Lil Zippy 01

Lil Zippy 01

Well, they call me Lil Zippy and that's because I always worked the summers at the local zipline park since for as long as I can remember as a general grounds keeper (LOL, legit teenage labor to pick up gum wrappers and lost items) to keep the tons and tons and tons of wood chips under the line paths nicely groomed and that was actually more fun than it sounds.

And I embraced the nickname because I quickly learned how to zip away from a few of my co-worker grounds keepers, who liked the way I groomed myself, but I promise you that I never took a tandem zipline ride with any of them after hours.

Until I turned 18, that is, but that's another story, well, wait, snap, tee he, that is a part of this story, but I promise you that it was not my idea to wear the orange safety helmet, well, wait, tee he, that was a big part of the, wait, um, OMG, they call me Lil Zippy and I learned a few things at my job, the end!

Anyways, my story today starts with, oh, what's that? LOL, oh, what did I learn then, you ask?

Well, the first thing that I learned was how to just kick the gum wrappers deep into the tons and tons and tons of wood chips and only pick up the lost items such as sunglasses and lip stick tubes and then I learned how to wipe off the top layer of the lip stick tubes for my reuse and then, oh, oh, not that stuff, hmm? LOL.

Alright then, here's the good stuff that I learned while working amongst the trees, but don't get too excited because I didn't learn everything.

The years before I turned 18, I learned that the "chase" was a real thing, hence, my second reason for having the nickname of Lil Zippy, but I did learn that the chase was fun, just as long as I won every time.

Oh, and then I learned that some straight8 guys are a little less straight8 behind certain sized trees, but it also how I learned to kiss and then be kissed back, so, those lessons were cool.

But again, what I did not learn was if the tons and tons of wood chips were actually that soft or more like picky and sticky and that I also promise you, was not something that I learned.

And if I must tell the truth, I may or may not have learned that tandem ziplining after hours is twerking to the max, ahem, only one time, but it was quite a ride. And not my idea, but that guy, Peter, just kept after it and after it and once you're up on a launch platform with an orange safety helmet on, I mean, so, what? It's not like I checked and then double-checked Peter's safety harness again or anything, so.

Anyways, in summary, I learned a couple of things, but not everything, but I definitely learned how to wreak havoc with those straight8 guys who were actually less than straight8 at certain times and that's pretty much where I am today. A tease, who wreaks a little havoc amongst the straight8 crowd, minus one, because that guy, Peter, not only kept after it, he got it while I was triple checking his zipline safety harness up on a launch platform, but just that one time.

And that guy, Peter, only got it that one time because I fell for, I mean, he seduced me with his smooth talk about how his POV of me on my knees while looking up at him and while wearing an orange safety helmet was the stuff that his ziplining dreams were made of.

Hah! It was his dream to give me his stuff alright! And it wasn't all that bad, so, what?

Anyways, hey there, hey, I'm Lil Zippy and the last thing that I learned from my days of working at the zipline park was how the owner's wife was having none of me once I turned 18 because that's when I started to report for duty fully dressed. The owner and more than a few of my straight8 co-workers had totally different opinions, but LOL, they were all over ruled, the end of my ziplining park career.

And I'm 20 now, so, all that silliness is behind me now. Well, except for wreaking havoc with a couple of straight8 guys because that's just fun.

So, my story today starts when I zipped down to the widget factory because my friend, Paulina, who loves my visits to her work like she loves nothing else, must have lost her phone because she hadn't texted me for a few days, so, I mean, I had to investigate that, right, because there must have been a serious problem! And maybe I had some info to share with her.

[A casual, yet zippy stroll through the open rear dock doors of the widget factory, in long jeans, of course, because Lil Zippy has visited the Widget factory before]

"OMG [almost hugs it out, but doesn't], thank you, thank you, thank you, Lil Zippy!"

See? Paulina missed me because she loves me.

"For bringing you a Sad Meal lunch up to your work for you, Paulina?"

"Oh, gawd no, Lil Zippy, thank you for not wearing your old zipline uniform shorts because you have a habit of wreaking havoc amongst the questionable, yet curious guys and my work has its fair share of questionable guys who want to ride your zipline! Well, vice versa maybe, I think, but thanks anyways for the Sad Meal and you know, what else do you want, Lil Zippy, before any of my factory dock co-workers realize that you're here because my life has all of the havoc in it that I can handle, so?"

