Last Man: Brian's Tale

"Hi, honey, I'm..."

"Go see the kids. They wanted to wait up for you but it got too late. I'm sure they're not asleep. They may have questions."

"What did you tell them?"

"That you had gone with Aunt Ellie and Uncle Simon, and would be back tonight."

She gave me a smile which I didn't return, then headed upstairs. I heard her quiet voice telling them she was sorry she was late, and she loved them, and sleep well. I knew they would, after all, Mom was back. I was pretty sure I wouldn't. Mairi came back downstairs with a sweet smile on her face.

"Thanks for taking care of them, Brian. You're a great dad; I'm so lucky to have you!" She seemed to notice my sour expression. "I know we need to talk, but we need to do something before that. Brian, I need you to love me tonight."

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Mairi looked puzzled. "What?"

"Since you've decided to have Simon's baby, you probably shouldn't be having sex with your husband. After all, we know I can father children." Okay, it was petty, but I couldn't resist the dig. She got it.

"Don't worry, I'm sure he can get the job done." She had a secret little smile as she said it. "But I'd forgotten about that. You're right; I'll have to make it up to you after. But could you at least sleep with me, and hold me tonight? Just so I can know and feel that we're going to be okay?"

"No. After all, we don't want any doubts or any accidents, now do we?" She missed the sarcasm, but she got that I was seriously pissed at her.

She sighed. "I guess you're right. Good night, Brian, I love you."

I looked her in the eye. "When you love someone, their thoughts and feelings matter to you. You think of them when you make decisions." She looked at me for a moment, and went upstairs. I slept on the damn floor again. I had no intention of doing that every night for however long this went on, but she needed something besides words to tell her that no, we weren't okay.

I got home from work the next night to find that Mairi had sent the kids to Ellie and Simon's, and fixed a special dinner for the two of us. Candles and everything. She knew she had some serious making up to do, and in her usual fashion, she wasn't wasting any time getting started.

"This is to make sure you never, ever forget that I love you."

We managed to enjoy a nice dinner without talking about the main issue. We cleaned up together, just as always, then sat in the living room.

"I want to go first, because I have to confess," Mairi began. "I knew that your first reaction to this would be not just no, but hell no. I already knew I wanted to do it, and if you said no and I did it anyway, you would see it as cheating, and you might even think about leaving me. I couldn't risk that, so I manipulated the call - calling while I knew you were on the road, and including our family in the call - so you wouldn't have a chance to say no. I purposely didn't arrange for the kids because I wanted you to have to go home, instead of going to Annapolis and trying to stop us. I wanted to make you take time to think and adjust to things, before your pain and shock led you to do or say something that couldn't be fixed. I know that's not how you and I do things, and I'm not happy I did it, but I hope you see why I had to."

"In short, what you wanted was all that mattered to you. What I wanted didn't mean shit."

"No, that's not true. I knew that eventually you'd agree, and we'd be fine. I just short cut the process a little, but in the long run, that won't make any difference."

I rolled my eyes at her, but she went on before I could say anything. Which was pretty much her normal style anyway.

"While I'm confessing, I knew you would think that we were planning on artificial insemination, and I let you think that even though it wasn't true. Ellie and I did talk about it, but decided against it, for a couple of reasons. First, you know how much I hate needles. Especially just there, thinking of it... ugh." She paled and shuddered. "But the bigger reason was this. If we did it naturally, it would be something that would draw us four closer together as a family. You know how close Ellie and I are; this will be an extension of that, with you and Simon drawn in, all being part of each other."

That was bullshit, and I was calling her on it. "Now, wait just a fucking..."

"You know, this really was your idea."

"Wait, what?"

"Remember we talked the other night, and I told you that you didn't have to come home, and you said 'Times like this are when families come together, if they're any good.' I know you don't have much use for Simon, but I know how you love Ellie and you've hated that she felt so bad. That's how I know that you will eventually come to see that this is the right thing to do. So I went ahead and did it, before you could try to stop me."

Mairi took my dumbfounded silence as agreement, as usual, and went on.

