Last Chance at Forever Love Ch. 08

Sophia's sister, Regina, comes for a visit to meet Jimmy

Continued from Chapter 07:

I was startled awake around 9 am, which is late for me but I was up late having sex with and making love to Sophia. Normally, I'm up by 5 am. Emma was sitting on the edge of the bed staring down at me. I figured Sophia was already in the shower. Only, I hoped she made coffee or was making coffee. After having marathon sex last night, I desperately needed a cup of coffee.

"Hi," I said rubbing the sleep from my eyes and looking up at her. She looked so sad, sadder than I've ever seen her look before. "What's wrong?"

It was obvious that she had been crying. It was obvious by the look on her face that there was something dreadfully wrong. Now, I knew that she and Sophia must have had a horrible argument which would explain her not coming home with her best friend.

'Maybe, this is it for them and for the threesome,' I thought. 'Maybe, Emma is moving out. Yeah, I bet that's it. Emma is leaving.'

Normally, I would have felt bad, really bad about Emma leaving, but after what transpired earlier this morning with Sophia, to be honest, I was glad she was going. No more threesomes and no more bi-sexual sex of the lesbian kind, I wanted Sophia all to myself. I was no longer willing to share her with anyone, not even with Emma. Ready to marry her, I was ready to ask her to marry me.

Only, Emma surprised me, when she fell into my arms crying. Balling like a baby, I never saw her cry before even when she had the crap beaten out of her by Sophia's ex-boyfriend. I felt bad, really bad. Definitely, she could stay here longer, as long as she wanted. As long as I still had Sophia, I'd never toss Emma out in the street. If that's what she was thinking, as long as Sophia was good with Emma staying, I wasn't about to kick her out, that's for sure.

I held her without saying anything. I waited for her to speak. I waited for her to say something, anything. I needed to know what was wrong. I just stayed like that holding her and thinking about the sex that I had with Sophia earlier this morning and the sex I hoped to have with Emma tonight.

I was still glowing from that sexually, erotic experience. I was so sexually satisfied after having sex with Sophia that even though I was naked, I didn't even think about fondling Emma's big tits or feeling her firm, round ass. My thoughts were with Sophia.

"Emma, what's wrong? Where's Sophia?"

I was hoping that Sophia would take care of Emma, so that I could get up and get dressed. Emma just started bawling even harder. She broke down sobbing deeper. She was shaking, unable to catch her breath, she was crying so very, uncontrollably hard.

Definitely, they must have had a horrible fight. I wondered what over? No matter what, my loyalty was with Sophia, and if she wanted Emma to go, she was gone. I wondered, if it had something to do with me.

'Maybe Emma was in love with me and wanted me all to herself,' I thought. 'Maybe it had something to do with the secret, whatever that was. Maybe, the secret was that Sophia wanted Emma to leave.'

Maybe, when Emma was visiting Sophia's parents, she sexually seduced her dad. Maybe she had sex with him. In the way that he's enamored with her big tits, especially after she flashed him her breasts, I wouldn't put it past her. Maybe that's why she's crying. Maybe she thinks that by crying that I'll be sympathetic, overrule Sophia, and ask her to stay, since this is my house. My mind rambled with all of the possibilities. I had no idea what was wrong with Emma.

"What? What's the matter, Emma? Did you two have a fight? What is it? Tell me," I said. "Where's Sophia," I asked again?"

As if dreading to tell me something that was so horribly wrong, she looked at me with panic in her eyes.

"She's dead. Sophia's dead."

Chapter 08:

Her words didn't register. I heard them but didn't understand them. What nonsense is she saying to me? Dead? How can Sophia be dead when I was just with her early this morning? We had sex. We made love.

"She was in a car crash...Sophia's dead...Sophia's dead...she's dead," sobbed Emma.

I pushed her away and sat up in bed.

"Sophia! Sophia!" I jumped out of bed to search the house. "Sophia! Sophia!" I returned to the bedroom to confront Emma.

Emma looked at me like a wounded bird. She looked at me as if she was dying inside. She gave me a look that made me want to believe her but I couldn't believe her, I just couldn't believe that my Sophia was dead.

"She's gone, Jimmy. She's gone," said Emma collapsing with me on the bed.

Even though her words were slowly penetrating my brain, I still didn't believe her. I couldn't believe her. How could she be dead when she was just here?

