Laura and I Finally Together Pt. 02

Read part 1 for the conversation between Laura and me that started this afternoon.

Come back later for part 3, the erotic/pornographic sequel.

1. Introduction

Summary of that afternoon (part 1)

Laura, my seven weeks younger stepsister and I had a very good conversation this afternoon. We'd expressed to each other what we'd sensed for a while, but hadn't given a name yet. We had strong feelings for each other. Feelings of being in love, or rather a deep connection that had evolved into actual love. Emotionally, I'd no longer seen Laura as my (step) sister for quite a while, and she didn't see me as a (step) brother any longer either. Which, biologically at least, was of course not actually the case either. We had started behaving more like friends or cousins towards each other lately. Unconsciously, we'd created kind of an artificial distance between each other, maybe in foresight? Because we'd come to realize that we actually wanted to be closer to each other, rather than further apart. But no longer in what had started feeling like an acting game of playing brother and sister.

We couldn't have been happier when we were able to confirm to each other that our feelings were mutual. And we could hardly believe that we'd had the courage to express this to each other. It actually went so easily, so naturally. This strengthened our feeling that we had a deep connection and intuition for each other. Also because of how long and closely we knew each other, we felt very strongly that we were each other's extension, part of each other's essential being.

It was difficult to reconstruct who had actually played the first open card this afternoon. The conversation had started as kind of a careful explorative chess game between two young people in a special, but also very vulnerable position. Who'll be the first to bare his soul? That issue was much more important even here than with a 'normal' couple of young people who develop feelings for each other. Because who of us was the first to dare to take the risk of pouring out their most vulnerable feelings, possibly ending up in a snake pit of taboos and condemnation or even humiliation? By the outside world, but first and foremost also in the eyes of each other. Still, luckily feelings had won here in the end, and we'd come out whole and unscathed. Together.

The future now was a big question mark for us, however. But for now we were united, determined, and above all filled with happiness. With that feeling we fell asleep together on the bench in my room.

2. Dreams and omens

Later that afternoon, we were still sleepy and lay on the bench, hugging each other. The bench in my room was just big enough for two people to lie against each other, and felt like a cocoon. The low sunlight shone in through the blinds. The warmth woke us up.

The adrenaline from the conversation this afternoon had slowly disappeared from our bloodstream. Was it a combination of the love hormone endorphin and the sleep hormone melatonin that made everything feel so peaceful? Was it the butterflies? The world felt like a soft pink, peaceful and quiet. In this silence we felt like one.

As silences do, this one also asked to be broken sooner or later.

"Laura, what made you walk in here this afternoon?" I suddenly asked curiously. "Like, why now, I mean?"

I puzzled in my head why it was her who had taken the first step, no matter how logical it felt in retrospect. But someone has to do it. Some questions maybe don't have an answer.

- "It was because of that dream I had the other day." Laura said. "We were together. It was so nice... it felt very real, and also as if it was just the way it should be. I don't remember... I don't think I'd ever dreamed about you like that before."

"Do you believe in omens? I don't know how dreams work, actually..." I mused out loud.

- "I don't know... but it's more about how I felt afterwards. When I was awake."

I nodded softly. I stroked her shoulder. "At first I was a bit shocked." she continued. "A kind of instinctive reaction, like: this is strange, it's not right. But then I started thinking. Why actually? Who should I be shocked for? It really felt like... that thought isn't mine. It doesn't come from my inner self."

3. Soap

"How did you know...?" she started a question. "...that you liked me? I don't want to feel like I'm forcing something on you by walking in here this afternoon, or anything."

It felt like she wanted to reassure herself of this afternoon's conversation. Or rather, she wanted more reassurance from me.

- "You just beat me to it today, I think. In my head... I don't think I'd putten one and one together, so to speak." I said

"Did you find it too scary?"

- "No, well, maybe. It just never occurred to me as a serious idea... I never even saw it as an option, you know?"

"So what were you thinking, up to then?" Laura asked.

- "Well, I don't know. I just thought you were sweet. And also kinda pretty, of course..."

"Kinda pretty?" she asked in mock surprise, with a small smile on her face.

