Like Hell You Are!

We sold the house after the kids started college, and we split the proceeds.

The only thing that I really had any regret over was the fact that Julie had to sell her business in order to pay my share of it. I didn't really need the money. It was probably petty of me, but at the time I was still pissed and looking to inflict as much pain on her as I could. As time has gone on I felt worse and worse about it. Her business was truly her first love and her family came second.

I had just returned from my son JJ's college graduation ceremony and after party. I was feeling kind of melancholy. As I sat on the patio deck of my townhome over looking the lake, I once again pondered one of the great mysteries of the universe. "Are women born crazy and most can just hold it together for a while. Or, are they born normal and then just become crazy at some point?" It's an interesting question but I suppose it's like the 'chicken or the egg' argument.

Take my ex-wife Julie for example. Up until that fateful evening over five years ago she appeared perfectly normal. At least she did to me. I asked a lot of our family members including the kids JJ and DJ. I asked friends and acquaintances too. Not surprisingly most males thought women are born crazy and the women felt that it was men who at some point made them crazy.

I didn't really know what the case with Julie was until today after the ceremony. More about this in a minute.

I always try to look at things from different perspectives. As I analyzed Julie and my relationship over the years I could see where she might think I would be susceptible to a Female Led Relationship to a degree. I mean our marriage was an FLR probably somewhere in between a level two and three by most definitions. I think a lot of marriages are in that range somewhere anyway. But that's mainly because most guys don't sweat the small stuff and do genuinely want their wives to be happy.

After JJ's grad ceremony we had a small reception at a nearby restaurant. It was family and friends mostly. There were no more than 35 people there. I had invited Julie to attend as we hadn't really spoken much since the divorce. I really didn't know much about her current life as both kids understood that I didn't want to talk about their mother. I thought it would be a good idea to at least become civil with each other. After all there were going to be weddings, babies, etc. in our future that would have us crossing paths. I didn't know if she would attend. I didn't see her at the ceremony but she had promised to be there.

As I was standing to the side looking over the proceedings I heard her voice.

"Hello Jack, it was a lovely ceremony and this is a great party. Thank you for inviting me. It was a grand gesture on your part."

"Hi Julie, I'm glad you attended the ceremony and could come here tonight." I responded evenly.

Julie looked fantastic as usual. Her breasts seemed much larger, probably had some work done on them in my estimation. Her manner of dress exuded sex but not the sluttish look from that fateful evening. Her dress was tasteful but with a plunging neckline. She had a simple gold necklace with a key on it dangling in her substantial cleavage. Julie also did have on her 4" CFM's. She also seemed to have a glow about her she never had when she was with me. I guess things must be looking up for her.

"You really look great. I mean that sincerely. How is business? The last I heard you were working for a firm over in the San Fernando area."

"Things are a little better now. At least I am not selling mobile homes in Pacoima anymore." She said wistfully. "But I still haven't been able to start up a new company. I'm still trying to get the funding together for that."

I winced a little when she said that. "You know Julie, I am sorry about your business. If you are serious about another start up, I have some money I could lend you. Or maybe be an investor?"

Julie started to tear up a little. "Oh Jack, you would do that for me? I thought you hated me. It hurt terribly to have to sell my baby."

As I was getting ready to explain further a rather short unassuming man about my age came up to us and handed a martini to Julie saying, "Here's your drink mistress Julie."

My eyebrows rose at that statement.

"It took you long enough Bertram. You almost disappointed me. Bertram I want you to meet Mr. Jack Johnson, my ex-husband. Look at him closely. That is what a real man looks like." She said this almost like she was his mother? "Jack, I want you to meet my husband Bertram."

I was pretty well shocked at this point, but I shook his hand and said that it was a pleasure to meet him.

"Don't just stand there Bertram, go get Mister Johnson a drink. He wants an ice cold beer, preferably a Sam Adams Boston Lager, right Jack?" She waved him away dismissively.

I just nodded my head as Bertram scurried off. I looked at Julie with my mouth hanging wide open.

"You see Jack; I finally realized what I had done wrong. I tried to own the wrong man."

Bertram returned and handed me my Sam Adams. Julie curtly stated, "Bertram, you know what you need to do now don't you."

"Yes mistress." And he scurried off.

After getting over my shock and finally understanding what the key hanging around her neck meant, I managed to get a few words out. "You seem happy Julie, are you really?"

"Yes I am sweetheart. I really am terribly sorry for what I did to you, but this is the real me and I am very happy."

I told her I was glad and that I was serious about the offer to help her get restarted. We set a time to talk further about it, and then I made my excuses and moved away.

I had to find Bertram alone and ask him a question. I finally found him standing in a corner with his back to the room and his head against the wall.

"Bertram, are you all right?" I queried.

"I am yes. Thank you for asking." He responded without turning or lifting his head from the wall.

"Bertram I need to ask you a very important question. Are you happy?"

"I have never been happier in my life Mr. Johnson. Mistress Julie takes very good care of me."

Well I'll be damned. I thanked Bertram and walked away.

And that is how I came to be sitting on the deck pondering these significant issues. You see, my wife was crazy from birth, but she managed to keep it together for many years before she lost it. It wasn't me, and I took comfort in that knowledge.

It's a really fucked up world when the crazies are happier than they have ever been in their lives, and I'm sitting on my deck drinking alone.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I never did remarry or even live with another woman. It was just too damn risky.

NOTE TO READERS:

I always have my wife read my stories before letting anyone else see them. I like to get her thoughts on the story and do a little proofing of it. She did laugh in a couple of spots for this one, but mostly just shook her head. When she was finished she turned to me and said, "You're really proud of yourself aren't you? You know you are sleeping on the couch tonight right?"

I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders.