All Comments on 'Learning Slave Psychology Pt. 08'

So Allen becomes a slave for ten to twenty years, and with his attitude he will probably have a really hard time while coming to terms with his enslavement. Sounds like a future client for our slave psychiatrist ;)

Phenomenal chapter, loved the turnabout at the end. Agree with the previous commentor, he's either be doing hard time in a mine somewhere or "hard" time as someone's extra-challenging sadism project. Note that I left out the "masochism" part, lol.

I enjoy Nikki’s thoughts about her experiences and her dedication. The deeper explanation of the circumstances surrounding the need to have been a slave makes complete sense, especially if viewed as a sort of “internship.” Many drug and alcohol counselors choose that path as a result of their own addictions, and as a way to stay clean and sober by helping others. It’s a requirement for a degree to intern in a treatment facility. It is not, however, a requirement to become an addict or alcoholic, thank goodness! I’m guessing that the usual pathway involves a prior INvoluntary enslavement, leading someone to then decide to service this client base. Personally, I’d have advised postponing the six-month stint to later in her career, allowing her to gain some general maturing experience in her field before going on to specialize.

I love Nikki’s intelligence and positive attitude. It’s an common and annoying feature that so many otherwise bright people seem to go out of their way to choose behaviors designed to make their lives in their new situations as difficult as possible. It’s refreshing to see Nikki actively making the best of her current path.

But exploring Nikkis Submissive side with Paul interests me the most.

I really can't help it... My preference is just BDSM... noncon only comes second.

Wunderfull chapter. Wunderfull story. 5*

This isn't just a torture story.

You can see what Nikki is learning from all of this, and the way you write her reflections on her situation is interesting. I actually work in mental health IRL, and while no previous mental health problems are a job requirement it's a good excuse to get her into this situation in the first place, and it makes her perspective a unique one.

I love that in the previous chapter we learn in a not overstated way that she's eventually high up enough to decide if someone gets a promotion or not.

I'm glad you wrote a chapter where some guy tries to hate fuck her, but get's stopped, because that level of extreme makes the world unbearable.

And I think others have commented on this, but it's nice seeing a story where a girl goes into this stuff trying to make the best of it, rather than having her fight at every turn and have to be "broken."

You've made a very interesting story within this world, and I personally look forward to it everyday.

There are always going to be arseholes like him, they aren’t always Male either. Honestly you’d think that in a reality where committing a crime can result in being enslaved or as a sex slaves that people might be more careful about this sort of shit.

That said I don’t think there would be a reduction in sex offences, most criminals have the ego that tells them they won’t get caught for whatever it is that they’ve done.

At least in this case Nikki has enough variety to stimulate her mind to keep her from going into shock. It makes me wonder what kind of oversight there actually is if a brothel can legally chain a slave to a bed for 12 hours a day, how can that sort of treatment do anything other than induce a catatonic state? How many slaves facing a sentence can cope for long enough to survive it instead of killing themselves? It’s the blasé attitude present in other slave based stories that I find really cringeworthy.

I did like the point made about men wanting to fuck a free woman instead of a slave, from a psychological point of view it’s highly relevant.

Tess (UK)

See the above comment about a major faux pas of telling not showing. That results in needing a new paragraph at:that I really liked him, to which she replied

"Well, Duh! Everyone knows that. It's also no secret that Paul feels the same way about you—when he rented you out, he was so tense it seemed as if he were walking on hot coals until you came back. You just need to tell him how you feel."

New Paragraph at: Being a submissive and a slave had really played havoc with my self-confidence and initiative;

And see above about the over uses of really.

Secons pass (First one was end of day, which wasn’t a really good idea). She writes this up in the year of her manumission thus it is This Year, not that year in: was 108 days; the remaining 72 days would expire on March 14, which fell on a Friday that this year.

Cut the comment then new Paragraph at: finished after-care. , he remarked,

"I'm really going to miss you, Nikki." That was a nice start, but then he ruined it: "You're

You have Nikki talking to herself so it should be in italics at: Oh, great. What a romantic thing for a woman to hear from the man she idolizes . "A fantastic piece of ass and a nice person." Put that on my tombstone if you want, but it's not going into my report of my slave experience. Guess Cheri read him completely wrong—he's just another horny guy who likes to fuck cheerleaders.

I’m not sure about the quote marks around ‘A fantastic…nice person’. I think it’s only an apostrophe not a quote mark.

This is a very good piece of writing at: On Thursday the 13th, Cheri woke me up early to tell me that Lily from XYZ Bank was borrowing me for one more trip to the Livestock and Slave Division. Expletive deleted!

It shows Paul’s reluctance to end the relationship he has with Nikki without any clunkyness.