"What do you mean she's gone? Sophia! Where are you? Sophia!" I looked at Emma with anger. "Don't fuck around like this, Emma. This isn't funny," I said pushing at Emma's shoulder and still not believing her. "This isn't funny."

I couldn't even say the word dead.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," said Emma in a soft, weak voice.

I believed the love of my life was dead but, still hoping it was a sick joke, I still couldn't wrap my mind around her being gone forever. Now that I finally found the love of my life, she's gone. What kind of sick joke is this to take her from me when I was about to ask her to marry me?

'That's not right,' I thought. 'That's not fair. Am I never to have happiness in my life?'

"Don't fuck around like that!" I said to Emma shaking her. "That's no joke. That's not fucking funny, Emma. That's not fucking funny." Then, when I looked in her eyes, I knew. "Where's my Sophia? Where's my Sophia? Sophia!"

I pulled her to me, held her, and hugged her. We cried in one another's arms. When she fell into my arms like that and submitted herself to me while sobbing uncontrollably, I knew then that what she said was true. I knew Sophia was dead. Only, it made no sense, she was just here with me. I watched her strip naked. We had sex. We made love. How could she be dead?

# # #

"When did this happen?"

She wiped her eyes with a tissue before speaking.

"Last night."

I watched her blow her nose.

"Last night? What time last night?"

I still couldn't believe that Sophia was dead.

"Some time just after 10 pm. The emergency room doctor pronounced her dead just after midnight. A drunk driver fell asleep at the—"

My mind was reeling and it was hard to interpret all that she was saying.

"Where were you?"

Obviously, for her to be standing before me now, she wasn't in the car with Sophia.

"I was at her parent's house. Sophia went out to pick her sister up at a friend's house. On the way there, only a few miles from home, a drunk driver slammed head on into her car," said Emma through tears and gasps for breath.

I looked at her as if she was mistaken. I looked at her as if I had lost my mind. I looked at her with the hope that this was just a sick joke and Sophia was still alive. Knowing she'd understand and not think me crazy, needing to tell someone, I felt compelled to tell Emma what happened last night.

"She was here with me, Emma. Sophia was here with me." I looked at Emma horrified that it was not a dream but real. "We had sex. We made love. She was here with me."

Emma shook her head from side-to-side.

"No, she couldn't have been with you," she said looking at me as if I had lost my mind. "I was at the hospital when they pronounced her dead. You must have been dreaming. She died at the hospital, Jimmy. Sophia's dead. She's dead," she said sobbing again.

I stared at the bedroom floor with dead eyes while thinking of Sophia and having to live without her.

"No, it wasn't a dream. I wasn't dreaming. It was real. Blondie whined like she does when Sophia comes home from work. I heard the dogs greet her when she opened the front door." I looked at Emma and shook her. "She was here with me. We kissed. We hugged. We made love. She was cold, so very cold, and trying to warm her, I held her until we both fell asleep."

The tears continued flowing from her eyes.

"She's gone, Jimmy. She's gone," whispered Emma before sobbing again.

# # #

There was a long pause where we just held one another without either of us saying anything. Still not believing that any of this was true, still not believing that Sophia was dead, I looked at Emma. I wondered if Emma telling me that Sophia was dead was a dream but it wasn't a dream. I wasn't dreaming Emma now in the way that I must have dreamt Sophia early this morning.

"Did she say anything before she died?"

Whatever she said before she died, my way of still connecting with her, I wanted to remember her words.

"Before she lost consciousness, she said to tell her you that she loved you and that she was sorry."

I looked at her confused.

"Sorry? Sorry for what? She had nothing to be sorry about. Someone so good never should have died so young."

She shrugged.

"I imagine that she was sorry for dying," said Emma with another shrug while blowing her nose.

She softly sobbed, again and we stayed like that in bed holding one another and comforting one another until she fell asleep and I got up to make coffee. I was in shock expecting it all to be a bad joke and expecting Sophia to walk through the front door at any minute.

Still not believing that Sophia was dead, my mind reeled with unfinished thoughts and I didn't know what I was doing. I had to dump the coffee out of the basket to recount the number of scoops three times. Trying not to make any noise when taking the dogs out to pee, I let Emma sleep but she only slept for an hour.

