Lessons at The Oasis Pt. 02

The entire office knew! They had all seen the video. They had all seen me naked and bound and getting fucked. I would never be able to work with those people again. I slammed my laptop closed, grabbed my purse and started for the door. Then I turned around and walked straight into David's office.

"Thanks to my idiot husband and your fucking phone I can no longer work here. I quit!"

Davis just stood there with his mouth hanging open. I turned away but immediately turned back to him. "What else did you do with that video? Did you post it on the web you slimy piece of shit?"

"Calm down, Christy. I have more sense than that. I didn't copy it anywhere."

I knew him well enough to recognize the lie. His ego would force him to brag about it to the world. It was probably on a hundred websites by then.

"OK, let me see the video."

He hesitated. "Are you sure?"

I snapped right back. "Yes, I've seen the original. Show me what you recorded."

He held out his phone, started the video and held it out for me to watch. I leaned in closer - then grabbed the phone from his hand and ran straight out the front door. I didn't want them to see the victim crying. When I got to the street I slammed the phone down, into the street. The screen cracked, but the housing held - for a few seconds. Then a car ran right over it and crushed it. David came out of the building yelling. I just flipped him the bird and ran away.

Fortunately, I don't participate in any social media. So, I didn't have to face thousands of messages expressing sympathy for the victim and thousands more criticizing me for being a slut.

I needed someone to hold me and comfort me and help me to not think about the shame I felt. I could never discuss this with my Catholic parents. It was too far outside the universe they lived in. So, I invited myself to my sister's and drove four hours to her place in Atlanta that Friday afternoon.

Mindy was concerned from the phone call and more concerned when she saw me.

"Oh, god Christy. What happened?"

I wasn't ready to explain the whole sordid affair, so I just asked her for patience, some warm hugs and a place to sleep. She's a wonderful sister and held off asking me the million urgent questions in her mind. I slept fitfully that night, plagued with dreams of people laughing at me while I stood naked.

After a leisurely breakfast on Saturday morning, we sat at the table and she held my hand and just looked at me. I'm so lucky to have a sister like Mindy. She has always been more open-minded than me. I knew she had had an active sex life in college, but I didn't know what her current life was like and how she would react to my spa experience.

"Oh, Mindy. This is a terrible story. I hope you will still respect me after you hear the details. I'm feeling so much shame now that I can't be alone. Please understand and don't condemn me."

She quickly replied: "Christy, unless you've killed somebody, this can't be as bad as all that. Take your time and share your story. I promise I'll support you."

That broke the ice and I began to relate my tale of woe. I explained how Jim wanted to teach me new sex techniques and had used the spa to coax me into things that were new. I also explained that I actually enjoyed most of it. I didn't go into the sodomy part, but she got the overall picture of my day at the spa.

Then I told her about the video recording and how Jim and I had used it to arouse ourselves with the memories of that day. She smiled coyly.

Then, I told her about Jim showing the video to his buddies. Mindy was aghast. When I explained about my boss David and my coworkers seeing my most humiliating moment, she hugged me tightly.

"Oh, Christy. That's horrible. I've always liked Jim and thought he was a good man for you. But, what kind of man could do that to his wife?"

That was a good question. I had thought Jim loved me. I believed he probably still did. He was a good man. It hadn't been contempt and cruelty like I had accused. It was just stupidity. What kind of man was so thick that he couldn't understand what publicly displaying the video would mean to me?

Mindy and I hung around her house on Saturday while I regained some balance. We worked in her garden to distract me from my incessant thoughts of shame and anger. We went out to dinner at a nice seafood restaurant and I enjoyed a couple of glasses of really good wine. Mindy put me to bed and I slept for 12 hours.

By Sunday morning I was beginning to think rationally again. I had accepted the fact that Jim wasn't cruel or contemptuous toward me. I knew he still loved me and I still loved him - well, most of him. Mindy theorized about the male ego. He was proud of what he had tricked me into it and proud of my courage in the spa. He did what all men do - he bragged. He just wasn't aware enough to think about my feelings. Perhaps, his word 'insensitive' was the right term for him after all.

