Leave In Silence

I come for you in the first light of the morning...

Natalie looked at herself on the three-way mirror, turning this way and that, not sure she liked the way the slinky black material hugged her hips. It made her look--large. Not petite like the rest of David's family, like his perfectly formed sisters who pretended to be happy she was marrying their brother.

David. She smiled a little at the thought of the way his blue eyes were always laughing.

"So what do you think?" David's youngest sister came up beside Natalie in the mirror, the contrast between the two of them making Natalie's stomach hurt. God! Why was she so insecure?

"I don't know," Natalie said, her shoulders drooping.

"It's up to you," Penny said, her eyebrows raised.

Natalie shrugged and returned to the dressing room to change. It was the fourth dress she'd tried on today, and no matter the style, every dress made her look like a voluptuous sexpot.

After dressing Natalie hung the slinky dress back on its hanger, letting her fingers trail down the silky soft material. The sight of her blunt fingernails abruptly brought Dennis to mind.

He loved her long fingernails, the way she'd run them up and down his back while they--

"Natalie? We're going to be late if you don't hurry up." Penny's irritated voice jolted Natalie out of her reverie.

"I'll be right there," she called, wondering what Dennis was doing now. The last she'd heard he and the band were embarking on a tour, but that was nearly two years ago.

Hurriedly, she grabbed the dress and left the dressing room, plastering a smile on her face as she joined her soon to be sister-in-law by the check out.

"You're actually going to buy that dress?" Penny's snarky, amazed tone more than anything else made Natalie whip out her debit card and hand it to the employee.

"Yes. David will like it."

"Maybe, but Mom sure won't."

"Good thing I'm not marrying your mother then, huh?" Natalie accepted the neatly wrapped dress and walked toward the exit, ignoring Penny's annoyance. Why had she agreed to go shopping with her anyway?

Because David wanted her to, of course. "I want you to get to know my sisters, Natalie," David had said just that morning. "I know you'll like them."

Right. Natalie already knew it'd be a cold day in Hell before she 'liked' any of David's three sisters, and vice versa. He had a huge blind spot when it came to the women in his family. He probably couldn't even fathom the idea that one of his sisters or mother might be unkind.

She did care for David, she really did. Whether it was actually 'love' was something she didn't worry about. At this point in her life she longed for someone to love her, to care for her. And David certainly seemed to fit the bill. He was handsome and steady, with a good job as a financial consultant. And if sometimes he was a bit stodgy, well, nobody was perfect, right?

"When are you going to wear that dress?" Penny was still going on and on about the damn dress, totally oblivious to the fact that Natalie really didn't want to talk about the dress, she didn't care about the fucking dress, she'd only bought it to irk the other woman.

She opened her mouth to suggest they leave the mall when she saw him coming out of an electronics shop. Dennis. For a moment she couldn't breathe, thought maybe her heart had stopped. People passed, blocking her view, but she never took her eyes off him, couldn't take them off him. And as if he felt her hot gaze, felt her eyes caressing his skin, he looked right at her.

Lightning struck, pinning her feet to the floor, dropping the bottom out of her stomach. All she saw was him. He hesitated, as if trying to decide whether he could pretend not to see her, but finally he sauntered toward where she stood frozen, fingers clutching the dress in its plastic covering.

Beside her Penny blathered on about something, but it was as if she spoke a foreign language.

He came close enough for her to see the stubble on his cheeks, to recognize the shirt that clung to his chest as one she'd given him. A warm feeling started in her toes and travelled up her legs.

"Hey, Nat," he said, looking her over. "It's been a while." His eyes were wary despite the friendly words.

"Two years," she said, and cringed, appalled at the coldness of her voice. He blinked, as if he wasn't expecting hostility from her, and she hastened to undo the damage. "It's good to see you, Dennis."

"Yeah." He shifted his gaze to Penny, who was watching the interplay with a perplexed expression.

"Oh. This is Penny. Penny, this is Dennis. An old--friend." Natalie stammered, blushing when Dennis raised his pierced eyebrow.

"Yeah," he said sardonically. "We're old friends." His mouth twisted, and she was sure Penny knew they weren't just old friends.

"Hi." Penny turned to Natalie. "We really need to get back," she said, trying to get Natalie to start moving, even going so far as to lay one cool hand on Natalie's wrist.

"You go ahead, Penny," Natalie said, barely looking at her.

