Lily

Feeling sick, she put her dress and shoes on, tried to wrangle her curls into a ponytail holder she had in her purse and went down to call an Uber. She took another shower at home and some more tylenol, then climbed into bed to sleep it off. She woke up twice, panting and terrified, her dreams bad, but she couldn't remember what they were. She threw up again after the second time, then sat up and decided to call Terri.

No answer even though it was still early. It was after 6, she was off work. Maybe she was busy? Instead, she stepped across the hall to her neighbor.

Jonah was a small man who liked train sets and was very quiet, but they had an unlikely friendship. He always made her hot tea, which she only ever had at his apartment, and usually toast and jam that he had canned himself. He canned all kinds of things himself. He was eccentric, but Lily liked that about him, that and the calming effect he had on her. She sat curled up on his couch in her jammies, smiling as he talked about the new engine he had managed to find on ebay. She didn't care about trains, but she knew more than a normal girl did just by sitting and listening to him. The other nice thing about Jonah was that he had never made a move on her. Not once. It was never uncomfortable between them, there was never any tension, just two people who vibed each other's company.

She didn't go back to her apartment until after 11, after they had watched a movie and he had made her dinner. She had been feeling better, but as soon as she was alone again, she started feeling anxious and full of dread again. She paced, trying to settle her stomach, then sat down and tried to watch something funny to make her think about something else. She fell asleep on the couch, watching reruns of The Office that she had seen a dozen times already.

Her alarm was distant and she sat up groggily, blinking. It was in her bedroom and she hoped it hadn't been going off for too long as she sprang up and ran to it. Only 7 minutes. She got ready for work, not feeling like doing her hair or make-up today. She put on slacks and a blouse and her comfy shoes, then left early to get coffee on the way.

She was still half zoned out and feeling off as she got on the elevator.

"Are you alright?"

She looked at Ryan and couldn't summon the energy to tell him to leave her alone. She looked back down at the ground and stared at the scuff on the top of her toe.

"You... don't seem like yourself? And you weren't here yesterday? Everything go ok? With Mr McMillan? Look, I probably shouldn't say anything, but he takes a lot of pretty girls home or... wherever. Never the same one twice and most of them quit in the next week. They have that same out of it spooky look you have," he said, holding the doors shut button.

She looked back up at him. "I was just sick yesterday and I'm not really over it. I'm not interested, just back off, ok?"

"Ok... but if something happened...?"

"It didn't. I just drank too much. Not your business, let go of the button or I will be late."

"You are twenty minutes early, Lily, if you..."

"Drop it! Leave me alone! Let it go or I am reporting you to HR!"

He let the button go and got off, but watched her forlornly as the doors shut.

Terri was waiting for her as she stepped off the elevator, which was surprising since Terri was never early.

"Oh my god girl! Where were you yesterday? Wow, you don't look good, are you ok?"

"Fine, I was sick yesterday. I tried to call?"

"I saw that, that's why I am early. I got so busy talking to Gerid that I walked out and left my purse on my chair. So, deets! Now! Spill!"

"Nothing to tell, really. We had some drinks and chilled. I need to get started on the Anderson file, I am behind now after missing yesterday."

"Ok, if that's all you wanna say right now... but I want good details once you feel better!"

Lily sat at her desk, but she sat and stared at her keyboard, still feeling spacey and numb. Every time she pulled herself out enough to tell herself to focus, she ended up staring at something else.

By the time Terri came to get her for lunch, she had gotten absolutely nothing done. That afternoon, a dozen white roses were delivered and she felt fury well up in her as she yanked the card out, ready to call HR on Ryan.

'Good to see you back, missed you yesterday. -L.M.'

Oh.

She had mixed feelings. He had sent her roses! That was sweet and made her heart warm, but she also felt like something was wrong. She didn't know why it was bothering her so much. Maybe it was because he had left her there alone and taken her underthings with him? And the fact that they had obviously had unprotected sex and anal as well. Something she did not like. Was it possible he had drugged her? It wasn't the first time she had had the thought, but the way he was acting. The note, the flowers... rapists didn't treat you like they wanted to see you again, right? And she remembered kissing him and his hands and how into it she was. She had to have just been too drunk to remember. Right?

Then why was she so sick about it?

