Leave In Silence

The door closed quietly behind him. Natalie burst into tears. What was she going to do?

***

Dennis sits in his car, looking up at Natalie's apartment building, trying to get his head back together. Why had he talked to her? He should have pretended not to recognize her. That had been his first thought when he noticed her staring at him in the mall, but he'd never been able to resist her and her damn neediness. What the hell is he thinking, anyway?

Turning the key, he gets out of there, tires squealing, heart hurting. He's such a fool. He knows how she is, a waffler, unable to say what she means. As for himself, he's a total idiot. But that knowledge doesn't stop him from wanting to feel her skin again, how it was as soft as he remembered, how he'd missed the way she smelled, even the way she looked at him. Why had he let her go? Because he had to, that's why. And now here he is, all mixed up with her again, just when he'd finally managed to put all of that behind him. Or at least he'd thought it was all behind him. All she had to do was kiss him and then say that she loved him. She didn't mean it, how could she? Is she really going to throw away her relationship with the man who gave her that big ring? Dennis's head swirls just thinking about it.

His stupidity is stunning. Weak. He is weak, too weak to resist her, too stupid and weak to do what needs to be done. He needs to end it. End it before it's too late.

"It's already too late," he says out loud, and knows it to be true.

***

Natalie dressed carefully the next morning, her movements sluggish, reluctant. She was to meet David at a coffee shop this morning. Having this confrontation in public seemed like the right way to go about it, because who knew how he'd react to what she was going to tell him?

During the bus ride, she rehearsed various scripts, trying to figure out the right things to say to David, but all the words sounded fake and lame to her ears. By the time she reached her stop, she'd decided to just wing it and let the chips fall as they would.

She could see David already sitting at a table in the corner, two paper cups of coffee in front of him. Taking a deep breath, Natalie pushed open the door and went inside.

Warmth and the delicious smell of coffee washed over her as she made her way through the crowd to where David waited.

His eyes lit up when he saw her, and he jumped up. "Natalie, hi."

"Hi, David," she said, turning her head when he kissed her so that his lips brushed her cheek instead. Deliberately not looking at him, she sat down, accepting the coffee he handed her.

"Well, it seems we have some things to discuss." He was dressed for work, professional looking in one of his dark blue suits and red power tie. His neck was a little red from shaving and he smelled of expensive cologne. She couldn't help contrasting that to the way Dennis smelled, of sandalwood and patchouli, and sometimes cigarettes.

"David, I'm sorry." The words just popped right out of her mouth. "I'm not proud of the way I behaved yesterday at all." She bit her lip, wondering where these words were coming from. Was she so desperate to be safe that she'd throw Den away again?

"Natalie, it's going to be okay. Every couple has rough spots, I understand." He reached across the table and took her hand, rubbing his thumb across her fingers. "We'll get through this. I--where's your ring?"

"David, I--I lost it," she whispered, trying to take her hand back. His grip tightened at the same time his eyebrows lowered.

"What do you mean you lost it? How do you lose a $3000 engagement ring? Where the hell is it?" He's spoke calmly, but there was nothing calm about the look in his blue eyes. Natalie yanked her hand back and this time he let go. He heaved a big sigh and visibly calmed himself.

"Okay. We can do this. Where did you lose it? At your place?"

Natalie shook her head. "No. It's somewhere along Austin Avenue."

"I'm sorry what?" He blinks and shakes his head. "What? Say that again."

Natalie opened her mouth, then closed it. What could she say? "David, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. I just--"

"You're sorry? That's all you have to say for yourself? That you're sorry? What the fuck did you do yesterday?"

Natalie laid her hands flat on the table and spoke clearly, although her voice shook. "I threw the ring out a window and slept with my old boyfriend."

David's handsome face twisted with anger as he stared at her. "You cheating whore." Rising from the table, he threw his coffee cup at her, and it hit her chest, sending hot liquid down her chest to her lap. Some of it splashed up her neck and face. She jumped out of the chair with a cry, brushing ineffectually at the burning liquid staining her clothing.

Now the entire shop was staring, some people looking way in embarrassment while others began to approach, concerned at the violence.

David took a step toward her and began screaming, his face twisted with anger and--hate? Hurt? She wasn't sure.

"I gave you everything. I bought you clothes, expensive jewelry, all the things your trailer trash ass never knew, and this is how you repay me?" His glare burned holes in her face. "You'll be hearing from my lawyer about that ring, Natalie." With those parting words David stormed off, leaving Natalie behind.

