All Comments on 'Law of the Heart - My Alt. Ending'

The best editor in the universe couldn't save this pile of shit. Seriously, guy, you have zero imagination and you have zero talent. You just embarrass yourself.

sorry but this is really crap writing.

saw some off the comments and they are way off. Its kinda choppy and you need to work on transitions. 4*

I don't understand cuckolds but this guy was one. Why would you want to keep a whore. The ex would have been a, better choice. At least she fucking cared.

You didn't really have much to work with. The original was written ok but utterly disgusting.

Jill wasn't worth keeping in the first story and even less attractive in this one.

Over the top ending to a truly ridiculous story to begin with.

does one negotiate and give it all back, TK U MLJ LV NV

a relative of donald trump because it sounds like one of his idiot deals.

You know, I like the violence, destruction, death and revenge. All suffered, much to my satisfaction. However, no contract in the world and no amount of money would let me stay with that horrible cheating cunt. Five Stars anyway.

Disclaimer: Only in fiction and fantasy does this occur

That's why it was so good

But not by much. Almost anything would be better than the original piece of garbage. He stayed married to the slut? Unbelievable! What a wimp!

A P.D. acts like some kind of vigilante super hero , castrating a villain , burning a boat . Local police ? Where are they ? They don't seem to be interested in investigating.

It was all too smooth and a tad ridiculous.

Sure , we all want the twins to get their just deserts , and certainly the wife to get hers too .

Why take her back ?

A diseased , lying slut .

I just don't get it ?

2 *

I don't like it.

What I don't understand: After all she did in Miami, and after coming back in their house, and after "she tested positive for syphilis and was two and a half months pregnant" how could any man stay married to her and look to her face the rest of his life? I think it was an impossible task for a man capable of castrate an enemy...he knew a lot about engines, so why not prepare the boat to explode with the four of them inside, four another tour? Some can say the children was the reason...But any children was way better without such a mother...2*

it was good till he took her back

what a fucking wimp he is

Not sure what you intended with this, but you failed.

How he would even consider reconciliation is beyond me. The contract was ridiculous.

If you’re going to write a sequel, you need to try and be true to the original story. The story took place in Miami, the school was in Miami, not San Francisco. The wife had seen the husband there and he had at least some responsibility. The husband was not a violent person and blowing up the ship and cutting off the guys balls were totally out of character. And the brother goes north to keep fucking her while his brother is in the hospital, really!

And the brothers were rich to begin with, had a history with the wife, and owned the boat. This was a bad attempt at a sequel and you should re-read the original and the other sequels again to see how it’s done properly.

The story failed at conveying why either of these people would want to stay with the other; there didn't appear to be a shred of love in either direction.

This is the worst of the sequels and that is saying something.

Please learn how to write rather than just producing a sequence of slang sentences. The story itself was unbelievable. You seem to be a very angry person.

I didn’t read the original, and am far too lazy to do so...but I don’t see how it can possibly matter. The point of this ending makes the original irrelevant. It’s all about castration and STD’s and death and revenge.

A few things I don’t understand:

— WHY on earth would this guy keep his cheating wife after all of that?

— Which magical STD leads to death? In this day and age, even full-blown AIDS is treatable. (Hell, Magic Johnson is still alive!) LW writers have magical thinking when it comes to STD’s.

— A young man finds a severed scrotum in a box and has a heart attack and stroke?! Seriously?

— The police aren’t able to connect flight records, recordings, finger prints, Security cam footage, etc., to the hubby? Did they even TRY?

In the end, this is a pure revenge fantasy requiring a HUGE dose of suspended disbelief. That’s fine. I’m just not sure what’s supposed to be erotic about it.

There are two reasons why diesel is used in boats. One is economy--it's cheaper by far than gasoline. The second is safety. Diesel fuel doesn't burn the way gasoline does. It must be aerated before it can catch fire. A Molotov cocktail like the one described would only work with gasoline. Diesel is actually Number 2 fuel oil that is used in many houses for heating. Five minutes research on Google would have told you this.

He took the cheating slut back ! With STD's and a fuck trophy no less !

two mesley little stars because of that .

eat shit and die. We all hate your fucking guts!!!

let me see if I have this right.. The husband cuts off the ball sack of one of the guys

who fucked his wife.. a wife that 100% willing ...BUT Stayed married to the wife who fucked him?

this HAS to be like satire right ?