But, what should I do about him? I had thrown him out of our home, changed the locks, threatened divorce and then left town. He was certain to be crushed and ashamed of himself. He would, with good reason, think he had lost me forever. I needed to start rebuilding my self-image, my self-confidence, and our relationship.

On Monday I texted him: We need to talk. Let's meet Wednesday at 6:30 at Zingermans restaurant. Reply only to accept or decline.

My phone dinged minutes later: Oh, Christy. Thank you for reaching out. I would LOVE to see you Wednesday. I have no way to express my shame and guilt for what I did. If you will.... I deleted the message without reading the rest.

I drove back home on Tuesday and cleaned the house. I had left quite a mess when I'd gathered Jim's belongings. He had removed the rest of the pile from the yard. By evening I was facing up to my next steps. I had to find a new job. They would probably take me back at my old office, but I couldn't face them. I needed a fresh start with a new job - and new friends. Paul and Maria were definitely out.

Mindy called around 5:00 on Wednesday to get me psyched up for the meeting with Jim. I was getting nervous because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say to him. I wanted to yell and scream at him some more, but I knew that wouldn't help anything. I couldn't yet forgive him and welcome him back home. I still held too much anger to accept that.

He was waiting at a table in the restaurant. He was dressed nicely and jumped from his seat when I approached. He tried to hug me, but I straight-armed him back into his chair. "Not now Jim" I insisted.

We were both silent until we had placed our orders. Then I took the initiative to set the tone and ask the questions that had been tearing me apart.

"I trust that you now realize the horrible emotional damage you did to me with your macho man bragging about your conquest."

I realized that I was nearly shouting and lowered my voice.

"You did not consider my feelings for a moment when you went around flashing your little porn video of your naked wife. I can no longer face our friends at the golf club who saw it. I had to quit my job because David showed a copy of the video to everyone in the office. I'm pretty sure he also uploaded it to the web. My life has been seriously broken because of your stupid antics."

His face reflected the horror that I had been feeling for a week. I looked him straight in the eye. "I just have two questions for you. Why did you do it and why couldn't you foresee how much it would hurt me?"

I could see that my accusations had hit a nerve. He had been watching my face during my speech, but my ending questions made him drop his head in shame. I sensed that he was holding back tears. I just sat silently for a few minutes waiting for his reply. Our dinners were served, but sat untouched.

"Christy, I can only answer your first question. I know I felt proud of you and how you acted that day in the spa. You were strong and faced your fears. You overcame your inhibitions for the first time. I was so happy and proud of you. So when Paul was pushing me to share the video, I felt like showing you off. The next time we played golf he told the other guys about it and they asked to see it. George works with me and told the other guys in the office. Once I had shown it to others I didn't feel that I had to hide it from anyone. It made me proud of you. I'm so sorry."

He stopped to breathe so I repeated my second question. "Why couldn't you foresee how much it would hurt me? You know I have always been sensitive about sex and nudity. You knew that I was anxious about going to the spa. The whole thing was your idea, not mine. Why didn't you know it was wrong?"

He dropped his head again and mumbled. "I don't know Christy. I wasn't thinking about how you would react. I just didn't realize that you would be so upset."

I stopped him dead in his tracks. "If you didn't think I would be upset, why didn't you tell me what you were doing? If you were showing off my courage and strength, why didn't you tell me about it?"

He looked up at me, confused. Then the light turned on and I shoved it in his face.

"I call bullshit Jim. You didn't tell me because you KNEW it was wrong. You knew I would be terribly embarrassed. You knew I would forbid you to show it to anyone. You knew all that and still went ahead. You DECIDED to show that damn video even though you knew I'd be hurt. Didn't you?"

That got him. He saw his own stupidity and 'insensitivity'. He realized that he had not told me about showing the video because he did know it would upset me. Consciously or unconsciously, he had made the decision to show it anyway.

He started sobbing and held his napkin to his face. "I'm so sorry Christy. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I know I should have stood up to Paul and just taken the consequences. They couldn't have been worse than this. I feel horrible for being such a chickenshit."

