All Comments on 'Life in a Small New Hampshire Town'

Great story!

5

Great story..... I hear what you say about Chris and Shiloh..... might be an interesting new /follow-up slant...

Let it run, it's got long legs!! Thank you very much.

Good story, thank you . I look forward to read you again ;)

Good story. I would like to read what happened to Shiloh and see her happy

Great story, keep on going!

Great, captures rural New England living, I was born and raised in Southern Maine, now in urban Kentucky. By the way the sex was great.

Excellent start looking forward to Hawaii and Chris and Shiloh

Fun story. Definitely continue. Thanks

Really enjoyed this, please keep it going.

More

Yes, definitely needs more to be written. Very entertaining.

Great story, hope it continues.

Great build up. I can see a series of stories based around the same characters but with different points of view. You’re doing well, Thankyou.

You’ve done a good job developing your setting and these characters. I’m enjoying reading about them, and I’d like to see where they go. I wonder if Tom and Beth have come home for the wedding, or what they’re up to now?

Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing your work.

Nice story, well written. I enjoyed it. Thank you

there was a major continuity gap. In the initial meeting with Olivia, there was a comment about Jessica, who he hadn't yet met for two years at that point.

Five stars nonetheless. -- Dave K.

I really liked your story. The characters were all ”real” and several of them reminded me of folks I’ve known over a long lifetime. I hope you will continue with your story line and characters.

Good story. I too thought that the key characters were going to be Derrick and Shiloh, although she would have taken more development because she was so far from being receptive to Derrick's advances. Chris is so young and it's so early in her emotional development that I can't see her with anyone seriously for a while. That will definitely take some time. Perhaps a couple of stories over a significant time period with some unusual male partners. I could be an exciting adventure to bring these two characters to fruition. A solid 4* for this effort.

Guy here,

Thanks everyone for reading, rating and your comments. Since there has been such a positive response, there will be additional stories following the lives of the major characters. I purposely set this in 2018 so Derrick and Olivia could have a honeymoon in pre-covid times. Unfortunately, my immediate future has two big non-literotica time-suck projects, so it may be a bit before I can get them written. Again thanks for reading.

Guy

Enjoyed it, would like a series of interconnected stories about the various characters. I am a fan of stories set in small towns, probably because I've never experienced life in one.

Great start to a series based on these characters. There are numerous branches to the tree from the foundation you have laid out

Really enjoyed this! Regarding your closing note- I was confused about the Shiloh angle, as I had initially thought Derrick and Shiloh would be a thing, but I love how it turned out! Definitely continue it!

Keep it going. I see a Shiloh and Chris romance brewing and am all for it.

Great writing, storytelling, and characters. But it jars the reader out of the story momentarily each time that it leaves the first person voice and describes another person's (Olivia's) thoughts, which the narrator couldn't know.

Your story made me want to keep reading more throughout, don’t potato! 🤣

Shiloh and Chris, lots of options there and why not a series about the whole area, interacting characters will make a great exercise in writing for you. just keep it tight and don't get sloppy!

Definitely could read more of this

i agree with the anonymous comment about the pov shifts. having said that, I really liked the story. If you could get the narration a little more conversational and less formal that would be a plus too. But I could get into another tale from Shiloh or Chris's perspective. Seems like Shiloh would have more story to share, but whatever the muses convince you of will work.

Great story and very good writing, whoever edit it did a great job too many people loose who is talking or the sex of the person but did not see any of that. Like the story and would like to see where it goes from here. Very good work and story telling, love the people and how they interact.

Loved the story, but chianti with fish and mushroom risotto? Come on...

I can see Chris and Shiloh letting people think that they are a “couple” but really becoming very good but platonic friends with other schemes and fish to fry.

'And, thinking about my interaction with Jessica, I said, "And no other obligation. Go speak with John and ask him about me."'

But that was 3 years in future???

Also you need to improve thought speech before out-loud. Learn to describe thoughts not always presenting them like a direct quote. Indirect quotations (I felt that ... or something like that) The thought intrusions get too in-the-way in places. I stopped reading it but will resume. Seems like good characters so far, but the time and POV shifts are challenging. Be careful about overusing direct quotation when describing inner thoughts vs actual dialog. Good luck.

The time transitions could have been handled better. It felt a bit choppy and contrived. As someone else has expressed, the inner dialogue of Derrick’s thoughts as opposed to the actual dialogue that followed did not create a flow that supported the reader. Try using literary devices to reduce the potential confusion. It was a nice romantic story, but I think you could have done more with it. The character of Shiloh in particular seemed to beg for fleshing out. Perhaps you intend to do that in another chapter, which is fine, but this felt like an introduction to a party and then closing the door in our faces.