"So you see, now you really can't say no, because it's already done. I've saved you the trouble of making the decision, just as I always do. I know you're feeling hurt and jealous, and I don't blame you at all, but we'll talk it all through like we always do, and I'll help you get past those feelings. Everything will be fine, I'll make sure of it."

I just shook my head. There was so much wrong with this; where to begin? How the hell could she think I would ever come to think this was 'the right thing to do?' I knew Simon had wanted Mairi ever since he met her. Well, now he'd had her. Crap, what a mess. I shook my head again.

"Brian?" Mairi sounded worried now, with good reason. I knew Mairi was telling the truth, and believed every word she was saying like an article of faith. The problem was the things she didn't see. The kind of things that I would usually point out to her, and keep her from doing stuff she'd regret later. We were a great team that way. But this time she'd deliberately excluded me, so there was nothing to stop her from going off half-cocked. I was still totally pissed at her, but I didn't want a shouting match, so I brought up the easier stuff: some of the things I would have asked about before she fucked Simon, if she'd given me the chance.

"Who'll nurse the baby?"

"Ellie, of course. He'll be her baby, why shouldn't she?"

"You'll have milk; she won't."

"Oh. I guess, maybe I will?"

"You really want the baby imprinting on you instead of Ellie like that? You want to deprive her of that chance to bond with her newborn?" See, I did remember something from those childbirth classes!

"I hadn't thought of that. We'll... Ellie and I will talk about that. Thank you for thinking of it, though." She was trying to put a positive spin on the fact that she hadn't even begun to think this whole mess through before she went off and did it.

"Had you thought about seeing a lawyer about a surrogacy agreement?"

"No, why should I? We're all family."

"Yes, but you'll want paperwork to establish Ellie's parental rights for health care, schools, and so on. And the child might want it when he or she is grown up."

"Oh. So what else have you thought of that we didn't?" She was starting to think I was trying to talk her out of it, and was a little snippy about it.

"What will we tell our kids when the baby grows inside you, and then becomes Aunt Ellie's baby?"

Mairi laughed. "Come on, Brian, you're grasping at straws. They're too young to think of something like that."

"Really? I think you'd better have a talk with your kids. Remember Stacy, two doors down, who had a baby last year? They were both rubbing her belly and talking to the baby before he was born."

"You've obviously been thinking about this."

"Like I could help it? Besides, somebody had to. You obviously had other things on your mind." Mairi flinched back as if I'd slapped her.

"I guess I deserved that." She sighed. "All right, what else?"

"What would you say are the chances that you're pregnant right now?"

"Goodness, Brian, how should I know? We certainly did our best," she giggled. I scowled at her. "Don't be like that, Brian. Oh, I don't know. Maybe fifty-fifty?"

"I can tell you exactly. It's zero."

"Zero? What do you mean, zero?"

"Zero as in you aren't pregnant. Two reasons. One, it's been at most three days since you took your birth control pill. It takes at least that long for the effect to subside. Two, your period was last week, so you aren't fertile."

"Oh. I guess that's something else I didn't think of." She looked disappointed for a moment, then her face brightened. "I guess we'll just have to keep trying."

"You look pretty eager to get started."

"Brian, please don't be jealous. This doesn't have anything to do with Simon, not really. It's about me having a child for him, so Ellie won't keep thinking she's a failure. I just didn't think about the birth control or my cycle or those other things. And as I said, I wanted to get started so you wouldn't have time to try to stop me."

"So why did you stay the whole second day? Was it that much fun?"

"You know I like sex. Once we'd done it, it seemed silly not to keep going. Please remember, it's for Ellie."

"Yeah, it's also your chance to go get some strange with a man who's wanted you for years, and still feel good about yourself."

"That's your jealousy talking. You know why I'm doing this. You have nothing to be jealous over."

I gave her my best what the hell are you thinking look. "Oh, come on, you can't really believe that."

"Well, okay, I understand that you feel jealous, and I know I'd feel the same way, but there's not a single way in which he's as good a man as you are. That's why I said you have nothing to be jealous of."

"Bullshit. So if I just took off and fucked some woman, and told you that you shouldn't be jealous because she's not as good a woman as you are, you'd buy that?"

