All Comments on 'Life as a New Hire Ch. 23'

Dude! Excellent piece. I love the pace: a little of a side bar to the prime directive, but loving the Hashashin angle. Looking forward as always to the upcoming release.

Love it love it love it.

Man I swear when I think it gets good you make it even better. I'm at a loss of words. Some side story ain't bad but wow..... i'm going to end with 5/5

Karma, thy name be Cael. Also does anyone else hear the "O Fortuna" in the background of the judgment to come?

PS Can't wait for the next chapter

I look forward to each chapter and even without any sex in the story it is GREAT

Great chapter! Must be a hell of a weekend if he's looking forward to work so much! Lol, hope to see more of Cael and his wacky adventures soon. Thanks for the literary genius that is FinalStand for this wonderful series, may it continue for a long while!!!

Excellent story, a very gritty yet endearing chapter. I see we are adding a new beauty in the form of Hans to Cael's life, lol. Still, great job and can't wait for the next installment!

These stories just keep getting better and better. I can only hope your muse keeps focus on this series, and we keep receiving chapters like this one. I wish six stars were possible.

Lovely as always, but I do have 2 notes:

As the head of the House that represents Oaths, lying to Caspar couldn't have been good in the long run.

Also hasn't Cáel promised to visit Aya at camp? Time's ticking and he appears to be messing around a lot.

FS, all I can say is, "Oh my god! You are such a good writer."

I pity poor Hana. Of all of them, she had the worst of it.

I am enjoying this story so much, but I still miss Zane. And Iona. Especially Iona. I was looking forward to the stories you'd planned with her. She's your masterpiece, a totally unique character. Your masterpiece.

I love the plotting and characters in this story. You carry the narrative forward at a good pace, but give plenty of depth to the characters. In my view, this is one of the best series I have read on Literotica. I would be happy to pay for a copy of the completed version if you make it available through something like Smashwords.

Keep up the good work!

FS,

you have done another great job on the story... so many wonderful twists and turns... dont know how you came up with all of it...but DAMN!!!!! Please keep it up... may I have another chapter soon?

. . . . " I wish six stars were possible "

From the story's viewpoint: Cáel didn't make an Oath to Casper - He didn't swear to a higher power, or on something of value, to guarantee Casper's safety. He didn't swear by Ishara, his Ancestors, or on Aya's health. What Cáel did was make a promise to Anima that if something happened to Casper, their would payback she couldn't buy her way out of, or escape. She called his bluff only to learn he wasn't bluffing. No matter what the outcome, Cáel would be considered either honest, or dishonest, not an oath-breaker.

What Cáel told Hayden the last time he saw her would be considered an Oath because of the issue (induction into House Ishara), his status as Head of House (thus speaker for his Goddess and Ancestors) and the audience involved.

In the story, a true Oath involves the person making the pledge, the person/people, or ideal, they are making the declaration to, and the Higher Power they are asking to arbitrate the Oath. The Security Detail swears (as new members) to fight beside their sisters in the SD (both as leaders and followers), protect the Host and serve the High Priestess and Council. The Arbitrator of that Oath is the Goddess Ishara. If the SD member fails to support her sisters, acts in a cowardly manner, and/or betrays her leadership, Ishara punishes the oath-breaker - along with the rest of the Host providing mortal punishment.

Now that House Ishara is active once more, the House itself would be tasked with seeking out and punishing wrong-doers on a specific level (think US Marshal's Fugitive Unit). I hope this clarifies the matter.

Best series on this site.

Best individual chapters on this site. Best story of any site I have come across, from a writer I cannot stop looking for every day.

While I wish there were duplicates of this writer who could finish or continue his other stories, I am so very happy with every bit of his craft. I wrote on the last ch that it was a little too heavy on the explanations, and this one was vastly better.

As dark as the subject matter gets, this writer's stories are FUN to read. Thank you FinalStand. * * * * * 5 Stars

As usual i get sucked into your narrative, and enjoy the journey immensely.

Thank you for an interesting and diverse story to immerse myself into.

