Life in A-Flat

"No, of course not! I've been busy, that's all."

"Can I see you today?" he asked her.

"I have rehearsal from noon until four o'clock. But I'm free after that," she said hopefully.

"May I take you to dinner tonight?"

"Yes. I'd like that very much. What do you want me to wear and what time shall I expect you?"

"How does seven sound?"

"it sounds wonderful," she told him. "I can't wait to see you."

"And you can wear whatever you like, but I think you know my preference. I'll let you decide."

Emma's heart fluttered again when she hung up the phone and it beat even faster when she decided to go buy something new to wear for her...boyfriend? The sound of that was so intoxicating Emma felt faint.

On the way home from rehearsal she stopped at a store she could have never shopped in and found something she would never have chosen to wear. But where Chad was concerned, she would wear anything he liked. She realized she was at the point where she would also do anything he liked and that thought both thrilled and frightened her. She chose a very dressy, dark red sweater with a low neckline and a charcoal gray skirt and a pair of black 3-inch heels. Emma had never bought a single piece of jewelry in her life, but she couldn't resist the prettiest set of silver earrings and a matching necklace. So much for her advance. Then again, she had a job and she could finally afford to buy herself some of the things she wanted. She could only hope Chad would like them as much as she did.

Emma's heart had begun beating fast again as the time grew near. It went into turbo mode when she heard the knock on her door. She opened it just a bit to make sure it was him before unchaining it and letting him in.

"Hi!" she said with a smile she couldn't hide.

"Oh, my goodness! Look at you!" he said. "You look amazing!"

"Do you like it?" Emma asked pensively. "Please tell me you do?" Her eyes were hopeful and she needed his reassurance.

"How could I not?" he told her. "I told you you had the most beautiful eyes hiding behind those glasses. And your smile is to-die-for gorgeous." He put his hands on her shoulders and said, "Like you."

"Do you like the clothes I bought for you?"

"Rather than say anything, let me show you how much I like them." Emma melted into his arms as he kissed her. With her confidence soaring, Emma kissed him back and quickly offered him her tongue. She was tingling in that place—down there—as their tongues danced. She was yearning for him with all her being until he slid his hand down her arm and over to her...the place where a soft, round breast should be. The feelings of inadequacy and the guilt she'd felt when Bobby had done that came flooding back. She reflexively recoiled and stepped back.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Did I do something wrong?"

Shaken, Emma said, "I'm sorry. I'm just so...self-conscious about that part of my body. It's the other thing I want to change as soon as I can."

"Can we talk?" Chad asked her. "Let's sit down here for a minute."

Emma joined him on the ratty old couch. Chad took her hand but Emma's confidence was shot. She couldn't look at him again. Undeterred, Chad began by saying, "I told you I'm an honest person and I will never lie to you. Do you believe me?"

Emma thought about everything he'd said and done so far and could find no reason to disagree. "Yes," she said quietly.

"So if I tell you I love the way your body looks right now, will you trust me?"

Emma was dealing with years of self loathing with this particular issue being the center of it. She was convinced—she knew—she was unattractive as a woman because frankly, she didn't look like one. She looked like a little girl or even a boy. Sure, she had to admit her eyes and her smile were indeed pretty, but she couldn't accept that anyone could find...that...attractive.

"I want to," she began. "But everyone else and everything else says my body looks...plain. I was going to say 'ugly' or 'hideous' but I thought you might be mad at me."

"Emma? Why would I be mad at you? You've had years to form this self image and it's going to take time to change it. Look, you've already turned a pretty face into one that's stunningly beautiful. Now let me assure you I find your body to be perfect. It is very...desirable."

Emma knew it was useless to try and fight off blushing. When she heard the man she fantasized about say she was desirable, it was as if he knew about her secret. Her evil, wicked secret. He saw things. He knew things. But he couldn't know that, could he? The secret touching, the softest moans, the ache she felt for him to be...inside her. Could he?

Emma was still looking down when she said, "I've been teased about my...my...my lack of well, you know...so many times I can't possibly feel any other way about it. Both boys and girls have made fun of me for years and all I've ever wanted is to look like a beautiful woman." She forced herself to look at the man she loved and say, "And now I want that...for you. I want to be beautiful for you." She wanted to tell him how she felt so bad it seemed as though she might explode, but if she told him and he didn't feel the same way about her, it would kill her.