Two paragraph chantes, one insert and then one taken away or is it one moved at: Throughout my servitude, I had tried to maintain a cheerful attitude and eagerly comply with instructions, but this unexpected duty when I was almost free was the last straw. Lily tried

New Paragarph at: When we got to the Ag Department building, she ordered me to remove my poncho and leave it in the car.

It isn’t in these stories, set in Texas, but the northern states will need something heavier than a poncho for the seriously cold weather than can kill well dressed persons in minutes (if they’re dumb enough to go outside). Again that’s another story.

In my fiction getting a leash on the collar is increadably erotic to my slaves (at least prior to 2080). I would suggest that as Nikki’s submissiveness grows the level of erotic arousal she expereances when she’s leashed up increases as the story progresses. By the time you get to: then she clipped a leash to my collar, It should be fairly prominent with her dripping because of arousal.

Note that Trinity State Slaves are on sufficient Cealis (For males) and perhaps what ever the pink pill, that does the same for girls is when it comes out, that they’re always horny to excruciatingly erect.

Put the speech first then describe it at: “Honestly, Nikki, I don't like this either, but you don't know what's going on here." In an exasperated tone, she turned to me whispering. and whispered,

New Paragraph at: When we were admitted to his inner office, he shook hands with Lily while I knelt, thighs wide apart and my hands still secured, to the left of his desk, facing him.

This paragraph is right and wrong in equal measure and that measure is extremely large: It was just part of my loss of status, an acknowledgement of my inferiority as a slave.

It is right in that you are campaigning as an abolisitionist who is fascinated by what you oppose. I fully understand and support this.

It is totally wrong in that after six months she should be feeling free, unencumbered by clothing, the object of desire by all of those judgemental bureaucrats. She should be becoming mentally a sex slave, particularly as she is participating in BDSM activities.

It was just part of my loss of status, an acknowledgement of my inferiority as a slave.

This becomes a problem because you are telling far far far too much and not showing nearly enough

I’ll tell you again I put speech first, and then its description. More in this case the reaction to the speech must be after the speech is made:"Much as I am tempted, Ms. Sheldon, I would never ask a free woman to abase herself to me." His reply startled me. So saying, he showed me that the Certificate of Manumission Document he had just authenticated. It read, "completion of indenture, Nicola A. Sheldon, March 13, 2140 20XX.I’ve changed a few words, and put a date in.

In my fiction Car Dunker swears the Oath of Manumission from Submission, which is the same as she swore when she entered her indenture only with the meanings and words reversed. So if you were to do the same then Nikki would have to swear out the reverse of the oath you give her, not that it’s much but like the oath renouncing US Citizenship it works.

As I’ve argued several plasces I disagree with your writing:So saying, he showed me that the document he had just authenticated read, "completion of indenture, Nicola A. Sheldon, March 13, 20XX. 2140" The date is my best guess, with the amendment being in 2120.

You need to change tense at: I was horrified—somebody had goofed,

I’d change your wording at: Lily's giggle sounded particularly cruel to me. "It's official; Nikki you’ve has gone so slave stupid that she can't even count." My panic deepened, and then my grad school advisor,

I have issues with AND. My principal POV character and nominal author of the major work undergoes a session of writing a paragraph three times a week with Mistress English in his high school, that he’s in while writing his magnum slave journal.

Her criticisim of his writing is he uses far too many ‘and’s so he elminates all of them he can. The easiest way to do that is use the gerand Something- ing, not the and something.

Make of this comment what you will, but I’m more concerned with keeping my word count down.

You write: "Six months wearing Paul's collar has turned my brightest student into a slave bimbo with an I.Q. equal to room temperature.

This brings to mind an issue I’m having in my BCR stories. I have to remember that everything is United States Custsomary Units, not System International that I usually write in. I do show that persisting until 2080, but not 2105 (which doesn’t have a lot of measurement in it).

Try it as I suggest. It’s Lily talking to Nikki, not someone else and that’s important at this instant.A look of compassion crossed Lily's face: "You’ve Have you forgotten that this is a leap year?"

You write: Lily removed my collar, urged me to stand, and removed my cuffs.

What no Anklets? No Nine Inch Spike Heels? I’m disappointed 

I’d cut the and at: want them to see you slave naked, do you?" That jolted me into action. , and a After six months the normal modesty of an adult woman returned with a vengeance. I flushed all over at

Now this is something I’m going to question if Nikki would be fully that quick to recover from her exhibitionist state. It might be something she’s a little more comfortable with.

This is not to say that it is large or permanent. Nikki hasn’t been a slave a long, long time. But I’d expect people like Blake when they finally do dress are almost uncomfortable in doing so since it is now change.

New Paragraph at: I flushed all over at having Stavely and my Prof see me naked. I scrambled into my

I presume these items were held by Professor Hal Walker, but it’s not critical that you say so. Or would something else be appropriate, a more stylish dress perhaps?

then gratefully accepted the frumpy sweater and long skirt that I had shed when I was enslaved

This is the first time you mention food and you’re well into the outwash of the story. See my general comments: Then my parents and the Prof took me off to the most elegant lunch I had had in six months, if not six years.