- "Well, I mean, I once did see you as a sister, you know." I said defensively. "It's more in retrospect that I think... Or well, lately I've had more...." I couldn't quite get my words together.

Laura nodded. "Were you looking at me?" she asked.

- "Yes." I said. "In retrospect, yes. Recently."

"But what did you think at that time?" she asked interestedly.

I found it difficult to answer this honestly. Suddenly it felt a bit strange. I took a deep breath and tried anyway.

- "Well, I kept thinking, surely this isn't really okay. I also thought maybe that feeling actually just made it stronger. Because it was forbidden or something. And I thought maybe it will just pass again."

"Did you feel guilty?"

- "Actually yes, kinda. As if everyone was looking at me. As if it's gross."

I had a hard time getting those last words out of my mouth. I actually didn't want to use them in the same room where Laura was. Then I suddenly remembered the sarcastic tone with which Laura so effectively expressed her feelings this afternoon. With which she clearly separated other people's thoughts from her own feelings.

So I added: "Now I just don't understand anymore... why. Why others would think that." trying to emphasize the disagreement in my voice. "Why it would be wrong, or why I was even afraid of that opinion." I said now in a calmer voice.

- "No, exactly." Laura added.

"Because actually I no longer really understand where that feeling even came from." I said. "It's not as if anyone ever told us... what was and wasn't allowed?" I wondered out loud.

- "No, it's strange, isn't it? "Laura said. "It's just something that society... it's just assumed or something. Like, do you even remember... did mom and dad ever talk to you about, well... about us? In this way?"

There they were... the elephants in the room. Or at least some of the elephants in the room. However, what Laura just said made me suddenly wonder whether when it came to our parents and how they'd react, we also might have kinda made things up ourselves. That maybe we were worried about nothing. How would the conversation about this go with them? Maybe it was purely our fear speaking.

"No, I don't remember... not about this." I said honestly. "They never said anything to me one-on-one about... like, you're not allowed to do this or that."

Laura gave an understanding look. "No, I don't think they ever said anything to me either. That something was forbidden, or that they didn't want certain things. Not in so many words."

I started digging through my memories. "I just remember that conversation years ago. How old were we then? When we first heard exactly, well, who we were."

Laura could also remember the conversation. "Yeah, I think about that often. Recently, I mean. Whether something might have changed then."

"But how old were we then?" I asked. "That was years ago. I really didn't have any... well... about you as a... I was still playing with LEGO, haha."

- "No, not consciously. But maybe it had an influence later? From a certain age we knew and understood that we weren't related, right?" Laura asked herself. "How old do you think you were when you first... looked at me or something? Looking back?"

"Pfffff..." I looked as if I had to dig deep. Which was true. "Well, like I said, I didn't really consciously realize for a long time... that there was something different or special."

Suddenly a memory came to mind. I had no idea where it came from. After a short silence, I took a deep breath.

"When we were little... I remember taking baths..." I chuckled awkwardly and suddenly started to blush.

- "What?" Laura said with her face, but she kept her lips tight and forced a small awkward smile.

"Well, just... I just mean...!" I reacted apologetically.

It now felt like I got caught, or had to explain something.

"I just liked that, taking baths together. Playing with the soap and everything. But that's in hindsight. I just think I was curious."

I looked at her for understanding. She smiled kindly.

"But how old were we then? I didn't know at the time that you weren't my real sister." I said, trying to normalize it, which didn't come out the way it sounded in my head. "I mean, we were just kids." I added, slightly desperately.

Laura stroked my arm and smiled kindly again. This was clearly new to her, but her reaction was one of amusement rather than judgment.

"You never told me that!" she shouted happily.

- "Well, no, come one. What should I have said? And when?" I asked desperately.

"No, I guess you're right..." she had to admit. "But would you feel something like that as a child?" she asked.

- "Don't know. Seems unlikely, right? What would that be like with other brothers and sisters?"

Neither of us had ever had another brother or sister.

"No, you're right... when you're so little... I don't know, it's not like I talk about this with friends, about what it was like with their brothers in the past." Laura said with a contorted face.