"What? Natalie, dinner's at six, you know that."

"I'll be there. Don't worry." Dennis's eyes were dark and questioning, and truthfully, Natalie was questioning herself as well. What was she doing? What if he didn't want to talk to her and was just being polite? What if--

"There's something I need to talk to Dennis about."

"What do you want me to tell David?" The words enter Natalie's ears like a poisonous hiss, matched only by the malice in Penny's eyes. She spoke to the other woman emphatically.

"That I'll see him at dinner, Penny. Take this for me, please." She thrust the dress at Penny, not even looking at her.

And then it was just her and Dennis. He looked at her, hands stuffed in the pockets of his wrinkled pants. His hair was short on the sides, longish on top, such a change from how he used to wear it, and that more than anything else made her aware of how very long it had been.

"Who's David?" How like him to cut right to the heart of it.

She shook her head. "Not you," she said, surprising herself. Her emotions were a jumbled mix; all she was certain of was that she wanted to be next to him. As close as he'd let her.

He blinked. "Uh, okay. Not sure what that means, but whatever."

Natalie cursed silently. She was totally messing this up. "I--can we go somewhere and catch up? I--I've missed you." So much. More than I thought I could ever miss anyone. And I didn't even know it until right this moment.

"Uh. I dunno," he said slowly, looking off to one side, shuffling his feet.

"Oh. You--you're involved with someone?" She could barely force the words past her stiff lips. Please, don't let him be in love with someone else.

"No," he said flatly. "I just--I'm just not sure I want to go there again, you know?"

Natalie flushed. "I--I know, Dennis, but how about for old time's sake?" She tried to smile, mouth trembling at the effort.

Dennis scoffed and pointed at the ring on her finger. "What about that? Isn't that an engagement ring?"

"Oh. Yeah, I guess so." She glanced down at the oversized diamond, felt a sudden urge to rip it off.

"You guess? Damn, Natalie. Are you screwing with this guy's head, too?"

"What about you? Still getting drunk and sleeping with every skinny slut who comes to your lousy show?"

He scowled, lip curling. "Why the fuck do you care what I do?"

"I don't," she lied, lifting her chin, because he could always see right through her.

Dennis's eyes probed hers. "What do you want, Natalie?"

"Just--just to talk. I don't want there to be any hard feelings between us." she said, her voice barely audible. I've missed you, Den.

"Okay," he said, and her heart beat a little faster when he didn't move away from her, when he let her hand remain on her arm. "I was just on my way to grab something to eat. Wanna come with?"

A few minutes later they were seated across from each other at a tiny round table in the Food Court, most tables crowded with kids and families, since it was Saturday.

"That all you're gonna eat?" Dennis pointed at the small salad in front of Natalie, then gestured at his meal of burger and fries.

"I've gained a little weight," she said, which made him frown.

"No, you haven't. You look good." He took a huge bite of his sandwich and spoke with his mouth full. "Somebody sayin' you're fat?"

"No, it's just--" She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Tell me what you've been doing. How did the tour go?" Taking off the cover of the salad, she half-heartedly poked at it with the plastic fork. Limp lettuce and stale croutons, artificial tasting dressing and curls of dry cheese presented an unappetizing plate.

"The tour. What a fucking joke that turned out to be. You remember Lenny, our supposed manager, right?" Dennis wiped his mouth with a napkin. "He totally screwed us over. We had to cancel the tour because there was no money."

"Lenny stole it?" Natalie remembered a skinny rat-faced guy who'd seemed too timid to do anything illegal.

"Yeah, and then skipped town. There was nothing we could do." He shrugged.

"Do you still play at the clubs?" Natalie smiled, remembering all the times she'd been in the audience while he sang right to her.

"Nah. We had a little...personnel problem not long after all that shit," he added, his gaze off to the side, maybe on that pretty girl playing on her phone, maybe on no one. Maybe he just didn't want to look at her.

"Oh, Dennis. I'm sorry." She wanted to reach across the table and take his hand but tightened her grip on the plastic fork instead.

"Don't be. I'm working with this keyboard guy I met. It'll happen. In the meantime, I've got some things going on." He gathered up the trash, raising his eyebrows but saying nothing when Natalie gave him her uneaten salad to throw out.

"Like what? A new band?"

"Not yet. I'm bartending a couple of nights a week." Natalie felt a sadness; music had always been such a huge part of Dennis, she wondered how he could stand it.

