All Comments on 'Learning Slave Psychology Pt. 04'

by Carl_Bradford

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AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
Going really well

I really like your approach to the subject, usually these stories have everyone who is free treating the slave as subhuman with the slave (usually f) reacting positively towards that kind of abuse. Instead you have the free people acting fairly predictably but the slave is showcasing a truer response because they’re no less human or important than anyone else and clearly have their own thoughts on everything.

It makes the whole thing more plausible. I enjoy BDSM and Reluctance stories unfortunately I have to wade through tons of crap to find decent stories.

Thanks.

Tess (UK)

SlavePaulPetroskySlavePaulPetrosky8 months ago

I notice how much of this story is the first bit. You’re 1/3rd of the text and still only in the first day. I’ve started a story set at the very beginning of the events that lead to the 34th/43rd amendment. They are set some 60 years before that amendment, and some 60 years from now. I will take from your story pattern that much, if not all, of the story is both set up and initial events.

There is a major difference between the indenturing of only criminals that proceeds the amendment and the amendment which is hard on only over 18, the event preceding it, in my universe is sponsored by people afraid of their children, and one of the supporting states (Rangeland that is part of the Texas Federation) wanted to go down to 12, but the other 7 states held out for 16. The ten states of California went 18, and had a lot of other ameliorations that let that law get by the Supreme Court – after two years in place.

The other difference is that for girls indentured for a year or more pregnancy is a must.

No And at the beinging of a sentence if at all possible: together above my head. And I was stark naked, make that "slave naked"—absolutely all I had

I’d suggest this text change: Four 18- or 19-year-old guys, slave industry minimum, (you have to be that old to work in the slave industry), had hooked me up like this. Although I cooperated fully, they of course took

No brackets and fewer words.

New idea new paragraph at: Once I was secured, they cranked me high enough in the air to be clearly visible to the

New Paragraph at: As the name implies, the Cattle Wash had originally been built to wash livestock on the

You make a point at: highly-rated human slaves and especially those pretty slaves designated as "pleasure sluts."

Equally you need to work terms for the male equivalent. Given what this does to sexual mores I’d expect piety boi to fetch a good price, and Big D will want to get them too. That’s why I look forward to reading more male slave stories – particularly the ones that are ‘good looking’.

New paragraph I think at: This was still Day 1 of those 180. Then Judge Parker * who authorized my self-indenture had taken one look at my official slave photographs, ( taken when I foolishly underwent slave grading at age 18 ) and decided that anything that "Slave Hot" had to be a pleasure slut.

* include his name Judge Parker

Yes, there is judicial review of self indenture, but Judge parker seems extraordinarily slack not to have tweaked to something, unless voluntary self indenture is much more common that I’d expect.

New Paragarph at: I alternated between intense regret that I had agreed to this indenture and strong arousal

Good observation and it really supports the naritive, but she’s talking to herself without being in italics at: hadn't anticipated just how massively the experience would affect me. More data for my future as a slave psychiatrist.

This is mid September in Dallas, it’s still in the 90s during the day. I will question how cold the water is in: A high-pressure stream of cold water hit me, washing the sand off me but focusing on my

New Paragraph at: The older women, in particular, seemed to enjoy the sight of a young, pretty woman humiliated in this manner, cackling about the… ( choose your own epithet-slut, whore, bitch, skank, cunt, ) getting what she deserved.

I use an eclipsis to introduce your aside, and it should be in italics. Mind I’m not sure how much of a bother italics are in Litrotica.

You have her suspended with her arms above her head. Remember that is an asphyxiation pose, so Big D can only have somebody like that for less than 5 minuts, that’s one lung full of air for a life guard doing silent running. Anymore and they risk having the slave unconscious at:originally for cattle. Once my body was covered with this gritty junk, the rope was lowered just enough for me to put my bare feet firmly on the ground with my wrists still above my head.

With her feet on the ground the tension across her chest that impedes breathing is enough reduced she should be OK.

