Letting Go

"Yes, just don't go there ... at least right now."

A knowing smile crept slowly across his face. He opened his mouth to say something, then changed his mind. He picked up his wine glass, eyed it thoughtfully, then took a large sip.

"I'm not going to take back that your face is beautiful, but I won't mention it again. And, if you'd rather that we adjourn to our rooms, we can do that too."

"No, no, I don't want ... " I needed to say it because it was true. It's probably why I told him not to go there. "I enjoy being with you and talking with you, so I don't want to leave." I downed the rest of my glass of Merlot, which caused me to close my eyes and shiver.

Keith laughed. "Trying to drive out your demons?"

I snorted. "I wish it was that easy."

"Want to tell me about it? Maybe I can help."

He certainly wasn't bashful, and I wasn't about to tell him he was the one stirring up my demons. It was up to me to deal with it.

"I'll pour you another glass as long as you don't accuse me of trying to get you drunk."

I snorted again, which wasn't a very feminine sound, but it expressed how I was feeling. "Maybe I could drown my demons in Merlot." I hoped he knew I was kidding. But he did grab the bottle, and I quickly had another glass of wine.

"No matter what happens tonight, I would like to meet you for breakfast in the morning to talk about your engineering future."

"Keith, I already know what my engineering future is."

"At least give me a chance."

"Why do I need to do that?"

"So we can set that aside and get back to your demons or some other light subject."

This time, I laughed. He seemed totally relaxed around me, not at all like someone trying to make an impression. Maybe I should just relax and go with the flow. If he just wasn't so good-looking.

"We'll let tomorrow morning take care of itself, then. I think we have lots of other things that we can talk about. Like, where are you from?" He leaned back in his chair, waiting for my answer/

That sounded innocent enough, and, for some reason, I felt I could trust him. I didn't think he was likely to rape me if I was totally smashed, so I took another swallow of wine.

"I'm from Cincinnati, so not too far from here."

He chuckled. "When I was very young, I went caving in Kentucky, and I had to go through Cincinnati to get there. I'm from the other C, Columbus."

"Is that like spelunking, what you did?"

"Yeah, but only people who don't do it call it that."

"I'll fill that away for future reference." I squinted one eye at him. "So you did that? And was it scary?"

"Only for people who are claustrophobic or who hate bats."

I shivered when he said that. "I've heard that bats get in women's hair."

"Naw, they want to get away from you, so if you hold still, they'll navigate around you."

"I'm not sure I'd trust them to do that."

"They're very trustworthy, like me."

My third snort of the evening had Keith laughing, too.

"If you'd like, I could take you caving, and you could see for yourself. I still have plenty of equipment."

Somehow, that struck me as a slightly personal invitation. Maybe I shouldn't trust him after all. And why's he waving his arm?

"Another bottle of Merlot, please."

Oh, my glass was empty, and I needed another if I was going to keep drinking.

"So, you're from Columbus." I'd been in Columbus a couple of times and found it to be a clean and pleasant place.

"Yep. Born and raised. You'd love it if you lived there."

"I'm happy in Cincy."

"You might be happier in Columbus."

I shrugged. I'd always lived in Cincinnati, and I liked the job I had. Only my marriage and divorce were bad memories of what had been my lifelong home.

"I can be a little nosey sometimes, but didn't you say earlier that you were divorced?"

I gave Keith a strange look. Was he clairvoyant, too?

"I'm sorry. Too nosey."

"No, that's fine. It's just that the divorce had just crossed my mind, and then you brought it up. You aren't reading my mind, are you?"Maybe we should switch to coffee."

He laughed. "Oh, I wish I could," he said, winking at me.

I'm sure I blushed, which probably told him as much as if he had read my mind.

"I could make lots of money from that, as well. Ugly or pleasant divorce? I'm divorced, too, so you're not alone here."

"I remember you saying that. It was ugly, but not in the way you might think. The process was simple and quick. It was the cause that made it ugly."

"Same here, and there were two divorces in my case." He chuckled again.

I furrowed my brow. "Two?"

"Yeah, mine and the couple whose husband I found in bed with my wife."

"Oh, that had to be awful." I was trying to imagine what that might be like but wasn't sure it was possible without actually being there.

