All Comments on 'Last Dance'

An additional great follow up to the RG saga!

5

Sorry, but someone has to be a basher, even if ignored.

People no longer die from AIDS and, with proper treatment, live as long as those not infected. So underlying theme makes no sense. Author mentions modern medicine, but then ignores issue.

Other parts of the story are too fantastical. Might as well introduce green men from Mars to clean up the mess.

The RG story was outstanding, and didn't need an epilogue. This doesn't come close to the original, full of deux ex machinas (like what is now a manageable disease) and characters that are not the same as written by Richard Gerald.

I am surprised that someone as precise as the Judge would be unaware that her bag was a few pounds lighter, not having her trusty side-kick in there!

That and a bunch of questions as to how this was all pulled off, as well as Bill being a sanctimonious overly-entitled moralist p…, um, person (and hypocrite) made this an unsatisfactory read for me.

I felt sorry for the Judge and Justin

Thank god for the Brazilian variant, whatever that is …

"...If Bill thought he'd defeated her he had another thing coming." — Pet peeve here. I see this very often in stories. Bill has had a thought. His first 'think' as it were. Kate feels that Bill needs to 'think' again, Bill has "...another think coming." Not a 'thing' as though this was an adult Dr. Suess story.

After 7 pages for Annabelle/s story this was all you deliver...felt like an obligation offering rather than a proper follow up.

You had a good reason for Bill to change his mind about revenge on Kate.

Quick note: AIDS is simply the result of T-cells dropping under a certain threshold as a result of the HIV virus. So she wouldn’t have contracted a “virulent strain of AIDS”. Also, she’d likely die from something like pneumonia, which her body wouldn’t be able to fight off because of AIDS. Not really major details, and what you have isn’t a big issue in that it doesn’t really detract much from the story, but having better facts will help you seem more credible as narrator.

What story is thsi based on?

Where is the first part where people were saying Kate got away scott free? 1*

Why not have Bill win a billion dollar lottery while you’re at it. Or include a visit from Superman’s and Batman because this entire bullshit story is as realistic.

AIDS, while incurable, is controllable. It’s not a death sentence anymore.

Your hero of this story has stained his soul just the same as his ex wife. Vengeance is handled by one person, and when you take it in your own hands…there is a reason the saying is dig two graves if you seek vengeance. And you’re already in full fantasy mode with the story, so make up a disease, not one that is no longer a threat to anyone with money. Nice try, just try to bring a semblance of reality next time.

As usually, RG didn't deliver justice. Kate was a despicable character who deserved justice, just like Sempil. For the MD wanna bes, variants can be immune to available treatments. MRSA, for example, is almost at that point. There was no reason for the MC not to have children of his own. That loses a star. 4

I kind of feel like Kate got away with too much in your prior story and now the pendulum swung to far the other way. As I said in my comment in your other story, I think Bill let her off too easy in the original, he should have held onto all of his evidence and gotten whatever he wanted out of the divorce that was coming.

But this story turns both of them into cartoon villains. Kate willing to shoot Bill? Bill purposefully infecting his daughter's mother with an incurable fictional strand of AIDS? The other story was good because the characters were believable and it was a great read. This one just feels like "Eh, people wanted Kate punished, fine, they'll get it!"

I don't think Kate was ever truly a villain. She was callous and insensitive and didn't respect her husband or daughter but she wasn't out and out evil. This story made her out that way.

Too many unexplained plot lines for me to fully engage in the story. Otherwise, well written piece! 4.4*

Not bad writing, but somewhat crazy . . . unrealistic to the point that you might as well have said he waved a magic wand, and a horse demon appeared and killed her. One gets HIV from another, NOT AIDS. Further AIDS (IF it develops as a result of HIV) generally takes years. (And you said he knew a lot about medicine.) And apparently no current medicines work??? Next time, maybe use the magic wand for vengeance or else stick closer to something believable.

Also the Bill seemed awfully arrogant and moralistic . . . more like one would have imagined Justin would behave than a more sympathetic character.

You do some decent writing, maybe back it up with a bit more reality?

I finished the original story complaining about the finish. This addition started with good intention but death never solves anything, ruination leaves the evil one suffering but noone gains anything from death. It would have so much better if they had showed her for what she was to an entire audience after she was appointed as a judge, maybe at a 'celebration party'. I feel.you reacted to the people who are never satisfied by a story especially if there is not a Burn the Bitch. I wasnt satisfied with the way your original finished and this wasnt a grandstand finish, it was just nasty and unbecoming of your writing skills.

