Libertine Adventures Ch. 04 - Anger

I collapsed on the bed and she got out of me, my juices pouring all over her bedsheet.

"Sorry about that.." I said smiling.

"Now you do me." She said, going to wash her harness. "It's for stds." She answered to my silent question. "Pussy licking is pretty safe regarding the bad stuff but exchange of vaginal fluids can fuck you up." She said.

I was beginning to feel my pussy tingle at the idea of penetrating another woman, so she wasn't too far from the truth. She laid down on the bed, and I took a few moments to admire her body. Her serpent tattoo was awesome. She had long muscular legs, a flat belly, her arms were covered in tattoos as well, and her blue hair with an undercut made her look a bit like Ruby Rose or Hasley. She was gorgeous.

I leaned on her as she opened her legs to give me easy access to her beautiful sex. I pressed my body against hers, our breasts caressing each other, and began kissing her. With my hand I guided my silicon cock towards her entrance, and when I found it teased her a bit.

The movements I had to do were unusual, and it took me some time to get used to having the strap on, but eventually I could enter her completely which made her gasp. I began going faster and harder as I was hearing her moans of pleasure. She locked her legs on my ass and pushed me even more inside her while scratching my back with her long nails, making me squeal in extasy. I grabber a handful of her electric blue hair and tilted her head back and began kissing her neck as to devour her. I could feel pearls of sweats beginning to form on my forehead, and the heat of our bodies radiating from our powerful lovemaking.

My pussy began to feel pleasure from the fabric stimulating my clit, and this made me go even harder, now fucking her in a sort of primal haze. She began to moan louder and louder, and I could feel she was close.

"Yes Come for me." I moaned into her ear, and the noises she was making intensified.

"Yes, yes, don't stop, I'm coming, don't stop." She cried.

I continued, my hips beginning to hurt, but I was determined to make her come. I pounded her as hard as I could, and pinched her nipple, just like before, making her shiver in a mind-blowing orgasm, for which she could not even make a sound. Her whole body trembled under me, and suddenly I felt her hug me as tight as she could, keeping me in her.

"God dammit, you are good." She said. I blushed. She took my red hair and approached my face to hers just to kiss me passionately. I withdrew from her and got off the harness, and sexily cleaned it with my mouth looking at her in the eye.

"And me who thought you were all innocent." She said. She noticed my pussy that was wet again after making her come.

"I'll take care of that." She said with a smirk. She got behind me and knelt on the bed, I lead back on her opening my thighs to give her access. She began caressing my clit with two fingers and massaging my breasts with her other hand, all while kissing my neck. I began to moan again in her arms. Her fingers felt like heaven, it was like she already knew my body inside and out. She alternatively caressed my clit or penetrated me with two fingers. When I was all revved up, the hand massaging my breast descended to my pussy too, and she would enter me with two fingers from one hand while massaging my clit with the other.

The double stimulation was too much for me, and when I was close, she bit on my shoulder and I came on her hands. It was her turn now to look at me while she cleaned off her fingers sucking on them. I smiled, no exhausted by the three powerful orgasms I had that night. I collapsed naked on the bed and she lit up a cigarette.

"Want one?" She asked. I had never smoked before but accepted nonetheless. When she passed me the cigarette I tried to inhale and coughed a couple of time, then my lungs got used to it, and I could inhale a bit more smoke, feeling now the nicotine rush coupled with the post orgasm bliss and the alcohol still lingering. I felt like I was high, and it wasn't long before I began to doze off. I snuggled under the covers when my cigarette was over, she snuggled in with me and switched off the lights and heating.

The next morning I was woken up by noises. I saw my mysterious hook up preparing to leave for work, she was wearing suit pants and a shirt and some leather shoes. She looked even hotter that way.

"I left some milk and coffee make sure you close the door when you go" She said with a satisfied smirk.

"Yesterday was really great red," She said kissing me, "See you around."

I groggily tried to process what was happening.

"Wait, can I see you again?"

"Well if you come to the bar again, I guess we will see each other again." She said.

"No but I mean, wait, that's it?"

"Well... yes? We hooked up, I liked it, you seemed to really enjoy it but there's not really more." She said, beginning to understand that maybe I wanted more.

