All Comments on 'Like an Elephant'

Just as an example, how many mystery novels would sell if the endings failed to resolve the mysteries? What if we simply were to tear out the last few pages of every mystery novel? Satan did this in the first version of the movie, "Bedazzled." I think this story contains some of that same, cruel, teaser element (i.e., no definite ending). Many readers have made comments to this effect with other stories that failed to wrap things up, and they were right, IMO. I want to see Brad's wife receive a DVD of his cheating. I want to read how Peter confronts Annabelle -- she would then know the reason for his headaches, all right -- she should simply look in the mirror! Peter's mistake was that despite his elephantine memory, he failed to recall the most important fact of all: Once a cheater, always a cheater. Enjoyed the humor and the story until the lack of an ending soured it for me. Appreciate your effort otherwise.

Thats why I couldn't do it if it happened to me. The last line was funny.

It is a curse to have too good of a memory because if you can't forget the pain of betrayal you can never forgive.

but you don't need to add his revenge because he wouldn't be able to forget it either. Like the saying goes, if you're intent on revenge...bring two shovels. This marriage is over because it's likely she'll do it again and he'll never be able to forget what he saw. OTOH, he should lso talk to her about what he saw and how it affected him...it would be the manly thing to do.

entertaining. I liked the last line that tied the story together very nicely. However I agree with others that you should finish the story.

Thanks for your hard work.

Woodmanone

A really great story. Would love to read what happens next.

I like it just how you left it, no stupid confrontation , no forgiveness crap.

Write On (LOL)

It was not laziness, just that I liked the story as it was. Hey I have already about 5 other stories I am working on, so laziness is not the reason.

But to comply with the requests I will try over the next few weeks to write an epilogue. Won't be easy at this time of year with year's end at my work, but it will be done.

It's about abandoning revenge in favor of love.

Is is really important to read four pages of groveling by the wife, while the husband moans about lost trust and broken vows? It's been done so many times. After all, the author gave you a ringside seat to the adultery, even both sides of the phone conversation, a cliche in itself.

Some of the loving wives readers wish for a passion play with a rigid story line: Wife, for no credible reason other than the weakness of Eve, cheats on sterling, virtuous husband, voyeuristically we get a blow by fuck account of the wife enjoying the sex which is better than with her husband, and most important including profound humiliation of the husband The wife must be then be confronted by faithful Goodhusband, whereupon she tears her hair, cries and sobs, and leaves to live in a hovel in Slobovia ever after to blame herself and to morn for her lost days of wedded bliss.

"I'll never forget" is a fine ending to a good story.

I truly enjoyed the story and would like to see the conclusion, however, I have enough imagination to end it the way I want it to.

Wish I could give it 10 stars just to help make up for the ones who belittled it because they didn't get what they wanted.

Reminds me of spoiled children.

Please keep writing.

Finish it! This is a great start.

Is you painted the story into a corner: she is cheating while the guy she says she loves is having serious medical tests. A rational person would want to stay far away from a person who would do that.

You could have made the story more ambiguous by having them talk instead of having sex. The husband would then know both, that she had been cheating and that she realized she was wrong. This would mean he had a real decision to make, remembering as he does.

But because she is basically a low life, there really is no decision. What kind of a human being would do that?

Hmm...after some thinking about it, it IS an ending, of sorts.

Peter says at the end that he'd never be able to forget. Hence, it implies that forgiveness and reconciliation would be out of the question. Meaning that they split up and divorce.

In my opinion however, half of the joy of reading such a story comes from reading what happens AFTER the discovery of cheating. What does the husband do? What does the wife do? The aftermath itself isn't shown, and that kinda kills it for me.

I can use my own imagination to finish the story. He is right. We usually let painful stuff drop out of our minds. We can forgive because painful things fade and we enhance good things to take their place. He can't do that. The memory will remain bright and painful. He has to leave her and she will be upset. This all leads to the real problem. <br><br>

How the hell could he have gotten back together with her??? His memory is perfect to remember the pain she caused him. So much that he was not dating. Yet she pops back into his life and fucks him and he is willing to put that all aside without further investigation? Is she any different? His memory constantly reminds him she is a liar and cheat, a very good one. Yet, even when confronted with evidence he ignores it? He gets married to her? If his memory prevents him staying with her at the end it would have prevented them from getting back together as well. The story falls apart in the middle, not the end.