I like the characters build-up and the conflicts their beliefs and morals bring them into.

i cannot and WILL not give you any directives on which way the story should go as it's not my place to do so.

with respect yours

Takaste

Cael keeps telling people snippets of Amazon/secret society secrets and history. Does Cael get any repercussions from the Amazons? He's openly said some things in front of other Amazons to non-Amazons, just wondering if they don't care cuz they won't believe what he says or do the secret societies not really care?

Put it this way: You and I have been friends for years. I go to the American Northwest. I come home and tell you I saw the real sasquatch. Okay, you have never known me to act crazy...so what do you do and think?

Go the the local Police Chief/Sheriff/Magistrate? Even if that individual has a good relationship with you, what would that official do? Call the Governor? The National Guard? The Army? In game context: who are Timothy and Odette going to tell who would both believe them and have the power to act on that knowledge?

Yasmin was brought into Havenstone because she personally witnessed Amazon business and she was a trained investigator - a threat.

Adding to the events is the general attitude of Amazons toward 'Normal' society. Amazons don't consider themselves a criminal conspiracy - despite their mass murdering history, possession of a vast arsenal of illegal weapons and galactic case of Tax Evasion.

Amazons believe in strength through training and vigilance. They want to birth the next generation of Amazons. They do not want to take over the world, sell drugs, commit acts of terrorism (in a conventional sense), or be involved with Murder for Hire. Amazons are not a threat to any federal, provincial, or state government. They may be a threat on a municipal, or county, level - again, in a self-defense capacity.

Now, if Cáel showed up with the location of mass graves and names of Amazon rural holdings, that would be different. That is concrete evidence. Otherwise, there are no male children, or grown men, missing in recent legal memory. Essentially, the Amazons are butchering people that have never existed.

In most ways the Amazons are their own nation-state with no ill-will toward any other established state (except Hellas). That is Javiera's current angle. There is little point in her eyes to try and ferret out the Amazons when she suspects several other, more insidious, conspiracies are at work. At Ferko's house, the Amazons acted both illegally and in self-defense. From Cáel's activities, she is making the calculated risk that turning Havenstone into a massive 'Confidential Informant' is the best legal course of action for the US. Katrina agrees.

So, what can Javiera take to court against Havenstone? Five, or six, arrests with the solid belief that none of those people will turn on the rest. By having a public, moving ritual, Cáel convinced Javiera that Havenstone was a cult/religion with the corresponding fanaticism/constitutional issues. Now, imagine Javiera explaining this to the US Attorney General. Oh, and wait, it is an 'international' organization that could possibly fold up overnight and end up in some other nation in a week. What then? "You see, Mr. President of this new country, you are harboring Amazon warriors who date their culture back to the Trojan Wars..." That is when they hang up.

By blabbing a bit, Cáel gives potential allies an edge in survival and the option of pursuing an information-exchange relationship. This is somewhat akin to the intelligence sharing between the US - UK - Soviets during WWII; hopefully more of a US - UK affair than one enjoyed with the Russians.

As for the Latin King clique and the dead super-rich. These are crimes Javiera would like to investigate, but to what end? In the future, Javiera may believe she can build a viable case against Havenstone and do some real damage to them/enforce the existing laws.

As for the 9 Clans and O'Sheas - this is not something they don't know, or strongly suspect. Cáel's very existence is far more valuable to them.

I hope this mini-essay helps.

It looks like page 2 is missing

Good work on this series and love to see more

Your writing is amazing. Please let us know if you ever publish. The wit and humor is on point and wonderfully put together. Keep it up!!!

Also thank you for posting so promptly!

This is one of the most interesting chapters yet ! Keep them coming !! 5*****'s as usual !

Thanks

TX Cracker

Thanks again for another great chapter. I am really enjoying the story. In the last chapter when Cael meets Brennan and he called Cael "Cecil"; I thought he should have said something like, "Cecil? My brother called me Cecil once. Once!" Or when Brennan called him kibble he could have done it there. At that point they had a measure of each other. Just an idea. Feel free to use it if you want.

And thank you for your explanation below. It's very good. So good I think it should be in a future chapter if/when/where Javiera has to explain to someone her actions and thinking. Again, just a thought.

Thanks for that, Any. Now I'm thinking about four people in a room at a Washington D.C. hotel. The Special Prosecutor for the Attorney General, Javiera Castello, Katrina and Cael.