"Hell no. That's not the same thing and you know it. This is about family. It's about Ellie, it's not about going out and cheating. I'd never do that, and you'd never tolerate it, and you shouldn't. I'm just telling you that I understand your feelings, and truly I do, and I want to help you get past them." So much for the old 'sauce for the goose' thing.

"So how important is this to you, Mairi? Say I told you that I would give you a pass for what you've done so far and try to get past it, but if you fuck him again, I would divorce you. Would you still do it?"

"I would ask who you are, and what you've done with my loving husband, Brian," she responded with a smile and that damn lilt in her voice. "I'd say I know my Brian, and I know that once he has a chance to get past his jealousy and shock and pain, and I'll say again those feelings are perfectly legitimate, he'll understand and he'll support me. We won't lose our marriage. It will be stronger than ever."

I don't remember how long we sat there, each with our own thoughts. My wife seemed to grow smaller and less confident as each silent minute passed.

"What are you thinking, Brian?" Mairi's voice was small and scared. "Remember all those years ago, I asked you to talk to me, to not go all strong and silent, and you said you would? Please don't shut me out."

"Oh, you mean like you shut me out the other morning?" She turned red and stared at the floor. "All right, here's what I'm thinking, since you finally decided to ask. First, I am totally pissed that you manipulated me out of having a say in one of the biggest decisions of our married life. If you ever shut me out of a decision like that, ever again, so help me, we're done. Got it?" Mairi gave a scared little nod.

I sighed. "I know it's a cliché, but my heart feels like you ripped it out and stomped on it. I never would have believed you could do that."

Mairi was horrified. "No! I love you, Brian! I could never do that to you. How could you possibly think I could be that cruel to you? What have I ever done..."

"You fucked another man, intentionally and repeatedly. You couldn't even wait five minutes after that damn phone call before you were off to get started fucking him, and you didn't stop for two whole days."

"But Brian..."

"And not just any man, but a man you know I don't like, one who has a history of belittling me and trying to one-up me every chance he gets, and who's never made it a secret that he wants you."

"But I've told you, Brian, he's jealous of you."

"Yeah, well he doesn't have any reason to be jealous of me now, does he? Now he has everything I have and more."

Mairi shook her head, tears forming in her eyes. "It's not like that, Brian. I never meant for it to be like that. It's about love, and family. I know you're hurting badly right now, and I'm sorry. But I also know you'll get over it, and I'll do everything I can to help you and heal you. You'll come to understand it's all for Ellie, and we'll be fine. I have to believe that, Brian."

"What if you're wrong?"

She smiled through her tears. "When was the last time I was wrong about you, Brian?" Well, she had a point.

"I sure as hell hope you're right. Meantime, if you're determined to go through with this, which I wish you weren't, there are two things that aren't negotiable. First, before you fuck Simon again, he needs to show me a clean STD test."

"Oh come on, Brian, I'm sure Simon is clean. Besides, we've already done it."

"That means if he does have something, he has probably already passed it on to you, and you need to get treated now. I will not risk the mother of MY children to an untreated STD. This is not negotiable. You fuck him before I see that test, and I file for divorce the next day."

She searched my face, finally concluding she wasn't going to sweet-talk me out of it. "How do I tell him that?" she asked, in a small voice.

I smiled for the first time since dinner. "That, my dear, is your problem." I became serious. "One other thing. You won't be fertile until late next week, so no fucking him until then." I grinned at the look on her face. "If this really is all about family, and all about Ellie, that shouldn't be a problem. And it will give Simon time to get tested."

"But Brian, since I can't make love with you, you're making me go without for almost a week. You know how I am."

"You're making me go without for a hell of a lot longer than that. If I can take it, you can. Just suck it up for Ellie, like you're telling me to do."

Mairi pouted at me for a moment, then her face lit up.

"Suck!" She said it as if it were the answer to the world's problems.

"Huh?"

"Suck! You're brilliant, Brian. We can do oral as much as we want. Come on! Last one naked gives the back rub!"