Emma looked exhausted. She was a mess. Having never seen her without makeup, her eyes were puffy. She looked the way she did the first time I met her after Paul beat the piss out of her.

She joined me in the kitchen and we sat and talked over morning coffee in the way we always do. We needed to do something familiar. We needed to hold onto our routine and hold onto one another during a time like this. We needed the comfort of talking while drinking coffee.

# # #

"Her parents are making the funeral arrangements and," she said with a pause while looking at me as if wondering if she should tell me the rest or not. "Obviously blaming me and, of course, you, they didn't want me there so I left."

She paused again but I knew she had something else to say. I don't know how she drove here but she did and I was glad that she had. Not wanting to hear it from anyone else, I was glad she told me. I needed to know that my Sophia was gone. No one loved her like we loved her.

"What? Tell me," I said.

I looked at her waiting for her to continue.

"They don't want to include you in the funeral services. I'm sorry," she said. "I'm no longer welcomed there either."

I was angry. I was hurt. I needed to see my Sophia for the last time.

"I understand them not wanting me there at her funeral, but I can't understand why they are denying me to I see Sophia. Why can't I say good-bye to her?" I looked at Emma with so many questions and having a hard time formulating any of them and having just as a hard time picking which one to ask first. "I'd just like to say good-bye to her," I said in a soft voice while crying.

Yet, not a memory that I wanted to keep, I wouldn't want to see Sophia dead in a casket. I'd rather remember her when walking through the dog park with her, when she came to my room naked and asked to sleep with me, and when we were making love and having sex. Grateful for that, we had a lot of good times and made lots of memories.

"Even I was surprised that they were already planning the funeral. The way that some people handle grief is to confront it head on. Still angry with her, her father never forgave her for moving away to live with a deadbeat artist," said Emma. "If he knew he beat her, he'd kill him."

I stared at the wall as if she was there and I was talking to her.

"I need to say goodbye to her," I said already planning to disobey her father's wishes and attend her funeral.

Emma slowly shook her head.

"They're having a private service with family only. Even I'm not allowed to go, her best, childhood friend," said Emma with sadness. "Her father blames me for her moving away. He blames me for her death as much as he blames you. Sophia's Mom, Connie, and her sister, Regina, tried talking to him when she moved away but now that she's dead, there's no talking to him."

Unable to understand why he was barred from attending her funeral, he didn't understand why her father would deny him one last visit.

"I don't understand. Her father blames me for her death? Why? I never met the man."

Suddenly, I hated her father.

"Had she not moved to Massachusetts from New York, and had she not traveled to New York to see her parents, she'd still be alive," said Emma with another shrug. "It's sounds convoluted, I know, but they're grieving. Quick to blame anyone for anything, even me, her dad is trying to cope with the loss of his daughter. In the process of grieving, he's trying to make sense of it all."

# # #

I looked at Emma even sadder now that I wasn't allowed to say goodbye to Sophia.

"Maybe he's right. Had she stayed with me and not traveled to New York, she'd still be alive." I looked at Emma with curiosity. "Tell me this, then, after not seeing them for three-years, why did she suddenly go to see her parents?"

Emma looked at me with surprise?

"She didn't tell you?"

Seemingly everyone knew Sophia's secret but me.

"No. What? Tell me what? She said that it was just girl talk. She did say that she had a secret and would tell me what it was when she returned. She said it was a good secret. Do you know what her secret was?"

Emma suddenly had a panicked look on her face.

"If she didn't tell you, Jimmy," she said looking at me before looking away. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you either. Maybe you're better off not knowing."

I made a face. Already hurt enough that Sophia was dead, what more could she possibly say to make me feel worse. Needing something to hold on to and to remember her by, I needed to know her secret.

"What? Tell me. Don't deny me that. Let me decide what's better for me. If I can't attend her funeral, at least tell me her secret," I said.

I knew that Emma, her parents, and her sister all knew the secret but I didn't. Emma paused as if trying to decide if she should tell me or not. Even though she only paused for a few seconds, it felt like several, excruciating minutes.

"She was pregnant, Jimmy. She was pregnant with your baby. She was so happy. The doctor who tried to save her told me that the fetus a boy. All during the drive to New York, she talked about how happy she was and about marrying you."

I just started crying. This was too much to take in all at once. First my girlfriend, the love of my life is dead, and now our unborn baby, our son is dead too.

