Little Bright Eyes

Her mournful cries penetrated my already breaking heart but I knew I'd never trust her again. "Sheri, you even lied to me about being a virgin. How..."

"Dylan, by the time we had sex I already knew you were my guy. I didn't want you to think I was some slut. I'm sorry I lied but I didn't want to take the chance of losing you."

"Then why, Sheri? I mean—am I really that bad in bed?"

"No, no—Jesus, no, you're not bad in bed. You're terrific in bed. I...I don't know why I did it. I was just scared."

"Scared...of what?"

"I don't...everything! Dylan, when we got married, everyone told us we were too young, your parents, my parents, friends. You have your job. You're out there meeting new people every day while I sit at home watching game shows on TV. I guess I was afraid of melting away--fading so far into the background that no one would ever see me again."

"So you go fuck an old boyfriend? That's your idea of not fading into the background?"

"Yes! No! Oh, I don't know," she cried. "I was so popular in high school. I guess I needed to feel like that again. Please understand, Dylan, please. I didn't mean to hurt you. I do love you, and believe me, you have no problems in the bedroom. I could never feel as close to anyone as I do you when you're making love to me."

Her impassioned plea only brought me down further into the depths of despair. Silently, I prayed for God to somehow make this all go away, but of course I knew that wouldn't happen. I watched the hope in her eyes evaporate as I slowly shook my head.

"I'd go to work every day wondering if you were out somewhere screwing another guy, Sheri. Every time we'd make love from now on, I'd wonder if somebody else was in there ahead of me. I can't live like that."

Sheri let out an almost inhuman sounding moan as she dropped her face in both hands and started bawling hysterically. As young as we were, I was afraid she was going to have a stroke. I sat down next to her and took her in my arms. Immediately, she grabbed me and pressed her face into my chest as she sobbed. We sat like that for a while, until she ran out of tears. Even then, she didn't move. I was beginning to wonder if she cried herself to sleep, then I felt her stir.

I reached up and stroked her hair. "Are you all right?"

"No, I don't want to lose you, Dylan."

While we had been sitting there, I was thinking. There was no doubt in my mind that we were over, but maybe she needed more time to come to terms with it. It probably wouldn't hurt me to take some time to get used to the transition as well.

"Look, at the very least, I think we need some time apart." I glanced at my watch. "I've got three hours before I have to leave for work. Let's call your parents and ask them to come over and take you back with them. Spend a couple weeks there."

"Does...does that mean we still have a chance?"

I took a breath and let it out with a small sigh. "I'm not making any promises, Sheri. We've been married all of two years and you've been cheating on me for almost half that time. I don't think you'll ever know how devastated I am right now, but a couple weeks will at least give me some time to think."

"Wh...what'll I say?"

"Just tell them we're going through a rough patch right now, that's all. You don't have to go into detail. Just say we need a little time apart. They're not going to turn you down."

"Okay, but I can drive myself."

That reminded me of my flat. I'd forgotten all about it. "I don't think you should drive, Sheri. I'll drive your car over there tomorrow morning and take a cab home. I have your spare set of keys. My car's got a flat. That's why I took yours in the first place. Why not call them now while I change into some old clothes to change that tire."

By the time I came back in from fixing the flat, Sheri was packing. "I called. They'll be here in a few minutes. You need a shower."

"I know; I'm going to jump in there right now." The hot water felt good, soothing. It also helped invigorate me a little.

When I stepped out of the master shower, I saw Sheri must have shut the bedroom door to give me my privacy but I could still hear voices. I got dressed and could feel the stress in the air as I entered the kitchen. Sheri immediately wiped some fresh tears from her eyes when she saw me.

"You won't fall asleep at the wheel tonight, will you?" She whimpered.

"No, I'll be fine," I replied as I greeted her parents with a nod of my head, "Mom, Dad."

Sheri's mom looked like she had shed a few tears herself. She didn't say anything but her dad spoke.

"I'm sorry to hear you two are having problems, son. I hope this little sabbatical idea works, I'd hate to see you guys break up."

"Me too, Dad." She obviously hadn't told them the reason we were separating. That was okay with me, as long as she didn't try to make me out to be the bad guy.