"Your IT boy again?" Terri asked, coming over and picking up the roses to smell them.

"No," she answered, putting the card away quickly.

"Oh! Now, what is this? Wanna go have dinner after work so you can spill?"

"Not tonight, I still don't feel that great. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Now, you remember that tomorrow we are going to Tony's Uptown, right? See that stupid band with that ridiculously tall bass player you have a thing for?"

"I remember. Yeah, I will try to take something and get feeling better."

"Promise?"

"Pinky."

"Cool. And you will spill?"

"Maybe," she answered, giving her friend a small smile.

When she got home, she put the roses in water, then looked at them. She didn't know why, but she decided she didn't really want to look at them. She set them on the counter on the other side of the fridge where she couldn't see them unless she went to the far side of the kitchen.

Her phone chirped.

'Waited for you after work, was going to give you a ride home. Guess you left before me? Sorry I missed you. -L.M.'

She stared at the text, wondering if it was genuine. She texted back, 'Thanks anyway, see you tomorrow.'

'That a goodnight? You busy tonight?'

'Yeah,' she lied. 'Have plans with a friend'.

'Have fun. Think of me.'

She stared at the text again. Think of me. An order, not a question or suggestion. A demand. He was very commanding, she remembered that.

She didn't answer back, she went to her bathroom and ran a bath, put bath salts in and turned on some relaxing music. She lounged and relaxed for as long as the water stayed hot, then got out and took something to help her sleep. She wanted something that knocked her out, made it so she didn't dream.

She still woke up sweating and shaking more than once. She tossed and turned and woke up before her alarm went off and had to take another shower after how much she had sweated in the night.

She considered calling in, but decided she needed to go in and try and get some work done. She stopped for coffee again, then went in super early before there was anyone there. After people started arriving, she actually started feeling drowsy and half wished she could go get another coffee as she tried to focus on her work.

Not ten minutes after she thought it, a cup was set down next to her on her desk. She recognized Luke's watch and hand and she turned to smile up at him.

"Miss Evans," he said gently. "You looked like you could use a pick me up. Don't want my most valuable up and coming employee to fall ill."

"Oh... yeah... thanks. Uhh... hi."

"Hello. You look like you aren't feeling very well. Do you need to go home early? I can drive you if you like."

"Oh, I'm ok. Just having trouble sleeping. Umm. I have plans with Terri tonight."

"Are you blowing me off, Lily?"

"No! No, I just... I really do have plans. We've had them for a while, it's a band we like. Umm..."

"So tomorrow night, then," he said, nodding. "I will pick you up at seven."

He turned and left, putting his hands in his pockets as he walked. Lily watched him go, a feeling of foreboding welling up in her. Why hadn't she just said no? Why hadn't she said she didn't want to see him? She didn't, she realized that then. She didn't want to date him, or see him at all.

She left work that evening dragging her feet, wondering if she could get out of the show that night. From the way Terri was talking, it wasn't likely. The elevator stopped and Ryan got on. He gave her a single glance then quickly looked down and turned away. Terri was still going on about the band and 'Nick'. A google search had sent her to the band page and she had found out all their names.

She followed her friend out and they shared an Uber, dropping Terri off first since it was on the way. Once she got home, she wanted to crawl into bed and stay there, but she made herself get dressed up to go see the band her and Terri had been talking about for three weeks since they caught the tail end of them at another bar.

It turned out, she was glad she went. Her friend, the music, the hot bass player that looked her over and smiled at her plus the drinks. They were all what she needed to finally relax a little. Intermission, Nick came to her sitting at the bar and leaned in close.

"Haven't seen you here before? This doesn't seem like your scene? Or music?"

"I like all kinds of music, even punk!"

"Favorite band?"

She laughed. "Ok, fine. My friend brought me here."

"The tall one out there dancing?"

"Yeah."

"What are you drinking?"

"Long islands."

"Duke, another for the lady. Her drinks are on me tonight."

"You got it Nick," the bartender said with a grin.

"How often does that work for you?" Lily asked, laughing.

"We'll see I guess, come on, dance with me. You are tiny!" he laughed, pulling her out to the floor.

It was a slow song, and he reached down and scooped her up to sit on his forearm so they could dance less awkwardly. She was grinning as she held on to his neck and laid her head so her face was pressed into his jaw.