"It was, I guess, because I'd never thought of the possibility of that happening. How about you?"

"Mine was different, but in some ways, the same. I thought I knew the guy I'd married, but after the honeymoon, it was totally different. He planned to totally control my life, telling me what I could and couldn't do. With an honors degree in engineering, I was ready to set the world on fire, but he informed me I'd be staying home to take care of things and children, too.

"You didn't want to have children?"

"Well, not nine months after my wedding day. I'd love to have children, but I want to be married when I do it, and that isn't ready to happen."

"Well, you know the saying, shit happens. Sometimes chocolate milkshakes happen, too."

"Ugh, that's gross. They're both brown," I said and giggled. "You're right, but my glass is empty."

"So, are you good for another?"

"How strong are you? You might have to carry me to my room." I giggled again, surprised at how I was talking and acting.

"Well, do you want to cut it off, then?"

"That's no fun." I was drunk, and I knew it, but I was enjoying it. Engineers have reputations for being dull and boring, and I knew I was like that sometimes. But not tonight.

"I'll go ahead with number four, then."

The bottle arrived, and like magic, I had glass number four. I stared at it. I snorted again as I pictured Keith carrying me to my room.

"There's a sound out of nowhere," Keith said, laughing.

"Just a random thought," I said, fumbling with my glass of wine until I finally dropped it. "Oops," seemed inadequate as I sat there watching Keith and the server clean up the mess.

He held out both hands, and I took hold of them. He steadied me as I stood up.

"Breakfast tomorrow morning at nine," he said, squeezing my hands.

"Um, okay.". I fumbled in my purse and handed him my phone. "Can you set my alarm?"

I watched him punch in numbers, sure I wouldn't have been able to focus enough to do it.

"Do you have a pocket?

"Yeah." I was wearing slacks, and I stuffed the phone in a pocket. I hoped I'd remember to put it on the table beside my bed.

