Laura's Fire

He was still in the guest room when she had to leave for work in the morning, or at least his car was still in the yard. She listened behind the door but heard nothing, and she didn't know what to say to him anyway, and so she just left.

When she came home the house was empty. He had packed his personal belongings and left, and he had left a note on the table. He said she could stay for as long as she wanted, that he wasn't going to sell the house from under her. And he said she could call him anytime, but that he wouldn't call her, because he didn't want to be clingy.

She looked at the note and cried. Tears rolled down her face and landed on the paper, spreading the ink, and she pushed it away before she smeared the text completely.

What had she done? And then again, what else could she have done?

-#-#-#-#-#-

It was miserable to be without Tommy. Laura felt his absence almost a physical feeling, as easy as it had been to be with him it was now difficult to be alone. She kept thinking she heard his voice or felt his presence only to realize she was just imagining it. She wondered if this pain was love. She was definitely feeling something for Tommy, and strongly at that, but how could it be love if it hurt so much?

She went to buy a new mailbox and set it up, and when she was doing it Billy drove by and stopped to threaten her. She told him Tommy had left town, that it was only her now, and asked if he would continue to harass a lonely woman living with her cat. Very manly, huh? Billy muttered something and drove off. That was the last she heard of him, there were no more eggs on the door or piss on the stairs.

She called Tommy and convinced him to let her pay rent. She couldn't just live in his house for free, especially knowing he would now have to come up with rent money himself. He was reluctant but finally agreed, and gave her an address where she could send the check. It sounded like he really wanted to say something more, and she did as well but they didn't know how, and so they just awkwardly ended the call. It was so painful to hear his voice she just couldn't continue chatting with him.

She was so lonely it hurt her day and night. She couldn't understand it, she had always been alone, what was so different now? But something was. She couldn't sleep, she kept thinking about Tommy, he was just on her mind every waking moment. She read his story and his note again and again and cried. Her life seemed to have lost whatever meaning it had ever had. She was absent minded and unhappy. Everything tasted like ashes and without his cooking she hardly ate and lost some weight. She got her period again and although it had always been painful for her it was now nearly intolerable, she remembered his touch on her back and even painkillers didn't bring her relief.

Patchy looked at her apprehensively when she cried and took to sleeping in Goldie's favorite spot. It was almost as if he missed them, too.

-#-#-#-#-#-

In the beginning of February she was biding her time in the empty library, in the quiet hour before the school kids arrived, when Charlene walked in. Laura stared at her in puzzlement, looked behind her if Mike would follow her in, but it seemed she was alone. She asked if Laura would accompany her for lunch. Laura said she couldn't leave the library unmanned, and she offered to go fetch them something to eat. Laura agreed, and soon she was back with a couple of salads and sodas.

They sat by the table in the personnel room and ate. Laura eyed Charlene cautiously, and she responded likewise.

"So," she said finally, after finishing her salad. "I've come to ask you to come back to Tommy."

"What? Why?" asked Laura.

"He's so sad," she said. "It's breaking my heart. And you don't look so fresh yourself, if you don't mind me saying. So I'm supposing you don't have some hot new love keeping you away."

"Well no, but," she stammered. "What do you mean come back to him?"

"Take him back. Let him love you. Make him happy again."

Laura was stunned. She had no idea what to say.

"But...but he can't live here," she said. "You've got no idea. The schmucks in this town are so stupid, there's no way it's gonna end well if he stays here. He's gonna get beat up or back in prison or both. And no one's ever gonna employ him here."

"That might be," said Charlene levelly. "So you drove him away to protect him, huh? Selfless love? You guys are so cute you make me puke. You know he seems to think you just don't want to be with him."

Laura just stared. "Well no, it's...not like that."

"So what's keeping you back here?"

Again she stared at Charlene and just stupidly blinked her eyes. She tried to think of a reason, but seconds ticked by and she had nothing at all.

"But you don't understand," she tried finally. "I've never been in a proper relationship, I don't know how."

"So you're just gonna give up on him without even trying?" said Charlene. "You know, I thought you weren't as wimpy as you look but that's some serious cowardice. What've you got to lose?"

Laura lowered her eyes. She hadn't thought she was wimpy or a coward but she couldn't argue with that. I wasn't very noble or brave to just give up without any effort. Just out of fear of what might happen. Or might not happen.