Let me help you. With no insult to you.

To some people--not many, but they all seem to come to places like Literotica--their favorite fantasy has nothing to do with loving a beautiful woman, or having sex with a beautiful woman, or watching a beautiful woman have sex.

It's about being right.

Even better if you can hurt someone else who wronged you while proving you are right.

And if you can be right, prove it to someone else who wronged you, and make them live with that regret every day of their miserable lives, you have hit the Fantasy Superiority Trifecta.

That's what the LW section has become to many hurt and angry men. It used to be about sex. Instead, what used to be about lite porn has become a vehicle of punishment mixed with stronger, more violent expressions of it.

God help us if this is what anger and rejection and disrespect turn us into.

Just a fantasy of a spurned, betrayed man. I like BTB but this is so far over the top as to be satire?

And took you to the cleaners so this is the only way to get your comeuppance.

I try not to reply to comments to anything I write because this section is for the reader not the writer. That said to the comment that I should stay true o the original, in the end he stayed with his wife. To the Anon about a P.D. becoming a super hero, watch your wife and see how you react, will you be a hero or a zero?

Unless someone can show me where in this or any of the other versions there was never a mention of San Fransisco.

Joe my friend, why would the police even look to flight records if, A. he never had a room there, she registered as a single. B. Why would he even be a suspect. and C. Just maybe he had gloves on or wiped down everything he touched. He was a public defender representing criminals.

I read a story on Literotica where the husband caught his wife in bed and his revenge was having the guy beat up by five other guys then had a tattoo artist tat his face, chest and arms, then did the same with his wife, stayed with her and scored some good points here.

To all of the Anon's that love to write get an editor, I'm sure you just made mine feel real good, I hope you are proud of yourself. I feel he does a great job.

In the first page the protagonist states that he never got along with his "blue blood" classmates at SF law school.

Where do you see anything in this story about San Francisco?

As far as being "true to the story," while I believe some alternates had her knowing that he was there, I don't believe that was in the original.

Also, the original said that it was "the Mendozas' boat," that doesn't necessarily mean that they owned it or that it couldn't be a lease. If you lease a car or an apartment, aren't they still "yours" even though you don't OWN them?

@ForensicFossil Re: "Mention of San Francisco" - Um, I believe they went to South Florida Law School, hence SF Law School!

Yes retribution has been served - thanks ;-)

Too over the top for me, but I can still see it was good. Ignore the haters

But what the hell, let her have the kid, the Mendoza's pay for it and let her die from the STD. Then whore the baby out tot he Mendoza's. Now thats BTB.

This reboot of the original story works for me. Quick, violent, righteous, vengeance. Wish he hadn't taken her back, but I guess he got what he wanted in the end. A word to my friend , and a favorite author, SwingerJoe. It's a story, a fantasy, an escape for those of us who don't care for cuck, swinger, or cheating stories. If I have to suspend belief, and believe in 13 inch cocks, 48 DD tits, and that every man loves to see his wife with another man, then you can accept a little literary license and deal with the revenge story. Sure, some of the boat burning, deadly STDs, and a few other little things, need to be taken with a grain of thought. But, then again, so do those mutant cocks, and tits. Good job Dragonmann. As is the case with Joe, Lue, SBrooks, I don't always agree with your comments on other stories, but I like your writing.

. . . we must assume Susan did not really die, but came back and kidnapped their son, and raised him as her own. Why, because he didn't recognize her, but Jake had dumped Susan (whose real name was Brunhilda) back in elementary school. He also laughed at her and called her mean names like poo-poo panties and doo-doo brain. He was her first love, and she never got over it, and plotted her revenge, first turning Jill, then taking their son. Jill and Jake were miserable for some time, as he frequently got letters that said things like, "Now who's a doo-doo brain, asswipe!?!'', which merely left him confused. Finally, he figured it all out. He managed to have a heartfelt apology relayed to her, she brought back little Jakey, and they all had a good laugh and lived happily ever after . . . sort of . . . in that they all contracted a new previously unheard of laughing sickness and died a year later . . . or maybe they didn't, because there's no such diseaese, but if there was, at least they all died happy.