"You're writing music, I'm sure." She meant to be encouraging, but he didn't say anything, and she felt bad.

After tossing the trash, he gave her a look. "You need a ride somewhere?"

Natalie caught herself staring at the ring in his lip and tried to cover up with a smile. "Um, sure."

The mall was getting even more crowded, mostly with teenagers on the prowl, the girls dressed in as little as possible and the boys slouching around with sneers, trying to look cool.

Dennis's car was the same heap she remembered, an ancient red Toyota with so much rust it was a miracle the vehicle stayed together. As always, though, it was neat as a pin inside, not one speck of trash anywhere. She'd always found that so cute, the way he was careful to clean up any mess. He'd told her once that it was because he'd been beaten too many times for forgetting to pick up his socks or clear the table, and now it was a habit, where once it was a defense.

Natalie, not for the first time, considered the disparities in their upbringings. She'd been shuffled from foster home to foster home while Dennis had lived with his parents and siblings, yet she was hard pressed to decide whose childhood was worse. Not that she'd told him much, but being occasionally loquacious, he'd shared a little about being the youngest and smallest of four brothers who'd picked on him mercilessly.

Now, as she slid onto the torn fabric seat and slammed shut the door, she couldn't help but mentally shake her head. What in the hell was she doing?

"So..." He dragged out the word, glancing quickly at her before inserting the key into the ignition. "Uh, so where do you want me to take you?"

He sounded nervous; could he be regretting offering her a ride? The urge to kiss him washed over her, a flush covering her body, moving her to act. Boldly, she leaned over and kissed him. His eyes widened and then he kissed her back, his hands tangling in her hair, his tongue finding hers. It was so familiar, so amazing, so right.

When the kiss ended, he said nothing, their faces mere inches away. His eyes, a deep pool of mossy green, held hers captive. Her eyes roamed over his face, his dear familiar face.

Slowly his fingers slid from her hair, trailing down her arm, sending shivers up and down her spine. She saw him swallow, felt the heat emanating from his body. Her own body flared with desire, with the knowledge that he still wanted her, that she still wanted him.

Without a word he turned the key and started the car, smoothly exiting the parking lot. Natalie leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes, reliving every moment of the kiss, feeling again the delicious pressure of his mouth on hers. What this meant she had no idea, but she didn't care, all she cared about was the way he made her feel.

When he pulled into the driveway of a tiny bungalow, she turned to him in surprise.

"No more couch surfing, huh?"

"Oh, I got one, I just don't have to sleep on it anymore." He grinned and for a second, she thought he would kiss her again but to her disappointment it didn't happen.

"Dennis in the suburbs. Who would've thought?"

"I know, right?" He laughed, and she did too. It felt good, right, even, to laugh with him.

When she got out of the car, she took a few minutes to look around. The neighborhood was one she'd never been to before--very residential with lots of big trees and older cars. The house itself was smaller than its neighbors, with faded yellow paint and a huge oak tree that shadowed the porch. When she saw the tire swing hanging from one gargantuan branch, Natalie clapped her hands together in delight.

"Oh my God, Den! I've got to try it out." Kicking off her sandals, she dashed across the neatly trimmed grass and climbed on the tire. Or she tried to. She ended up sliding off and landed on her butt in the grass.

"Nice, Nat," Dennis said, laughing. "Real nice."

She stuck her tongue out at him and tried again, with more luck this time. "Come push me."

He obliged, his hands lingering a little on her hips as he shoved her into a gentle arc.

"One of the foster homes I stayed at had a swing just like this," she said, gazing up into the underbelly of the tree. Branches crisscrossed sky, filled with dense green leaves. The swing slowed, and from the corner of her eye she could see Dennis watching intently.

"It was old, left over from when the Wilson's kids were little. By the time I got there the rope was frayed and the tire was covered with old bird poop, but I didn't care. Mrs. Wilson gave me a rag and I cleaned the bird shit off and the swing was mine." Natalie slid off the swing and walked around the tree, trailing her fingers across the rough bark. "I loved that swing. It was the only good thing about that place."

Dennis watched her, saying nothing, not even when she hesitatingly moved closer. A breeze ruffled her hair, and her heart stuttered when he reached out one hand to brush the hair off her face. She closed her eyes at his touch, a desperate longing filling her to the brim.

