All Comments on 'Law or Justice, Pt. 02'

Wow! Don't fuck with the genius lawyer. Such a great guy, until you cross him.

Good follow up!

5

I love hearing the stories involving lawyers. Especially the real ones. I've heard it said that you can't really have any sort of advantage with a "shark attorney" because of how straight forward divorce cases are. But I think it's more like how real estate agents on average make more money on average selling their own homes over selling their clients home. . There's this awesome one where this new rising attorney found out his new wife has been cheating on him and his firm immediately "circled the wagons" and went to war giving him their most brutal divorce lawyer. They took care of everything and when they had one of those meetings and the wife got absolutely demolished.

The first half was great. The second half a typical whore wife and a "tough" husband. It seems Carl has all sorts of nasty friends and is willing to be a thug when it suits him. He didn't outsmart Mandy as much as buried her. When she comes back she has been cowed into behaving, not particularly believable. Then the incredibly brilliant Carl is turn off from marrying anyone else, not so smart after all.

Carl is supposedly a savant. The second half didn't live up to that.

Too cliche for me. I was perfectly happy with the original ending like it did. 4.2*

In Law or Justice Part 3, Carl should expand his legal practice to family law and take on some betrayed husbands in their divorces.

This is simply another Deus ex machina

When I read the first story I had thought that him finding a killer as he did was a bit improbable. I liked learning that he was a criminal defense lawyer, him knowing people that knew people made more sense.

Great story just wish I was that smart and had the money for my cheating 3 ex wives (jaybee186)

I don’t like this. The author spent 3/4 of the tale establishing how smart and capable the MC is. Yet in the end the way how he used his intellect and knowledge was to forcible threaten his soon to be ex with forced slavery!!! Then why the long drawn out backstory if he was just gonna strong arm her in the end?

Pass

The introduction is basically trying to justify making your character mary sue. It's juvenile.

With those sort of brains very much doubt he would be a fuck arse lawyer!

How about more stories with the brilliant lawyer?

I liked the character Danvers and you should use him again in other stories. I did not like the ending and the threats made. It took away from your character who up to that time was doing really well as a hero. You turned him into an a**hole.

Carl's a great guy!

The nicest 'family' man since Puzo's character from a few decades back -- Michael Corleone.

Carl also resembles the (even farther back) RLS duo -- Jekyll and Hyde.

Both great classics so, if your character is gonna morph between chapters ... what other models could be better?

You think this is better than the first part? No man that intelligent, who has already been willing to murder, does what you wrote.

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Here’s a choice that’s no punishment at all, and then I’ll let you come back and corrupt my children.

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Not happening. The character you established for the MC would view raising his children with honor as paramount! He would NEVER allow them contact with an adulterer. She would just disappear, and he would tell them that she chose to leave her family. Which is true!

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ZK

Not very good. Biggest problem was total lack of any info regarding how and why Mandy and Carl met and married, and any info to explain why Mandy turned into a slut after having several kids and being married to a very successful guy. So way too much about who Carl was, and virtually nothing about who Mandy was.

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Her punishment was boring, actually. And story just skimmed over how it affected her.

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Oh well….barely worth 3 ***

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Loved this BTB ending - a lot!

Good one.

I loved this story. I especially liked the ending, where Carl ends up not getting married to a supermodel/sex kitten/charity worker/awesome human being, take your pick on the trope. I empathize w/ those that have learned not to trust, and a life with kids and no partner can be perfectly fine, even if not ideal.

"handbook on criminal defense tort" -- I've never heard of such a thing. Certainly not something lawyers would know about.

Hard to imagine a brilliant, "best of the best" law student going into criminal defense. It may have happened, but really hard to imagine. Just not where the money is and not where the most interesting law is practiced.

Reasonably well written, but a sterling example of why writers should not pander to their commentariat. They should write their own stories to please themselves.

Again.....FTDS....Carl and Mr. Bando hook up as a team to help other men with the same problem.....then you have many more chapters or stories! Keep on keeping on!

Well done....*5*

4 stars for the first chapter, 5 for the second. Two nice cases of a husband coming out on top. A bit of a trick too, with the first chapter and the lover dying I fully expected the wife would meet the same fate but did not. Also VERY glad you didn't try to have the wife return to Carl after her 6 month stint, I feel some authors would try to redeem or break her and have some reconciliation that is just a RAAC.