"Just think about it, alright?" said Charlene and got up to leave. "You've got his contact information, right? And if you ever see Mike don't mention I was here. He doesn't know and he's crazy jealous, he doesn't want me to do anything without him knowing. So I'd appreciate it if you kept this from him."

"Why did you come then?"

"For Tommy, what else," she said. "I know he thinks I'm just a gold digger, and he's not wrong, you know. But I have a soft spot for him anyway. Wimpy by association, huh? But I must be going now."

"Thanks for stopping by, Charlene," she said and she smiled and twirled around. Her heels clicked on the floor and then it was silent again.

She couldn't believe it hadn't occurred to her to leave. What reason she had to stay back here, indeed? She had her job, but it wasn't like it was her dream job and it didn't even pay very well. She had lost all her possessions, and the lot the house had stood on was probably worth two shits now. Or less, considering the ruins had to be cleared away before rebuilding. She could try to offer it to the potential buyers if Tommy got his house sold.

She had always thought she was rather intelligent, but now she truly didn't feel like it. She hadn't even considered leaving with Tommy and she had no idea why. She had been so certain he couldn't remain here, and that was undoubtedly true, but why had she never realized there was another solution to that problem? Maybe she was just so afraid of opening up she didn't dare to believe she could have a meaningful relationship. Despite the fact that she had actually been in one. Because when she was being honest with herself it was exactly what they'd had, wasn't it?

Now that her mental horizon was suddenly widening at dizzying speed she realized she could leave regardless of Tommy. She could leave this shithole on her own, to Cleveland or someplace else, even if he wouldn't want to forgive her for driving him away. Even if she'd been stupid enough to ruin the one good thing she had stumbled upon.

Suddenly she would've wanted to leave straight away, lock up the library, run home to get Patchy and just drive to Cleveland the same night. She was filled with restless energy, and it felt like it was really important to just get to Tommy already and apologize for her mind blowing stupidity.

Charlene had said he was sad. She didn't want him to be sad, not for a minute longer, not over her. And simultaneously she knew she couldn't just call him, she needed to go in person.

She wondered if she should go to him before she quit her job, but now that she'd gotten the idea of leaving she couldn't imagine staying. She had never thought of herself as impulsive and even now this was closer to compulsive. She felt like she was suffocating in this shitty little town, and she remembered how it was to stroll the mall with Tommy in Cleveland, how free and anonymous it had made her feel. She thought it was high time to leave this town where everybody knew her and nobody cared for a place where nobody knew her but somebody cared.

She called her boss and gave her two week notice, adding that she would be leaving town the next day, so she'd use her unused vacation days for the two weeks. Michael was flabbergasted and tried to reason but she was having none of it, and that was that then.

That evening she packed up the majority of her stuff, leaving only the absolute essentials till morning. She packed her stuff in the car, along with the box of Christmas decorations Tommy had packed away again. She went up to the attic to see if there was something else that had been his, and found an album of photographs from his childhood.

God he'd been a cute kid. She spent the rest of the evening looking at the photos. It occurred to her all of hers had burned down with the house, and it was not a happy thought.

She thought of how to go to him. And she thought of how he had setup his competition entry. It was situated in a library, the couple in question started talking over a book and ended up having coffee together in a nearby cafe.

-#-#-#-#-#-

In the morning she drove to Cleveland and set Patchy up in the motel. She wished she would've had Charlene's number so she could've set this up as a surprise, but then again he might've had a heart attack if she just showed up. She texted him and asked him to see her in the library nearest to his new address.

He answered he would.

She went early to have time to seek out the book called "Darker Matters", the one he had suggested for her to read the first night they went to sleep together. She held it against her chest and waited anxiously, standing at the back of the library alone, next to a window.

He walked up to her and stopped hesitantly. She looked him in the eyes, it was heartbreaking how sad he looked. But now there was something else on his face as well, cautious hope maybe?

She waved the book purposefully and smiled a little smile for him, and wondrously he picked up on her cue. That was the one weak link in her plan, that it required for him to start it.

"I've read that one," he said as had been the line in his story. "It's a good one."

"I wonder if your good is the same as mine," she answered as the character in the story had answered.

They looked at each other. Tears rose to his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Tommy," she said. "I've been an ass."