SPAG: "Okay...I've read Ms. Castello's report...three times...and it still doesn't make any sense. Help me out here."

Cael: "Fine Sir. Are you familiar with the complete works of H.P. Lovecraft and the Steve Jackson game: Illuminati and its four expansion packs?"

Katrina and Javiero: (muttering) "Oh no."

Even Katrina would have to conclude that Cael is blabbing too much, picking too many fights and veering out of control. The only Amazon-legal action available is an immediate assassination. Ideally, leak enough information and fiddle his protection to allow the Condottieri to do it, or even hire them through a cut-out so that in either case the Lost Bloods don't blame the Council. Co-opt Buffy and the new Isharans, manipulate or eliminate them as needed to gradually reduce the remaining prominence of the house.

I thought I covered that. If Cael bites it, what are the 'Runners' going to think? Gosh, Cael got gakked because he was stupid...and Goddess ordained? Or, those bitchy full-bloods offed the only one Head of House honoring their promise? I'm not sure why you believe Buffy could be either co-opted, or marginalized this side of death. Buffy is in Executive Services and she knows what they do. Offing her? Yeah...the President of the United States died in a parachuting accident today. In other news, the Vice President ate a tarantula and died of food poisoning...Cael's death not only doesn't solve the mess that is his existence, it makes things worse.

Sigh - why is there a New Directive? Why was there a First Directive (the creation of the 'Runner' caste)? Amazons are DYING OUT! Killing Cael is the opposite of solving their birthing issues, it exacerbates them since Cael is their 'success story'.

Then there is that nagging little problem that there is a War coming. Cael is trying to build alliances, as is Katrina. Let's see...Cael makes some key introductions then ends on the wrong end of a poorly cooked Puffer Fish...yeah, that makes we want to trust the Amazons. Either they killed off their own emissary, or they couldn't adequately defend him...which is worse?

The blabbing I covered in an earlier response to a post.

There are two guiding principles in Amazon Society - protect the Host, breed more Amazons. Nothing else comes close.

I check daily on this site for your submissions and it feels like Christmas every time there is a new one. I have read all your stories and loved all of them. Keep up the good work.

I don't normally read some of your replies since so much of the story makes sense with out the detailed explanations. Having randomly scrolled through your replies here I had to stop and stare at it and the one individual you were replying to. I had to shake my head since I had already figured out most everything you detailed.

I guess as an author myself I am fairly used to keeping track of plot subtltys that others might miss.

Blowing the fuck out of snobby rich fucks, nom nom nom, delicious. :)

... Dad finally stepped up to the plate. Would have been a real tragedy for more innocents to suffer for the actions of the scum-sucking few.

Nthusiastic

Sadly, I'm confused by this chapter. The fact that it took that look for this chapter to come to a decision about the punishment for Brennan's action befuddles me. Right up to the point where Casper walked in in the morning and was high and raped. I could understand Cael taking the pictures, but everything that followed made no sense. I mean I initially expected the assassin to kill Brennan as soon as she figured out what happened, or maybe Cael would. But I also could believe that Cael would turn it over to the authorities. I mean he has the pictures, videos, DNA proof right there. The fact that Anima threatened to post it on a porn website makes the criminal and civil case soooooo much better. Casper may not have been uber rich before, but after that lawsuit she certainly would have. This was the first chapter where what you have come to expect, or hoped, to happen, didn't. It was also the most unbelievable chapter because of how people acted in it. I mean why didn't Cael and the girls leave after the father came home and the father acted indifferent to the actions of his son. There were just too many times in the chapter where I wondered "why are they still in that house" and "why isn't Brenna dead?" Just my opinion. It's still a 5-star story so far and I look forward to reading the next chapter. Thanks for posting!!

[From the above comment:]

[Sadly, I'm confused by this chapter. The fact that it took that look for this chapter to come to a decision about the punishment for Brennan's action befuddles me. Right up to the point where Casper walked in in the morning and was high and raped.]