My comment on the previous chapter was simple: that it was well and tightly written, though I can't imagine hating someone so much that I'd risk going to prison for having him killed. That story is currently showing as scoring 4.45. Many of the comments on that one were along the lines of yeah, Nick was a scum, but perhaps didn't deserve to be killed, along with many saying that Mandy was the one who really needed to be punished. Through 125 comments, my impression was that most had been written by men whose ex-wives had cheated on them.

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This one? Not so good. Yeah, it's scoring 4.18 right now, 'cause the bitch got burned, but think of the conniptions through which it went. Carl was mostly anonymous in the first chapter, but in this he was a full-on Wile E. Coyote Super-Genius, with an IQ higher than Albert Einstein! He was the greatest defense attorney in Texas, winning otherwise unwinnable cases, but there's an undertone: in winning those cases, he's gotten acquainted with some really bad guys, which means that he won acquittals for some very guilty criminals. While everyone deserves a defense, is an attorney who wins acquittals for very guilty men really a good guy?

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Our genius defense attorney gives his burner phone to an assistant with instructions to destroy it? Maybe he ain't so smart after all.

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In the first chapter, Nick is telling Brody about Carl having tracked Nick and Mandy to his hotel room, pounding on the door and shouting, "'Open up Mandy, I know you're in there, open this door immediately.' He must have had some kind of tracking device on his phone. Mandy was hot, but certainly not the sharpest pencil in the box." What kind of cold and calculating super-genius attorney goes pounding on the door like that?

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"Martin and Millner of Dallas"? LOL! I immediately thought of Martin Milner, one of the actors on the old TV show Route 66.

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Then we have Mandy, who's described as just plain "stupid" and "it turned out she was about as dumb as a rock.". How does a guy with a genius brain wind up marrying a moron?

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Mandy was also described as "horny" and a serial cheater. Why was she a serial cheater? Could it be because Carl was more dud than stud? Well, maybe if she really was stupid, as described, she had little impulse control, but wouldn't that have meant that the previous "six-month affair that had ended a few months earlier when her Latin lover up and disappeared one day without a word.," was probably not her first?

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In writing this second chapter, you pretty much abandoned the tight writing of the first. I get that you were trying to satisfy the commentariat that wanted to see revenge on Mandy, and not just Nick, but this just wasn't your best effort.

Mr Taggert wrote, "Two nice cases of a husband coming out on top." Is that really what it takes to score well here?

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Well, yeah, I guess it is, because there are so many male readers who have been cheated on before and who believe that the courts reward unfaithful wives. The courts don't care if a wife has screwed around; they only care that the children are cared for and that one spouse is not left destitute. That's their mandate.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Amusing pay the piper chapter. Hey, it's only fiction.

Much happier in the originality of part one, this is just a bit rote.

I've never gone for the FTDS idea, you finish a story when YOU want. A definite end for some stories now knowing anything in some, and the difficult you sort of know what is going to happen but it might not. e.g. Think of the end of The Long Good Friday. The fear, the looking for options, the resignation? Bob Hoskins face was a much better end than seeing a body in a ditch. Likewise just who was the assassin in The Day Of The Jackal? (For Christ's sake not the Bruce Willis remake)

To be my normal pedant you used the term "Criminal Tort" is that not a contradiction in terms? I've only got an ONC, HNC level of business practice and law but I thought torts were always a civil wrong, not criminal acts?

I enjoyed part two. No long term plans that allow her to fuck and rub his face in it and no asshole trying to steal the kids with the slut, just take it or leave it.

I never really understand the rationale behind taking vengeance on the lover. The lover had no relationship with the wrong spouse. So they never had a duty to that spouse. Since they never had a duty in that duty, therefore cannot be violated there was really no treachery. However, the cheating spouse committed treachery. And should be dealt with accordingly.

I realise this is fiction and very entertaining, if a little OTT at that but the problem with having a MC who is one step short of a superhero is reconciling his superior intellect with his choice of a wife. Mandy reads like a mindless piece of what Americans call 'trailer trash' so how did she land such a great husband and how did he come to marry so far beneath himself? That aside it was a very absorbing read and well worth four stars.