He wiped his eyes and opened his arms for her, and they hugged. It was slightly desperate and they clung to each other for a long time, he buried his face to her hair.

"There's a nice cafeteria nearby," he said, still loosely following the script. His voice was stuffy with emotion. "Wanna continue this conversation there?"

"I was hoping you'd take me home with you," she said, cutting through the chase. "And I'm sorry to say but I won't be paying you rent anymore, because I'm not going back. I've quit my job and really, that was the only thing keeping me back there. Now that you're not there."

"You quit?" he asked in awe. They turned towards the door and she put the book in the returned books' trolley along the way.

"Yeah I did," she said. "And I'm thinking I won't even try to get a new job for a while. I got the insurance money and some savings, and I've been thinking about writing a book, I wanna give it a try next. So, you know, if you were to sell the house and buy some other one for renovating I would be free to follow you."

He stopped walking and stared at her, stunned, she could almost see ideas whizzing around in his head.

"Just saying," she said. "No pressure. I don't want to be clingy."

He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead.

"God, I've missed you," he said.

He had walked up to the library and so they took her car. She explained she had Patchy at the motel along with some of her stuff. He asked if she wanted to go get them straight away.

"Do you mean I can come stay with you?" she asked.

"Hell yeah I mean you can come stay with me," he said.

They shared a look that was quite pointed and stretched out.

"Right," she said and drove to the motel.

They made it to the room but not further. He closed the door and she pressed him against it, took his face in her hands and kissed him. He responded, and when she let her hands slid down to his chest he took her face in his hands. Then he very pointedly tilted her head a little to the side and kissed the left corner of her mouth, and then slowly across her birthmark to her ear. It was her ugly, red ear she had spent most of her life combing hair over, and now he stroked the hair away and kissed it. He traced the arch of it with the tip of his tongue and sucked on the earlobe, and she could feel goosebumps breaking out all over her body. He lifted his head to look at her eyes, and they smiled and kissed again. She started to undress him with increasing haste.

They stumbled towards the bed together. When they fell down on it he was already hard, so hard she had a little trouble getting his trousers off him without hurting him. He pulled at his trousers with equal desperation and said, "Gee, it was better when you wore my clothes, they came off more easily," and she laughed breathlessly.

She could feel his breath on her stomach but she didn't want that now, she wanted to feel him inside her already, and so she pulled him upwards. She was clinging to him, wrapping her legs around his hips and her arms around his shoulders, she wanted to have him close. He positioned his cock and started to slide it against her labia, nudging her clitoris with each push and spreading her moisture on his shaft. She remembered it was a scene from his story, and they kept eye contact and moved against each other slowly, letting the need grow.

He looked at her so nicely. So warmly, so tenderly. She had no idea how she had thought she could live without this. She tried to look at him as lovingly but had no idea if she could do it like that.

He tilted his hips and started to push inside her, very slowly. And just as she was quivering in anticipation and his head was just about inside her he stopped, and said, laughter in his voice, "I should probably get a condom now?"

"I'm on a pill, so not necessarily," she said and it came out breathless and husky.

"Are you now," he said tenderly.

"I am now," she said and tried to lift her hips to him.

He couldn't keep up the tease, he sighed and pushed in her, all the way in. He pressed his pelvis against hers and bent down to kiss her. She stroked his shoulders and back, feeling how tense his muscles were when he was sustaining his weight like that, and slowly he started moving. She kept with him, she kept her legs around him so he could push deep, and she looked at him. She loved how his eyes grew darker as he got more and more aroused, how it matched his penis getting harder and harder. This time she didn't reach for her clitoris, she just built it up with him, and just as they were getting close she said, "Tommy? I love you."

Hearing her say that pushed him over the edge and he pushed deep into her, then convulsed, stronger than ever before. Something in its urgency, the sudden nonverbal flood of emotion flowing from him triggered her orgasm, and she squeezed around him. Their pulsing was timed so perfectly they nudged each other higher and higher, and he pressed his face against her neck and got down low to hug her. He still got his weight on his elbows so that he wouldn't crush her but he was so close, she could feel his stomach against hers, his chest against hers. He pulsed inside her and she responded, and they were rocking together, riding that wave for as far as they could stretch it.

"I love you, too," he whispered to her ear.