What I love about the original is its nuance and compassion - fine brush strokes on a painting, if you will. (Everyone knows that the MC should have interceded in Florida early on, but that's the plot device that allows the story.) Unfortunately, this story takes the painting and attacks it with a power washer - completely different stories with a completely different vibe, which I guess is what the author is going for. Thanks for the effort, though!

That they stayed married is preposterous. Why stay with a guiltless evil whore?

I think the he should have divorced the wife and gone on with his life. She is way too immature to be an honest partner and he needs to find "real love".

Great alternative ending. You should read, "Law of the Heart" first, but dragonmann72 did a terrific scorched earth ending. I have great respect for authors who take on alternative endings. It takes skill to pull it off. The style of writing dovetails quite nicely with the original story. *****

Why do so many people in real life go to their reunions alone sometimes and cheat. The spouse looks to avoid it not wanting to face in a guys case guys the were fucking there young wife before him. I know a handful of guys that fucked married woman at there reunion who came alone. Even those golf weekends away or a girls only trip there is always lots of cheating . A friend down in Florida hooked up twice in the week with married woman fucking yhe shit out of them and two of his friends one night dped a married woman . In the morning she was saying how she does this once a year when her and her girlfriends travel and assumes her husband does the same but they never say anything to each other. She was 20 years older and has cheated for the four day weekend every time. His two friends were as young as her kids. I think as a story these are good but in real life where there is zero in loyalty in marriage it’s really sad.

This is a poor alternative ending no same man is going to put up with the way his wife treated him,he should have kicked her to the kerb and ruined her career.

What world are you living in? I realize this is a free site, but this gotta be one of worst stories I ever read. Advice: at least make an attempt or make an effort to make it realistic.

Headhuntertales was a non-man wimp writer, and one of the more disgusting writers on this site. Had this not been a disgusting RAAC story with him keeping the slut wife, you might have become something more than a non-man wimp writer. Grow a pair and keep trying!

Completely unbelievable.

Some btb. Just not enough. You needed to be rid of the cunt.

After all that he witnessed , you cannot seriously expect anyone to believe that he would keep her.

Framing the results and bills above their bed ..... pathetic. A constant reminder to him of his pain and anguish , for her it's message to be more careful.

Got to admit the story was well written and kept my interest but it was so far into fantasy that it failed to come close to believeable.

So Jake got his revenge. He no longer trusts or respects Jill. There’s no reason to remain married. She’s a lying whore who’s a terrible liar. How much energy would he have to use, checking up on her, over 10 years? Why bother staying in the marriage?

For that matter, why bother writing such a ridiculous alternate ending?

all your protagonists are cucks who keep cheating sluts instead of dumping the sluts

Stop living vicariously already, post your address so real men can fuck your wife like you never could and then you can forgive a real life cum dump to your heats content

Yes, interesting it was to read your revival of an old and gripping, well written story. BUT, your editor "Steve" needs to learn a lot about sentence structure. Wish I could give you more than ***.

I worked with a guy who just wouldn't give up, he just kept on making passes at her. One of my female coworkers came to me with a plan to put an end to it. It was deer season in Michigan, although I hadn't hunted in years her husband still did. Seems he brought home a buck that morning after field dressing it in the woods to make it lighter to drag out and cool the meat off. She had him go back out and retrieve the testicles and place them in a clear plastic zip lock bag. I proceeded to tape them in plain sight to everyone on his locker with the open note that said (drum roll please) 'You're Next'. The shit stopped that day. It's amazing what seeing a pair to cutoff balls will do to an assholes mindset, I didn't see it but I was told he almost made it to the toilet before he erupted. I had forgotten all about it till the scene on the dock, didn't really care for the story. I just don't see how a man or woman could forgive what she did time after time especially at home for days, but I do thank you for the memory. Signed: BTW

He still kept the diseased whore, yeah ok. Should of left this alone.

A little farfetched, but a satisfying revenge story that made a lot of whiners angry. That was the good thing about the story. The bad thing, who would want to keep a pregnant, syphillic, cheating wife around?

Dude, just admit you're a fucking cuck. Spineless, little bitch writer.

It's hard to see why he keeps her, and some of that payback is as damaging as the betrayal itself, but it's a fun bit of fantasy.

You take it far beyond the pale but it is something different here that we don't often appreciate the far extreme for its beauty.

Keep on writing my friend.

Sometimes you just need some OTT revenge fantasy.