* Please remember, until Casper walks into the Dining Room for breakfast, Cáel has a ton of pain on his plate. Look over his life in the past eight days. He was nearly relocated then made to confront the Legacy of Vranus which tore away any and all lingering doubts about the atrocities the Amazons committed and still commit ~ people he likes. He discovers his O’Shea lineage then his Father is murdered. He feels ghosts looking over his shoulder. He starts a war. He learns his Mother, who he has mourned for 15 years, might still be alive. That is a shitload on his plate already so the LAST thing he wants to do is confront Anima and Brennan.

Cáel only wants to pour all his focus into lusting after a woman’s body ~ something pure and uncluttered to him. That is why he is in the pool earlier in the morning instead of looking after Casper … because Cáel is in pain too. He doesn’t want to be Cáel Ishara. He doesn’t want his last memory of his Burnham home seeing its walls riddled with bullet holes. He wants his entire world to be touching Brooke just right so when she moans and smiles at him, it is better than the Sun rising and louder than the waves crashing on the beach.

Then comes breakfast …*

[I could understand Cáel taking the pictures, but everything that followed made no sense. I mean I initially expected the assassin to kill Brennan as soon as she figured out what happened, or maybe Cáel would.]

* Estere is not there to murder Brennan and his cohorts. Randomly killing people is frowned upon in her profession, despite the bluffs she plays. Cáel simply isn’t a cold-blooded murderer. He knows in the beat-down process, when they begged him to stop, he’d stop … and then they’d put him in jail, or try to. Nothing would have been accomplished. He simply isn’t as ruthless as he feels the situation demands and unlike every other time when this might have come up, he knows a person who is.

I wanted to show Cáel with that dilemma ~ having the power to command ‘death by proxy’. He knows he alone can’t stop Brennan and his crowd. Forgiveness is in his nature. At some point he is afraid he’ll snap and forgive people his heart tells him are beyond redemption. If Cáel lets them off the hook, he knows they will do something this horrible to another person again. He faces the quandary of having the power to effect events and knowing if he doesn’t, evil will be committed again.*

[But I also could believe that Cáel would turn it over to the authorities. I mean he has the pictures, videos, DNA proof right there.]

* Does he? Cáel has his personal experiences to fall back on. You can bet whatever drugs Casper imbibed and alcohol she drank will be laid solely in her lap. She’s an adult and this isn’t a college campus. An expert defense team would point out ‘everyone’ was partying and having sex. Casper, as an adult, got so drunk she did things she regretted in the morning. Under New York law, it is only rape if Casper became inebriated ‘without her consent’, not solely that she was drunk. There will be no evidence she was drugged against her will and everyone she ‘partied’ with will testify to her consumption. After all, Casper WILLING went to Brennan’s for the weekend with ‘friends’. She WILLINGLY went to a Gentleman’s Club earlier that evening. She was partying with people she in earlier evidence (texts and conversations) identified as ‘friends’. Did ALL her friends conspire to rape her? Estere won’t testify ~ she avoids the limelight. Havenstone would most likely ask Cáel to not testify ~ Casper is not an Amazon and they don’t need Sulkanen detectives snooping around. Jormo would ask Hana to not testify. That would leave Brooke and Libra telling about what they witnessed after the fact. All the criminal defense team needs is one juror.

A civil suit means little to Brennan and Company and the few hundred thousand shuffled Casper’s parents way would do nothing to deal with the trauma she endured.

Strangely, what I haven’t mentioned in the story is Hana and Brooke are helping out with Casper’s expenses in therapy. Casper lives with Brooke and Hana sees to her medical needs ~ no lawsuit required.*

[The fact that Anima threatened to post it on a porn website makes the criminal and civil case soooooo much better. Casper may not have been über rich before, but after that lawsuit she certainly would have.]

* Anima would have it posted, but use some bought-and-paid-for flunky to do the work to do so anonymously. Anima is pretty clever and Cáel has the feeling she’s done things like this before. Casper’s legal team can throw all the accusations they want. All Brennan and company have to do is suggest at least one of their accounts was hacked. They’ll pull out a few ‘experts’ to show how ‘easy’ it is and confuse a jury.*

[This was the first chapter where what you have come to expect, or hoped, to happen, didn't. It was also the most unbelievable chapter because of how people acted in it.]