She carries a gun in her purse so she would know by the weight or in this case the lack of weight whether it was in there or not when she picked the purse up when she left for her meeting. What woman doesn’t check her purse to make sure she’s got everything before she leaves the house?

Just sayin.

Hugh, the femdom crew is going to 1 bombing this extreme, and very rare, real BTB. Usually the prefer to BurnTheBastard instead.

Kate was broken. She was a lawyer. They are experts on grey areas, equivocating, rationalizing and finding loopholes. Yes, her actions were despicable but SHE WAS A LAWYER. Killing her boyfriend and his ex-wife that way is over the top. She loved her husband and daughter in her own way. Yes, like pets or lesser beings, but based on her missing moral compass, she really could not do better. Letting her know he was on to her, that she was not really as clever as she though she was, that all she was for years was just his live in slut and that once he found out he had been with his true love the entire time and that there would be no family to come back to after achieving her dream would affect her forever.

No. Just, no.

I have no idea who these people are or what their history is. Therefore the highest mark can only be 3 stars.

Then the ridiculous nonsense of magic super AIDS and the main character being a spy or ninja makes this a 1 star story.

I started off liking this overall. If this story has a precursor, I haven't read it, so maybe that was the problem with my incomplete lack of enjoyment. If this is a followup, you should reference the original in the title, for clarity. I can figure it out, as the writer only has a few stories, but after reading this, I have zero desire to read a story that apparently details an awful human being getting off with no consequences. I do have to comment on the AIDS infection method. I really didn't understand it, but it seemed to be saying that an uninvolved young woman was purposely infected with a deadly disease as the means to get the story characters infected and this woman was effectively murdered because...well, I couldn't figure it out, but the story seemed to indicate that as long as bystander woman had her family compensated, it was okay to murder her? I didn't understand the rape part of the head in a bag. I get that this was meant to be a quick tie-up...so don't come up with complicated side stories. As I wrote this comment, I realized this is closer to 3 stars than 4. The writer has some skill, but this could use some re-working.

I liked the original story and I like this one too. I still think having Sheila's character made sterile was needless and served no purpose to the story. Him being denied childeren of his own was just pointlessly cruel.

I think Bill should have killed the bitch after he took care of the the judge he should not have let her as long as he did. The comments saying she wasn't a bad person must be smoking crack I would hate to meet the people you consider bad .

OK, this was definitely an improvement on the original. BUT... in all things that matter, my main comment is still the same as the on on the first story. Simpel and skank's genes got propagated, whether she will be around to be grandmother or not. MC's genes are dead-ended. So, Simpel and the skank won. And yes she may have died earlier than possible, but she lived a FULL, HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL life, whereas MC lived a stressful and unhappy life full of betrayal. So again, she wins on balance. He robbed her of her old age and useless "social" legacy, she robbed him of his young age AND his genetic legacy. Not even comparable on who caused more damage, her by 100x.

The bitch finally got what she deserved in the end. It just took too long.

For those confused by this story, read Annabelle by this author.

Ok, so I have to read Annabelle. Hang in there.

The BEAR

I agree that it was a bit disturbing that Kate got away with her actions without any punishment. But this story didn't accomplish much. While Annabelle was about AB this story could have been about the aftermath for Kate. You set the stage with your other story and there were a lot of possibilities. You could have shown her life after the confrontation. That she feels alone and questions herself and her actions. Regret is a powerful emotion. You don't always need a public spectacle. A person not able to live with herself can be a very thorough punishment. Or seeing all the missed opportunities of a wonderful life with her husband and daughter. That she repeatedly asked herself if all her affairs were worth it. That she is really devastated when she is excluded from her daughter's important events. Or you could show that she is too far gone as Bill had said. Then she wouldn't regret and this story would have made sense and it would take a disease and an outing of her deeds to punish her. But even then it has to be shown. The punishment was cut short. You spent a lot of time on your previous story and made it great. It was fleshed out and showed all the phases. But here where the punishment was the purpose you cut it short where it mattered. What happened in those nine months after the confrontation? When we see a villain we want them to get their comeuppance. She could have gotten up from the table, made an appointment, confirmed the disease, and had to realize what she had done. What thoughts run around her head when she is alone at night in her mansion? Will she finally understand that she is a totally amoral person? Will she see that her ambition brought her to her position but she will never enjoy that seat? What about the weeks after were her body is slowly failing? Will she reach out to her daughter only to be rebuffed? Will she try to make amends but come to realize that she is running out of time? So many possibilities here. Bill was right, Simpel would never regret it. There it could only be that quick end. But Kate was different. I think you missed a chance here. Especially with your previous story being so great.