"Children just take baths together, right?" I said questioningly.

Laura thought for a second.

- "But don't you have the feeling afterwards that from a certain age onwards, they kept us a bit separate? In the bathroom? Or well... that they started paying more attention or something?"

"I don't know..." I said. "That's in hindsight. When you get older, I think it's quite normal that in the bathroom, well... you no longer just walk in on each other, right?"

It felt like we were in the dark about a lot of things. About what was 'normal'. And what, in retrospect, were omens. Or what was simply part of a 'normal' childhood. There was that word 'normal' again, popping into my head again.

4. School yard

"On the one hand I want to... what we have is so unique." I said. "It feels kinda nice to think back where it all, well, when it started."

- "Yes, it's tricky, isn't it?" Laura added.

"Yes, that too. But it also feels a bit... somewhere I don't like it. Going back like that. Don't you have that? About the past, and taking baths and so on... Then it feels as if we're being dragged back into something. As if something become wrong after the fact. As if we have to explain and justify everything. I'd rather not..."

Laura looked as if she was thinking deeply, but nodded in agreement.

"I think you'd rather think about the present, or stay with the present, I mean?" She looked at me questioningly.

- "Yeah I think so. That's difficult enough. I mean I haven't exactly figured out yet, how we're gonna..." I sighed.

We gave each other a look of understanding. The elephants in the room were concerns for later.

"Do you mind if I talk about it though? About the past?" Laura asked.

- "Well, no, I don't think so." I hesitated. I found it somewhat uncomfortable, but I also realized that really this was nonsense. It felt like a good idea if maybe Laura would lead the conversation about this a little more.

"Well, you know, what I suddenly remembered..." I could see from Laura's face that she wanted to give the conversation a more light-hearted turn. "On the schoolyard." She smiled. "I always wanted to play with you. Or be in your team. Other girls always acted so stupid about their brother. Especially after we knew we were stepbrother and sister, I found it annoying. That they also expected us to... Well."

- "Yeah." I nodded vigorously. "Now that you mention it. After they told us, I often thought in later years at school, well, certainly we can just start hanging out casually and treating each other normally now, right? But some things are expected between brothers and sisters. Especially at that age."

More memories came back now, or fell into place.

"I think I was actually a little jealous. When you were talking to other classmates. Or well... not jealous. I just wanted, well, like at home. Just being able to hang out with you."

- "Really?" Laura asked happily. "So after all you did...? So it did started earlier for you?"

"Yes, maybe. In hindsight I do think so. At the time it just felt like, it's my stepsister, you know? I get along with her just fine. Why isn't that okay? But when I saw you with others, I suddenly saw you... well, as a girl." I grabbed her tightly.

"I actually don't... I don't want to think about... What if you hadn't taken the first step today? It could've ended very differently."

Laura laughed. "You think? I don't really believe it. It was inevitable!" she said jokingly, clinging tightly to my arm.

5. Strong brother and the S-word

I felt more and more freedom, and the need to be completely open. "What I like about you, or have always liked, is I just thought you were very sweet. But also, well, I actually just thought you were very beautiful. And smart, and funny, and..." Strangely enough, suddenly talking in the past did make it a little easier to pour my heart out completely.

Laura smiled and blushed.

"In hindsight, yes, actually it might have been inevitable, haha." I laughed. "But you know what it is, I always just thought, it's my sister, or my stepsister, and she's just okay, and you don't touch her, you know. Like a sister. I just loved you, you know? But I didn't look for anything else behind it."

- "Hahaha... she's just okay..." Laura repeated my words with a little laugh.

"But... like with a sister..." I had to make an effort again to find words that felt okay. "What others have with their sister, like, you keep a little distance, or, yuck, it's my sister... I just never had that. Never. So all the things I liked about you... I guess that barrier just wasn't there anymore, not naturally, you know?"

Laura nodded. She understood what I meant. "Naturally? Or after that conversation with mom and dad, you mean?" she asked for clarification.

- "Well, yeah, that. After that talk, it's not like I ever had any intention to..."