* Sorry about that. I try to steal as much of my stories from events in real life as I can. Different social sets tend to be more forgiving of their members who ‘tragically misbehave’ with members of perceived ‘lesser’ social groups. I do see Brennan’s clique as an extreme example of the abuse of wealth and privilege. Outlandish – yes. Impossible – I don’t think so.

Estere is there to get close physically and mentally with Cáel, not murder anyone. She uses violence to impress Cáel because she divines that to be what he needs at the moment ~ a physically dangerous companion. It is not how she normally acts. Raining down vengeance on Brennan and his crowd is not ‘her thing’. Killing them in a place with massive surveillance and plenty of witnesses … not very professional.

I hoped I wrote Brooke and Libra rather well in this chapter. The fact was Brennan and Company thought those two would give them a ‘pass’ on their behavior because of their shared social class. Sure, they would have been repulsed, but oppose them? Those two women turned out to be cut from a very different cloth.

Hana is trapped by family politics. Her personal sense of Right & Wrong is subordinate to supporting her Father. She does her best to get Jormo to see Brennan’s flaws. In the final showdown, she goes so far to put it all on the line … not for moral reasons, but because Jormo is failing to protect the family which is the prime virtue he has imbued in her.

Jormo is trapped in an escalating cycle of covering up Brennan’s indiscretions. The story witnesses the final act of a long line of Brennan’s fuck-ups. It started small – getting a misdemeanor off his permanent record, or expunging a prep school Honor Code violation. There were punishments and rewards. Therapy and rehab. Brennan promising to do better … until the next time. In my Mind’s Eye, Jormo’s was the journey of Best Intentions gone awry coupled with his unwillingness to accept he was making a mistake in his dealings with Brennan. Brennan was never grateful for his 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances and Jormo sensed it. He simply wouldn’t allow himself to accept his youngest son had become moral degenerate. Only when Hana threw down the gauntlet was Jormo forced to confront reality.

Anima … I write from experience. I have known a woman of that moral caliber.*

[I mean why didn't Cáel and the girls leave after the father came home …]

* They didn’t leave because they could not legally take charge of Casper. There was the fear they would be charged with kidnapping. They couldn’t leave Casper, so they stayed. After the plane crash, Cáel and the gang figured Jormo was too distracted with the threat to Brennan’s life so they felt it was then time to exit with Casper in their company. *

[… and the father acted indifferent to the actions of his son.]

* There is a bit about childhood and parenting in this chapter. Mostly you see Brennan, his failure to appreciate the benefits of his upbringing and the equal failings of Jormo to hold Brennan accountable. In contrast, you have Hana. Jormo raised BOTH children yet they turned out entirely differently. As the story progresses, you get hints that Jormo isn’t a bad father. He made mistakes with Brennan and it cost them both dearly. Jormo mourns for his son.

This chapter is more important because it introduces Hana Sulkanen who become far more important as the story progresses. She is the virtual polar opposite of Brennan and, I repeat, they were both raised by Jormo. Brennan took the love and attention and became a selfish, spoiled brat. Hana took the same and became a Princess.

This chapter is also an eye-opener, I hope, for how the readers look at Libra and Brooke and how they have transformed over the past 15 chapters ~ and how Cáel has evolved his perception of them.*

[There were just too many times in the chapter where I wondered "why are they still in that house" and "why isn't Brennan dead?" Just my opinion. It's still a 5-star story so far and I look forward to reading the next chapter. Thanks for posting!!]

* Still in the house ~ Casper. Brennan dead ~ he is as good as dead once Cáel makes that phone call. Thank you for the stars. I do appreciate it. Hopefully you will keep reading. In ‘Life as a New Hire Ch. 44 – Extra’ I go back over the events with Casper, but from the perspective of Felix being there with and without Cáel. While certainly a good number of people end up dead because of the malfeasance in this chapter, important people are introduced, or brought more into the story.