"Oh, okay..." I just said, disappointment transpiring my voice.

Emily's words echoed in my head about the clarity and honesty thing with myself. It was true that it was fun, I didn't expect anything more and yet I still felt hurt by the fact that this was just a one-night thing.

"Was I not good?" I asked.

"Oh, no, you were great, but I told you yesterday, I needed to blow off some steam after my ex and and not currently wanting to from any ties, I though that was the case for you as well, I'm sorry it if wasn't' clear." She said.

I stayed silent. It wasn't clear to me but she DID say that she just had gotten out of a relationship. This was just mutual comfort but that was it, then we each would go on with our lives.

"Got to run to work, make sure everything's closed when you go all right?" Said my one time lover.

I began to dress up as she was heading out.

"Wait." I said. "I'll be ready in 2 minutes."

I retrieved my panties on the ground, realized I had slept with my thigh highs, put on my top, retrieved the heels, my scarf and coat and purse, and headed out as well. She closed the door behind her, and when we parted way we gave each other an awkward hug and kiss and said goodbye.

As I was walking towards the bus I opened my phone to find I had 17 lost calls from my sister.

I called right away to check that nothing was wrong. When she answered I could feel her anxiety just from her breathing.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes, of course, why?" I answered, "Are you?" There was a silence.

"I've been worried sick! You said you had a date and then I don't hear from you all night!"

"Well I didn't sleep at home." I said a bit pissed.

"Obviously." Her sarcasm transpired. "Just send a text to tell me and Laura you are not sleeping here. We have been worried and I tried calling you until 3 a.m. and I have classes today."

"I don't have to tell you where I am, dammit, I can take care of myself." I quipped back now irritated.

"Yes you do, You live at my house and you're my sister and I have to know if I lock all the doors because you're off screwing some stranger or if I wait for you, or if I should call the police because some psycho killed you and threw you in a ditch. I was worried!" She screamed.

"Dammit Olivia, you're so controlling, stop it, you're not the only one that gets to party, I can have a life too you know!" I answered. I had always been jealous of the fact that my sister was outgoing and partied with such ease. Now it was my turn and she didn't have to have a say in it. She stayed silent then spoke after a few moments.

"You got one week to find a place to live or get the fuck back to London. You come here, screw my roommate, screw with my life, and now you think you're entitled to behave like you fucking want without taking into account anyone else that you. Guess what Princess, you're wrong. You've hurt Laura yesterday, because yes, SHE talked to me "She put a particular emphasis on the 'she'. "In fact we talked all night and you don't give a shit about her, or about me, or about how I feel too. So since you're so great on your own find your own fucking place to live."

"Fine!." I yelled, but she had already hung up. I was enraged at her. How could she do this to me? She knew what I was going through she could understand. But she didn't. I though I was going to find a place to live. That would have shown them.

I passed by a shop to impulsively buy a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, I really had liked the effect it had had on me the night before. 'Not too much though' I said to myself.

Returning home I opened the door and neither Olivia nor Laura were there. I rushed to the room opened my computer and began to look for shared flats, but there wasn't anything convincing. I ate something quite quickly and then put my pyjamas and tried to sleep on Olivia's couch. I couldn't find sleep however. I turned in the couch again and again and yet sleep wouldn't come.

I got up and went in the kitchen, grabbed the rest of bottle of rum, and began watching a stupid Netflix series, while drinking directly from the bottle. After a while my senses numbed and I felt I was getting drunk. The bottle wasn't over, so I drank more. I didn't just want to be numb, I wanted to be completely blacked out. I wanted to stop feeling everything. I took another sip.

The Netflix series didn't even make that much sense, but I continued to watch in a semi-altered state of mind. I drank again. My eyes began to close, and I repressed a hiccup. The bottle was almost over. I chugged the rest, feeling the liquid burning my throat one last time before I blacked out on the couch, the Netflix screen asking if I was still watching. I wasn't.

The morning after I woke up with a serious hangover and a headache, I saw Olivia's room still empty, and thought she might have gone to sleep at Lukas' place. But then I heard two voices in Laura's room and recognized Olivia as one of them. I was about to knock but my hand stopped before I managed to. I was still mad at them. Even though I didn't want to be.