XXX

After, she couldn't remember how they got inside the house and into the bedroom, only the exquisite sensations he awakened in her body. It was as if she'd been slumbering, hibernating, waiting only for him to bring her back to life.

He kissed every inch of her body, sliding his hands across her skin over and over, greedy for all of her. Pushing him back onto the bed, she went down on him, making him gasp and grab her head. He only let her suck him for a few minutes before pulling her up beside him.

"I want to come inside you," he said, his voice shaky. He grabbed her hips as she climbed on, both shuddering at the penetration.

She lay down on top of him and kissed his mouth, his throat. Tangling his fingers in her long hair, he tugged on it. "Do you still like this?" He must have seen something in her eyes because he rolled her over and pulled harder, in time with his thrusts, and the mixture of pleasure and pain sent her hurtling over the edge.

Dennis brushed her hair back from her face, ran a finger down her cheek to her lips. She kissed his finger, smiling a little.

"I always loved that little smile of yours," he said, turning on his side to look at her. "So smug. So cute."

Natalie giggled and tugged on one of his nipple rings. "I'm glad you still have these."

He grabbed her hand and bit it, then licked her palm, running his tongue between each finger. She could feel him pressing against her leg.

"God, Dennis, already?" But she was smiling, pleased that she could still affect him like this.

"Fuck yeah, Nat. You're the only one who can make me this hot." He kissed her mouth, biting her lip hard enough to leave a bruise.

"Ow, you monster, that hurt!" She smacked at him, letting out a little scream when he grabbed her and rested his full weight on top of her.

"You like it when I hurt you," he said, and she couldn't deny it. There was just something about mixing pleasure and pain that really turned her on, that made her feel as if she was totally alive.

He kissed her a few more times, then rolled off with a sigh. "Shit, woman, you wore me out." She watched his eyes flutter closed and laid her own head on the pillow. The bed smelled of him--a scent she hadn't realized she missed until now.

"What does this mean?" She didn't intend to say it out loud, but he heard her anyway.

"What do you want it to mean, Nat?" His tone was strictly neutral, but his eyes--oh, God. His eyes burned.

"I want..." She pressed her lips together. "I made a mistake not trusting you before, Dennis. Truthfully, I didn't trust anyone, and I know now it was the biggest mistake of my life, not letting you inside. I was scared and stupid, and I've really tried hard to change."

He shifted on the bed. "I wasn't enough for you," he said, all the hurt from the last two years in his ragged voice. Guilt swelled her throat, making it hard to say the words she needed to say to him.

"No, don't think that, Dennis," she hastened to explain. "It had nothing to do with you. It was all me. That apartment was my safe place. Thinking about leaving made me crazy with fear, because it was the first place I was ever able to call my home and where I felt safe. I know that probably doesn't make any sense but that's the way I felt."

"And now?"

She let her gaze roam around the room, feeling the breeze blowing on her bare skin, the sounds of birds and dogs barking, the neatly folded clothes on a small metal shelving unit. There was no dresser, only the bed shoved in front of a wall of windows covered with thin white curtains. The walls were light yellow, the floor pitted hardwood. It wasn't really a bedroom, more like a sun porch. It was peaceful. Simple.

"Nat?"

Her phone buzzed in her purse on the floor, and she suddenly noticed the lengthening shadows. "I have to get that." She scrambled out of the bed and grabbed her purse, the buzzing phone making her head itch, because she always answered when David called. Always.

Dennis gave her a sour look. "Well, back to reality." Without looking at her he walked out of the room into the hallway and a moment later she heard a door close, and the shower start.

The phone continued to buzz. Natalie dropped the purse back to the floor, suddenly hating everything about her life. It was so messed up and she wasn't sure how to fix it.

She padded into the hallway and stood outside the bathroom for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open, the room steamy and warm.

Natalie pulled a corner of the blue shower curtain aside and peeked at him. He ignored her, the water slipping down his skin. Desperation made her step into the tub with him and try to kiss him. He pushed her away, none too gently.

"Goddamn it, Nat. What the hell are you playing at?" Turning his back to her, he stood under the spray, letting it wash over him. Cold in the corner, Natalie nevertheless tried again, pressing her breasts against him, but he only yanked back the curtain and got out. The hot water splashed into her face, blinding her. She managed to turn it off and stood dripping, unable to decide if she was hurt or mad.