All Comments on 'Lilith's Fall: Eden's Rise Ch. 02'

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"I feel useless. It would be so much better and quicker for everyone if you just told me what to do without consulting or explaining everything to me." How much reassurance does this bitch need? Where are all her convictions to remain strong….sigh

"It gets a little lonely. I'm glad you like it. Maybe we can fly again together some other time." Why doesnt El just conjure wings as well lol.

“Let's be real, no one has my sense of modesty.“ i wish she didnt either lol.

“I deflected, not wanting more information on their relationship than was strictly necessary.“ why? Theyre like her children/friends/family.

I have noticed some of the points Weezf makes, as well as some other discrepancies in the story I noticed. In general, the characterization is very lacking. Here's a few critiques and questions up to this point in the story I had, along with possible solutions/answers you can use.

CHI, ALORA, AND TARTARUS:

Q: How does Chi and Alora accept their new bodies so easily, and why do they and Lilith just have a mother-daughter relationship? Why are Chi and Alora able to speak so soon? Why do Tartarus, Chi, and Alora only have real struggles and thoughts around Lilith and not each other? Why do they just care about Lilith, without any suspicion at all?

A: Perhaps Chi and Alora could have already had these consciousnesses, but as the lack of magic dwindled due to some catastrophe- for instance, the crusaders stealing- perhaps inadvertently/indirectly or not, either could work- some of their planet's aether for their war somehow. They had to revert to their more primal forms to conserve the aether they could, which is how they already know how to speak. As for the language barrier, we can explain that away with magic- Tartarus can communicate with anyone in her realm (due to her being basically a god) and can simply make it so that Helal and Lilith can understand the locals. This can also work as foreshadowing, with Lilith and Helal wondering how they can just speak to Chi without a translator.

Rather than seeing her as their mother, Chi and Alora could see Lilith as their savior for giving them back their abilities, and now they both want to help stop their crusade before they continue hurting other planes and to repay their debt to Lilith. Tartarus also has a very legit motivation for helping defend Lilith besides just liking her- Tartarus wants REVENGE against the crusaders for devastating her children, and doesn't want such a vital weapons in their hands. It further justifies Helal's cynicism towards Tartarus and creates real fear within the audience, as she and the audience suspect that her intentions might not be so pure as Lilith naively believes and may have plans outside of Lilith.

This also give some conflicts for the characters: while they feel indebted to Lilith, Chi and Alora see Tartarus as their leader (not mother, because that makes their relationship incest-y). They go along with her schemes, but still worry about if it's really ok to use people like they are. Although they are in the same place, Chi and Alora act differently in response. Although many different dynamics could work, an interesting one could be of one getting very DISTANT from Lilith out of guilt OR to put Tartarus's plans in place, and the other getting very CLOSE to either find a way to warn Helal and Lilith without Tartarus knowing OR to spy on them for Tartarus (yes, Tartarus is kinda omnipotent, but they might eventually have other things to do). Like foreshadowed earlier (see where Alora is protesting against Tartarus while Lilith is gone), they are under conflict over whether to trust these new, yet seemingly kind and honest foreigners; or their leader and protector, who seems to use people for their own devices without care. As they come into more and more conflict with them, they must come to a conclusion: is what Tartarus doing right; should they go against her; and if so, is it worth it?

LILITH:

Q: Speaking of Lilith, why does she trust Tartarus so fast? And why doesn't Lilith think more about her past with the incident that got her captured in the first place? They seemed pretty shaken up by that in the first chapter, so why not now? Why doesn't she ever think about her transition more? How does she know so much about Christianity? Why is she suddenly ok with being a woman now? Which pronouns do they actually use? (It is implied they use she/her, but they haven't been seen to be upset with he/him pronouns. Do they use both?) Why does Lilith not want to go back home (the only real reasons given is that they're kind of distant)?

A: By giving her a slightly different past with more fleshing out, we can make her behavior more understandable. Perhaps Lilith was sheltered on the farm due to a lack of company with other people. Rather than her growing up in a regular public school, she was homeschooled and everyone on the farm was very trustworthy. (Of course, this would mean the whole backstory of her not liking the name "Lilith" would be scrapped, but it's pretty easy to replace. For instance, Lilith's brothers would tease her for her old-fashioned name, which would result in her wanting to be called El.) She trusts people a little too easily and doesn't always think of the consequences of her actions. To demonstrate this, perhaps Lilith WANTED to go see what was happening with the mysterious "crusaders", and goes with her brother to see what was happening. When the angel tries to kill Lilith, her brother shoots and kills the angel, further leading into Lilith's survivor guilt in the first chapter.

As for the transitioning part, let's say that Lilith DID always want to be a girl, but she wasn't able to express that because it wasn't something that was supported in her household, which ties into Christianity. Her family were fanatics for Christianity, which is how she knows so much about it. It also explains why they were so against LGBTQ+ people- they thought it was a sin. As she is given this new body, she realizes that she DOESN'T feel dysphoric and feels BETTER and more FITTING than her old one, and it actually feels really good to be in this new body; when the doctor calls her by feminine pronouns, she finds it euphoric. However, this also gives her more conflict: if she comes back as how she is now, will she be allowed back home? Would they accept Lilith? Should she even go back home- does she even WANT to? Can she imagine a life with Lilith? (A good Literotican LGBTQ+ character to reference who faces her struggles with her family's homophobia is probably be Cassie from the story "A Girl Named Mitch" by JC McNeilly. It's not perfect, but it's a good starting point.) These questions, along with her worries about Helal, can help make her a more compelling character.

HELAL:

There's a lot I could say, but I'm getting tired lol. However, on a high note, she tends to have more characterization than the other character I can think of, although there still is a lot to say about her flaws.