I went in the kitchen, opened the window and lighted myself a cigarette. The taste of those menthol ones were way better than the one my hook up gave me. I started to feel the rush of nicotine when I heard steps behind me.

"Anna, what are you doing? Smoking? And in the apartment? It's going to smell all over." Said Olivia.

"Don't worry I opened the window it's going out."

"But it's freezing outside, and since when do you smoke?

"Since yesterday." I answered scoffing and lighting out my cigarette. "There, are you happy?" I asked.

"Yes, better, please close the window as well. I'm freezing.

"Yes, ma'am" I said Sarcastically.

"Anna, what the hell has gotten into you? Stop behaving this way and tell me what's going on."

"Gosh! You're not mom, leave me alone!"

"If you don't want me to worry don't act like a child, you're putting yourself in danger and I'm worried!" She exclaimed exasperated.

"Don't be, I can handle myself and I'll be okay, I'm already looking for a place to live since you don't want me here." I retorqued.

When I looked at her I knew I had gone too far.

"I don't want to see you this way, if you're going to hurt yourself over mom then do it but don't drag the rest of us in your self-destructive ways. If you want to go down this path so be it but out of my fucking house. And don't hurt my friends just because of your hormones, I don't care who you fuck as long as you don't hurt anyone, and since you've been here you haven't been responsible about a single thing!"

"You wouldn't understand." I muttered.

"Then TALK to me" She yelled. "I am your sister, we are twins for fuck's sake, tell me what the hell is going on. I am here to help you and am here for you but don't push me away and then pin it on me because I've tried to be only understanding about your newfound sexuality even though you wouldn't talk about it."

"I told you I am not ready!"

"Then don't make me worry on top of that. It's not okay that I got to stay awake until 3 a.m wondering if I have to call the police or if you're just screwing someone." She paused and her voice broke. "I cannot lose you too."

All the feelings I had buried deep down came up resurfacing and tears filled my eyes upon the realization that I had hurt her. Great I though, I fucked up again.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry...I'm such a disaster." I sobbed. I hugged her and she held me tight.

"I'm sorry that I am making you worry, I don't know what's happening to me, my head's a mess, I just miss mom so much." My anger brought me to tears into her arms.

"I know..." She said reassuringly, her voice cracking. "I miss her too." She caressed my head and held me for as long as I cried. I cried all of my frustration into her arms. They weren't tears of sadness but mostly a nervous breakdown.

"I'm just so angry... at everything, at everyone, at mom for leaving, and at me..." I said between sobs. "I just want to crawl under a rock and hide, or drink as much as I can and forget everything."

"Sis... why do you smell of alcohol?"

"I finished the bottle of rum yesterday..." I admitted shamefully. "I couldn't sleep and... I don't know, I just wanted everything to stop. I'm so sorry..." I began to sob again and Olivia took me into her arms.

"It's all right... Maybe you need to go through that process, but please, don't push me away, or Laura, and don't hurt yourself. It's not your fault mom is gone."

"I know!" I said defensively. "I know" I repeated more softly. "But I wanted to be more there for her when she was still here." I whispered, almost to myself.

"You were, trust me, you were, I was always jealous of the relationship you two had."

"But she admired you so much for studying abroad."

"She never told me though." Olivia answered, a smile forming on her face.

"She did..." I sniffled. "She talked about you constantly, so much that I just distanced myself from her at some point." I admitted.

"You know, mom wasn't perfect either, she had secrets as well, I'm sure." That's right, Olivia didn't know. I had to tell her. Did I have to tell her? Multiple thoughts swirling in my head as well as the spinning head from the hangover made me sick. I pushed Olivia away right before vomiting on the kitchen floor.

"I'm sorry..." I managed to say just before puking again.

"It's okay..." Said softly Olivia. "Go lie down, I'll handle that, and will prepare you a hot cup of tea." Olivia said almost motherly.

"I'm so sorry..." I said again. I couldn't stop repeating it while I went to lie on Olivia's couch. My head hurting, my heart pounding, my thoughts hammering my mind. Olivia came back a few minutes later with a mint infusion. I sipped but it was a bit too hot for me. Then I saw Laura a few minutes later with a plush, it was one of those plushies you could put in the microwave and then it'd stay warm for about three or four hours, perfect for winter days.