"[Squeak, squawk] attention all dock employees, please note that the only person in the factory tonight wearing appropriate and approved work boots doesn't even work here, so feel free to use your lunch break to check that out near loading dock C, thank you [squeak, squawk]"

"Well, that tracks (thanks front office dude) since I haven't had any havoc in my life since the last time you snuck up on me, oops, I mean, since the last time that we saw each other, Lil Zippy, so, what else then, hmm?"

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Paulina, because I might be here tonight to create a tad of havoc in your life, Paulina, so?"

"Well, that tracks too then because why not since today ends with a "day" like every other day, so, why break the string now, right, Lil Zippy, hmm? And stop batting your eyes at my co-workers, sheesh."

[Bat, bat, bat, bat]

Well, I figured out how to do a long time ago because sometimes the zippy chase is half of the fun and I always used flashy eye batting to catch their eye when they couldn't keep up with me or figure out what tree I was hiding behind and now, it's just a natural reaction for me.

[Swoosh, co-worker one swooshes in, swish, co-worker two swishes in]

"Back off, guys because Lil Zippy is here to wreak havoc in my life!"

[Paulina cradles her face in her hands after hearing the words that just came out of her mouth]

"Well, fine, but um, we see two extra Sad Meals hiding behind a mm, mm, mm, fine backside, so."

[Whoosh, two factory rats get one Sad Meal each and each Sad Meal is inspected carefully. Not for the food contents or the toy prize, but for the phone number, that might be the real prize, but probably not the real phone number because that's reserved for only after there is a little havoc being wreaked.]

"(Tee he)" "(Tee he)"

[Paulina is no longer cradling her face in her hands as much as pointing the way away from her dock station! Using a single finger as the pointer, of course.]

"You see, Lil Zippy, you see what you make me have to deal with, hmm?"

Um, I just showed up with three Sad Meals and a pair of shorts to change into later, so, don't shoot the messenger, right?

"Anyways, I do thank you for the Sad Meal since the lunch whistle is about to blow, but I have to remind you, Lil Zippy, that I've told you 100 times that I can't deal with the havoc that you bring for much more than 101 times, so, what other wreaking of the havoc do I have to ignore tonight and be quick about it before your factory rat and old zipline crush boyfriend, Peter, realizes that you slipped inside of the loading dock and he's missing out because you two only went so far that one time because he is a questionable straight8 guy, even though he likes your havoc because..."

Um, factory rat and old zipline crush boyfriend is a relative phrase for Paulina to have used. I mean, I just explained the moments Peter and myself had at the zipline park, but I also made it clear that I only double checked his safety harness once while wearing the orange helmet that he got a kick out of. And he's still straight8 and all, so.

LOL, they all say that, right?

[Ping, an incoming text from that old straight8 crush guy, Peter]

"R U here in the back docks, Lil Zippy? I'm way up front!"

[Whoop, a response to Peter, who is not a crush because that would create havoc]

"I need a restroom guard to change my Denim, Peter."

"OMFG! Now you're text flirting on my time, Lil Zippy? Where's my wreaked havoc because I swear it, this is the wreaking of the havoc time number 101 and that's my limit, for Pete's sakes!"

[Again, Paulina cradles her face in her hands because she hasn't learned to just zip it.]

"Well, Paulina, the 101st havoc that I'm wreaking here tonight is because I'm having an afternoon mixer tomorrow because I just found out that my fancy outdoorsy arts & crafts table thingamabob in my pole barn is actually a whip ass fancy flyfishing fly tying station, so?"

"Well, Lil Zippy, I mean, have fun with that and all because nothing spells havoc like a fancy outdoorsy arts & crafts table thingamabob in a pole barn, especially since I don't even know what that is, so, are we through here yet, my Lil Zippy Pippy Dippy Doo because it's almost lunch, so?"

"Oh, it's this fancy butcher block wooden table thingy that has all these pegs and holes and shelves and drawers and a couple of lights and a gadget and a gripping gizmo and everything moves this way and that way and some people tie fly fishing flies on it, so?"

[Paulina cradles her face in her hands again because that wasn't actually a request to explain it as much as it was a hint for it's time for Lil Zippy Pippy Dippy Doo to go wreak havoc on the Strip since it was a Friday evening and all, so, hint, hint, thanks for the Sad meal, but split!]

