and must be red in the face by now. The person posted a first message which I erased and now keeps on insulting me. So much class & such a poor sense of humor...

So, why did I make the Trump reference? The Doomsday Clock got moved closer to Midnight on January 25th, 2017. So, do forgive me if that bit of news inspired part of this tale. Inspiration comes from weird places sometimes, is that so bad?

That's all folks. Don't get your panties in a bunch.

Don't let your politics affect your sex life. Life's too short!

Hi. A couple of thoughts. You write well, but everything is told from a remote, detached 3rd person point of view. You've had Armageddon and a fuck fest, and it had the same emotional impact and engagement on me as if she'd had a bummer of a day because her new car had its bumper scratched and the market was out of her favorite ice cream. What are you going to do for an encore? The characters are also very one-dimensional with no names, personalities or anything else for the nerds.

Try checking out some highly rated stories in any genre's "Hall of Fame" section for pointers and also read the comments to see what the audience thinks as this is not any easy thing to do.

There are lots to choose from, but here are some suggestions:

The Inn by IanSaulWhitcomb

Upon a Savage Shore by Ripperfish

A God Called Bruce by TaleMaster

Threads: The Island By JammyJimmy

God of Mischief and Lies by FireFaery - Only 3 pages, but possibly one of the best written stories on this site. Loki finds something he cannot control.

Also, consider buying a used copy of "Save the Cat" from Amazon. Its a silly name, but its about the best intro book on story writing you can get and can be read in an afternoon. Good Luck!

Thank you for the constructive criticism.

I will definitely look at the stories you have listed as well as the book you are suggesting.

As far as this story is concerned, the comments you made are on point but were a stylistic choice.

I was looking to convey the main character's traumatic shock by making her as numb as possible. That is the reason why her feelings and emotions in the prelude are much more detailed than the ones she experiences when her entire world disappears.

That is also the reason why I have kept the nerds as bland and as nondescript as possible.

The idea (if I am courageous enough to follow through with the latter parts of the story) is to get to know them as the woman's mental recovery unfolds.

For now, she is supposed to have regressed to her most animalistic or bestial nature due to the trauma that she has experienced. She is in a very primal state and her contact with the nerd is pure lust and sex...

Does that make sense?

Did I succeed in getting that notion across? Let me know.

"The orange buffoon" HAHAAHAHAHA OMFG I LOVE YOU😂😘

The hack author is just another liberal moron.

Delete this if you want you pos moron scum.

I sense from your writing you really are a nerd with mommy issues so you have one less reader here, loser.

Cool concept. Arousal in response to trauma is common enough, but you really dialed it to eleven. I don't think I've ever seen it pushed that far before, but the animalistic need was certainly proportional. I admit, I thought you spent more time writing the beginning and rushed the end. It wasn't until I read your comment that I understood the change in styles. It was clever, but perhaps too subtle. Overall, it was a hot little story, and I'm curious to see how Lara and her nerds cope in the future.