Not much else was said. I helped Sheri put her bag in her dad's car. Her folks got in the front seat and gave us a moment. Again, tears broke loose and dripped down my wife's beautiful cheeks. I reached up and wiped them away with a light touch. She threw her arms around me and whispered in my ear that she was so sorry. That made two of us.

I gave her a small, forced smile and told her I loved her. It was true. As much as she hurt me, I couldn't just turn that love off. We kissed before I helped her into the back seat then walked out to the sidewalk where I could watch them drive away. Sheri turned to look out the back window and threw me a kiss. I smiled through my grief and waved. It felt as if they were driving off with my soul. I finally went back inside the apartment and broke down.

Over the next several days the only thing that held me together was the job. As long as I had a camera in my hand I was fine. The rest of the time was torture. At the start of each day it felt as if someone covered me with a cold, wet blanket. I'd get up, stumble into the kitchen to make coffee, then sit at the table staring at the walls and listening to them echo my loneliness.

I had yet talked to my own folks so I called and asked if I could come over for dinner that Sunday. Although I didn't give her any details over the phone, mom sounded very concerned when I told her it would be just me.

Dad wasted no time. As soon as we dispensed with the hugs and kisses, he spoke right up. "What's going on, Dylan? Why isn't Sheri with you?"

Like him, I didn't mince words. "I found out she's been having an affair with an old high school boyfriend, Dad. Right now she's staying with her folks." I thought mom was going to have a heart attack and I could see the doubt in my dad's face. I knew he would have a hard time believing me. I still had the copies in my glove box if I needed them. Luckily, I didn't. It would have pissed me off if I would have had to prove myself to my own parents.

I told them everything that happened while we ate, then relaxed in the living room where we talked about other things. I felt a little better by the time I left, but it didn't last that long. The emptiness of my apartment emphasized the split between reality and the life I was supposed to live with my partner, facing what life threw at us as a team.

It was still early but I found no reason to stay up. At least sleep nulled the loneliness that coursed through my veins. When I awoke at six-thirty the following morning, it occurred to me that I had nothing to do until I had to be at work at two-thirty, so I stayed in bed until I absolutely had to get up. I know a lot of guys who drink to forget, but I'm not much of a drinker. I found sleep was a better pain reliever for me. Over the next couple of days I did a lot of it. Work and sleep, work and sleep, it wasn't much of life, but I was surviving.

Marge, our switchboard operator, worked from nine to five. Before leaving for the day she'd set the board up so the phone would ring directly into the city desk. I had walked into the photography office a little after eight and was getting ready to develop my film from the day when the phone rang. It had to be Dale, the night shift city editor. I figured I was about to be sent out again.

"This is Al," I sighed.

"Relax," he said. He must have heard my sigh. "Somebody called for you about an hour ago. He said his name was Steve and he wanted you to call him back when you came in. He gave me a number, you ready?"

"Hold on a second, Dale." I grabbed the pen from my sport coat. "Okay, shoot."

"Five, five, five, eight three one nine."

"Got it, Dale, thanks." I figured it had to be Steve Richardson. He and his wife, Bonnie, were friends of ours. Bonnie was on the cheer leading squad with Sheri in high school. She met Steve a year or so after graduation. Sheri was a bride's maid at their wedding. I really didn't want to hang around the paper any later than I had to so I developed my film first then made the call as it was drying.

"Hello."

"Hi, Steve, it's Dylan. I just got back to the office and they told me you called."

"Yeah, ah, I know this is none of my business but is something going on between you and Sheri?"

"Why do you ask, Steve?"

"Well, Bonnie was in the shower when I got home from work. She only showers that late if we have something planned for the evening. At first I thought I forgot about some engagement we had, but she told me Sheri called earlier in the day and wanted to go out tonight, just the two of them. When we go out together it's usually the four of us. I'm wondering what gives."

I wasn't about to give him details but I too had questions. "Sheri and I are going through some rough times right now. She went to stay with her parents for a while."

"Jeez, I'm sorry to hear that, Dylan. I hope it's nothing real serious."

"Did Sheri come to pick Bonnie up?"