"Oh, didn't you hear me say that things move this way and then back that way, Paulina, hmm?"

"Oh, I heard you alright, Lil Zippy, but it's time for you to..."

"Because Bruce Brewster and Clark Clarkson just found out about my fancy fishing work station and they both basically begged me to see it in person tomorrow because apparently, tying fly fishing flies by moving your hands this way around the gadget thingy and your arm back the other way around the gizmo whatchamacallit is relaxing and a little profitable because..."

"Oh, I mean, so, Bruce Brewster is going to be at your place tomorrow then because now, that might subtract one wreaking of the havoc from the list then because maybe your place is a tad messy and it needs a real woman's touch or maybe you can't cook because I could totally see how Bruce Brewster would become awfully hungry after tying flies this way and then, OMG, back the other way because now, I could see where we could subtract one wreaking of the havoc from the list right now, Lil Zippy, so?"

[Glaring eyes suddenly change to puppy dog eyes]

"Oh, I'm sure that Bruce Brewster and Clark Clarkson will be a little hungry, Paulina because first, he has to maneuver the flyfishing fly tying table to where he wants it located based on the sunlight through the pole barn doors and then fiddle-faddle with the miniature spot lights and load the pegs with colorful string that apparently wreaks havoc with the fish because..."

[Tap, tap, tap, Clark Clarkson, tap, tap, tap, this way and that way, tap, tap, send]

"Oh, because now it sounds like Bruce Brewster will be working up a sweat even more because of all that switching around of the flyfishing fly tying table equipment this way and then back that way because now maybe you need an ice tea maiden on hand because Angela and I could totally zippy-doo cold ice tea refills outside this way and that way because sometimes sweaty men like cold ice tea, so?"

[Tap, tap, tap, Bruce and Clark sweaty, tap, tap, tap, get primo tea bags, send]

"Oh, I mean, Paulina, I'm glad that you mentioned the word maiden because I was just zipping past the Halter Top Shop on the Strip and they have a couple of amazing maiden type fluffy halter tops in the window with ruffled off the shoulder sleeves and they are matched with sweet tea Denim afternoon mini's that appear to have two zippers, one on each side, so?"

[Tap, tap, tap, fluffy and ruffled, tap, tap, tap, curl your hair, tap, tap, send]

"Oh, because even more now, Lil Zippy, I mean, it's not a big secret that I would probably fill out such a maiden style ruffled halter top and even more, more now because the flyfishing fly tying master Bruce Brewster might appreciate something like that since he's a man and all, so, I mean, like I've always said, Lil Zippy, you bring the best havoc ever and that's why I don't even ever bother keeping count of the wonderful wreaked havoc's that you bring into my life, so, um, yeah, you've always been my favorite because..."

[Horn blast, the lunch break is almost over]

"Ahem, excuse me, but that's the lunch half over horn blast and shop rules are shop rules, even if I have to just make them up on the spot, so, I believe a safe escort to the restroom was requested to prevent any accidental wreaking of havoc didn't occur while Lil Zippy was using the factory restroom to change from this Denim to that Denim and I know what I'm talking about, so?"

Hmm, accidental havoc then, huh? LOL, that sounds like my new motto!

[Like Paulina cares because Paulina was busy viewing the Halter Top Shops website for a fluffy and ruffled sleeve maiden type halter top that Bruce Brewster might like with his cold ice tea the next day at, at, at, ahh, shoot.]

"Oh, whatever Peter, but you had better not create any havoc of a situation where Lil Zippy can't be home tomorrow afternoon about????"

[Side eyes over to Lil Zippy]

"1pm."

"About 1pm because then I'd bring the wreaking of the havoc down on you, Peter, so?"

[Like Peter cares because he's Lil Zippy official restroom guard while Lil Zippy changes out of factory safe long jeans into shorts meant for the Strip because it still was Friday evening and all, so]

"[Click goes the restroom door lock] are you going to hide, I mean, change your pants inside of a stall then, Lil Zippy, huh?"

"[Sneak attack smooch] nope, that wouldn't create any havoc at all, especially since even though you're totally staright8, we have had a sexual moment or two in the past, so, I have no issue changing out of my long jeans and into my Strip shorts right here in front of you because, I mean, straight8 is straight8 and I've settled in my mind that I don't need to hide my body from you, Peter, so?"