"You feel amazing," he purred. "What's your name?"

"Lily."

"Lovely Lily. I like it. I'm Nick. You're staying till after our band is done, right?"

"What time is that?"

"Next band comes on at 11."

"Yeah, we'll be here."

"Save me another dance?"

"Maybe. Some dude is trying to get me drunk, buying me drinks. Anyone can see I am not the kind of girl who can hold her alcohol! I think he wants to take advantage!"

"He probably does."

"If I was a good girl, I would just go ahead and go home now."

"I have a feeling you are not a good girl."

She laughed and lifted her head to look at him. He really was adorable with his black curls and dark brown eyes. "I guess you'll have to find out," she answered, sliding her fingers into his curls.

"I'm about to have to go back for the second act, but the real second act is going to be when I get done and get my hands on you again. Move closer to the stage, I want to be able to see you while I play. Duke will send Carly around with your drinks."

"K," she answered, smiling and blushing as he set her down. He pulled her hand up and kissed it before heading back up to the stage with the rest of the band as the jukebox song ended. Lily grabbed Terri and pulled her to the front, to a table right in front of Nick and they sat talking and laughing while watching the band play.

As soon as the last song ended, Nick handed his bass off and stepped down, his long legs making it look normal stepping off the stage rather than using the stairs. He flipped a chair and straddled it, leaning close to Lily.

"This is Terri," Lily said awkwardly as he looked at her adoringly. She knew it was an act, he probably had girls all over him all the time, but she didn't care. She was having fun and as long as he had a condom, she was all in.

"Terri, lovely to meet you. You ladies are adorably out of place here," he said with a grin. "It's nice to see a color other than black."

"That girl is wearing red!" Lily countered, pointing.

"Yes, but it's a mini dress with a bustier and fishnet stockings and combat boots... not bubblegum pink or sunshine yellow sundresses. You look like you should be in an ad for TJ Max or something."

"Rude!" Terri said, but she was smiling.

"No, it's cute. We don't get girls like you in here much."

"You play here a lot?" Lily asked.

"Once a month."

"When we saw you last time, you were at the Awkward Frog! We just saw the end before you all packed up. We had to ask who you were so we could find you again!" Terri was yelling over the loud thrasher music on the stage now.

"You were looking for me?" Nick asked, his eyes shining and grinning.

"She loves tall guys! It's her thing!" Terri yelled.

"Let's move back to the bar!" Lily yelled, embarrassed now.

He laughed, but they got up and followed her. Duke sat a beer down in front of Nick and Nick downed it quickly. When the second one came, he held it up to her glass.

"To new friends and our paths crossing a second time. Even if it was on purpose," he added, moving closer as someone pushed in behind him.

He touched her face gently and turned her face up to him, still smiling. She managed a smile as she lifted her glass and took a drink.

"So you came and found me," he said, leaning on the bar with his elbow and putting his hand on her back.

"Maybe..."

"That's a first for me! Never had a roadie before."

"What's a roadie?"

"Fans who follow bands around to watch them play."

"I'm sure you have girls falling all over you constantly!"

"Yeah? You see any girls out there throwing panties at me? When girls do swoon, it's over Lee or Todd. The singer and the drummer. Never me."

"Right! Another line that works for you?"

He laughed, then shrugged. "You don't have to believe me, but it's true. I have never pulled tail from a gig, not once."

"From a gig. Nice addendum. Do you play in a band for a living?"

"Would that I could. Ope! Stay in your seat there, you ok? Wow, you really can't hold your alcohol, can you?"

"I'm fine!" she laughed, holding onto his steadying arm.

"I can see that. Lily, can I have your number? I'd really like to see you again."

"What's wrong with tonight?"

"Tonight you are drunk and I am not that kind of guy. I think your friend needs to take you home, give you a bottle of water and two aspiring and tuck you in. Where is your friend?"

"Dancing with that dude again, the one with the dreadlocks."

"Dom. He's an ok guy. I can take you home if you want?"

"I thought you weren't going to take advantage!"

"I wouldn't! I would tuck you in safe and sound."

"What if I took advantage of you?"

"I will let you take all the advantage you want! When you are sober."

Lily smiled, feeling warm to her toes. There was no way he was as good of a guy as he was pretending to be. Was he? A bass player in a punk band, a gentleman? "Terri will get me home... do you really want my number or do you just want to get rid of me?"