That was confusing. What did Paul have to do with this? What 'consequences' was he talking about? My deep suspicions about Paul sprang to the surface.

"Wait a minute Jim. What consequences? Did Paul somehow force you to show the video to him and your friends? Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you just tell him to fuck off?

Jim sat silently, his head fully bowed. I wanted to yell and demand an answer, but I sensed that there was some greater bad news that he was too scared to tell me. I waited a long minute until he whispered "Let's go out to my car. I can't do this in a public place."

I sat frozen as he got up and walked out of the room. I had felt good while telling him off. He deserved every bit of it. I could feel the flames of my anger being quenched.

But, the broken man walking away, my husband, my lover, my friend, made me feel terrible. He was truly sorry. He was stupid and insensitive, but he was human. He had fucked up and only then realized the extent of the damage he had caused.

Without thinking, I raced after him and caught him by his car in the parking lot. He pointed to the passenger door and then went around to the driver's side and got in. I sat down and just waited. He was crying and trying to collect himself to talk. I had never seen my husband like that. Whatever he needed to say must be terrible. I felt a different kind of fear than I had experienced at The Oasis.

"Christy, I have a terrible secret to tell you. I've wanted to tell you about it since our wedding day, but I knew that if I did you would be hurt and angry and would probably leave me. And now I guess all of my fears will come true."

I was seized by anxiety and started to shake.

"At my bachelor party a few days before our wedding, I got very drunk - that's what you're supposed to do, isn't it? The guys had brought in a stripper and she was doing her thing doing a lap dance for me and slapping my face with her boobs. I was mainly laughing at her because her act seemed so silly."

"Then Paul leaned in close and whispered in her ear and handed her a bunch of hundred dollar bills. The girl stood up, pulled me up and walked me into the adjoining bedroom. Everyone was cheering as she took my clothes of. Then she did a strip tease and I was very aroused. She pulled me into the bed..."

He sobbed and then sucked in a large breath.

"And I fucked her. I didn't realize that the guys were watching and Paul was recording with his video camera. When I woke up the next day the girl was gone and Paul was gloating about what I great time they'd all had and tried to show me the video. I saw myself fucking that girl and wanted to throw up. I begged him to destroy the tape and he said he would. I tried to forget about it before our wedding that Saturday."

"About a year after the wedding, Paul tried to get me to go in with him to buy that cabin up north. I didn't think it was a good idea and told him I didn't want to pitch in. He got mad because he had already committed his money and if I backed out he would lose a lot. So, he reminded me that he still had that damn tape and wouldn't it be terrible if you ever saw it. He joked about it and never really threatened me, but I knew what I had to do. I put up the money and that's how we became part owners in that fucking cabin. You know what a money pit that's been."

"Every so often, he makes an allusion to the tape to remind me he has it. Then, when he needs my help, I know better than to refuse him. He had showed me the video of Maria bound to that cross thing and being fucked by one of the Oasis trainers. So, when he insisted I show him your video, I gave in and did it. Down deep I knew you wouldn't like it, but I couldn't take the risk of pissing him off. Most of the time he's a good friend and has helped us with many things. So, I never really wanted to tell him off. Again, chickenshit."

"But I've always felt guilty about that bachelor party night and I've been afraid to tell you that I cheated on you just before our wedding. You were so naïve and idealistic about marriage, I knew it would crush you and you might leave me. So, I could never think of telling you. But, now I have. I'll find a permanent place to live so you won't have to see me. If you want a divorce, I won't fight it."

I just sat, stunned, a several minutes, Jim quietly sobbed. I was angry that he had showed the video. I was suddenly angry that he had fucked that girl just before we got married. I was extremely angry at Paul for having subtly blackmailed his friend for five years.

I also felt sorry for my husband. His fear of losing me had overruled otherwise rational decisions. And now, his worst nightmare had come true. He had deeply hurt me - twice. He was miserable.

"Damn it Jim! Don't give up. We can fix this. I may never forgive you, but we have so much together. I don't want to lose you. I still need some time alone, but I think we can reconcile at some point. Do you still want that?"