I mean, really, the PI says aren't you going to give her another chance? He says no, I can never forget it. The end. What the fuck more do you want? Should we make him--in his top secret life--a karate expert commando hitman who wreaks vengeance upon the cheaters and ruins their lives before he finds the perfect, forever faithful chick with which to ride off into the sunset?

He's leaving her. Marriage over. Divorce in the very near future. The fucking end already.

I agree the remainder of the story could've been fleshed out, though. As it is, is read like a synopsis. I guess this really pisses me off more than anything because you really did create a unique character here; a character I'd have really run with if I'd had enough brains or creativity to think him up in the first place.

Still, for a short read, I really liked it.

You spent a lot of time setting up the "elephant" aspect of the story but never really fleshed out the story using this concept to its fullest potential. Yes, your witty ending does tie back to the "elephant" concept, but you've left the reader unsatisfied and still wanting more.

I'm glad you're going to write another chapter, but instead of making it an epilogue, stoke this sucker up and really let this story rip.... you know, embellish the crap out of what you started.

Thank you for sharing and keep on writing.

The ending is something we will not forget!!!! Thanks for a good read.

This guy's wife is riding a strange cock, but she is declaring her love for her husband? Why might she be hard to believe? The ending was excellent. It took us as far as it had to go. We do not need another page or two fo how much she now suffers after betraying her husband. This was a well done story. Thanks.

Epilogue

The next morning Annabelle received an express delivery from... Peter. Surprised, she tore open the envelope in which she found a DVD, a note and divorce papers. She read the note:

‘We're done, bitch!

Life is not Baseball. With me, it’s 2 strikes and you're out.

With no love left,

Peter.’

Cc Ms Brad Schwartz.

decent story but character had such potential and it seemed to fizzle at the end; maybe his great memory could be used in some novel way to turn the tables on the cheaters or something. It just seemed to peter out when there was so much potential for a twist or surprise. Hope to see this character again in a more interesting circumstance where his talent can be used as a more interesting plot device.

This story has everything for a reader with a little imagination.

Think about it. If you're big on reconciliation, go for it. Torch the butch-why not? Happy cuckold ending-do it.Bloody revenge-ok. Any thinking person can make up his own satisfying ending.

What we have is a tale that should please everyone.

Good job. Thanks. Paul

Appreciate your efforts.

I really don't understand why so many say a story is incomplete unless all the ends are tidily tied up. Don't they ever read any real grown-up literature where open-endings are an accepted structure?

Sometimes I like open ended stories, that way the reader can make up their own ending, which I did.

Thanks for the read.

the character are developed enough to know what happened next.

I enjoy your stories. A lot of authors do not put endings on their stories. Usually though, they put in a confrontation scene at a minimum. The story would have been better if it would have at least had that. Just an opinion, not meant to criticize.

Thanks for sharing and thanks for posting stories! MissouriUSA

WHY would anyone reconnect then marry a woman who was lying her ass to him in college... then automatically ASSUME that she was always telling the truth simply becuase they were married??

like a good win?... maybe if its Thunderbird wine

Why would Peter (or Herb) believe that just because she cries about his pending death that somehow she loves him? People cry about sick pets all the time especially when their end is pending. It does not change the fact that she is fucking Brad while talking on the phone with him. Her husband goes away to get these life or death tests and she cannot cancel her fuck session with Brad? Why do she have to fuck Brad in order to say that the affair is over? Duh! If she had simply said to Brad via phone or at work that it was over because she realized how important Peter was to her then Peter would never know about her affair and she can work on her marriage. Anyway, once she realized that Peter would live whatever drove her to cheat on him during two separate periods of time would reassert itself and she would cheat on him again.

Great economy of style, terrific character development (I loved Annabelle), an exciting and enjoyable rhythm and a wonderful sense of irony. The epitome of a well written short story. Bravo!

Like many good stories it left me wanting more. It's the same reaction I have when I enjoy an evening of "play" with a wife. We may be done, I may be exhausted but I still want more. If I want to know what happens next I can write my own ending.

Con su permiso?

Si!

The divorce and so on.

This story is not finished. You have only provided two of the five elements necessary for a good story: characters and conflict. You also need to bring the conflict to a climax and there must be retribution and revenge against the villains (brad and the bitch) along with a resolution for the hero of the story.

This superbly thought-out and executed story is a credit to an excellent Author. As pointed out by previous commenter it leaves you wanting more. Well done.

BTW, what is NWT ?