You can’t imagine Brooke and Libra will ever look at Cáel the same way again and vice versa. The repercussions of the phone call with Javiera are coming up. Then there is Hana … she’s going places as far as this tale goes.*

For those who don't speak whiny spoiled brat:

"so dumb!!!

so many words, so much boringness for so a LAME conclusion! hated it. *"

Means "I write on this site and don't get 1/1000th of the readers as Finalstand. I wish some of the folks reading his story for the 6th time would give one of my stories a try, but as much as my stories suck, I know none of them would even finish a chapter, so all I can do is randomly insult these chapters in hopes of at least bringing him down since I won't get any readers of my own..."

Hope this helps everyone understand the below comment.

Excellent translation of whiny spoiled brat, a language I'm pleased to admit I've never been forced to learn. I enjoy LaaNH more each time I return. Selfishly, I hope FS never ends Cael's story, just continues adding more chapters.

Great translation.

To Finalstand : I don't see why some folks are taking issue with this chapter. I liked it the first time and I was looking for it this time around. Because, now that I know the results, I was able to really enjoy the phone call to Buffy and Càel's enlightenment of Libra concerning Trent.

Though chapters 22 & 23 are a diversion from the main Havenstone story line, I still feel they were important for the elements they introduce and embellish. Not only do we meet Hana, which becomes huge (and I'm doing more with Estere in Chapter 48, I swear) it also harkens back to the theme of Cáel being unprepared for what fate seems to being tossing at him.

For the guy introduced in Chapter 1 to be 'okay' with being the mystically-chosen leader of a bunch of dedicated man-killers and burying his murdered Father didn't work for me. I am in awe with the psychological process which people go through in the various military training programs across the globe. Whatever derivation of the term for Drill Instructor your Service uses, those people have to hammer normal folks into people capable of making life and death decisions in a split seconds because hesitation could equate to lives lost, or needlessly taken.

Also, if you were in a 'class' with Cáel, could you imagine your DI choosing Cáel for anything approaching a leadership position? Sure, he's affable, but he's not the kind of man he screams out as being 'responsible'. At the start, he wasn't. No, Trent and Felix were your 'hard charger' leadership types.

Instead, in a manner of a few weeks, Cáel finds himself plunging the Amazon Host into a Global War in which he knows innocent lives will be lost ~ because it is a WAR. He knows it is going to be bad ... and he is absolutely, terribly wrong about how bad it will be even though all the clues to how horrific things will become are there (in Chapter 18).

Now, tack on the fact of who is working with and holds a leadership position in - the Amazon Host. It is more than a razor-sharp military organization. It is a militant body filled with people casually capable of killing others - which is NOT the norm for the World's militaries. They kill helpless infants and the elderly. They expect their own elderly to commit ritual suicide. Torture and studied cruelty is the norm for the Amazons yet he cares for them. Worse, he feels this occult obligation to them as a People ~ this inescapable lodestone of his fate.

So, lacking any preparation for his leadership role, knowledge of the larger mystic and secret underworld, and the realization his actions have led to his only parent killed, Cáel cracked. I found that choice totally realistic. He ran away. He would have ran away to Brooke's apartment if that was where the ladies were heading. It wasn't where they were planning to go. Instead he ends up going to a place where he is needed instead of a place where he can unwind.

The lesson is Cáel can't run away from being Ishara ... and it isn't a lesson he absorbs this time around. It comes up again ~ because this was not the life he wanted, or was prepared for and while he does rather well, the mental stress he goes through was pretty intense (from my perspective) ... and all in 84 days.

James aka FinalStand

"and he is absolutely, terribly wrong about how bad it will be even though all the clues to how horrific things will become are there (in Chapter 18)."

Where in chapter 18 exactly?

Thank you for all your comments to date.

By Chapter 18 I was referring to the information provided to Cáel about the other Secret Societies and their (basically nefarious) origins. The Protocols are a 'truce', not a 'peace treaty'. That implies another war will eventually come.

Cáel knows the Amazon Host is in trouble genetically and, if he doesn't do something, will begin an inevitable and unstoppable decline. That decline will, in turn, spark another Secret War. The Secret Societies are horrible, fucking folk so atrocities are to be expected.

Cáel knows the Seven Pllars is part and parcel tied to the People's Republic of China. The 7P's are out for world domination and that means the extinction of the Earth & Sky. The E&S knows this and has to have planned some counter to the 7P's awesome power. Cáel knows they have to do 'something' though he can't yet wrap his mind about using WMD's.

