All Comments on 'Laundry Room Ch. 02'

I've had quickies longer than this.

You really need to flesh out your stories and make them longer to make them more appealing than something written by a 16-year old.

Do you mind if I make a suggestion. On a story such as this, it would be much more erotic to write it as you were telling someone else, not telling it to the person who was already there for it. They know what happened.

Also, take a little bit of time to tease the reader. I know that when you are writing it, it feels like a whole lot, but when a reader can get through it in two minutes, well, it's kind of a let down.

I could see taking the first two chapters you have and turning them into a very good story. Work with it. Tell it like you are telling a buddy this unbelievable thing that happened to you.

It's easy to criticize. But you should leave your name and HAVE WRITTEN SOMETHING!! It is difficult to have every I dotted and every T crossed. Don't criticize if you can't do it.

By the way, I liked both stories. Not perfect, but entertaining. I wish I had a neighbor like that.