"No, exactly. But after there wasn't really a reason either to... " Laura started to finished my thought. "This kind of thing can just happen."

Laura stroked my chest to make it clear that she didn't mean that last sentence as cold and matter-of-fact as it came out. She thought for a moment.

"Surely they have to understand that too, right?"

- "Yes..." I said hopefully. I thought for a moment. "And we're adults." I added. "Mom and dad raised us carefully as decent people, right? If this is what our feelings tell us... then they have to take us seriously as adults, right?"

Laura looked thoughtfully into the distance for a moment. She decided to return her thoughts to our bench, to us.

"I think you're sweet too. Super sweet." she replied to my earlier statements. "And I just feel safe with you. I trust you. And it just feels... good."

She grinned and took my hand. "And you know, you were always there for me. You protected me. You just felt like my big strong brother. My older brother who is 7 weeks older than me, hahaha." she laughed mischievously.

- "Hey!" I blurted out indignantly.

"Just kidding!"

She did realize that me and the word 'brother' were not going to be the greatest of friends. She stroked my hand. I took her hand and stroked hers too. I could forgive her a silly joke every now and then. Still, I couldn't manage to return this joke. Not now. And maybe never, it crossed my mind. She was definitively, and actually retroactively, no longer my.... well, the S-word. I couldn't get it past my lips anymore.

6. No way back

"I like talking like this." Laura said.

- "Me too, sweety. It just makes my feelings clearer actually."

"Yes. I like hearing those things from you, what you just said, about school and such. It confirms things for me. Things I already felt a little. But now I know for sure."

- "What do you mean, for sure?" I asked.

Laura took a deep breath and thought for a moment.

"Well, you know what went through my head just now? Don't be alarmed. But I was wondering, in theory, could we also try to just be friends?"

I inhaled sharply and exhaled through my nose, squeezing her hand gently to hold her and not let go.

"Listen, sweety." Laura continued. "There could be people who think that, or who want that."

I gave a little nod.

"But what I feel for you is actually like falling in love with a good friend who you've known for a long time. As long as we've known each other and grown together, this isn't just a childish whim, you know. It feels so deep to me." she said, as she clutched her heart with her hand.

I looked deep into her eyes.

"It's not an ordinary friendship." she continued. "It never was. You understand what I mean?"

- "You mean we've never really been friends?" I asked.

"No, not really, right? Not in the normal way."

- "So we can't stay that way either." I concluded.

"No, it's never existed." She paused for a moment to think and continued: "And just staying brother and sister, that's no longer possible either."

- "We haven't been that for more than ten years, really." I added.

"There is no way back. That route doesn't exist." Laura said firmly.

I grabbed her tightly again and stroked her shoulder.

- "You mean, like what you just said, that it was inevitable?" I asked with a smile.

"Well, sort of maybe. But seriously, things will just happen the way they do.. We're old enough to think for ourselves... or make our own mistakes." she added in a cold voice.

- "I don't think at all..." I started.

"No me neither." Laura replied quickly. "Really. But I'm just thinking ahead. There will be people who will start coming up with ifs and buts."

After a moment of silence, she said: "And you know, we were joking just now, but maybe, yeah. Maybe it was inevitable indeed. So what? The more I think about it, the better I like that feeling. I feel so safe and secure with you, right? That didn't come from nothing, there's a reason!"

Her tone slowly became more assertive. "It has grown this way. So what? I don't want people to think that makes it wrong. That's part of what feels good about it..."

She laid her head back down, low on my chest, as she curled herself up.

"It just feels good and nice." I said succinctly. "Isn't our feeling real? Or worth anything? It's valid, right?"

Laura left it at this thought. It seemed as if it didn't yet completely reassure her about the outside world, but chose to remain in her sheltered spot curled against my body for a while.

7. A new beginning

After a while Laura broke the silence.

"What are you doing tonight?" she asked in a soft voice.

- "I don't know, I don't have any plans." I said.

"I don't really want to leave. I feel so comfortable here." she said as if she was thinking out loud.

I embraced her extra tightly and kissed her forehead.

- "You don't have to go, do you? Just stay here."