JR

You’re a talented author, but I think the first chapter was perfectly fine as it was. I thought that this went a little too “by the book.” Carl is too perfect, Mandy was too stupid and malevolent. My interpretation of the first was that Mandy got drunk, fucked up, earned the divorce, and tried a Hail Mary when she tried to gut out some bravado.

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You’re the author here, and while I like that you clearly read the comments, I think you’re entitled to do as you wish.

What a joke. More than half the story was background setup info, that added nothing to the story. The rest was mindless BTB crap. 1*

Followed too set a pattern and therefore didn't have any emotion or suspense.

Nice follow up.

Great story, but wasn’t giving a cheating whore a six month sentence as an actual whore a little bit of throwing Br’er Rabbit in the briar patch punishment. Seems like she should be thrilled with Option one. I like both parts of the story as cheaters should always pay the piper.

There was far too much emphasis on the backstory in this chapter.

Why make Carl into a super genius that was smarter than Einstein? You don't have to be super smart to pay a hitman to off someone.

The forced prostitution seemed a bizarre way of punishing Mandy, because she'd be a psychological wreck after that, and then he was planning to expose his kids to her in that state?

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The best BtB stories punish the wife in two ways:

1) Make the consequences for her infidelity hurt for years after the divorce.

2) The husband moves on with a younger, better woman.

The first makes the ex-wife miserable. The second drives her insane with jealousy.

Good writing but the plot was too far out there for me.

Part 1 was great, and this part was okay. A little more processing of the fact the detective's wife was having an affair with the Police Chief, who ended up being her murderer, would have added to the story. In fact, just one conversation after the aborted trial between the legal wiz and his exonerated client would have brought better closure to that aspect of the story. Nonetheless, I enjoyed both submissions and appreciate the author posting them in LW.

Crazy and so over the top . Nothing here seemed real.

It was a good story, thanks. 5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐'s

Good, but what a waste of a beautiful mind. Even the best trial lawyers don't need a genius level IQ; indeed, I'm not even sure that would confer much advantage in criminal trial work. Too many other skills are needed to be really good in trial work: speaking ability, presence, street smarts, especially the ability to read people. And he needs some actual experience in court, which is often improvisational theater, rather than science or philosophy. He needs to try a few cases to see how it works in the real world.

Good sequel to the first chapter, but what genius shows his estranged wife the video of her lover getting snuffed? For lots of reasons, her exile to a Brazilian or Turkish whorehouse is a smarter choice. He can surely think of a way to protect himself from any blowback when people figure out that she has permanently disappeared. 4****

A vey good pic up! Loved it! Full Marks - 5

Overwritten ridiculous crap. Not sure if you missed any cliches, but you sure got most of them.

Just juvenile.

Did not care for this one. Liked the first part quite a bit. eh well.

As for some of the anons talking about 'cuck shit'. It's just a story people.

Maybe I just don't get it but I thought both chapters were fucking brilliant!! As 1 commenter said, he didn't think that Carl would have wanted his children raised by someone of such poor character as Mandy, option one would not have been offered. Just the needle and waking up in a foreign country. Please let us see more stories like this.

To comment on the previous poster where he stated that “The courts don't care if a wife has screwed around; they only care that the children are cared for and that one spouse is not left destitute.” is untrue since I know at least three men who had their wives cheat and in the divorce she got the house, the car, the kids, alimony and child support which left him without enough for a 1 room apartment. He had to get two other guys who were friends of his and were the other pair that were cheated on and screwed by the courts so they together were able to afford a two bedroom and one on the couch barely.

As far as the story went, I would have loved for this to continue on as this character was interesting and a lot of fun to read about. Five stars plus more.

Thomas

It's strange that doing this to someone would be punished less harshly than simply murdering someone when, objectively and subjectively, this is the far crueler crime.

I wouldn't have been great totally okay with it if he'd simply had her murdered, but having her raped repeatedly for half a year, well...I don't think I've ever really endorsed capital punishment, but I would for the ex-husband, and the pimp.

