All Comments on 'Last Call, the Sequel Pt. 01'

you can tell she never really loved him and he's better off.

It's too late. With her cheating and changed attitude, reconciliation on any kind of equitable basis is impossible. She'll most likely demand she be able to continue sleeping around as a condition of their reconciliation. She'll have to confess to the adultery in counseling. If he views, like most men, that sex with others before the divorce is final, is a deal breaker, they are done. She's already filed for divorce and had him served. It only has her side of the story and only 2nd hand info regarding him after the separation. A change of viewpoint might be in order to fully flesh out the characters. What happened two years previously to cause his change in behavior as regards to his treatment of his wife? Other than the empty nest syndrome, was something else going on, like maybe he cheated and feels overwhelming guilt that he is no longer worthy, or maybe an incident or offhand comment/remark by her that was received poorly but not openly talked about?

Why would she even think about going back to Jerry?

he cut her off 6 months ago. no word from him at all in 4 months and he finally calls 2 weeks after being served divorce papers.

now it is her choice and rightly so.

he showed how much she meant to him, or should i say how little.

time she looks out for herself.

I'm afraid you mistyped your comment. The right wording is: "I would ditch the bastard. you can tell he never really loved her and she's better off."

Or else I should think you're a pretty clos(et)ed-minded asshole (sorry for the mixed metaphor)

ma_Cabre

(BTW: a male of the species)

why should they go back together?

who is to know TK U MLJ LV NV

The important issue with this sequel isn't who carry the blame...But her decision after finding a lover, a lover that just after a fuck she thought she couldn't live without being with him! And also: "it was the new me that wanted a life that I could enjoy" and that included "I also would not be exclusive to either of them ( husband and lover)!...so if she didn't want to be exclusive to any man, why the need to try to save her marriage? She had already made her mind. Now she cared more for a one night stand lover than for her husband, and being so her marriage had no future...At least this sequel didn't brought anything new to @Ahazura story...2*

Write your own story. Leave other people's work alone

I think she just turned into a pig. She fucked someone close to her kids age and hope they and hubby find out. She set up to still get fucked foe 6 more weeks to find out what she wanted. The one night was not the problem she thought it was over but now she is premeditate her moves to fuck the kid more while her hubby pours his heart out in therapy. That's a sneaky cunt who deserves to suffer the consequences of being caught by her family

but I don't really see the point in just writing this much - nothing happens. Now if this were to develop into a 3-way emotional tug of war between Jerry, Shannon and Caine, it could become interesting. Are you planning to write more?

I wonder if the comments would have been the same if the sexes were reversed. Hmmm.

Regardless of the sexes why stay married? What would the point be? Jerrys a jerk and wifey has obviously moved on with a new stud. Counseling is a waste of breath.Mama should just stick with Caine and move on.Why torture Jerry the moron

I'm liking this approach and think there is a lot to be mined here, especially as it could get wonderfully complicated. There is a lot of common reality here and the husband's back story is just part of it.

But I am concerned, marriage is about compromise and it doesn't matter who compromised in the past if one issue will cause the divorce. Moreover, does she want to be married because she loves him or just because she can be married? And if looking at porn is wrong, how wrong is it to fuck another person?

Nonetheless, I give this a solid 4!

1*

Very abrupt last couple paragraphs, her tone indicates no intention of working thru anything so why bother with counciling at all. A bit picky but u wouldnt have a time and date for a counciling session when u just called in response to his call to discuss any attempt at treconcilliation would u and i imagine they r as hard to get into as any other medical profesdional.

From the opposite side (a man's perspective in the same boat as the protagonist), I agree completely with her choices. The story flows well and there's good character development here. Caine sounds like a great guy, but he's a bit sappy for a 27 yr old.

You obviously took your time with this. I noticed a couple spelling errors. But the grammar was perfect. Thank you for knowing when to use their, there, and they're.

5 stars and a knuckle bump for you my friend.

And I'd be much happier without her. She's tasted freedom and she has no real interest in her former husband and has forgotten all he did for the family. She won't be staying with the guy who bedded her either because he has less morals than she does and she will find out the real reason he was dumped.

