All Comments on 'Life as a Slave - Pt. 01'

Do yourself a favour: run into a wall. Do it over and over until you enter “sub space” or until you knock some sense into that skull of yours.

If you have beat your slave into submission, then you’re just an abuser.

Hello Sir, do i take it you are not into fiction stories bases on fact and fantasy? Maybe an idea if you did not read parts 2 - 3 - 4 Sir, sara x

Sarabrown.

You are having trouble you're wobbling between first person narrative (that this class of stories should be in) and third person (and it should be tight, but your stuff isn't always).

Would love you to pull this, fix this wobble to First Person Narrative that will make take this from a 3 to a 5.

Yours

Slave Paul Petrosky

Hello again Paul, my background is not academia, i never had the luxury of high grades or uni. My true stories flow out of me and into print. I use word for spelling and have now got a very kind man to proof read before i post. Maybe you could offer and give me a little slack and enjoy my work for what it was intended, an outlook for people to get the idea of how a full time, 24/7 young girl lives. I love my lifestyle Sir. You may email me if you wish, sara xx

Paul, in addition to sara's reply to you I would add the following: Firstly I am the man helping her with the proof reading. Again I am not a literary expert (I was a civil engineer before I retired). I just enjoyed sara's writing and offered to help her. Following your comment (and all comments are appreciated) I have had another look at it with a view to making the change you suggest. Doing that and re-reading the story I realise that at the time I thought it was a deliberate switch from third person to first person (about 2/3 through). Part 2 is all first person.

Again as sara says please feel free to email me (via Literotica contact). We are both (sara and I) learning and gaining experience at this