"Hey, are you all right?" An older woman handed Natalie a handful of paper napkins to wipe off the coffee, the kindness of this stranger like a balm to her shattered nerves.

"I don't know," she said shakily. What just happened? Who was that violent person?

"I don't know what you said to him but that didn't give him the right to abuse you like that."

"Oh, David didn't mean it..." Her voice trailed off at the expression on the woman's face

"Don't make excuses for him! It's okay to get angry but it's never okay to get violent. I should call the cops."

"No! I--I need to go. Thank you for your concern," Natalie stammered, and fled the coffee shop.

She walked quickly down the sidewalk, at a loss. Her phone buzzed with a text and she grabbed it.

I knew he was too good for you.

Lying whore!

You're nothing but trailer trash.

The messages kept coming, the hate from his sisters (how did they know already?) palpable. She dropped the phone back into her purse and hailed a cab.

Her apartment felt empty and sad when she unlocked the door. Living alone never bothered her, but tonight loneliness pressed down, making every movement an effort. She'd thrown away her relationship with David, but she couldn't find much to regret about it, honestly. Now that she had separated herself from him, she could see that he was controlling, and his family were assholes. So, being alone was going to be a hundred times better.

Natalie kicked off her sandals and laid down on the bed where she and Dennis had loved not that long ago. If she closed her eyes and hugged the pillow, she could pretend he was right there beside her. If only.

She remembered the way he'd left last night, anger and hurt blistering the air. Did he hate her? Love her? Could they make it work and did he even want to try again? She didn't know. She didn't know anything.

Her buzzing phone woke her some hours later. Rolling over, she squinted at the screen.

Of all people, David was calling. She let it go to voicemail, watching his name light up the screen until it finally went dark. He didn't leave a message.

He called three more times in the next hour, and she ignored all. Finally, he left a message and she deleted it. She didn't have to put up with that shit, not anymore.

After showering, she pulled on the black spandex dress she'd been wearing when she met Dennis, pairing it with fishnet and the fetish boots she'd found in the back of her closet. Mascara and dark red lipstick finished her look. Her hair she left down, the way he liked it. Then, she called an Uber.

XXX

She knew the exact moment he saw her, because for an instant his mask slipped, exposing such longing her stomach dropped. As she threaded her way through the crowd toward the bar counter, he watched her, and even when he turned away to mix a drink for a customer, she could feel his eyes on her. It was a heady, intoxicating feeling.

Perching on a stool between an older woman with brassy highlights and garish red lipstick and a middle-aged man with a wedding ring, Natalie tapped her fingernails on the counter, watching Dennis work.

XXX

He doesn't see her until she's almost reached the bar, and then it's such a shock--not a bad one, not a good one--he drops the ice scoop into the bin, unable to breathe for a moment. What is she doing here?

"What is up with you?" Janey, one of the wait staff, gives him a funny look. "You've got a weird look on your face." She's down at the end, waiting for Dennis to fill her water pitcher.

"Nothing." But his eyes keep returning to Natalie, as if on a hook.

"Oh, who is that, Denny?" Janey hoots, then takes a step back when he glares at her.

"Here's your water," he says, thrusting the pitcher at her. It sloshes over the edge, splashing her pants and shoes.

"Hey, asshole, be more careful."

But he's not listening, every fiber of his body is attuned to her, to Natalie. He's pissed, too, though. Pissed that she'd come here, looking like that, looking so beautiful that his head's full of her, he can't keep his head on straight, he's making mistakes, losing tips, just--a mess.

Finally, he tells Shep he's taking a break, and goes out from behind the bar, head swirling, not sure how he feels about this.

XXX

Natalie straightened on the stool when she saw Dennis coming her way. He looked angry, not acknowledging greetings or even looking at anyone but her, and her stomach shrank a little. Mouth dry, she slid off onto the floor, conscious of the stares. Everyone knew Dennis here, she realized; she was the outsider.

"Let's talk outside," was all he said, and turned on his heel, walking so quickly toward the exit that she almost had to run to keep him in sight.

He barely waited for her to get clear of the door before he started grumping at her.

"What the hell are you doing here, Nat?" Outside it was warm, almost hot, the night air filled with the sounds of cars and thumping music. He crossed his arms, the neon sign above his head giving him a sinister look.