New Paragraph at: The tension on my arms pulled my 35C breasts up so they showed to best advantage. I

New idea new paragraph at: A random thought went through my distracted mind: "Literally" is a much-overworked word, but this young man "literally" got his hands on more of what he might call "sweet young pussy" in a week than most guys touched in their entire lives. I wonder if the market paid him or he paid the market for this job?

Where she’s talking to herself it’s italic time. I’ve commented in blue.

I like your discussion of her mental state, and how much erroticisim she’s being exposed to, and how she’s reacting to it.That thought gave me enough respite from erotic overload to regain some mental control.

I fully understand what she’s doing, but will most of the girls / women catch that drift? It’s a big ask at: I immediately plastered an expression of glazed sexual excitement on my face—

New Paragraph at: The guy who had spanked me now put a new disposable nozzle on a smaller hose and

At After what seemed like a gallon had entered me, he jerked the hose back out quickly, I think there should be a new paragraph.

Now my slave boi hero gets enemaed often enough, but he is over a grid so can squirt when told to. He has a constant flow into him (about 1 US gallon/min), and has to hold it for up to ten ‘hold it’s by his dominatrixii.

I would suggest a new paragraph at: No modesty for slave girls. They repeated the enema process before rinsing me down

The reason is the importance of Slaves NOT being allowed any modesty at all. That is critical.

They are more particularly not allowed any pride.

The house where I’m writing has a serious problem with a sex slave (there 2013 – 2018) who is proud, very, very proud of his wonderful sexy male body. In the end they put him on the needle making him a shemale, and sell him without circumcising, ringing or branding him.

In doing so they make a point of not claiming him as one of theirs.

I’m almost surprised that Circle D doesn’t do something like that for the sandy foot girls and boii. Possibly a guiche ring or inserted bit of metal. Or simplest and most permanent a tattoo someplace private.

No brackets please at: Handler Bob, (whom I had to call "Master", ) resumed control of me.

New Paragraph at: I found it rather ironic my slave processing should include an examination that I myself

You’ve missed that there are computers, and Nikki will be listed as indentured. Yes it’s a different department, but they should catch on in 48 hours after they get the application via US Snail, or in about 3 weeks at: I had mailed my application for a license as a slave veterinarian just this morning, when I was still free. (The state didn't care about residency for this field). I knew it would go to a completely different office of the Agriculture Department, so that Becky Lou Bundy would never connect the ditsy bimbo

Not sure how much of the paragraph beginning: I had to tell my body to relax, that I couldn't do anything to defend myself. In fact, if the should be italic, but most of it. Certainly Thank heaven I'd studied yoga. I wonder if this spread-eagle position could be designated as a new yoga position—"Slave Surrender" perhaps?

You have: took various blood and fluid samples for STDs. In my stories it’s not just tests for STDs it vaccines against them, and that’s a big fight in the Texas Federation and other states because of the strength of the anti-vaxer movement from the Trump era.

This raises interesting questions: The IUD he inserted wasn't really necessary, Does this occur in the amendment? Or is it just routine practice. The question is what’s the sales value of a healthy baby by a sex slave? At the time of my stories it’s about 20,000 in 2020 US$ (adjust for inflation as you please I’m using a factor of 20 but that may be low) .

New paragraph at: Crap! I'd forgotten that some slave markets implanted timed-release hormone mixtures to

At the most dramatic point in this sequence you put an ‘and’ at the beinging of a sentence. NO at: needed any help with that. And I hadn't checked the Physician's Desk Reference to see if those

I’d change it to: I didn't want to out myself, but this was an emergency. I nodded and looked at him, imploring him to silence.

I’d change your text to: That reminds me of something else. Are you going to turn her over to the night shift?"

No brackets, and it’s in italics she’s talking to herself or the reader at:(Why was I strangely pleased by such a crude compliment?)