Keith put his arm around my waist, and we stumbled toward my room.

~~~

KEITH

I'd had three glasses of wine but sipped them slowly. Abby, for whatever reason, had taken much larger gulps, and that seemed to have affected her much more than my sipping had affected me. But walking along with my arm around her waist, her body pressed against mine was very enjoyable. When I turned my head to look at her, my face was in her very fragrant hair. It caused all sorts of thoughts to form in my mind ... mostly thoughts of the future.

At her door, she fumbled for her key card, and I helped her unlock the door.

"If I were polite, I'd invite you in, but I'd be terrible company. I'm slurring my words, and I need to sleep."

The way she smiled at me was warm and friendly, but she was right. She needed to sleep.

At the door, I said, "Take the phone out of your pocket, and I'll leave you alone."

"Thanks for inviting me to the bar. I really had a good time. If I'm not there at nine in the morning, come bang on my door, okay?"

"It's a deal, Abby. Good night, now."

"Good night, Keith."

I headed for my room, not wanting to hurry so I'd know she was in bed and I wouldn't be tempted to spy again. Of course, I couldn't get the picture of that face out of my mind. She was certainly a treasure and, as far as I could see, was as beautiful through and through as was her face.

I hadn't been interested in women for a long while, particularly in a relationship, but I felt that reluctance escaping my body when I thought of Abby. My mind was filled with very different thoughts than what I was used to ... and I liked it.

I needed to sleep, too, but I could hardly wait for breakfast. I prayed she'd at least be interested in the engineering position I had open. Otherwise, I'd need a completely new plan.

My alarm startled me awake, which was unusual. But this was an unusual day. I was excited, anxious, and nervous as I showered and shaved. I tried to tell myself that I was a thirty-six-year-old successful businessman who handled stressful situations daily, but the thoughts didn't seem to help.

At ten minutes before nine, I headed down for breakfast. Abby and I met at the door to the dining room, and she was smiling.

"How are you feeling?" I ventured.

"Better than I should be," she answered with a chuckle. "I slept super-soundly until the alarm woke me. The shower helped, too."

Ah, the shower. I'd stayed away from the window this morning, knowing that she was probably showering. It seemed different today since I knew her, even though I should probably have had the same feelings yesterday when I was watching. I couldn't change that, though, and today was a new day.

"That's good, then. And I bet you'll feel even better after breakfast."

"Could be, and I am hungry."

So, we ordered, and we ate, and it was just as good as we'd anticipated it might be. I was surprised when she ordered first and picked just what I was going to order. It was scrambled eggs, crisp bacon, and hash browns, a hearty breakfast indeed.

When we'd finished, she looked at me with a bit of trepidation, I think.

I laughed, and after a few seconds, she did, too. It seemed to break the tension.

"I own a business, an engineering business, along with a few other things as well. I need good engineers to keep the business running smoothing, and I just think I've found one here at this conference. I'd be remiss if I didn't at least talk to you about what we do and how much I think you'd be an asset to the business."

The smile that I received intrigued me. Was she seeing through what I was up to? I mean, I needed an engineer, and I suspected she was capable of taking over the engineering portion of the business while I concentrated on the business side. Even more, I wanted to have a date with her. Knowing about her divorce and the fact that she seemed to have avoided men since then made me want to tiptoe softly into her life rather than barge straight in.

"I'm listening," she said rather coyly, "but I do have very deep roots in Cincinnati since I was born and raised there."

"Are you going to be intractable regarding that?"

"Keith, it would have been simpler for me to say that I was not interested, end of story. But ... I'm anxious to hear what you have to offer."

I wanted to offer to go to Cincinnati and take her to dinner, and I might eventually do that, but first, I needed to be very practical and possibly kill two birds with one stone, a poor choice of idiom, I suppose, but it fit.

I spent the next thirty minutes describing the business, where it was headed, and what I needed for that to happen. She asked questions as I went along, and they were probing questions that caused me to think about things I hadn't previously considered.

"Abby, if you went to work for me, before long, I'd be working for you."

That brought a big laugh from the beautiful lady, but no denial of what I'd said. It was my turn to laugh.

"I have no idea what you're being paid now, but I can promise an additional twenty percent plus a review in three months, six months, and one year."

"You're really trying to chop away at those roots I told you about, aren't you?"

"I don't want to destroy anything, just build something new."

She gave me that look again, almost saying that she knew what I was doing. But I wasn't sure she did. Nothing had been said so far along those lines. It had been strictly business talk.

"Oh," she said, smiling at me. "May I ask a big favor of you?"

"Sure," was my answer, but what I meant was your wish is my command, as I'd said last night..

"Tonight, at the awards ceremony, would you sit with me so that I won't feel so alone and out of place?"

"No way should you feel out of place, but I'd be more than happy to sit with you."

"Good. I thought you might, but I decided I'd better ask."

"As long as we're sitting together, how about going to the bar afterward?"

"Okay, on one condition."

"Uh-oh. I'll cautiously agree to your condition in advance of hearing about it."

"The condition is that I get to use some of my expense account tonight."

"Agreed."

~~~

ABBY

I'd surprised myself a little when I'd so easily agreed to go to the bar with him again after the awards dinner. I realized that I simply enjoyed being with him, and that had me wondering, as it hadn't happened very often lately. Men and I just didn't seem to mesh.

As much as I felt "rooted" to Cincinnati, the offer Keith had made was very tempting. Who wouldn't like a twenty percent pay increase? I was already being paid handsomely, and the increase would be significant. It might even allow me to purchase a Porsche, which had been my dream for some time.

Moving to Columbus would force me to leave friends and family behind, but it was only two hours away, so it wasn't like moving to Washington or Arizona. If I did that, I'd be near Keith. In fact, I'd be working with him every day, and it didn't take a Merlin or Albus Dumbledore to conjure what was in Keith's mind.

But his name was Keith, which meant that he was a man. I'd promised myself that what had happened to me wouldn't happen again, and as my mother used to say, the best way to not get pregnant is to not have sex with a man. That basic concept could keep me from making a second mistake. I'd asked him to sit with me at dinner and agreed to go to the bar afterward. I enjoyed being with him, so that should be painless. He would be perfect as a good friend.

We went our separate ways after breakfast, and I headed to the show to see what products were available and to gather every bit of information and statistics that I could for future reference. Also, it was fun to gather up the free trinkets that many of the vendors gave away. I grabbed an egg salad sandwich and some jello for lunch, sneaked out to do a little shopping, checked out more of the show, and then headed to my room to get ready for dinner.

