All Comments on 'Laura'

Laura and carol were in the throes of cumming an no one was going to fuck that up. When John came back he found out that if you move you lose. Laura told him to get the fuck out, but who knows she may call him back and still keep Carol as a lover.

... sex! Just what I needed first thing in the morning to start my day. They should have tied the lout of a husband to a chair and make him watch the neighbor pleasure his wife, show him what he was giving up for a teeny bopper... Good job!

Ok story a little on the strange side though

Your story started off hot and soft....then it ruined it a bit when it turned harsh and hard at the end. Was it really necessary to add that bit of hard ending? Instead of a dirty mouth (don't know why some women think it's sexy but it isn't ) why not just Laura and Carol just taste each other again in front of John then closing the door in his face after saying "hmm i bet your secretary won't ever give you this" *winks*.

A very poor effort. The story itself was ok, though it's been told a thousand times before. What was not ok? The gramatical errors: the use of "then" instead of "than", of "and" instead of "an", stuff like "go up stairs and found" instead of "find." And the sentence structure, it's terrible. Periods are mistakenly placed in the middle of sentences, and phrases are treated as whole sentences.

I thought lit had editors. If someone told me that an editor had viewed this work, I'd be stupified.

The result shows lack of real effort by the author. Every one of the mistakes should have been corrected prior to submission.

If this story was submitted in a high school creative writing class, it would be graded as a failure.

Great masturbation scene and a wonderful f-2-f encounter. Very sexy story - great job!

Loved the sex between the two women. But most insurance companies will not pay a benefit to the beneficiary in the case of suicide. DAMHIKT

good story. A little editing would help. Great sex and i loved the surprise ending.

I like. Very much. It was really hot. Thanks for the read.

Delicious. Some self love, a little girl on girl -

Nice work, Tx!

...I like it. Have you thought about putting in a little more detail?

I'm also curious as to why John came back.

even the best authors make typo's,punctuation and grammatical errors,so i wouldn't be too concerned about those if i were you,the only thing i could really pick up on was the fact that,johns whore grew a year younger between paragraphs 2 and 5.That aside the story was quite good,the masturbation scene was very descriptive and sensuous,the sex between laura and carol was sweet,if a little short.we need to know why john came back so soon and the there after,we also need to follow laura and carol to the bedroom because this story needs to continue to a more satisfactory conclusion.

I really enjoyed the story. The story was plausible,very believable characters. Would love to read more!

This would read so much better written in the first person of Laura!

Plausible, passionate and a satisfying ending.

What more could we want?

HP

Guys,don't take your woman for granted.

Please continue your story with the trip to the bedroom.

Where is chapter 2 please continue with the story from them going to the bedroom...

(from an avid reader of literoctica)

Marcus Horton (USA)

I am so glad that she told him to get the hell out.

very neat