PS: I opened this story that was recommended for me but I had no idea what it was about. It wasn't a stretch to go through your stories to find Annabelle and from there the original story. But maybe you should include a hint in the intro.

L.

You really thrive on derivitive drivel yet you could probably write your own story. Why don't you?

Oh the mighty Bear is reading your stories. I have his story list bookmarked to read. So on this story it just feels a bit short but I really love the story. To me I think the final 9 months could have been fleshed out with conflict between AB/Bill vs Kate. Of course around month 6 Kate would realize that Bill was right and that to fight back against him is useless. Kate would decide to focus on beating the disease . Finally her only fight was to live long enough to see her grandchild being born. During the last months Kate would have time to reflect on her sordid, sorry life

Ok, this improves on Annabele, but unfortunately reads like an apology after the fact. Seems like you ended regretting giving Kate a clean slate and a ~ 20 years hall pass, and tried to correct it with this story.

The story felt a little short but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I think you missed a chance for further conflict as Kate tried to fight to keep her job, then to try and save her life, and lastly to live enough to see her grandchild born. After getting the printed copy of the email on the birth of her grandchild with a picture of the baby, she sees the innocence on the baby's face. The same innocence that AB had when she was born, Kate gets a brief vision of how her life could have been so much better, if she had just corrected her course at that time.

Drop curtain.

Nice ending, but rather extreme. What if the ex-wife and/or lover ended up giving the AIDS to other unsuspecting, innocent people? The evil ex-wife was allowed to stay a powerful, influential corrupt judge for so long? Why not shoot her down (figuratively) as soon as she has shown she hadn't changed her ways? Surely just bringing her down and having her put in prison for a long time due to her corrupt ways would have been more than enough revenge.

Weak justification for him waiting another 11 years for his releasing of her dosier.

Creative bone thrown to the BTB crowd, however we know how hard they are to satisfy if it's really ever possible (:

Sad though. Would like to have seen Kate struggle her way to her own freedom and away from Len's legacy and path. Could make good realistic drama and as a bonus make BTB lovers' flip their top.

Intricate but fine! Loved this btb- take no prisoners!

I didn't really enjoy this one. Seemed forced for the lw btb crowd. I enjoy s good btb, but this one just didn't work for me. Still looking forward to more from you though. It was wellb written.

As another commenter said, "Eh, people wanted Kate punished, fine, they'll get it!"

What they didn't get was a story consistent and well thought out.

Sorry, way too short, and forced. As ReadyOne wrote, it was an unsatisfying Post-It note to an earlier, much better story.

As someone else pointed out, giving AIDS to a couple of people he didn't like may mean a bunch of innocent people ended up with it too. Even if the AIDS thing was farfetched (I think the Brazilian variant moves slower than others, and it still should take years), giving a fictional, particularly virulent version of AIDS to (potentially) lots and lots of innocent people makes Bill and his cohorts MUCH, MUCH worse than Kate could ever dream of being. He is pure evil, and his 'revenge' in harming the innocent as well will also put a strain on hospital resources. What a total jerk!! Now its seems Kate was not that bad. Hopefully he'll be captured and jailed for multiple cases of manslaughter.

Sorry but this didn't work for me as a final part. I was one of those who said Kate shouldn't get away with things so when I read the blurb at the start about this bring Kates comeuppance I was looking forward to reading it as the first two parts were very good. This didn't match those two in quality and felt it was very rushed and not very well thought through. You also managed to make Bill a bit of a villain after being the "hero" of the story which I personally never thinks works. All in all this was just disappointing for me. BardnotBard

Alright nice try you commenters.. he killed the fucking guy right after giving him aids…. Then he told the bitch she had aids and most likely it became a well known fact she had aids. So that leads me to believe that some of you commenters actually have brain aids.

Nope, piss poor story and not worthy of you.

Don't let sucess go to your head. Carefully think out plotlines, characters that are real and motivations that make sense. Duh!

You can do better...please try.

This a truly sick and disgusting story. It's hard to comprehend how sad your life must be for you to come up with this steaming turd.

This was not necessary. Kate had been punished in your first story and this was just pandering to the BTB crowd. I am not voting because the story was well written and does not deserv a bad score.

anon.1

Ha ha only in America [The USA that is, not all of.]

Much as I liked the plot of this whole story, this ending, 11 years letting her get away with the cheating….. Too much.