I was OK with original first story as is. This was not really needed and only page two at the end mattered. Somehow I still feel she got away easy. She had all the sex she wanted and it appeared she was not at risk of any real beatings. Almost like "nice" escort work.

Weak. Again avoiding the offended party taking action against the offender. Let's just have someone else do it conveniently. By having the AP murder her we ensure he is still the worst villain in the story. God forbid the cheater being held accountable by the cuck for her decisions.

This authors is both stupid and insecure. Fantastical scenarios where you wave your wand to make things happen. How? Oh you don’t need to know that. Trust me

Why would he even consider an Option #1? She was unforgivable.

I can only imagine your thought process in creating this was "how bad a story can I write and still score over 4.0 thanks to the BTB-incel crowd?"

Part one and part two didn’t mesh well It’s almost as though they were written by different authors or at least with two juxtapositions. The first was a serious and concise look at the audacious boasting of a predator and the dire consequence of his brazenly reckless behavior, through the eyes of a professional hit man specializing in the , I imagine , very lucrative business of vengeance of the emotionally distraught . The second part had an undertone of inexplicable satire, a mockery of the first , if you will . It was overly built up , then changed directions as it crescendoed over the top with out of character scenarios that seemed off key and forced . Like a tale of ‘ poetic justice ‘ produced by National Lampoon , directed by Salvador Dali and starring first year glee club drama students on a penny ante budget .

should have gone with option 2, its all she deserved

Harsh, but effective. Another 5.

Awesome, if only one could paint this fantasy into real life colour.

Great second part!!! 5 stars from here ;)

Good BTB

5/5

I liked the 1st part better. However, the options the slut was given was awesome. If only something like that would really work... Was rating this a 3, but then how she's brought down over the 6-7 months... 4 stars. Would've liked the 2nd part up to the point discussed eliminated & put to part 1. Oh well. Bob

Great setup of the superman MC, but at the end, the revenge or justice was just summarized. You told us she was sad, but showed us nothing. You told us that she was afraid and obeyed, but showed us nothing.

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And in the end, the MC was still broken and alone. You tell us about Liz, but show us nothing. We get no healing, no remorse, nothing. 3*

Oh a fitting ending, nice that she got what was coming to her.

so, It wasn't a fling with the asshole, a one time slip. No she was a serial cunt and never should have been given option 1. A whore is a whore and option 2 is what she deserved and good riddance.

Author, you should not pander to the BTB crazies to get good scores. Your first story was just fine, by 1, making the husband a genius, then 2, turning her into a prostitute, then the old faithful idea 3, of the wife not getting any money in the divorce and finally 4, the husband getting sole custody of the kids with either no, or limited visitation rights to the ex wife, you’ve made your story like thousands of others on this site. Your first rendition was unique, your second was boiler plate, and a waste of your talent.

Thanks for your time and effort. KS

Cool !

so infidelity turned a straight lace carl into a murder? idk u made carl a bit to clean for that.

Anonymous9 days ago

Author, you should not pander to the BTB crazies to get good scores.

what they said yeah u should have stopped after the first this chapter/part makes no sense

when did he even get married and have 3 kids? lol wow half down the last page u gave him 3 kids lol wth

so who is going to kill carl danvers? lol dude is worse than the ppl he "punished". guess the only thing that made sense is u made him a criminal lawyer. but the way u built him up doesnt fit the psychopath u turned him into. and the history double major? or was history his minor either way why history lol that was weird

Carl seems to be, at the least, some sort of closet sociopath. Certainly no honest, upstanding attorney. What kind of honest, ethical attorney knows these kinds of people that would kill other people, force a woman to be a prostitute, etc? And the entire subplot about saving the honorable cop from wrongful prosecution? That seemed to have absolutely no direct bearing on resolving the problem with his wife. Final revenge/BTB seemed way over the top.

Yeah, but she deserved it,silverthorne16. 5 stars, because I thought for sure the good cop had something to do with it. but still and all, a very good story. A little severe, but none of the bad guys were still walking around upright. Good by me. The Bear approves. More, please.

The BEAR

I side COMPLETELY with Carl, except the bitch didn't suffer anywhere near enough, she was a proud, unrepentant, cheating whore.