Lil Money 01

Lil Money 01

The local bookie who never leaves the shadows of the alley access walkways along the Strip, right? I'm not even sure if anyone has ever saw his face because the only thing in a sliver of light is his bent knee and his hat is always down over his eyes. But it's nice to have a someone readily available when you want to drop a dime on the game, right?

Well, readily available after you go through his Lieutenant, Gruff, who manages the low life's who want to place a waste of time low value bet, or so I have heard.

"Oh, you're Gruff then, I mean, I would open with how your facial hair totally suits you if I wasn't aware that some guys get spooked when a Boi says nice things about for fear of being struck by blue lightning, so I won't ask if that's a #2 scruff shave or just 2 days of not shaving, so?"

Tee he, yep, Gruff actually looked up at the sky for blue lightning clouds, tee he.

"Alright, I didn't die, but let's not make a habit of you saying nice things about me. Um, I'm supposed to reply back, right? Like because of social protocols, huh?"

"Well, I mean, you have a broad chest and all, so, you could probably take a strike or two from white lightning because you broke appropriate social protocols, so, that's your call, Gruff, so?"

Tee he, yep, he glanced back up again.

"Oh, I mean, I don't even know how your hair flips forward across your cheek bones like that, but it seems to suit you, so, um, we're even, I think and you can go place a bet with No Name then."

Tee he, I so stole the hair style from a girl on TV. Oh, and yeah, the bookies name is No Name.

"No Name, I want to jump on the band wagon and place a bet on the game, so, what's your backend juice, hmm?"

"15%andifyoudon'tlikemy15%juicethenyoushouldhaveplacedabet10yearsagobecasuemyjuiceis15%!"

Well, that's 0.03 seconds of my life that I'll never get back.

"Oh, and your roll over if I want to become a regular wager, hmm?"

"1standthe15thandifyoudon'tlikemypayoutsystemthenyoushouldskedaddlebecasueIpayonthe1standthe15th."

I mean, I'm losing life quick now since that was another 0.04 seconds that I'll never see again, right?

"Alright, I'm giving you your respect for being the guy in shadows, so, I want to slap $500 down on the team that wears red jersey's during home games, so?"

Well, they call me Lil Money for a reason, so.

"$500whatswrongwithyoustreetbitchdoyouthinkIwagerwithyourmommasbankrollorsomethingbecasueImaxoutat$5dolla5dolla5dollamaxstreetbitchdoyouunderstandadollatimes5?"

Ahem, I am not a street bitch! I pitch a bitch, I know a bitch and I bitch about guys who are afraid of being struck down lightning because I like them, but I am not a street bitch!

And maybe I heard it wrong about No Name being the high roller bookie on the Strip, right, since I toss $5 dollar bills into the rear seat of my club cab truck. But going forward I might start saying "$5 Dolla" or something.

"Oh, um, No Name, all of a sudden, I'm wondering how you make a living as a bookie with a $5 Dolla limited, but listen, I know how things work, so, I'd like to place 100 $5 Dolla bets on the red jersey's team, so?"

"100$5dollabetshuhdoyouthinkIcan'tdomathorsomethingstreetbitchbecausemylimitisone$5dollawagerpercustomerandthatsmyrulesprissymissybigbuckswithyo$5dollabetstimes100!"

And the Seconds hand on my watch still hasn't made one complete rotation yet, tee he.

"[Hey, let's move it! Come on, I need to place my bet! Next! My money is burning a hole in my pocket, so, hurry up!]"

I mean, seriously? But since I was there and holding up the line of, tee he, high roller wagers, I mean, that's right, I placed a $5 Dolla bet.

"$5dollapaid$5dollaplayedbutIain'tnocasinosoIdon'tgivenoreceiptforawagerofjust$5."

Oh, so, that's how No Name makes his money then, hmm? I mean, I could hear it now, right? "$5winhuhdoyouhaveareceiptshowingthatwewageredastaggering$5", right?

"I mean, I mean, I'll see you on the 1st when you come around to argue with No Name about if you ever placed a bet or not, I mean, it's Lil Money, right? And No Name calls everybody a street bitch, so don't take that personally. It's his thing, like talking really, really, really fast, so?