"I'm sorry." I said to her too. "I'm such a terrible person." I said going hating myself even more.

"It's all right, you're not the only one who's complicated." She said smiling. "Olivia lost her shit too a couple of times since your mom was gone, she doesn't show it but she's also very hurt."

Of course she was. How could I not see past her partying façade? She was destroyed as well but was putting up a brave face for me. Like always.

"Can you go and fetch her please?" I asked Laura.

She nodded smiling, she understood that I was finally ready to talk.

Olivia came a few moments later and gave me a peck on the forehead. I took her arm and sat on the couch and told her to sit near me. I began to tell her that I though I was bi but I was still discovering myself. I wanted to have the freedom to discover this but also felt like a piece of shit for hurting everyone around me. I told her about the few lesbian experiences I had, including the blue haired woman from the bar. I tried to leave out the parts about mom, I didn't know if she was ready for that yet. A

"So..." she asked "this is your coming out?" She smiled.

"I'm not sure, maybe it is... have you ever thought about it?" I asked looking in her beautiful green eyes.

"Yes..." she whispered. "Yes, I have." She licked her lips nervously. My heart began to pound in my chest, and I felt flustered. I gulped down and we looked at each other for a few seconds. Right before Laura knocked on the door and chased away the thoughts I was beginning to have about my own sister.

"All okay?" She asked.

"Yes, we'll be out right away!" Answered Olivia. Then to me, "I can't believe you had all of this all this time, why didn't you tell me anything?" She asked.

"I was scared." I said. "I didn't know how I felt about myself, so I was even more unsure about how you would see me if you knew. Maybe you'd have judged me, maybe... I don't know, I was scared that you'd see me in a different light and that it would put distance between us., that I couldn't control anything. I felt that maybe everything would slip away." I looked down.

"So instead you put that distance so you at least had control over that?" She asked. I silently nodded.

"I didn't do it on purpose though... It was unconscious." "I quickly specified.

"I know it was. And it doesn't change the way I see you. I love you and if anything, knowing this will bring us closer." She smiled. "Look at me." She then said. I did. "I love you no matter what and I'm here for you, okay?" she asked. I nodded.

"Okay?" she repeated, wanting me to say it.

"Okay, okay... gosh you're good at this." I said smiling for the first time in the day, and sniffling again.

"And by the way, you can stay." Said Olivia. "I'm sorry I said that you needed to move out."

"No..." I answered. "You were right, I messed up, and I think having my own place will do me good for some time. It's time that I took a bit care of myself." I answered. "But I'm not moving out because of you, it's because I think it will be good."

"Okay." She answered. "Just don't think I want to kick you out and take as much time as you need." Olivia told me reassuringly. "Now get some sleep." She said. I nodded, closed my eyes and dozed off in a dreamless sleep.

Some days later I found a place. Some guy from Olivia's class was going away for an Erasmus and wanted to sub-rent his studio until he was back 6 months later. I jumped on the occasion, and moved in around the 18^th of December. I had also signed up on Tinder, looking only for women, and I had specified in my bio that I was sub. I still had a craving to punish myself. I smoked in secret, I knew Olivia noticed but she feigned ignorance not to push me too much.

She often hugged me and gave me nothing but love but I felt terribly guilty for not taking care of her the way she was taking care of me. She also had gone through the loss of our mom but hadn't shown anything yet. I thought that she was stronger than I was, and returned to a cycle of self-hating thoughts. After moving in my new studio, that wasn't so far from Olivia's place I bought a couple of bottles of whiskey. Just in case I thought, I will not drink them I lied to myself. That morning I spent some time swiping on Tinder, until I came across the profile of a woman with a leather suit, specifying that she did paid domination. I was curious so I superliked. I wanted to be dominated. Hard. But I still didn't know if I was ready to pay for that.

We talked a bit, I learned that she was 28, almost 10 years older than me, and that she had been a domme for quite some time. Usually she did it for fun but right now she needed money as she was surfing between a job and another, and people would pay well for a session with her. She had barely any limits regarding her practices but told me repeatedly that she privileged security, consent and health before anything. She would degrade people but never to the point of making them really sick or uncomfortable.