A friend had the ultimate parental nightmare. Both his adult sons moved back in in their 30s due to financial situations going south: It's always disorienting for an adult child to return to live, even temporarily, in his or her parents' home

New Paragraph at: For two days I stayed in my room except when my mother called me to dinner or asked me to watch the PBS Evening News with her and Dad (ask any psychiatrist—watching that show

I’m a little surpised you show only two days, perhaps two weeks would be better. But it’s not critical. It is a finite amount of time, not an indefinite amout of time.

My SF&F friend finds your comment: asked me to watch the PBS Evening News with her and Dad. ( Ask any psychiatrist—watching that show is a predictable part of the lives of academics and intellectuals ). On the third day, very interesting.

That leads him to questions about those enslaved, have they been part of the heard, or of the intellectual / academic class. What fraction of slaves are ‘heard’ and how tiny a fraction aren’t? That’s another story but it rings loud in this one at this point. Trouble is there is naught to do about it in this story.

What my BDSM Slave Hero does is bring change to the Great House he enters. The result is that everybody there, including him, is doing a great deal of extremely hard emotional work. They are adjusting who they are, and what they will be. Sometimes he pushes, and when he does it is profoundly hard. The Great House Safety Officer is asked if she really wants to be a Dominatrix, and if she does he asks her to be one, offering his side to be branded. Even at three days there he knows it will be, but not for six or eight years yet.

This makes my understanding of: I was able to tackle the emotional task of writing a report on what I had learned while wearing a collar. A bit of writing he much enjoyed.

Adding a word again at: It was a much less lurid version of the tale you're now reading.

You write: on the details of my first night in captivity, when I had been the pink filling in a five-man gang-bang sandwich of all three of my openings , and the day when my ex-college classmate had raped me in his bank office.

My female slaves, and I have two, but haven’t gotten either to the point where they get fucked in the pee hole. This is something that is reserved for Master or Mistress, not a fellow slave – but the other holes are for use by your fellows. You don’t have this happen to her, but it’ll be something she sees in her practice.

Also you miss her being filled in all three holes at one time.

For this I recommend you see Thors Fist’s A Taste of Slavery where it is a large part of the story.

In your text her reaction to this rape is minimal, yet in the report of it you maximize it. I’d reconsider both of those and find different wordings, but in the text you write the correct legal view of the event, and that also needs to be retained and negated at a human to human level.

Deleate as shown: to rest.”

She went on: "I'm happy

I’d add a bridge word, also, at: "Well, I meant Mr. Sousa, but I should also add the two people who helped you in the

New Paragraph at: “At the very least, though, you need to look up all three of these men, take them out for coffee,

I would change ‘ment’ to ‘want’ at: "I really want meant to talk about Paul Sousa, though. I know you didn't have any choice about sexual relations with him, so I'm not criticizing you or him. But, it's very obvious that you are drawn to him as a person and as a man." she went on

Also move the ‘she went on.’ And kill the brackets after it.

The other word I particulary hate / cut out of my writing is but and espesually at the start of a sentence in a paragaraph (I’m a little more leaniant when it is the start of a paragraph) so you can do: the size of his equipment. But My mother is nobody's fool, which is why she's such a good shrink.)

New Paragraph at: “You already know all the reasons why this could be a difficult relationship—he's

Added a word: After several more drafts, I printed it off in hardcopy (I'm sort of traditional about that)

New paragraph and start it with the speech. I’d suggest it looks like this: "I need to thank you again for your help in getting me enslaved—lord, that sounds perverted!” After he accepted the paper, I sat back and said: But

I also need the truth from you. When you showed up on the day I was released, you mentioned my owner by his first name, something about 'Paul's collar' on me.

Again kill the but.

Move the paragraph to:How come you know Paul Sousa?" He sighed.

"I was afraid you would pick up on that slip.

On reconsidering, Third time through, I saw how important: "For two of my three years on the chain gang, Paul was the next guy in the coffle” is.

One of the issues the amendment will bring is that coffles will yield powerful permanent friendships that are as strong as Trench Buddies or Foxhole buddies, Depending on the army and the war. In this story that is a very good thing, but how many of those friendships are between men who will never leave a life of crime.

Coffles are where criminal gangs will form, and they will be absolute buggers to deal with. You may want to include some of that in one of your stories.

It is clear, having read a significant sample but not all of your stories, that you hate the kind of slavery you’re talking about here as much as Nikki does.

The story issue this brings is will her hatred of slavery cause her to make misjudgements in her practice of slave psychiatry? I can’t be sure but you don’t show any in what I’ve read to date. More what would that look like? See: my permission before playing with me—he must hate slavery as much as I do."