[Muffled business exchange from the shadows]

"$5dollaeachstreetbitchesandnoslappingandclappingbackisallowedforameerwagerof$5!"

[A new record of 0.031 seconds]

"Oh, I probably won't even bother coming back, Gruff, since I only wandered over here because I was challenged betted to step into the shadows of an alley access walkway all alone for a few minutes with my high tops untied and my challengers failed to put an actual time on the "few minutes" of the alley challenge, so, 1.3 seconds in total still counts."

"Oh, I mean, I mean, well, I mean, well, I mean, if you're not coming back, then maybe I'll risk being struck down by yellow lightning for one more pleasant thing exchanges right now, so, I mean, so?"

"Oh, Gruff, I'm most likely coming back to see you tonight before the alley street lamps stop flickering because it won't take that long for me to collect on my win of a challenge, um, ooh, I mean, Gruff, just how long are you going to be here anyways given that No Name is the king of speed betting, hmm?"

"Oh, No Name has to take about a bazillion bets to just to approach a $75 gain, so, I'll be here standing guard for a while, so, um, I'm around for a while, so, I mean, I like the red circles under your flippy front hair patches, um, so, okay."

Oh, I added the red circles to the hair style that I stole from the girl on TV.

"Well, Gruff, I hope you like my upper lip midnight black and my lower lip molten red lava red because that's what I'm going with while I watch, tee he, my challenger losers pay up."

Oh, my challengers are in for a surprise alright because the She-Devils thought they knew how to rig a challenge in their favor, but ta, da, I'm on security camera wandering into the alley access walkway all alone and 1.3 seconds counts!

"And Gruff, you can gently shove me away from fear of being hit by greased lightning or to save your macho status when I monkey leap spring and plant a lip smack on you right now [leap, smack, retreat]."

"[LOL, a totally stunned rough and tough, Gruff] 1lipsmackisallIgetuntilyougetbackhowthehelldoesit workwithonly1...."

"Ahem, are you through messing around now, Lil Money? We lost the challenge (giggles) that you wouldn't dare wander into one of the alley access walkways for fear of having a boyfriend (giggles) struck down dead by blue lightning before you got to literally (giggles) any base, any base at all and you (giggles) won, tee he and you promised us (giggles) new leather if you could out smart (giggles) us and (giggles), you did, so pay up, loser!"

[Someone in the alley heard "pay up, loser" and became concerned]

"$5dollabetsdon'tpayupuntilthegameisoverstreetbitchesandthat'srule#1."

[0. 017 seconds]

"Sheesh, Lil Money, you have so much to learn about choosing friends! Anyways, shall we walk 55 steps down the Strip then, hmm, lose, um, Lil Money?"

[5 steps, 10 steps, 15 steps, 20 steps, 25 steps, 30 steps, oops, 30 steps are the same as 55 steps?]

"She-Devils, turn left immediately! None of you three said what leather store, so, put your high beam blinkers on and turn left!"

I mean, they have nice high beam blinkers, so, what?

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Lil Money!"

Huh, Sadie Jaye said that almost as fast as No Name talked.

[The Sunlight Yellow Leather Shop front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Welcome She-Devils and Lil Money. I'll be your girlfriend, Lil Money, on Tuesday's and Thursday's, since those are the two days that I don't feel dead inside, so?"

[4 minutes, 21 seconds]

Huh, No Name would have explained three bazillion wagers in the slow time it took Cassandra to say that, so, huh.

"Cassandra, we'll talk about on Monday, but for now, I want three Sunlight yellow leather miniskirts with slits in either the rear or on the left leg, check the box. And then I want three matching Sunlight leather jackets with large lapels, check the box. And, and, and, and then, I want three white frilly front blouses that are whiter and brighter than white lightning bolts and with large collars that are so crisp that they almost the same as a blade edge, check the box. And then, if you happen to have any of those white bow thingy ascot things for their necks, I mean, maybe we can talk about a witch hunt date for next Sunday next Friday, so?"

"Pick a dressing room She-Devils and start getting naked while I call the witch hunt cape and robe shop across the Strip."

[2 minutes, 45 seconds]

"Oh, and, and, and, don't forget three pairs of yellow pumps with closed toes and decent heels that go clump, clump, clump when they strut up the Strip and maybe black stockings with little yellow bows in front! Unless that's too much of a contrast, but I'm not trying to strip them of all of their goth, so?"