When your wife tells you your marriage is in jeopardy, you throw the TV out the window, put your phone on silence, you sit down and you LISTEN! I don't see any real plot or drama here. Was this guy a good husband and father for 20 years, and then suddenly shot with Martian AssHole Ray? His personality and character are too extreme and inconsistent with a successful 20-year marriage. It makes no sense to me. But since that is the character portrayed, her actions make perfect sense. C'mon, she waited 4 months without a single word from him? OK, so she takes a chance with them counseling. Fat Chance. But if you want to write about this wrecked marriage that's your business.

As far as her fucking around and dating or whatever, what has that got to do with anything? He abandoned her, allowed the divorce to proceed, essentially cutting her out of his life. If she wants to start dating him again that's really stupid, but her choice. I am very puzzled how this story can be kept compelling and entertaining. Reciting all her upcoming fuck sessions will be quaint and juvenile, and will add nothing to the real story. Portraying the drama and anxiety of their attempt to reconcile will just be embarrassing and impossible to believe.

But hey, give it a shot. And thanks for trying.

You didnt finish, I am assuming you will over time. Decent start 3*

As an FYI, when one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

<P>

When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

<P>

Also, if you're writing a story that requires reading a prior story, do not assume people know the story. Include a link. Whether it is easy or hard to find the original story is immaterial.

In compromise or working on their problems. Any man who shows up should expect a lot of pain.

Forget her husband, he is a fool. The fact that she is wondering about a possible future with Caine is insane. She was a rebound hookup for him, assuming his breakup story is true and isn't just a line. Her FIRST hookup and she wonders what can become of it? What is she, like 17?

Fairly seamless transition on characters as you took them as last presented and have let them grow in your submission. Quite interested in how you will proceed.

BTW: To the anon who is a member of the punctuation police ... author did provide a reference to the original author of the plot. It only took me a few seconds to find the original submission. The reference provided is quite suitable instead of a link.

She thinks she is control of Jerry but Caine is now in control of her. Says all the right things so he can fuck her at will and like most women in this type of relationship always gives control to the new guy whether she realizes it or not

I found it a fun read. keep it up. cant wait for pt.2

This is incredible. You have captured the emotions of this woman in a truly introspective way. looking forward to the next chapter, don't keep us waiting too long

Please don't make us wait too long for the next chapter. She should tell Jerry that his procrastination caused her to go to another man. Now he has to work much harder to win her back from her new 27 year-old stud. Jerry should realize the door is not fully closed, but could be shut and locked depending on his actions.

great presentation... The author "know" the topic and excellent ability to hold the reader... thanks

illiterate cuck shit.

Shannon had guts enough to separate in the first place, and Jerry couldn't be bothered to call her or respond to her calls until he was served? What a dickhead! He deserves any and every thing that's headed his way.

Here's hoping Shannon maintains control of her life and no RAAC sneaks in to the story....

Now on to chapter 2.

if he goes back with her she will be cheating on him all the time now that she is in control she even said it herself she didnt want to stop doing it with the new guy......dump her ass she doesnt want to work it out she wants him to take the new her if "she" is willing

This marriage is over. Sign the papers and move on. Okay more golf.

I don’t know why you decided to “improve” on Ahazura’s original story, and it doesn’t really matter. I didn’t care much for the way Ahazura ended his story but I didn’t see any improvement in your attempt. I think you should have let “well enough” alone. You should work to develop your own style of writing instead of trying to replicate someone else’s.

What a slut, divorce her asap

Yep, she is still a controlling bitch. Jerry needs his friend to help him extract his head from his ass.

In the original story, Jerry is just a flat out asshole. Entirely self-focused, petulant, and snide. Why any self-respecting woman would want to stay with such a waste of skin is beyond my understanding. Unless she’s nostalgic and self-destructive.

The commenter “Sikem” called her a “controlling bitch”, presumably because she wants to control her own life, instead of waiting around to serve Jerry whenever he wants a beer or a sandwich, and then sitting in the corner waiting for another summons.

Jerry didn’t contact her for four-and-a-half months after she left, pleading with him to read what she had written about her experience as an ignored wife. Does he read them? Only after she files for divorce.

He doesn’t really give a damn about her. He just wants the maid back.

No. The original creator of Shannon, writer Ahazura, didn't write the female character of this story. I don't think OP stayed true to the woman the original creator wanted to create, and that was a "woman who isn't a moron." This Shannon is like all the crazy women we read about on this site.

Forget the bitch.

In this version she is just angry and wanting to be in control. She was a poor caricature of thr original.