"But you are beautiful, Emma." He slid closer to her and put his arm around her shoulder and brushed back her plain, brown hair. "Have you heard the saying 'there's someone for everyone?'"

"Sure," she replied.

"Then how can that be true if you're so unattractive?"

Emma looked confused. "I don't understand."

"Well, is it possible the problem isn't that you're unattractive, but that you haven't yet learned that not all men want the same thing?"

Emma still had a perplexed look on her face.

"For as long as you can remember, what have you seen? You've been shown endless examples of how men like women with big boobs. These women are on TV, they're in magazines, there are ads for cosmetic surgery everywhere, and Victoria's Secret makes bigger seem better. Are you with me so far?"

"Of course. That's reality. That's the way things are. That's why I want to have...them...too."

"But what if you're missing something very important? What if there are men who prefer women who look like you?"

Emma couldn't stifle a snort. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. That just seems impossible. No one wants to see a girl who looks like a...boy." Chad laughed. "That's not funny! Please don't be mean."

Chad smoothed her hair and said, "I didn't mean to be mean, Emma. But even what you just said isn't true."

"What? I'm so confused. I'm not dumb. I was my school's valedictorian, but I feel like a little child when you talk to me. How can that not be true?"

Chad took her hand and said, "There really men who like not only girls who look like boys, but there are men who actually like boys. I'm not one of them, but I am one of those who really, really like girls who look...well, just like you, Emma Castillaw."

"You're just saying that," she said. "No one really feels that way."

Chad sighed and said, "I want you to meet someone after dinner tonight, okay?"

"Who?" Emma asked.

"Just a good friend of mine. I want you to talk to her and see if doing so makes you feel any better. Will you do that for me?" he asked.

"Okay. I guess so," she told him. "And I'm sorry I pulled away from you. I really like when you kiss me," she said sheepishly. "Could we do that again?"

Chad pulled her close and kissed her long and passionately. "Time for dinner," he said as they came up for air.

Two hours later, Emma told him on the way to his car, "That was wonderful. Thank you so much for dinner, Chad."

After about 45 minutes, they found themselves on the Upper East Side. Chad pulled into a private parking garage where a valet was expecting him. He parked the car while Chad took Emma to a private entrance.

"Where are we?" she asked. "This place is even more expensive and upscale than your place and yours is very nice."

"It belongs to a friend," he told her as they got on the elevator for the top floor.

"Which penthouse does she own?" Emma asked.

"The entire building," he told her as the exited on the 75th floor.

"Oh, my goodness! This is amazing!" she exclaimed.

"Wait 'til we get inside," he warned her.

A doorman, who was also expecting them, opened the monstrously large entrance to the penthouse. As they stepped inside, a woman who appeared to well into her '70s was waiting. "Chad! It's so wonderful to see you again! How long has it been?" she asked.

"Too long, Ella. Much too long."

"And who is this beautiful creature?" she asked as she looked Emma up and down with what appeared to be a very experienced eye.

"This is my girl...sorry. I'm being presumptuous. This is my friend, Emma."

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, my dear. I can see why Chad finds you so adorable. Please come in and have a seat. I was just getting ready to have a nightcap. Brandy for you two?" she asked pleasantly.

Chad looked at Emma who shook her head 'no' which made him tell Ella, "No, thanks, El. We're fine."

A servant brought the elderly lady a snifter of brandy. She checked the aroma then dismissed him with a wave of the hand. She took a sip and said, "Oh, my. This is truly the nectar of the gods."

She sat the glass down then said, "So, Emma. How old are you, dear?"

"I'm 19," Emma told her.

"That's close to the end of the line, Chad," she said with an air of authority.

"True, but she has a year or two left and there are places after that for someone her age. You taught me that," he countered.

"You never forget a thing, do you? That's a big part of the reason you've taken your late father's new business to unheard-of new heights. Yes, she might have a year or so left at the highest levels, but I'm afraid that would be it. As you say, there are places for older girls, but the rewards are much less significant."