The Condos are mercenaries for hire on a global scale. They feed on brush wars and regional instabilities. By default, they make money on massive human misery.

The 9 Clans are in the direct people killing business. It is what they do on six of the seven continents. They are legendary for the people they have exited existence.

The Illuminati have far exceeded the Amazons for their callous disregard for the bulk of Humanity.

While it isn't precisely revealed what the Egyptian Rite do, they have matched ruthlessness with ruthlessness with other Secret Societies both extinct and still in existence. It is somewhat remarkable the ER and Amazons have never fought ~ rather unique in fact. The ER's primary tactics are to outlast a foe through evasion and attrition. That implies violence on their part, they more economically applied.

The reference was to the implication of what Cáel learned, not any direct threat.

Thanks again, toesocks451.

James aka FinalStand

I spotted these and thought they might need to be corrected

" "You know, fill up the aerial unit with Helium, create a powerful x-direction buoyancy then let the package accelerate into high orbit." "

I know this is Cael babble but "x-direction buoyancy" makes me wince every time i read it. The x-axis is the horizontal axis on all graphs. The y-axis is the vertical one in 2d and the z-axis is usually vertical in 3 dimensions (some cnc-machines have different naming conventions depending on manufacturer, cnc-language and sub-versions of the language, as well as from which side the cutting tool approaches the material)

" "We have a masseuse," Hana offered. "He's very good. I can give him a call and have him come over from the spa." "

Masseuse is the feminine of masseur and since it is a male masseur it should probably be corrected

I couldn't find the Master to Volume V so I couldn't change it there, but I changed it in the original copy of Chapter 23 and made the notations. Its been fixed to "y-axis" (and to think I was once good at math) and I changed the 2nd problem ... for perhaps a later complication:

**

“We have a masseuse on retainer,” Hana offered. “She’s very good. I can give her a call and have her come over from the spa.”

**

Thanks for pointing that out.

Take care,

James aka FinalStand

r u planning on writing another awesome one any time soon? hopefully a one male to many fenales type of story?

Great chapter.

the fire place was unlit, then lit

and keyes became keys

just a few small things I spotted. outside of that, so well written

JC

I have to admit, i enjoy your stories.

However, this chapter has proven to be not only badly written, but also annoying.

To elaborate tediously on a rape victims sudden desire to hug a male is, in my humble opinion, factually wrong and bad story-telling. It simply draws the readers attention to the absolute absurdity of this fiction.

Additionally, after the main actor has made a threat, there is no need for him to elaborate on how cruel and how severely this will impact the enemy. Best just be done with it.

I just have to say that after reading this story line 7 times, this is still the hardest chapter for me to read. I love that this sets up further story lines, but the part that makes me cringe more than anything is Anima and her hard headed attitude toward other people.

For those that haven't been raped, anybody who says it wasn't your fault and is trying to protect you and prepare you for recovery after the fact, is gold.

Male rape exists and I have no problem with her reaction. :P

If you go for the withe knight character, at least make it believable and follow through. These half assed measures the Main Character takes and the considerably boring and repetitive verbal altrecations make this a very straining and tedious read.

Thanks Anon, it has become a tedious read. He constantly comes up with some stupid joke only to have to go back and give the truth a moment later. It’s not funny anymore. Every now and then he could just tell the truth or say I can’t tell you.

Really starting to hate you and your damn useless jokes. Tell the story or tell a joke. The whole damn story is a joke

If it's such a problem, why continue? Why bitch and moan for multiple chapters now? Just stop reading. The story's done, why bother complaining about things that cannot be further altered?

Dark. A strange weekend getaway. From large-scale conflict to a family-level fight. Come on Monday. Still five stars.

One more thought. James, thank you for the explanatory thought in your comment below as to the place in the story arc of the last chapters. It adds a lot, as do all your comments. People, this is a saga where you should read the comments, and look for James aka Finalstand's thoughts.

The old man finally woke up when he understood he could not bully Cael

5/5 again people had to die including an innocent pilot and GF.

What a mess hope it doesn't rebound on Cáel. 5⛤

Still great stuff.