She always said that, and she always won because of my leg, but I didn't mind. The blow job that followed was epic: easily the longest and most, how can I say, detailed, of my experience. The woman obsessed over every inch of me, not just my cock. As always, I let her know when I was about to blow. She shook her head slightly, and stroked my balls while she sucked me dry. She'd never done that before. She gave me a sweet smile before going to the bathroom to clean up. (She always cleaned up after; she's sort of compulsive in some ways.) As she did, I heard her humming "Eileen Aroon."

I'd first heard "Eileen Aroon" on our wedding night. We'd knocked off a quickie to take the edge off, then made slow, sweet love as if we had all the time in the world. They'd said in the wedding service that the two will become one, and we felt every bit of that as we gazed in wonder into each other's eyes. She tore herself away to go clean up, and I heard the haunting, bittersweet tune coming from the bathroom. I asked her what it was, and she told me she'd sung it for her baby sister back home in Ireland. It was the first time she'd sung it to anyone else. After that, she would hum or sing it at special times, when she felt especially close to me. After an especially loving time in bed, for instance. I smiled as I listened. We just might make it through this after all.

"That wasn't so bad, actually. I'm not sure why I didn't do that for you before. But Brian, I want you to remember this. I will never let Simon cum in my mouth. I know you don't like that I'll share my body with him, but what I just did is an act of love that is only for you." My last thought before we fell asleep in each other's arms was that somebody's little flame-haired pussy was in for some serious tongue work the next night.

Simon called me the next day. He wanted to know why I would demand that he be tested for STDs before he fucked my wife again. I saw no reason to be diplomatic. He was a MacTavish and he wouldn't have understood anyway.

"Well, Simon, when your wife had just received the worst news of her life, instead of dropping everything to be there for her, your reaction was go to the bar and pick up some broad."

"Yes, but we didn't do anything."

"This time. And I bet it was her decision, not yours."

"If you're suggesting that I would cheat on Ellie, I should whup your ass for that."

"You'd like to, but you won't, because you want a son." It took him a while, but he made the connection.

Mairi seemed troubled the next night. She wanted to talk after the kids were in bed. "This all seemed so straightforward and simple three days ago. Just love and family. I saw a way to help my sister, and I jumped all over it. We would all be fine because we love each other. Then you raised all those questions last night, and I began to see it's a lot more complicated than that. But the worst was the pain on your face. That's haunted me all day, to the point I actually reconsidered whether I want to do this. Then I thought about what you would feel when I go to him and leave you with Ben and Gillian. I sat here and cried. I reached for my phone maybe a dozen times to call Ellie and call the whole thing off, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't send her back into that black hole, especially after I'd shown her a possible way out. You know what I mean; you've been as worried about her as I have. So I have to go through with it. I'm so sorry. I really will do everything I can to make it up to you, but I have to do this for Ellie. Please try to understand."

I think I was supposed to tell her I understood and it was okay. I didn't: I never could lie to her. She sighed and went on. "I told Simon he had to get tested."

"I know." I recounted our conversation.

"Please, Brian, for your own good, please don't think of this as being about Simon. Yes, he'll benefit, but this is for Ellie. It's for me, too, so that I can know I've been the loving sister I need to be. Can you support us, Ellie and me, in this?"

I bowed my head and sighed. On one hand, I knew I couldn't agree to this. On the other hand, her mind was completely made up. If she hadn't called it off today, she wasn't going to. Mairi was going to let Simon get her pregnant, and enjoy the hell out of it while she did so. So did I say no, and end up with a broken marriage when she did it anyway? Or did I say yes, and know that every time I had a problem with any of this, I'd be reminded that I'd agreed to it? Hell.

"I'll try to live through it. That's the best I can say." I raised my head and looked into Mairi's eyes. There were tears there, as there were in mine. She was so sure this would all work out. I wasn't. Maybe that was because what she was getting out of this was a hell of a lot better than the torn-out, stomped-flat heart that was my only reward.

"Thank you, Brian. I've always said you were one in a million." Yeah. Whatever.

Ellie and Simon came over Saturday afternoon, as usual. After greeting Mairi and the kids, Ellie said she wanted to talk with me privately. It didn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure out what she wanted to talk about, so we took our cold beverages to the front porch swing.