Lights! Camera! Lube! Action!! Pt. 01

"But Mr. Thomas," said the Lady in question. "I thought you said you were going to check out my plumbing!"

Pushing forward again, my straining dick eased a couple of inches more up her seriously dilated back passage. Plumbing? Damn right I was checking out her plumbing. Just not the kind of plumbing she had in mind when she booked my services. Her arsehole was red hot and my pud fucker felt like it was being dipped into a furnace. There is nothing quite like banging the surprised bunghole of your everyday housewife as part of your day job and dick for hire here always made sure he left the customer with more than a smile on her pretty face.

Pulling back so only the bloated purple head of my cock was left in her arse, I watched the rubbery ring of her steaming anus gripping my length as if it never wanted to let me go. The woman had the most delightfully snug profundity and it was an absolute pleasure to make its acquaintance. "Won't be a second, Mrs. Watson," I reassured her. "Just making sure your waste pipe is given a nice deep stretching which will do it the world of good."

"Oh, well in that case," she sighed, giving the penis up her bum a squeeze of understanding. "You do what you have to do, Mr. Thomas. You know, I've always thought I should have a proper seeing too back there every now and then but my late hubby was such a lazy so and so about things like this. "Bugger that!" he'd always say but he never did."

She gave a little startled "Ooo!" as I thrust back in harder so that the whole of my sex buried itself completely up her pooper and I left it there for both of us to enjoy the moment. She was totally stuffed with an arse full of throbbing cock and I could only imagine the sensations she was feeling as I twitched away inside her. My crotch was pressing against her orifice and I closed my eyes trying to suppress the urge to ejaculate into her bowels and make our arse fuck last as long as possible. Pounding in and pulling out for ten minutes straight with her bum cheeks flapping either side of my pistoning schlong made me feel on top of the world.

Given half a chance, I could spend all day showing Mrs. Watson exactly what she had been missing but we were on the clock. For both of us time was money and money was watching us fuck because right about then master of it decided to stick his opinionated oar in..

***

"Cut, cut, cut, cut, CUT!" cried an exasperated voice somewhere down below in the underworld. "For fuck's sake, Larry. Your balls, mate. Your balls are in the fucking way!"

My balls? What the fuck was Spielberg junior moaning on about now? Slightly pissed, I eased back and looked down between the large naked fleshy arse of the woman I was sodomizing and my sexually charged crotch. There, on his back, lay Charles Reginald Sykes with his video camera pointed at the business end of my physical union with the delightful Zelda who was kneeling on the edge of the well used double bed. Her head was down and her arse was up wriggling enthusiastically as I fucked us both through the carnal delights of plowing her tight shit pipe.

"Doris, luv," he muttered. "Do me a favor. Reach under swinging dick here and pull his knackers out of the way so I can get a close up of his prick in her arse."

Stood behind us watching the shoot, Doris rolled her eyes as I glanced back at her. Once upon a time, Doris had been one of our original group of go-to girls but now worked behind the scenes making sure that everything ran smoothly. Charlie was a born moaner and could be a right twat at times but Doris had him wrapped around her little finger and knew exactly how to handle him. Charlie and I go way back to our school days when we were both thirteen or so and always living on the edge of something or other. I shook my head as I watched him fiddling with his goggles muttering to himself. He hadn't changed much in all the time I had known him apart from having a lot less hair. Amazing to think that was nearly ten years ago now.

To add a little spice to our adventures in fuck films, there was also the not so insignificant fact that Doris and Charlie had somehow become an item and were in a tentative relationship. Though calling it a relationship might be stretching it a bit as it was like watching two hedgehogs trying to fuck.

Doris came up behind me and I felt the warmth of her breath on my right shoulder as she patted my bare arse playfully. "You're such a romantic, sweetie," she sighed as she reached under me and grasped my swinging ball sack. "The things I do to keep you happy."

Charlie didn't reply as he was busy blocking and framing his next shot like a pro. Directing had gone to his head now that he had given up appearing in front of the camera and his next gig was always going to be his porno masterpiece. Not that there's much opportunity to pull that off when you're stuck filming in a one bedroom flat above the local fish and chip shop in the West end of Newcastle. Still, that didn't stop Charlie dreaming big hoping one day his ship would come in and he'd make it onto the front cover of Adult Video News.

