All Comments on 'Laura and I Finally Together Pt. 02'

Serious degradation in story content. There was absolutely no additional substance in this chapter - zero! You keep baiting us with the coming chapters will be "erotic". So what! This is the romance genre where often times sex scenes detract from the overall storyline. If you want hot sex between two people, move it to the EC genre. Show us what you have as a writer and start adding depth to the plot lines. How did they end up in their family situation? What is their parent's story? What year are they in school? I assume seniors so they are at least 18? How do they fit in the social dynamics in school? What are their interests? we all know they will eventually consummate their relationship, but we don't know anything else. 3.2*

I have to agree with Demosthenes384bc.

Their talking together is fine but where is the action? I don't mean jump in bed and howl at the moon sex! Describe the slight sexual touches. The power of love moving behind their actions and any caressing. With this build up will part 3 be over the top love making?

So far this has the sexual excitement of a job interview.

I appreciate your comments. I'm sad you feel this chapter didn't add anything new. My intention was to further explore their fears and doubts, their own reflection on their feelings and how they started. I understand your points that their could have been more of a buildup of sexual touching etc. in this chapter. But I feel like the sexual/romantic tension between them is clear enough as it is; I tried adding it in their only very subtly since I feel it is intrinsic to the story; I didn't feel like I had to describe them holding hands and stroking each others backs every few paragraphs.

By the way you might have already seen that the final chapter 3 is now up. I am curious what people think about it. I hope you don't think it's actually "over the top" when you read it. My intention with chapter three was to keep it as "naturalistic" as possible given the setting and the characters. Even though, I'll tell you a secret, this whole story started in my head with chapter three, and while I was writing the buildup because I didn't want to just jump in and write a sex scene from point blank, the buildup eventually evolved into chapters 1 and 2, and actually got me interested in describing these characters as real people with realistic feelings, doubts and fears.

Greetings, Threepio10.

Hi, I liked it so far.

Your story is romantic as you rightly put it in the tags. (Not a quicky)

Maybe Chapter 1 and 2 could be put into one part.

@VincentRDJ thanks for your comments!

Yeah, in hindsight maybe 1 and 2 could have been 1 part. The only reason I guess is I tried to keep the three parts about equal length; and this was the most logical cutoff point between 1 and 2.

Also, I orignally wrote this in Dutch, and on the Dutch website where I publish, they have a much stronger preference for shorter, episodic uploads. So sorry if that was inconvenient.

Also, you may have seen already, but part three is now up; only it's in the taboo/incest category. You can also find it through my profile page.

Greetings!