All Comments on 'Lesbian Vampire Ch. 02 - That Which Haunts You'

As good a fantasy story as any I've read on this site, and quite well-written. It reminds me of Deborah Harkness's All Souls Trilogy (do you know it?). From the (hopefully) constructive criticism aspect, there are a number of places in both chapters where you have two different characters' dialogue in the same paragraph. It's not too bad here because the paragraphs are fairly short but it's much better if you separate dialogue so there is no doubt about who is speaking. That apart, very well done.

I’m definitely excited for this series, can’t wait to read more about the unknown and especially about Lucy and Rhea. 5 stars!

Thoroughly enjoying this tale, you’ve definitely captivated me with this story line. I’m glad you’re taking time to set everything up, you’re doing a great job. You’ve taken the vampire theme to a whole new level. Can’t wait to see what lies ahead

I am loving this set up, it is a very rich story with a lot of texture to the world, which I personally love. I think you have gone beyond a “lesbian vampire story” and this has all of the makings of a great tale. I would like to echo Maonaigh’s comment about the presentation of dialogue- but it is very minor and a very easy fix. It will help establish when one person stops talking and the next person starts. But, overall, I think it really is great and has so much potential due to the detail you have set it all up with. If you need a beta reader, please give me a shout - it would be a pleasure.

Excellent! Just separate the characters dialogue. Your doing great. The story has serious legs if taken in the right direction. It would be a great mini series. Good luck!

I'm getting into the story....interesting twists abound. This is better edited than the first part; I appreciate the improved reading flow.

Apologies for the late response to posters, I couldn't figure out how to comment! If you are reading, Thank you all so much for your support!

@halt--Thank you! I have some amazing editors who just volunteered. I've been incredibly lucky because I don't have a head for detail

@Maonaigh-- Yes! I loved the Deb Harness series! Definitely an influence, I must say. Thank you so much, it's wonderful to hear it echos someone of her talent.