"'Ere, Charlie," said the other woman in the room. "Get a bloody move on will you. Am I done getting my arse fucked or not? I told you I've got to pick the kids up from school at three," she complained. "I need time to do my make-up as there is no way I'm doing the school run without some slap on. Oh, and another thing, don't forget you promised me a straight fifty if I let Larry stick his thing up my bum and finish off on my face." she reminded him. Zelda, a stocky, bosomy, bleached blonde, thirtyish single mother of three, was staring at us over her shoulder with a frown on her soon to be covered in my jizz face. The woman was a Newcastle lass born and bred and didn't take crap from anyone. Least of all a skinny, balding little twerp like Charlie who was kneeling down beside us preparing for the next scene - the spunk bath. The silly bugger was still wearing those plastic goggles that made him look like a reject from the Benny Hill Show.

Charlie and I had been doing porn for just over a year and I had met Zelda a few times before. Along with Jackie, Anne, Deborah, Faith, and Christine, she was part of a small group of women we regularly used in our porno flicks and who was originally a close friend of Doris who thought she might be interested in earning some cash in her spare time. Times were hard and money was tight and people - especially women, did what they had to do to make ends meet. As the saying goes: pussy is always in demand and many are those willing to pay to watch that pussy get fucked.

At last, the leader of our depraved little band was ready to go. "Are we still plugged in, Doris?" he asked her as he checked his camera again. Doris gave our recording gear the once over and a thumbs up. Time to rock and roll. At fucking last.

Doris came back over holding the three-page shooting script and made a couple of notes on it. As far as the script went, Charlie pretty much left the overall story outline for her to come up with as he was only interested in the down and dirty of the action. Doris had a way with words and an imagination to match. The woman could write some funny shit when she put her mind to it and over the thirty or so movies we had all done together, she had me roleplaying everything from a plumber, pirate, rent collector, and vicar to a doctor, astronaut and more. It's not every bloke who can say they've fucked a woman as James Bond, Fred Flinstone, Batman, and Kermit the fucking frog.

But even with something as basic as porn, there are rules that need to be followed because Joe and Jane Public have certain expectations for what they want their porn to be. To get from here to there, you have the freedom to do variations of this, that, and the other depending on how depraved you are/want to be. Everyone has a kink and the trick to making good porn is finding that kink and massaging it until it explodes. Simple.

Zelda was a game girl. She knew the ropes and what was required of her. Gives head like a trooper and can pretty much take most of me down her gullet without gagging. Though, to be honest, I'm not exactly swinging around a baseball bat here. On a good day, I can float the boat out to respectable with a decent amount of fat to go around.

"Alright, pet," directed Charlie as he shuffled closer to us. Zelda had slipped off the bed and was kneeling all naked and pink at my feet with me standing there fisting Mr. Piston to keep him awake. "Let's have a nice deep sloppy blow job from you and let Larry jerk off into your mouth when he's ready, okay? Head back. Tongue out. Larry, make sure you squirt all over her face before you pop your cock back into her mouth for her to suck it clean."

Charlie fixed his goggles then put the camera to his eye. Zelda blushed as she glanced between the pair of us waiting for the fun to begin.

"Okay," he said finally, "One, two, three - ACTION!"

And away we go.

***

This woman could suck an orange through the eye of a needle.

Tightly gripping the cheeks of my backside, Zelda was vigorously bouncing her head back and forth over my undulating crotch as she sucked the life out of me. Her lips were wrapped around the breadth of my cock as they ascended and descended over the length of my slick with saliva shaft. Each upsuck had me on tiptoe as I felt my prostate tingling and my arsehole tightening due to the stimulation. Holy fuck. At this rate, she was going to turn me inside out and upside down with pleasure.

She popped my dick out of her mouth and took a quick breath. "God, I love your cock, Larry!" she gasped. "I could suck on it all day!" Back down she dropped and away we went again as I clasped her head between my hands so that I could fuck her face and have some control over the situation. To our right, through my sexual haze, I could hear Charlie yapping away like a rabid Chihuahua directing us to do this and do that. For Christ sake, shut the flying fuck up, you bossy little tosser.