"I came to see you, Den. What else?" Struggling to hold onto her smile, she tried to move into his arms, but he grasped her upper arms and kept her at arm's length.

"You're messing with me."

"No, I'm not, Dennis, I swear. I'm trying to show you that I want us to try again."

He stared at her, pond green eyes hard, his grip firm. "What have you been doing for the last two years?"

"Just living" she said simply, and he scoffed, and let her go.

"I'll tell you've been doing, Natalie. You were off trying to be somebody else, somebody who wears designer clothing, eats a formal dinner at 6pm every night, and plans to marry a rich douche bag who gives you a $3000 engagement ring and tells you what to say, who your friends are and how to act. That's what you've been doing." He shook his head when she started to speak. "No. You listen to me. You know I'm right. You ditched me, you ditched Mackenzie--yeah, I've talked to her, Nat. You did her dirty, and all because Mr Fancy Pants might not approve, and if he didn't approve you wouldn't get your tidy, safe little life, am I right?"

Natalie shivered in the wake of Dennis's harsh words, and his knowing what she'd never admitted, even to herself, made her feel small and selfish. He stood there, waiting for her to say something, to tell him he was full of shit, but she couldn't.

"Yes, that's what I did. What I've been doing." She forced the words out, wrapped her arms around her miserable, horrible self, feeling like she was going to die from humiliation and guilt. He'd exposed her black heart, and it didn't feel good.

"What's changed, Natalie? You see me after two years and boom--the scales fall from your eyes? You suddenly see the error of your ways? Give me a fucking break." Dennis sneered, words like acid.

Natalie turned away from him, unwilling to let him see the wounds he inflicted. She deserved it. "Do we have to do this here?"

Dennis huffed. "Whatever. I have to finish my shift anyway." He pulled out his cell phone. "I'll call you an Uber." Without waiting for her to agree, he made the call.

Natalie felt her phone in her purse buzz, and she glanced at it: David again. She stared at it too long, and she quickly dropped it back in her bag, but not before Dennis saw and made a face.

"Your ride'll be here in ten minutes." He leaned against the building, one foot up on the bricks. Uncertain, she wanted to move closer, but her stupid phone buzzed again insistently, and she cursed under her breath.

"Don't ignore that on my account," he told her. It was too dark for her to clearly read his expression, but his tone told her all she needed to know.

"I'll turn it off."

"I don't give a fuck. Do what you want."

"Dennis, come on," she said, walking over to him. "Stop acting like this."

He pushed off from the wall, cords standing out in his neck. "Act like what? You're fucking with my head, Natalie. I can't do this. I can't."

"I'm not doing that, I swear, Dennis." Desperation welled up, making it hard to breathe. "I'm not trying to hurt you, I just--seeing you made me realize what I threw away and I want it back. I want you back."

Dennis shook his head. "I can't trust you. Even when we made love, I was wondering in the back of my mind when you'd kick me loose. I hate feeling like that."

"What will make you trust me again?"

He was quiet. "I honestly don't know. Just--give me some space." In the darkness she heard him let out a shuddery breath, and again she felt small and horrible.

The Uber arrived, and she climbed inside without a word. Dennis spoke to the driver, then looked at her briefly through the window. He was back inside even before the car pulled away from the curb.

XXX

Dennis goes back inside the bar, fighting to keep his face blank and shove the shit to the back of his mind.

"I'm still pissed at you," Janey pouts, handing him the empty pitcher.

"What for?"

"You got my shoes wet, remember?"

"No, but sorry, I guess." Dennis fills the pitcher with beer from the tap, feeling her eyes on him. Janey's cute, flirty, and obviously interested in him. Maybe that's what he needs, something to get his mind off Natalie. He gives Janey a considering look, then dismisses the idea. Nope. Can't mix work and play. Besides, the thought of sex with her makes his skin crawl because he'd just compare her to Nat and what it was like--stop it.

"When you gonna tell me who that chick was?" She leans on the counter, letting him look down her shirt, if he wants. He doesn't. Noticing his disinterest only piques her own, and she runs her tongue over her bottom lip. "Come on, Denny. You couldn't stop looking at her. Tell Janey, come on. Confession is good for the soul."

He sets the full pitcher on the counter. "No."

Janey's face falls. "Fine. You're no fun, Dennis."

"That's what I hear," he says, and turns back to the bar patrons.

XXX