Emma looked first at Ella then at Chad before saying, "Can someone please tell me what's going on? It seems as though you're both talking about me as though I'm not sitting right here."

"El runs the most prestigious modeling agency in the world, Emma," Chad said matter of factly.

"Ran," Ella corrected him immediately. "I grew tired of the business last year and sold it but I retain the right to place any girl I like within the agency."

"Place a girl? I really don't understand," Emma said with a look of genuine confusion on her face.

"Barnard?"

The servant was by her side in less than three seconds. "Madame?"

"Have Carolyn see to this young lady. Three different outfits from the latest line. Post haste."

"Yes, madame. Young lady? Will you accompany me, please?"

Emma's look turned desperate. "Chad?"

"Trust me, Emma. Please.

Emma stood up and went with Barnard who took into another area of the penthouse where a woman who must be Carolynn was waiting. "Well, I can see why you made it this far. You're the fifth girl someone has brought to Ella since she retired but the only one she's asked to see model something for her."

"Model? Me? Can you please tell me what's going on here?" Emma begged her.

"You may change in there," Carolyn told her pointing to a large room. "And remove that silly training bra you're wearing. You clearly have no need for it and it will entirely ruin the look."

Emma burned with embarrassment and indignation but she wasn't the type to argue. She always did as she was told, so went into the room and removed her clothes. She was disgusted, as always, when she saw her curveless figure in the full-length mirror.

"Try on the gown first," she heard Carolyn say.

The gown was beautiful. It looked like it was made of mostly silk and possibly something like rayon, but Emma barely knew anything about J Crew fashions let alone this label. Vera Wang is what it said. Emma slid into it then noticed it the neckline was very deep. It showed off a large portion of her chest where she should have had cleavage. Instead, there was just a very large, unsightly breast bone and two protruding collar bones. Emma was feeling even more despondent as she saw herself. The gown was stunning but she looked—ridiculous. She put on the 4" heels that went with the gown as well as a silver choker that was paired with it then she forced herself to step outside.

"Oh, my," Carolyn said. "Yes. This does make sense."

"What makes sense? Why am I doing this? Can you please explain what's going on here?" Emma cried.

"Follow me, please," Carolyn directed.

As Emma walked into the room where she'd been initially, the conversation stopped. Ella again looked her over then said, "Very nice. Walk for me, my dear. And please strut."

Emma looked at Chad who nodded and mouthed, "Go ahead."

Emma had no idea how to strut so she walked. Slowly. Carefully. She'd only worn heels once and they were 2 inches high. She was deathly afraid she would fall and break her ankle. As she took the first few steps, Carolyn said harshly, "No, no, no! Like this!" She put one hand on her hip then began walking quickly while lifting each leg high and placing it directly in front of the other. "Now you do it. Strut!"

Emma was beyond intimidated and near tears. She just wanted this to be over. Chad stood up and walked over to her. "Please do this. For me? Please? Be brave, Emma. And be bold. Just like that—strut."

Emma blinked back a tear and said, "Okay. I'll try. For you."

She put her hand on her hip the way she'd seen Carolyn and tried her best to imitate her walk. She made it about ten steps before she lost her balance and nearly fell. She was so frightened and upset she said, "I don't want to do this anymore! Can you please take me home now?"

"That's all right, dear. I've seen enough. Can you have her ready in one week?" she asked Carolyn.

"One week? You can't be..."

"Yes or no, Carolyn?"

Carolyn looked visibly shaken. "Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Then we'll start tomorrow morning. Chad, can you have her here at 9 o'clock?"

Emma finally reached her breaking point. "Everyone stop! I'm standing right here! I can't be here tomorrow because I have violin rehearsal and I need that job and the money it brings to help my mother. So I will be there tomorrow and not here!"

Ella asked pointedly, "How much are we talking about, my dear?"

Emma hated braggarts but she found the courage to say, "Fifty-thousand dollars."

"Oh, my. I'm afraid I can't top that. Not for one show. She's very good, Chad, but fifty thousand is my limit."

Chad stepped in said, "El? That's what Emma's being offered per year."

Ella cackled and said, "Oh, my! I assumed you were a world-class violinist, my dear. That's the source of the confusion. It would appear you are at the crossroads of not one, but two potential new careers. One pays $50,000 per year, the other $50,000 per night. I'm sure the two of you will reach a decision this evening and let me know before tomorrow morning. I do hope to see you here, my dear."