"(Gulp)"

Well, I accidentally let on about how I wasn't afraid to show my body to him, but since my new motto is accidentally creating havoc and all, right, tee he?

"[Smooch smack] you don't have kiss me back, especially since I'm a Boi, Peter, but I'm also not afraid to warm things up with you because straight8 is straight8, right [smooch, smack, smooch], Peter?"

[Checks the length and tightness of Peter's zipline while Peter is trying to figure out a few things in his head and in his other head.]

"I'll give you 17 minutes to stop checking my zipline like that with your hand, Lil Zippy, so?"

"[One last check] well, we don't have 17 minutes, Peter, before the lunch over horn blast goes off, but I've read on Chang that 17 minutes is an acceptable time period for wreaking havoc in the bedroom because..."

[Horn blast! Horn blast! Horn Blast!]

Well, that was timely! Not for Peter, tee he, of course because I never said that I don't measure up certain ziplines, but still, right? That horn blast vibrates all the way through the body! And it was just the ten minutes before lunch is over horn blast because I may or may not have created a little havoc in the Widget factory before and I know the sequence of the shop floor horn blasts, so, what?

But listen, folks, I mean, 17 minutes of stuff is about right, right? I mean, if you sit still for 17 minutes, it feels like forever, right? So, 17 minutes would be a good thing, right?

"[Unzips and opens long jeans] I'll be zippy quick about changing, Peter, but listen, 17 minutes is a good time period, right [starts to wiggle, waggle and fiddle the long jeans down]?"

"Um, I'm not peeking, Lil Zippy!"

"[And the wiggling and waggling continues.] LOL, yeah you are, Peter, but I invited you and I'm never going to be afraid of a straight8 guy watching me change jeans, so, it's legit [one leg free]"

"Oh, um, I think 17 minutes would be perfectly acceptable, um, that's your lower body then, Lil Zippy?"

Um, it's not like I never wear shorts, so, I wasn't sure how to respond to that. But I suppose a booty highlighted in a thong can wreak a little havoc in a guy's man brain, right?

"[The other leg is free] it's same as wearing a bikini bottom, Peter, here, hold my long jeans, please."

[Just standing there without any pants on while chit chatting was wreaking havoc with Peter's straight8 man brain]

"Um, is that something you wear then, Lil Zippy? Bikini bottoms, um, sometimes, like this type of zippy small bikini bottoms because that's a thong, right?"

"[Slips one leg into the shorts] well, I have a bikini at home and I have worn it for a couple of selfies, but that's about it, Peter, but undies and a bikini bottom are almost the same, so?"

LOL, yep, a man brain reacts to a body in just undies and a shirt, straight 8 or not.

"Besides, Peter, haven't you ever imagined what I looked like under my zipline uniform shorts, hmm? And I mean the shorts I started to wear just after I turned 18, so?"

I spoke of how the owner's wife felt that about that, right, folks?

Anyways, guys who stand guard when you're changing pants, right? Godzilla could sneak up on us and break down the door because his eyes were not looking up! But I liked it since, huh, that was probably what happened when some people viewed or download some of my selfies on Chang, right?

"[Slips the other leg into the shorts] I mean, a straight8 guy probably wouldn't finish watching me wiggle and fiddle my shorts up over my legs and then over my thighs, Peter, so?"

I mean, Godzilla would, but not straight8 Peter, right folks? Wait, oops, they both couldn't stop looking, tee he.

"[Struggles with Denim shorts button and zipper] or are you hoping that I would zip drop down to my knees and wiggle, waggle and fiddle with your zipline again, hmm, Peter, since I've done that for you before, but I'm not holding you to anything, Peter, so?"

[Oops, now Peter starts to struggle with his factory pants zipper, so, um, that's enough wreaking of the havoc!]

"Ugh, Lil Zippy, I should have fu..."

[BLAST, horn blast, that's lunch, horn blast!]

"[Finishes the buttoning process] we were too [smooch] soon, Peter, but you did kind of bang my mouth that one and only time, so, tee he, hurry up [makes a certain hand motion] because your lunch is over! And so are we, bye."

I mean, most people deserve a second chance, but not everybody. Unless I have another chance to change pants in front of him again because that was fun!

Anyways, that was lunch and nobody got any dessert.

End Lil Zippy 01