Nice story line about decent people, just what a romance should be. Looking forward to further ones you suggested, please write them.

Overcritical gave you 4*! Amazing. Usually he hands out 3*s like candy and I end up giving a 5 to balance things out. Not this time. As many have already pointed out, sudden shifts in POV and the three year mixup are major flaws. You also mix up tenses frequently. While the story had much going for it, the execution left a lot to be desired.

read the whole thing, but i'm not the most discerning!

Guy here,

First, a little personal background. My work history was in technical, sales and service industries. Absolutely no experience writing fiction. Therefore, constructive criticism from others who clearly have more experience than I, is always welcome. Hopefully, it will help make any future stories better.

To those who pointed out the continuity gap in the Jessica reference 3 years before Derrick met her, mea culpa. A big whoops on my part. It was not seeing the tree for the forest.

To those pointing out the changing first-person viewpoint and sometimes not smooth transitions, I, with lots of help from my primary editor, will work on that in future installments.

To the wine aficionado commenting on Chianti not going with seafood, that was the rule I grew up with. As I said in the intro, one’s personal life’s experiences influence one’s outlook. Derrick was more of a beer drinker than wine. As a former restaurateur, our experience was that the requests for reds far exceeded whites, even on tables with mixed seafood and meat entrees ordered. Much of what you read here reflects, to a certain extent, my own life experience. It may not be someone else's, but feels "real" to me.

So far, no one mentioned another whoops that slipped in uncorrected. Olivia planned to goggle BDSM. Just a slip of the fingers.

Again, thanks for reading, and all the positive comments.

Guy

Don't forget Sam, he's enough of a blank slate with a lifetime of memories and experiences to fill out his own story

Please continue, there are multiple avenues that can be follwed

Steppinontoes

I agree, you have a lot going on and plenty of room to 'grow' the story. I like a positive story with a happy ending. But an occasional crisis is important.

Damn good story and writing. Yeah--Shiloh and Chris would be great for another story. Just keep writing.

5 stars for this. But, fair warning, you make Chris or Shiloh lesbians and you lose a fan.

Ok, got it.. You've new at this.. However, this was pretty good.. There were a couple of got cha, moments, but nothing i couldn't get thru... I suggest you keep this whole literary package together.. I will await your, and their, return..carry on, Guy

Great story, I really liked it, I’ve learnt I have a soft spot for virtual-tourism stories, highlighting different parts of the world, I was hoping for a bit “New Hampshire flavour” about the story, if you’re writing about Shiloh and Chris, I’d love a bit more NH colour? On the subject of Shiloh/Chris, don’t worry about their sexuality on my account, Love is Love regardless of whether it’s M/F or any permutation of the sexes as long as they’re legal!

Many thanks for writing and posting, cheers Ppfzz. 5⭐️

More, PLEASE!

I think the masses have spoken. Loved it, waiting for more.

I grew up in a small NH town (Lyme) and my parents and sister still live there on their small farm. Nice to see some stories based on the state I still consider home.

I really enjoyed this story looking forward to the next chapter to see how the characters develop

A great story. I gave you a five, but no conflict and mostly vanilla.

Enjoyed this chapter immensely. Cat Ballou was a great choice for Oliva and Derrick's first movie date. And yes, a drunk Lee Marvin on his horse is funny as hell. On a personal note, I was pleasantly surprised by your character's preference for untrimmed pubic hair. I feel the same. I am older and that was how every woman was when I was younger. I understand trimming for swimsuits, etc., but I am not attracted by a bare pubic area. I don't know but maybe it is the prepubescent aspect of it. Then again, I have never had the option of a bare pubic area presented to me so who knows maybe I would like. It was just nice to read about a woman who had a natural pubic area for a change seeing how so many of the stories I have read have nearly every woman bare, and those not bare are trimmed to some extent.

I think the character development is great. The sex is loving and very erotic given that it helps us like the characters more and more.

I gotta applaud the shout out to Cat Ballou. Except wasn't the horse supposed to be just as drunk as the Lee Marvin character? My father always thought so, and I agreed.

THANKS

I gave you five stars because I liked the plot and you have worked at developing the characters.

One observation that might need a bit of work.....

You started the tale using the first-person, where Derrick begins his narrative with "I....."

Then, you switched to third-person, where someone else is telling the story. "He....."

In my opinion, first-person is much more intimate, but definitely, you should avoid switching back and forth.

I couldn't do as well as you. That's why I don't write.

Made it to p 3 and bogged down. Main reason was connecting Derrick with Olivia felt supremely rushed. Then I read about Derrick having a discussion with her in the middle of having sex with her. That totally killed the mood: that would be a discussion to have before or after relations--not during them--as it really interrupts the flow.