New Paragraph at: “I've already had to patch up a few sluts after the night crew played too rough, and this

No brackets at." ( This was all pseudo-medical bull____ but sounded to me as if Swenson was trying to protect me from a full-on gang bang. To keep up the act, I smiled vacantly and, when Bob's head turned away, gave my fellow physician a wink back.)

Kill the AND at the beginning of the sentence at: time to adjust when they first push inside her, and so on. And Don't go at her too long, so she can

The speech tag is part of the speech sentence at: "Absolutely. Follow me, cheerleader cunt," said Bob. He had taken to calling me that

I feel that another paragraph begins at: About an hour later, the muscular guy, whose nametag read "Jeff Talbert," came for me, cuffing

Again no brackets at: Over a period of about two hours, five guys, (I think; may have lost count,) had me,

This should be well known, and so not an issue, but I’m equally certain some ‘religious girls’ nailed for illegal abortions, or more likely drunk driving causing property damage or what have you have real trouble with it, they’re supposed to NOT have sex except with husband that they may or may not have.

I still don’t like buts at the beginning of sentances, but it is much better than an “and”. How does it look at: absorbed eight loads of semen, although again I was rather distracted at the time. But They were

It is just such a long paragraph I’m a 3 – 5 line man myself: Cut at: I know, that's an odd description for a bunch of guys forcing themselves upon a helpless

New Paragraph at: One guy even whispered that he had "always wanted to fuck a cheerleader" but that I was "more beautiful than any of the girls where I went to school."

This raises interesting questions about the guy. It also shows the guys are being ‘romantic’ under the circumstances. They are respecting her as a slut slave, that’ is fucking her generously, but also with a degree of gentelness.

How the girl from the Grand Theft Auto Pair in Adjusting My Attitude did in this circumstance would be very different, assuming she was an extra night in the Big D. She’d have been a week in Abilene while her ass healed up?

In my fiction the boii pick the aloe vera leaves and hand them to Ms. Gonzalez a naked dom who runs them through the rollers, getting covered in aloe vera juice that makes her glow. She is firmly of the opinon that that drives Mr. Gonzalez, her slave of 30 years, wild.

A little gramer change, the use of gerand lets you save a word, an “AND” at: thrill when the person fellating him smiles around his prick and staring es worshipfully at his

I’d add an or at: I gave them more pleasure than they would have gotten with a more passive, or reluctant woman.

The fix to get rid of brackets is: and one pair of guys reached that point simultaneously while they were—( I’ll just say it, Nikki! )—spit-roasting me.

The use of italics is needful since she’s talking to herself, likely while typing up the paper.

There are issues from: It was hard to breathe for a few minutes, and I began to worry that my tush and vagina would.

First the blue makes me realize that Nikki isn’t a swimmer, espesually a life guard type swimmer who does ‘silent running’ – extended swims without breathing, usually at the bottom of the pool.

There is also an ‘and’ that is fully justified since it joins a second clause to the first, but the ‘few minutes’ is not repeated so it’s needed. I’ve marked it as needful by underlining it, which is to be taken as ‘sic’ in my computer generated manuscripts.

A wonderful note at: If you've read this far, you know that sometimes my mind went in ridiculous directions in the heat of all this sexual attention and domination. That

My worry is that my hero’s brain wonders all over the place, or to the same places over and over again in the manuscript. One of the things I’ll want opinion on is when a reference to a previously discussed subject is one or more too many!

New Paragraph at, or near: In this case, I needed to modify the statement so that it read "Nikki Sheldon was had by

let me brush my teeth This is a major issue in my fiction. They boii don’t get to brush their teeth, at least not when they’re only at the Ranch for four days. They may get to sometime during the day when they’re there longer. It is unlikely right before bedtime which is when I do it so they’ll be clean longest.

Note also my slave boii are only fed once a day unless they’re at the Ranch for more than five days. If they don’t get more food they do loose too much weight.

New Paragraph at: The authors would be Theodore L. Sheldon (my dad) and Slut 3803 (my formal

I will note that this bit of comedy is really important to the writing as it lifts the reader into the next chapter.

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