"Oh, yes, Christy. I'll do anything to have you back. I'm so miserable without you - and so miserable with myself. Please take me back."

He grabbed me and hugged me close. I put my arms around him and let him continue the hug. I couldn't forgive him. But, I had to.

I let him come home a few days later. But I kept my distance and didn't bother to help carry his stuff. I made him sleep in the guest room for a week before I allowed him in my bed. But no sex. None. I was beginning to work my way through the anger and toward a more normal relationship.

Things were going pretty well until we had a serious discussion one evening, revisiting my question of why he had shown that video to his friends. I guess I still had some anger to vent. As he tried to explain his actions, I realized how much Paul had pushed him. It seems that one day after the spa event, they were watching a football game at Paul's house. They got talking about Jim's experience at The Oasis and how great it was.

Paul had videos of his own spa sessions with Maria and showed them to Jim. Jim really enjoyed watching Paul and Maria go at it. Jim said Maria is more of a screamer than I was. Naturally, Paul asked to see Jim's video. Jim resisted at first - according to him - but eventually showed Paul a few scenes from the video.

Jim thought nothing more about it until some of their mutual golfing buddies started asking to see the video. Paul had told them how hot it was. "If you showed it to Paul you can show it to the rest of us." Paul again pushed Jim to show it. Jim gave in and brought his laptop to the next golf outing at the country club. They sat around in the club room and hooted and hollered as Jim showed them his naked wife being licked and spanked and fucked. He didn't realize my boss David was recording it on his phone. At Paul's request, he had later shown the entire video to Paul and Maria. She was titillated, but told the men it was wrong to show it to others. Evidently Jim didn't get that message and she didn't consider it wrong enough to tell her friend about it.

After hearing the gory details, I was angry again. Angry at Jim. And angry at Paul. He had instigated the whole thing by showing off his own video. Did Maria know about that? Probably not. Paul was an even worse asshole than my Jim. I had stopped myself from planning any revenge against Jim. I couldn't be that cruel to the man I loved. But I sure didn't love Paul.

After I had first learned what Jim had done, I contacted Vicky at The Oasis to ask if they kept copies of the recordings. She assured me that they always erased all materials as soon as they made the video for their guests. I told her what Paul and Jim had done and she was as pissed as I was. Although Vicky has very liberal ideas about sexuality and relationships, she understands a woman's need to protect her privacy - and how much it hurts when it is violated. She was also concerned about the public image of The Oasis. They didn't want to be perceived as a brothel or sex club.

So, I started brainstorming a fitting revenge against Paul - and Maria. I pretended to forgive them so we could continue to socialize. Both Paul and Maria worked from their home office with only occasional business trips. I was still out of work so I had lots of free time.

I took advantage of the scheduling one day when I knew Maria was out shopping. I stopped by their house and acted surprised when Paul said Maria was away. I hesitated for a moment and then asked if I could come in. Paul graciously invited me into the kitchen and poured us a couple of drinks. We sat on adjacent bar stools. I took a big gulp of my drink and started my performance.

"Paul, I've been dying to ask you what you thought of the video of my day at the spa. Did you think it was hot - or just boring?"

"Oh, Christy. It was hot as hell. You were terrific. Jim's earlier talk about your inhibitions was bullshit. You were so sensuous, so very sexy. Your orgasms were inspiring. I felt your passion right through the TV screen. I just wish I could have been there in person to take you even further."

I feigned embarrassment and baited the hook.

"You mean you would have taken me yourself?"

"Certainly. I have always secretly wanted you."

"Thanks Paul. I'm glad you feel that way about me because... I sometimes feel the same way about you."

That surprised him. I could almost hear the gears spinning in his head. He could smell the opportunity in my confession.

"Thanks Christy. You're beautiful as well as hot. I've always been jealous of Jim having you. You're a hell of a temptation to me or any man."

"That's nice of you to say Paul. I must say that you are a temptation too. Now that my real sexuality has been exposed, I find myself looking at men like you and wondering... Do you sometimes wonder too?" I leaned closer to him.

"Well, sure. Sitting here with you after seeing you perform in that video is instantly arousing. You're a very sexy woman."