Then I felt the surge in that special place between my ball sack and arsehole. Time for lift-off was fast approaching and I could feel my engine getting ready to deliver the mother load. The haze was washing over me as I let go of her head and pulled my red hot prick from her mouth whilst pushing her head back with my left.

"Open wide, sweetheart," I managed to gasp. "Time for Uncle Larry to give you a spunk bath."

Automatically, the woman did as she was told and stuck out her tongue for me to wax lyrical on it. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" she gasped as I stood over her fisting my meat like it was going out of fashion. Zelda had taken a few facials from me in her time and knew that I squirted out a decent load.

Next thing I knew, Charlie had scrambled forward so that the camera lens was about six inches from my swollen cock head and he was yelling something at me. But I was too far gone as the first burst of freshly made spunk rocketed up my pipe and exploded over her flushed and expectant face coating it and her tongue in a thick stream of jizz that made her squeal with delight.

And still Charlie wouldn't shut the fuck up.

"On her tits, Larry!" he ordered. "Do it on her fucking tits!"

So I decided to shut him up in my own way.

Before the second surge erupted from the head of my vibrating weapon, I turned it towards the irritating little turd kneeling next to me and fired another huge squirt of cream in his direction. The stream of spunk hit him right between his begoggled eyes and the copious weight of it slithered down his nose to dribble off the tip with most of it pooling along his top lip. For an infinite second, there was a stunned silence in the room before I heard Doris gasp behind me.

Charlie stared cross-eyed at his spunk covered nose before letting out a strangulated grunt of stunned fury as he fell comically backward onto his arse. He was about to give me hell when he realized if he tried to say anything he'd end up with a mouthful of my junk so he scrambled to his feet, threw his camera onto the bed, called me a muffled "Wanker!" and stormed off to the bathroom with Doris right behind him.

Zelda looked up at me wide-eyed. "Larry," she whispered, "What the fuck?"

I shrugged and smiled down at her. Yeah, well, he had it coming. Literally. I tapped her stained lips with my still spunking cock as what was left of my spend oozed out of my pee hole. Like the bad good girl she was, she opened wide and proceeded to suck my boner and balls dry before we both cleaned ourselves up and got dressed to leave.

Looking back, I guess this was the moment when things began to change between us. Life was beginning to play her hand and I knew I had to move on. Our adventures in making dirty movies were coming to a natural end and at the ripe old age of twenty-three, I figured it was finally time to sort myself out and grow the fuck up.

This was all a lifetime ago.

***

Twenty years later found me wandering around the aisles of my local supermarket pushing a half full trolley when the mobile phone in my pocket suddenly began to vibrate.

Fumbling, I stepped to one side and held the phone to my right ear. "Hello?" The place was busy with people doing their daily or weekly shop and I had to cover my other ear so I could hear who was on the end of the line.

There was a slight pause. "LARRY?!" shouted the caller. "LARRY IS THAT YOU?"

"Yeah, yeah," I shouted back, "Who is this?" Whoever it was sounded frazzled and agitated as I spotted a familiar face who was idly browsing the meat department. That was one fine looking woman. Mid-fortyish, tallish, tawny brunette with what looked like a curvy bosomy figure under her long dark coat. She was definitely one who would catch the eye no matter where she went and I had noticed her a couple of times in here. But women like that were usually married with two point four kids and a nice house in suburbia. Must be nice to go home after a long day at work to some serious pussy like that waiting for you.

Even though I'd only been using this place for just over a month, you begin to notice the same faces going through the same routines. Maybe some of them were up for a little excitement if push came to shove and I chanced my arm. Not that I would. Being newly single and fancy-free, the last thing on my mind was getting back on that love train. A quick wham-bam-thank-you-mam was one thing but, as of right now, I was all relation shipped out and I needed life and work to get back onto an even keel.

The guy on the other end was muttering something to someone when I suddenly realized who it was. "Charlie?" I said, sounding surprised.

"Hey, Larry," he replied. "It's been a long ass time."

That was an understatement. Two fucking decades give or take.

"How did you get my number?" I asked as I reached up and grabbed a box of cereal from the shelf in front of me. Miss Suburbia was now standing in line waiting to get served as I stared at her taking her shopping out of her basket and putting it on the counter.