"Will do, Lil Money, just as soon as they wake up from being passed out. It's like all three She-Devils were struck by lightning at the same time."

[3 minutes, 11 seconds]

Well, a group of She-Devil goth girls challenged to wear Sunlight yellow leather is exactly the same as being struck by yellow lightning bolts, right?

And my crazy idea of glossing my upper lip midnight black and my lower lip molten red lava red was worse than being struck by blue and white lightning bolts. So, black thunder cloud it was on both lips, it was.

"Well, it's not like I lied to you, Gruff, but I forgot about the lip gloss transfer when licking and smacking my lips, so, I think we left off with pleasant exchanges, but we need to step just a little further out of the shadows so we can play hip bumping while watching the show. Also, I stopped by the Popcorn Shop just up the Strip and got you bucket of popcorn [whips a bucket of popcorn out from behind the back]."

"[Munch, munch] um, what show, Lil Money and I'm afraid I might bruise your hip bones, so?"

"Hmm, that's a plus in your favor, Gruff because that's nice and considerate for you to say and..."

[Clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump]

"[Cat call whistles] oh, yeah, bright yellow business ladies on the Strip! Oh, holy Sunlight leather, Sadie Jaye? And crew? [Passes out]"

[Clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump]

"[Cat call whistles] oh, yeah, here comes the wife material sent directly from the Sun! Oh, holy Sunlight leather, Sadie Jaye? And crew? [Passes out]"

[Clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump]

"[Cat call whistles] oh, yeah, the batteries in my flashlight are dead, so, snuggle up so I can read the label on my beer! Oh, holy Sunlight leather, Sadie Jaye? And crew? [Passes out]"

[Clump, clump, clump, clump, clump and stops in front of a smirking Lil Money and popcorn date]

"[Munch, munch] I'm innocent, ladies!"

"Hmph! So is Lil Money's mouth, so, fix that, Gruff the Rough! But let the three of us lip smack him first while his mouth is clean since this yellow leather shit is hot!"

[Smooch, smack, smooch, smack, smooch, smack]

"[A over the shoulder good bye] everyone loses their innocence sooner or later, bye."

[Clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump]

"[Cat call whistles] oh, yeah, we need our vitamin D directly from the Sun, so, shine a little of those rays over here and aim for my neck! Oh, holy Sunlight leather, Sadie Jaye? And crew? [Passes out, well, three guys pass out]"

[Clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump]

"[Cat call whistles] oh, yeah, I can't sing, but you three are my sunshine! Oh, holy Sunlight leather, Sadie Jaye? And crew? [Passes out]"

"[Munch, crunch] Lil Money, I mean, I mean, I mean, I have a yellow car! Ugh, I mean a car!"

"And you have a date, Gruff! (Who understands the mechanics, but never twisted a wrench)"

[Muffled business exchange from the shadows]

"$5dollawillgetyou$10dollathat'showlostinnocenceisdefinedstreetbitchsonowyouoweme$5."

Well, when it's put that way, right?

"OMG, Gruff, I know a couple of things! I know where it is and I think I understand how to extract it and OMG, do you just want to jerk off or is this your version of foreplay, hmm?"

"[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap in silence, fap, fap, fap, but fapping with crazy eyes, fap, fap, fap]"

Well, A, maybe that's Gruff normal because everyone is different.

"[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap in silence, fap, fap, fap, but fapping with crazy eyes, fap, fap, fap]"

And 2, maybe Gruff figured out that he horny for a Boi and back stepped.

"[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap in silence, fap, fap, fap, but fapping with crazy eyes, fap, fap, fap]"

Or under box #3, I mean, was I supposed to just take over?

"[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap in silence, fap, fap, fap, but fapping with crazy eyes, fap, fap, fap]"

But behind curtain #4, yeah, he wanted me to make the next move, apparently because when I barely leaned towards him, I mean, yeah, that was it because I'll bet you $5 Dolla that as soon as my head hit a certain downward angle and lean over, I mean, that was it.

And y'all owe me $5 Dolla.

End Lil Money 01