To roscovich. NWT.. the North West Teritories of Canada. LGW.. the story was very good but your epilog just slayed me. Cc to Ms... ROTFLMAO. Actually more than that but I did. I don't need to read the result as My imagination can fill in the blanks and with many different scenarios. Thanks Wine. Loved it. Jim

Like he told the PI, he couldn't forgive because he couldn't forget. Marriage over, story ends. It doesn't have the wailing and lamentation of the wife trying to save her marriage that the red meat crowd seems to need, but the story works nonetheless.

WHEN THE AUTHOR ISNT EVEN SURE. TK U MLJ LV NV

Huh....what are those initials?

What a pity the author stpped writing the revenge and the aftemath parts.

The husband was wrong because this lady cheated on him when she was his girlfriend and big mistake was married her. Was his legendary memory wrong?

Obviously written as a vehicle for the last line, which means it doesn't really need an ending. Besides if you write a wimp out ending, it totally ruins the first chapter.

Good Story good writing, many stars

but hate left hanging

Hopefully Brad's wife got copies of it all, too. Nothing left to really say anything, but bye and protect oneself financially and emotionally

if you are a bot. TK U MLJ LV NV

I could never forget either

I mean come on--common sense should've told him not to get involve with her again, this is the same slut who was cheating on him while they were dating; thus the reason for their break up! So why in the world would he blindly start back dating her & to make matters worst he MARRIED her! Yet he's shocked , angry & distraught to learn that the slut is still pretty much still a slut? What a fucking moron. The idiotic male character was only thinking with his dick. What a loser. For someone who claims to remember everything as far back as 2-3 years ago he sure screwed the pooch when it came to remembering she was a whore. What was up with that P.I ?! She was getting chocked by a dick in their marital home while she was on the phone with her husband--her supposedly sick husband! She wasn't too worried about the possibility of her husband dying because that very same day she brought brad home to comfort her. Shit that isn't love; that isn't a marriage. I would've told the loser P.I well you're in luck, the whore just came on the market-- since he's willing to allow/overlook his wife to suck & fuck her co-worker at their home, he can have the dirty tramp. Some men are just too fucking desperate, willing to settle for pure sluts.

Your story lines are creative and very engaging, that is why people beg for you to tell more. I love flash stories as much as the next guy, but yours go beyond that. Love the depth and quality, hate the fact that they leave me wanting more. Thanks.

He could never forget no matter that he could possibly forgive - he had seen it and heard it and now knows she was doing Brad while talking to him without even a decent reaction to Brad's behavior -

... It was good story and there is no doubt in my mind as what happens next, he divorces her using the tape to get a favorable settlement. Panther Fan.

It is simple and incredibly basic. One a cheater, always a cheater.

A whore is a whore is a whore..... And like a whore, fuck 'em and forget 'em.

fucking whore will have to live as if he died because she will have to live without him and the bull will have the same problem because he will send the next two decades paying off the house he will not live in and the children he will only see once a month.

with cantbuymy

this needs a sequel!

Fine as it it.

OneBrainCell in action, total tool.

Doesn't need a sequel. He's a man of conviction and he stated his reasons for being unable to reconcile. I agree with CBM she and her paramour are upgefucht.

and join the circus about to begin. TK U MLJ LV NV

and she never learns. If he hadn't had his fake headache she would have still carried on without remorse or regret.

She is a serial cheater; don't take her back. Maybe a bit more on her reaction when she found out that her husband dumped her cheating ass.

Sitting on another mans cock while making it feel as good as she can as he cums in her, professing her love for her husband.

I'd hate to see what she'd do if she only just kind of liked him....

loved the twist in the story. he should divorce her, not because she doesn't love him, but because, should she become pregnant, who will be the father.

That's the author's job, to finish the fucking story!!!!!

If I want to use my imagination, I'll write my own damn story! I've already written off JPB and a few others for doing the same thing. I guess this is one more, so called, author I will not read again!

Why are so many of you so called writers on this site too fucking lazy to finish their own stories?

This is a job for a pro, someone call FTDS

the story just ends.

Where is the revenge, the confrontation. wth happens, it just stops.

The marriage is finished. The story is finished. Any more writing would just be the boring details of closing accounts, hiring divorce lawyer, and her cries of "I don't want a divorce." There are plenty enough stories that have those elements. The point of this particular story is his inability to forget. I don't understand why so many comments dwell on "finish the damn story." It is finished.

That last sentence "I can't forgive her for one simple reason" I said. "I could never forget it!" completes the story. He laid the groundwork in the beginning (I was wondering why so much detail in the memory description). An erotic inspired The Lady or the Tiger story. Very well done.