After all of the walking I'd done today, the shower was refreshing, and I lingered there a little longer than I should have, which made me rush through dressing and makeup. In fact, since I wasn't trying to impress anyone, I almost, but not quite, skipped my makeup altogether. I dressed in my dark business suit, checked myself one last time in the mirror, and headed downstairs.

Keith was waiting in his equally dark suit and smiled at me, gently shaking his head from side to side. I'd been with him enough to recognize what he was thinking, and despite my resolution not to, I felt myself blushing.

"Don't say anything," I cautioned.

"What could I say that you haven't heard before?" he asked very innocently.

"Keith, you know ... " I stammered out, unable to finish the sentence. He helped me.

"Is your acceptance speech polished and ready?

I snorted again. "It's just a few lines. The display shows all the important features."

"It's still important. It sure helps when an engineer is able to communicate clearly."

I wondered what I had been communicating to Keith. Had it been clear or a little garbled? Maybe I'd find out at the bar tonight.

"Oh, I know. You'll have to give me a critique after I'm finished."

"We'll review it over wine. Things are simpler that way."

I wasn't sure how simple they'd be. I was going to be leaving for home tomorrow morning, and I wasn't sure what I was going to tell Keith about his possible job offer -- actually, I guess it was more than a possible offer. Maybe I'd figure it out tonight at the bar.

"So, do you know where our seats are?" Keith asked, gesturing toward the long table at the front of the room.

"I checked with them today to be sure there'd be a seat for you, and they told me there'd be two seats with my name. I guess we'll just have to go look. It's getting close to start time, anyway."

He followed along behind until I found the two name cards, and we sat down, watching as the rest of the people filed in. It wasn't long before we were served a delicious meal, and as the tables were cleared, the program began.

"Are you nervous?" he whispered.

"Yes. Look at all those people, and most of them are smart engineers." I was almost imperceptibly trembling.

"They are, for sure, but none of them are here at the big table, ready to make a presentation because they won an award."

I turned my head and looked at him, seeing the lowered head and raised eyebrows.

"Right?" he added.

I took a deep breath. He was right, of course. I looked at all of the people who were now concentrating on the MC who was introducing the first award winner.

"About seventy-five percent male, would you say?" he whispered again.

I knew where he was headed, but there was no way to stop him.

"Keith," I cautioned fruitlessly.

"You'll have their full attention, Abby."

I've been concerned about his romantic intentions, but now he was being totally practical. As much as I hated to admit it to myself, it wouldn't be the first time I'd used my looks to my advantage. My nervousness was nearly gone, and I smiled at Keith, a pleasant smirk on my face.

We listened to the other presentations, and then it was my turn. I was introduced, stood, and walked to the microphone. As I smiled at the listeners, I could see that Keith had been right; everyone's eyes were on me. A feeling that I'd really never had previously crept over me. I was in control, and everyone was waiting for me.

The presentation was smooth and very complete, as I added several things as I went along. There was loud applause as I received the one thousand-dollar prize check. I returned to my seat, my eyes locked with Keith's.

"Thanks," I said very sincerely.

With everything finished, we stood to leave, but that wasn't quite ready to happen. A group of people surrounded us, er, me, with congratulations and questions about my presentation. It was another thirty minutes before we were finally able to leave and head for the bar.

"I think you impressed a lot of people, Abby."

"I don't know, I guess. I'm ready for wine, anyway."

"You've been really good about staying away from the harder stuff," Keith said with a chuckle.

"Gonna stay that way, too. I don't need to get smashed tonight. I was hungover on a plane one time, and it was no fun." My memories of that were ugly.

"You're leaving in the morning?"

I tried to evaluate the expression on his face. It seemed to be mostly disappointment, but I wondered if there was more.

"I've seen what I needed to see at the show, so there's no reason to hang around. No one is doing my work back at home."

He laughed. "I'll be lonely," he said very simply.

Actually, waiting in the airport and then flying home alone would be boring. It would be very pleasant to have Keith with me, but I wouldn't say that to him.

We grabbed a table and ordered our wine. Keith asked several questions about my presentation and about what other things I'd done.