All Comments on 'Laura & Twins'

I think this is an excellent story, although you should re-edit it. The are several places where you get the names confused.

Other than that distraction, it is a great story that is well thought out. Keep it up!

... I wish you'd given some warning about that.

Sorry. Just not my thing at all.

Pretty damn good - for a bloke. I didn't check first, so assumed this was written by a girl. Very well done.

A second installment would be most welcome, but don't spoil it by rushing. Take as much time as you need to get it right.

xx

how can she even think of being in a relationship with them when they took blackmail pix of her after setting her up in the first place? if she is willing to share rosie and ben then why couldnt she share the girl that she was in love with back home?

There is to many errors in this story. But the biggest one is when the writer kept messing up the name between Rosie and Laura. There are several place where he is mixing up the names of the to women and it was confusing to understand it. One moment you have Rosie being Laura then herself. You need to proof read your story more carefully. Also No woman would be like Laura and want to be with people who are blackmailing her unless she is brainwashed.

the comment...

"To many errors

There is to many errors in this story. But the biggest one is when the writer kept messing up the name between Rosie and Laura. There are several place where he is mixing up the names of the to women and it was confusing to understand it. One moment you have Rosie being Laura then herself. You need to proof read your story more carefully. Also No woman would be like Laura and want to be with people who are blackmailing her unless she is brainwashed." end quote

If you are going to criticize a story, and especially if you are going to play the role of English teacher, don't you think that you should write a comment that is at least semi-coherant?

1) "To many errors". It should read "Too many errors."

2) "There is too many errors in this story." Funny. Try "There are too many errors in this story."

3) and you start the next sentence with, "But". There should have been a comma instead of a period at the end of the last sentence, and in any case a sentence that starts with the word but is wrong in most every level.

4) "Messing up the name between Rosie and Laura." Should have been "names".

5) "mixing up the names of the to women". "two" is what you probably meant.

6) You continue, "and it was confusing to understand it." That comment is confusing for me to say anything but, Huh?"

7) Next sentence... "One moment you have Rosie being Laura then herself." Huh again.

8) Proofread is one word, Mr. Proofread.

As a writer here, I welcome the comments as much as I'm sure this writer does, but come on! That was the most absurd comment I can remember reading in quite a while, and I couldn't pass it by without noting it. To critique someone's efforts and then make it obvious that you're a functional illiterate yourself is insane.

Unless, that is, that the comment was made in jest, in which case it was funny. Stupid, but funny.

Good story, but it needs a bit clean up on the names mixed ups. otherwise good story. :)

I hope you intend on continuing this story, as it's definately one of the best I've read!

Excelent content and very exciting to read. Keep up the good work.

Ugh was going great until the sex slave shit instant turn off. Might want to think about a disclaimer at the start

Great story, but I agree with Caughtthedragon's comment. The last two page were not needed, and I could have done without that part. You were doing great until then.