Normally I'm not a stickler for realism but diesel exploding is total nonsense. You might as well claim the protagonist levitated to fly back to Boston. It's just as feasible. Love the idea of burning the boat but you needed to soak the engine room and other cabins in fuel and light it. it would be slow but it would be hard to put out once it was going.

Too many name screw-ups for such a short story.

You know, you would be an excellent author if it wasn't for your unfortunate tendency to end every story the same way. Your heroes go from being hard unforgiving men to RAAC pussies in the space of two or three paragraphs.

Just stupid. The ending was an absurd RAAC.

These wives characters in your stories are so evil and not only cheat in their husbands, they humiliate them. Yet, you reconcile them? Not only do they deserve to be dumped, they deserve to be burnt. Horrible.

Worthless drivel, a reconciliation, ? just ridiculous . Another lw writer that is simply clueless. Please do not write any more.

Damn

It should have been the cunt wife who died. Then he could have stayed with the old girlfriend.

This version went right up to the part where Jake decided to keep the slut. I score 2 stars as a result of the effort.

The runner pass should not be done that way. He should make Sharon aware that the idea would be to dump the bitch of the cheating wife right after the period of relationship with her.

Certainly, Jake and Sharon cannot go on together, as the proposal was more than absurd. Any woman who accepts this situation is as bad-tempered as the cheating, lying, and conniving wife. It felt good just to rub it in the bitch's face.

Jill turns out to be worse than in the original story. Jake was successful in hurting Hector and later "taking care" of Juan, but was weak in staying married to a slut.

Susan's (Sally) outcome was solely the result of her own choices, Jake didn't influence anything. And the breakup with Bill could have been more combative.

The STD and pregnancy should be left to her as the eternal reminder of her betrayal and how she broods over the big mess she made.

Little Jacke was not to blame for the bitch that was his mother, he needed the mother figure, but not a woman with that kind of character and villainy.

I don't know the laws of the author's country, but I believe with the graphic and audible evidence, I'm pretty sure Jake would have sole custody of his son and Jill would only have very restricted visitation rights.

Another point... it takes more than one to tango. The Mendozas had part of the role, the rest of the scene was starred by the bitch incarnated in Jill... Until now, no author had the courage to hurt her.

I'll keep reading the various versions and hope that "some accident" happens to the traitor bitch... But that's just my opinion.

Very poorly done and almost totally unbelievable.

With her screwing around in Florida and then in Boston no way does she come back. 2 stars**

The reconciliation does not logically flow from the rest of the story. The wife is a hard core sociopathic selfish slut who displays utter contempt for the cuckolded husband. This is admitted by said strumpet in conversation with said cuckold. Then after the rather extensive BTB revenge against Sally, the twins et Al; we find said cuckold cravenly forgiving all and welcoming the sociopathic bitch back with open arms. All this and not once does she apologize for her betrayal. She is sorry she got caught but you can see that her underlying sociopathic core will cause her to repeatedly betray him again once everything cools down and similar triggering circumstances reoccur.

Thus this otherwise well crafted tale falls into illogical shreds. Next time spend a little more effort tying the whole thing together before trying to shoehorn a non sequeter ending

Sorry 1 star

Better than some of the rest.

Why the fuck did he stay with her?

Seems like u gave up at the end and just started to ramble on with very lil details..

I agree with the rest, you rushed the ending. Shame. 2 star.

Not bad, but l’d have ditched her, or worse.

No way was she worth saving

Sorry bro, but I can't understand any man staying with a woman after testing positive with the clap and being knocked up with anothers kid, It would be hard, but it's entirely posibe to forgive an indescretion, but a pregnancy and an STD, nah, the guy would have to be real loser to overlook all that.

This was a crazy version. Jill was a cheater but not a wanton slut. And somehow Hector getting his balls snipped is a cavalier throwaway.

Dragonfruitman69…. That would be better seeing the stupid story u wrote with no logic or sense!!

Too quick, trying to neatly tie up every little thing. Not the worst effort, but definitely not close to best.

You still went for raac

Why on god's earth would either of these people want to be around each other? It just seems very juvenile...she fucked so much. She fucked after someone lost their testicles and a boat accident She fucked both of them. Why would she come back to this loser when she is a practicing attorney making $$?

It just seems ridiculous!

Good story! A divorce should have been in place too though...