I agree...It's finished...The story and the marriage...Just something was left out: revenge on the other cheater...His wife would love to hear him talk about her being the Tunnel...

The thing that sealed it for me, was even as she was saying they had to end it, she's thrusting her breasts out at Brad, and fucking him back.

If she had immediately climbed off of him, and made him leave, I'd be inclined to give her another chance.

Then again, this is the SECOND time she has done this to him, and it was only her concern for his health that brought out her desire to stop cheating. Would she have wanted to continue otherwise?

What crawled up your ass and died? It was an entertaining story. I as well as others enjoy the author.

I am sure you can figure out some very nasty (but legal) revenge. Thank you for writing all these stories, I am going down your page. Probably for the second time, I know I have read some of these nice stories.

The story has a crappy ending. It's only partially finished. I want to see the confrontation and the revenge.

These stories need to be finished. Too much left to the readers imagination. If you want me to imagine how things ended, why not just give us one line and let us fill in everything else. No better than 2*.

Peter was a fucking dumb moron. he knew what she was and married her anyway. no pity from me.

ps. finish your damn stories or don't post them at all. piece of shit author...

That was my biggest issue with it. My other concern is that if he indeed, never forgets, how did he forget what she did to him the first time? Oops!

Thanks for the effort.

while sucking another dudes cock. TK U MLJ LV NV

Yup. Wanted more but thanks all the same.

Just a fu..ing story. Yep, it is.

1* only. Finish it to get a better rating.

...you got lazy and didn't want to write an ending.

For a guy who could not forget the by gones be by gones was untrue to his character. Talking about how much she loves husband while making sure she finishes up a good fuck is laughable

you just leave it open ended that's just lazy, your usually better tut tut.

2/3 you make the decision lol

A crappy one to leave hanging. But at least it avoids the real possibility of a RAAC.

This theme of a person having an extraordinary memory, and having to hide it from people around him, is intriguing and entertaining. I too, would have enjoyed a bit more of an ending, but still, I think it's a fun and well-done story.

That is why you story is so potful. You are the writer and you could not finish the story. Why should it he up to us to finish your story. Pathetic!

1 star for this being unfinished. Don't tell us to imaging how it ends. You're the author. You tell us how it ends.

You don't need to add to the story. He can never forget so they are done as a married couple. End of story!

Great story, but a definite ending would have gotten gives from everyone.

Same thing happened to me. Had she been honest enough to admit she had to have othet men, we would still be together today, but she would not.

You wrote it

Any real man has to keep self respect and burn the cheating slut bitch

No possible reconciliation

Only possible and slight if when arrived - no kissing etc -she said

Got you here privately it's over I realize how much I love my husband scared of how much I betrayed him and that these tests scare me as I can't imagine life without him

And I have stupidly betrayed my vows and will tell him and beg his forgiveness

And never do anything to cause slightest doubt of my sorrow

Unfortunately, the story goes no where.

She surely did love him, but still fucked Brad.

She has a strange way of showing her love.

Good wine tastes better as it matures...u...no way...u have become more and more sloppy as you have progressed in ur writing...stories like this just irritates the reader...it’s as if the reader is not worth it to you to put in the bare minimum effort to complete the story...this and one more( the elephant I think) really were pisspoor..almost like sitting for a five course meal and being served soup and told that’s all folks!!! Pathy ...stop disrespecting your readers!

The story denies it own premise. His memory of Sweetie going on a ski weekend with her sis should be vivid enough to regret going to lunch with her years later.

If you want a superpower, go with clairvoyance! And be prepared to have (very) few friends!

2*

Another, very good, writer on this site - JPB - does this same thing all too frequently. I'll never understand it. You have an idea, write a story and then leave it open-ended. It's just frustrating. When I read a story, I expect there to be an ending. Had you simply added "I filed for a divorce the next day" I would have felt better. But that's not what happened. My opinion? A decent story ruined by the non-ending.

I hate it when a story is incomplete...she hates herself with what she's doing...but she is fucking the guy....and crying that she loves her husband...BS...She cheated in the passed...and she cheats now because that's what she wants to do...it looks like cheating is the best thing she can do...the husband can never forget an wants to divorce her...I want to know what happens when she served divorce papers...what better way is their to make her pay for what she's doing....Cheating..........

half a story?

half a score

This was a long joke, for such a weak punchline!

If you don't have the brains to finish the story, you don't have to start writing at all. The story shit