"Babe," he said with a grin. "I want your number. Give me your address and I will show up in the morning with coffee and chocolate croissants. That is how eager I am to see you again."

Lily giggled, feeling giddy. "Alright," she said, taking his phone and putting her number in it. "But call. No address, not yet. You don't get to show up and see me all gross and hungover."

"Deal. I'm going to get your friend to take you home. Can you stay in the seat or do I need to just take you with?"

"I'm fine!"

He laughed as he went to get Terri. They both giggled all the way back to Lily's house and Terri got her tucked in, then stayed the night with her, passed out on the other side of the bed. She was there when Lily woke up panting, shaking, sweating and crying.

"Lil? You ok? Lil? What's wrong?"

Lily shook her head, fumbled for the light and took some more tylenol as she downed a bottle of water.

"You gonna be sick?"

"I'm ok. Bad dream. Ugh. My head."

"Thank god it's saturday, right? Come on, let's go back to sleep."

Terri went right back to sleep, but Lily couldn't. It was 4 am and she was awake, too afraid to go back to sleep. She went out front and curled up on the couch, forcing herself to think about something positive. Like how adorable Nick was and how sweet he was. How good his hands felt and how wonderful he smelled with whatever aftershave he used. She closed her eyes, fantasizing about him and eventually fell back to sleep.

Her door buzzer woke her a few hours later and she stumbled sleepily to the door to answer it. She blinked at the FedEx guy and signed for the box before bringing it in.

"Everything ok?" Terri called.

"Fine. Delivery."

"Coffee?"

"No! I will put some on."

"Let's go get some," she said, coming out to the front, yawning. "What's that?"

"Dunno," she answered, pulling the box open. It was a little black dress, black strappy heels and black silk underwear.

"Wow. Did you order that?"

"No," Lily answered, confused as she picked up the card in the box.

'Wear this tonight - L.M.'

"Who is it from?"

"Ummm. Mr McMillan. Luke."

"Holy shit, seriously? Wow, you didn't tell me it was serious! So, Luke huh? Come on girl, dish!"

Lily blushed and looked down at the clothes. "I... there isn't much to tell. I got drunk and I don't really remember much."

"Like, blackout drink? Where were you?"

"Hotel room?"

"Like, you woke up there?"

"No, we went there to have drinks."

"Oh shit. No wonder he is being all doting, you gave it up to him!"

"No, it's not like that. I mean... we did. I think. I mean, I know we did, I could tell. It's just... I don't remember. Anything. I had more wine and he kissed me and asked me to let him take pics... and then nothing. I can't remember anything after that. But I woke up alone and I was sore... sore in... both places, and I hate anal. I don't even like the idea of it, but I am sure that it happened."

"So... you think he roofied you and raped you?"

"I... I don't know. I don't want to think it, but I am sick about the whole thing. And he is acting like things are fine, like it was a mutual good time. He left me a nice note about letting me sleep in, left me meds for my hangover, sent me flowers and asked me out again. That's not how rapists act, right? It's just me over-reacting, right?"

Terri looked worried. "I don't know. You remember Linsey from Finance down the fourth floor? I heard he took her out one night and she didn't come in the next day. Quit over the phone. Katie told me about it and said it wasn't the first time that happened."

"Ryan said the same thing. On the elevator. Told me to be careful."

"So maybe he just thinks you don't remember, or maybe he just doesn't care. I think he wants you alone again to do the same thing. You can't go tonight."

"No... I just won't drink. Right? I can see if it's true or not. If he pressures me to drink, I will know."

"And what if he decides that he doesn't care if you are passed out? Really hurts you because you are making him work harder for it? No, you need to just stay home. I will text him and say you are sick."

"No, it's ok. If it's a misunderstanding, I don't want to mess things up at work. You know? And I will know by tonight if it was a misunderstanding. Even if it wasn't, I will still back off slowly and stop seeing him, just not in a bad way that will mess up my career."

Terri looked worried, but she nodded and hugged her friend. "So what about Nick, huh?" she asked, grinning.

Lily smiled, remembering him and his hot smirk. "He was a perfect gentleman. He wants to see me again, but only if I am sober because he wouldn't take advantage of a drunk girl."