Emma once again found herself in a swirling vortex of confusion. "I'm going to be...modeling? But I can't. I mean, not like...this. I have an appointment with a cosmetic surgeon to enhance my..."

Ella threw up her hands and said, "Oh, my Lord! Chad, talk some sense into this girl. She can't be serious! Doing that will destroy any chance she has in this business for whatever time she has left. Please, for God's sake, talk to this child!" Ella stood and without another word, turned and walked out.

Chad understood that was their cue to leave. Carolyn showed Emma back to the changing area and said, "Well, you've clearly impressed Ella in spite of your little tumble. I hope you can understand why I'm not so impressed."

Emma was clueless. "I'm sorry but I really don't understand any of this."

"Then let me spell it out for you. I was discovered at the age of 14. I had to diet and starve myself to stay as thin as you are naturally. I was always hungry and miserable and by the time I was 20, I was too old to do this anymore. Yet you waltz in—no, make that stumble in at 19 and land a show without any experience whatsoever. The only reason is because you have the body people like me nearly died trying to get. So you'll excuse me if I'm just a little bit bitter about your unearned and undeserved success."

Emma tired not to cry as she changed back into her 'street clothes.' This was supposed to be a learning experience but all Emma had learned was that Carolyn hated her. She dried her eyes with a tissue then readied herself to meet Chad in the parlor. Ella had retired for the evening and was therefore nowhere to be found. Emma still had a lot of questions for him but things were beginning to become clearer in her mind.

On the elevator ride down, Chad asked her, "So what did you think?"

"Other than finding out Carolyn hates me, I'm not sure," she told him honestly. "Was that an audition for a fashion show or your way of proving to me you were right?"

"I think you know it was both, Emma. And don't worry about Carolyn. She's been bitter for the last 20 years since her own modeling career came to an end. Ella pays her well for the things she does, but being nice isn't one of them. I'm just glad to hear you admit I was right—again."

She hit him playfully then said, "If you hadn't done this, I would have gone ahead and had great big..." Emma had never said any word but breast before, but she was feeling so happy she decided to take a huge risk and said, "Boobs." She noticed she didn't blush this time which was such a nice change. As was having Chad in her life. As was feeling...beautiful. She suddenly wanted to feel so many other things.

"And had you done that, I would have lost interest in you," he said as they left the main building.

"Really?"

"Yes, really," he told her.

"Can you tell me why?" she asked sincerely. "Don't you like big boobs?"

Chad laughed and said, "I told you there's someone for everyone, Emma. No matter how much society tells us 'one size fits all' with regard to anything, you can be sure it doesn't. Some guys like girls with really short hair. Some guys like very, very large women. Some have fetishes for high heels or leather. Some even find girls who smoke sexy as hell. I think girls who look like you are the most attractive of all. Is that really so surprising to you? That not everyone wants the same thing?"

"You know, I have to admit I never once thought about that, but after hearing you explain that way, it seems so clear to me now. But guys like you have to be a very small minority, right? That makes me wonder if you hadn't come into my life if I'd have ever learned this...or met you." She thought for a moment and said, "I guess being the smartest girl in your class doesn't necessarily make her all that smart."

Chad laughed again and said, "You learn quickly, Emma. I like that about you. And you are smart. And pretty. And desirable. And you're going to be very wealthy soon. So, do you still want me to take you home?" Chad asked as the valet brought his car.

"No," Emma said quietly.

"Then where would you like the to take you?" he asked her.

Emma looked over at him and said as though someone else was speaking for her, "To bed. With you." Suddenly, her confidence faded and she said, "I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me. I can't believe I said that. A man like you would never want to..."

Chad pulled her close and kissed her hard. He kept kissing her until she melted in his arms. Then he slid his hand down to where it had been earlier and heard Emma gasp. "Doesn't that feel good?" he whispered.

"Yes," she purred. "It feels wonderful." She pushed up against him as she'd done before and found what she wanted. "So does that," she said as she ground against his erection.

"Is that what you want tonight, sweetheart?" he asked as he kissed her again.