# # #

Emma and I stayed together for a few months after Sophia's death. We found it comforting at first to be together until we found it too painful to stay together. Everything we did and/or said reminded us of Sophia. We both loved Sophia in different ways and that paralleled and interfered with how we felt about one another.

Besides, nothing more than sexual lust, I never felt the love for Emma that I felt for Sophia. Finally, she moved away. I had her cell phone number and e-mail address but I never called or wrote her. The last that I heard was she was living with some guy somewhere. It's funny how we were so close and how we drifted so far apart.

When Sophia died, I felt as if I had died, too. Her dog was a constant reminder of her and I cherished Blondie. She was a total goof around my dog. My dog being the dominate one; it was weird to see this giant, Golden Lab being so submissive to a diminutive Jack Russell terrier.

Slowly, I was getting back to where I was. Only, I realized that I'll never get back to where I was, not without Sophia but, at least I was getting up in the morning, getting washed and dressed, and not going to bed drunk. Then, from out of the blue, as if a voice from the other side, I got an eerie telephone call.

"Hello?"

There was a pause and then a nervous, little giggle. Unless I was imagining it and was so hungry to hear her giggle again, the giggle sounded like Sophia giggling. My stomached dropped and I thought I was going to faint.

"Jimmy?"

As if she was calling me from Heaven, the voice on the other end of the phone sounded just like Sophia's voice. She even said my name in the same way. Unable to think of anything or anyone else, I couldn't help blurting out what I said next.

"Sophia?"

My heart was pounding. Maybe Sophia isn't dead. Maybe she's alive. Maybe the whole thing was a joke or a way for Sophia to end our relationship. Maybe her father is holding her prisoner. Maybe because she was so good in her help of Autistic children, God gave her a direct line from Heaven to me.

"No, sorry to have startled you, this is Regina, Sophia's sister."

# # #

I thought it was Sophia calling from beyond the grave. Only, it was Regina, Sophia's younger sister. Hard to tell one voice from the other, they sounded exactly alike. Emma had given her my cell phone number and, when she was feeling up to talking, had encouraged her to call me. Regina wanted to meet me, come visit me for a few days, and collect Sophia's personal possessions. She wanted to hear what I had to tell her about her sister and how she lived her life with me before she died.

Just out of college, she was only 23-years-old and wanted to move from Rochester, New York to New York City to start her career in journalism. She had just gotten a job with CBS Nightly news as a News Desk, Assignment Editor, a ground floor opportunity, while being groomed as an on-camera reporter. Certainly, she was good looking enough to work in front of the camera, instead of behind it. The job started in a few weeks, not giving her much time to collect Sophia's things, find a place to live, and move her things to the city from her home in upstate New York.

I watched her from the window pull up in her car, a cherry red BMW 1 series. Once she emerged from her car and turned to face me, my heart skipped a beat. Even dressing like her sister, she was wearing a sheer, white blouse and a short blue skirt. Being the dirty old man that I am, have always been, and will always be, I could see the outline of her white bra through her blouse.

As if Sophia had been reincarnated, the resemblance was startling. If I didn't know Sophia was dead and Regina was coming for a visit, I would have thought she was Sophia. She looked just like her sister.

She was the same height, the same weight, had same hair and eye color, and had the same magnificent body. Had I bumped into her on the street, doing a doubletake, I'd have thought that her sister, Regina, was her. As if they were twins, identical twins, she was a dead ringer for Sophia.

Wanting a closer look, I stepped out on the front porch taking the dogs with me. The dogs greeted her first. Wagging their tails and sniffing her, they greeted her in the way they would have greeted Sophia. Even Jack, who doesn't like anyone, liked her. Who could blame him? She was gorgeous.

"Hi," I said from the porch as she stepped from her car. "Welcome." I watched the dogs vie for her attention while trying to jump on her to lick her face. "I hope you like dogs."

My heart skipped a beat when she smiled at me in the way that Sophia always smiled at me. With them having the same smile, she looked even more like her sister when she smiled. Breaking my heart and making me miss Sophia even more, perhaps a poor substitute and a desperate attempt at trying to recapture something I lost and would never find again, but I could fall in love with Regina. Yet, she'd never fall in love with me. No matter, every day I was with Regina, comparing the two women, I'd be pining for her sister.