Charlie sounded older. "Ah, you know. A friend of a friend who knew someone who knew someone else who knows you. Same old same. How's life these days?"

"Still here."

He laughed. "Yeah."

Miss Suburbia was leaving the store and just as she was about to walk through the automatic doors she glanced over her left shoulder and looked in my direction. For a moment our eyes met and the world suddenly got very small before she finally disappeared with me standing there like an idiot holding the phone to my ear.

Uh. Bloody hell. Okay.

Distracted, I turned back to the call. "So what gives, Charlie?" I asked, getting straight to the point. It must be one hell of a reason for him to get back in touch after all this time and I was all ears. "Why the call?"

There was a long pause.

"Well..."

***

"Porn."

"What?"

"Porn," he said as we both sat in my bedroom. "You know, movies. Dirty movies."

I stared at my best mate like he'd lost his marbles. Porn? What the hell was he on about? The stupid sod was always coming up with crazy shit all the time but this was way out there even for him.

"I know what a dirty movie is, dipshit. What about them?"

Charlie bounced around on my single bed. "I think we should make one."

"What? Get the fuck out. Stop talking like an idiot."

He shook his head and sat up. "No, no," he said. "I'm totally serious. Honest. I've got my hands on a camera and a couple of machines so we can tape and copy shit. My uncle Sid has a flat above the fish and chip shop we can use when he's on day shift. It'll be great."

Sat opposite him, I could think of several reasons for this all to be complete bullshit. The first was the most obvious. "And who the fuck is going to be in them?"

"You and me," he fired back. He looked pleased with himself and probably thought he had it all worked out. That was his problem. It's one thing having an idea, it's something else trying to make it work. Still, I'd give him props for imagination. He definitely had the touch of Rigsby about him both in manner and appearance with his thinning hair.

"Don't be stupid," I laughed at him. "If you think I'm going to show my bare arse on camera you've got another thing coming. People will recognize us, you moron."

He was still grinning at me. "Disguises, Larry. Disguises. We'll just wear wigs and stuff like that. Besides, I'll make sure whatever we make is sold down South. I know a lad who's got a cousin who works in Soho and he reckons he can get me a nice deal. Homemade porn is the big thing these days. Little old ladies love it."

Frowning, I pointed out another major problem with his plan. "And who exactly will we be fucking in these videos?" Neither of us had a girlfriend and even if we did how the hell would that work? Was he thinking about using the local prozzies? No way. No chance. Not even Charlie would be that stupid. Maybe he had talked his Auntie Susan around to do one. Now that would be really something. His Auntie Susan was an absolute babe and no mistake. That woman had given rise to many a wet dream over the years and what I wouldn't give to have ten minutes shoving my ramma-lamma-ding-dong into her.

Again, Charlie had an answer.

"You remember Doris Smith?"

Doris Smith? The Doris Smith from three or four years ago? I nodded. "So?"

"She's game."

I stared at him. "You're kidding."

"Nope."

"Are you telling me that the Doris Smith who was in our class at College wants to do porn movies with us?" Get the fuck out with that shit. The very idea was bananas. I was gobsmacked. How the fuck had he managed that? Did he get her drunk? Blackmail? More to the point, I was amazed he even have the nerve to ask her in the first place.

"Yup," he replied, looking smug. "And what's more, she reckons a couple of her mates could be interested too. My idea is to get us a small group of girls, say four or five, and just go with them. Keep it small. Listen, I've got to sort out a couple of things money wise but I think we can make a go of it. This is all totally legit and something I've been working on for a few weeks now. So I need to know if you're in or out, Larry."

He'd been working on it for a few weeks? This was all news to me and I was his best fucking mate. Charlie had a regular job working with his old man in the Grainger market on their fruit and veg stall and after finishing college, I had found myself doing boring as fuck admin at a call center near Durham. I shook my head. This was all a bit much. I didn't know what to think. Was he serious? He sounded serious. From what I could remember, Doris Smith was a decent looking bird. All tits and arse from memory. If life was a Scooby Doo movie she was a definite Velma. Back in college, I would have shagged her at the drop of a hat. So was I in? I stared at him wondering if he was yanking my chain and taking the piss. Wigs and shit, huh? Free pussy and our own little harem. Fuck it. Nothing ventured nothing gained. I nodded.