"Yeah, but she didn't stay; just long enough for Bonnie to grab her purse and they were gone."

"How was she dressed?"

"Ah, nicely...like she always is when we go out, you know, skirt and blouse, nothing real fancy."

At least he didn't say she was dressed to kill...or fuck. "Do you know where they went?"

"No. Bonnie said they were just going out for a couple drinks and to talk. If they're both going to be drinking I doubt they'll go too far. My guess would be Plato's or maybe Styer's Lounge. You want me to call Bonnie and check?"

"No, don't do that. I haven't seen Sheri for about a week and I just wondered."

"Okay, old buddy. I just thought I'd see if there was something going on I should know about, but if you're not worried, I'm not worried."

I thanked him for his concern before we said our goodbyes then I went back to printing my shots from the day. I pretty much blocked Steve's call from my mind until driving home. I've heard people say not knowing is sometimes worse than knowing. Boy is that true. My mind was conjuring up all kinds evil thoughts. Of course I already knew about Landow so it really shouldn't have made any difference, my marriage was already over, but I couldn't help it.

I didn't hear from Steve for a couple of days but that Saturday I got another call.

"Damn, Dylan, do you ever get a day off?"

"Now and then," I chuckled. "I'm off tomorrow."

"Good, then you can have a beer at Plato's with me tonight after you get off."

"That won't be until about ten-thirty there, old buddy. I won't make it to Plato's till eleven or so."

"That's okay. We won't stay long. I just thought it'd be nice to have a quick one with you."

"Okay, sure. I'll meet you there. If I'm not there by eleven fifteen you know I got called out for something."

We both hung up. It didn't take Sherlock Holmes to know he had something to tell me about Sheri. I actually got there a little before eleven and saw Steve warming one side of a booth in the corner. He waved at me when I walked in. We got a little small talk out of the way while I waited for my beer. He got to the real subject of our meeting just as I finished the first sip.

"I, ah...I didn't get a chance to talk to Bonnie until last night. I asked if she and Sheri had fun the other night. She's a little worried. They didn't come here or go to Styer's, they went to Huntley's. They have a live band on Wednesdays and she told Bonnie she wanted to kick up her heels a little. Bonnie said she danced with every guy who asked her and even kissed one of them.

"I'm not trying to make trouble or interfere with your marriage, Dylan, but if it was me, I'd want to know what was going on."

"I understand, Steve, and I appreciate it," I replied. "I'll be honest with you, and please don't go around repeating it, but our marriage is over. I sent Sheri to her folks to give her some time to come to terms with it, but it sounds like she's already done that."

"Oh, man," he commented with a slight gasp. "God, I'm so sorry to hear that. I really thought you two were forever."

"Yeah, me too. Both of our parents told us we were too young, I guess they were right after all."

"That's the same thing Sheri said. She told Bonnie you guys were having trouble and she went to stay with her parents for a couple weeks. She said her dad told her she should ask for a six month legal separation so she can experience life a little before you guys got back together."

I had to snicker at that.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I thought. I told Bonnie there was no way you'd take her back if she started dating other guys."

"There's already no going back, Steve. As much as I love her, I can no longer trust her."

"Just because she kissed some guy?" Steve asked in Sheri's defense. "Dylan..."

"No, that has nothing to with it," I said, cutting him off. "I don't really want to go into it, but she's done a lot more than kissed a guy."

Steve just sat there, looking at me. I'm sure he put two and two together but he didn't press me anymore. Instead he tried to lighten the conversation. "How about them Cubs, huh?" He forced a smile.

I played along. "Yup, should clinch the series with no problem," I joked. Hell, the Cubs hadn't even won a pennant in seventeen or eighteen years.

We sat and talked about anything and everything for another half an hour, but Sheri's name didn't come up again.

The next day I awoke even more depressed than ever. I made a pot of coffee then sat at the kitchen table, just thinking. It had been the worst week and a half of my entire life and I had no idea what to do about it. I sure couldn't go on like I was. My marriage was over. It was inevitable, but I was stalling. I kept thinking about all the good times we had and the plans we made. We were supposed to live our lives together. Ending my marriage felt like I was ending my life.

I poured myself a second cup of coffee then walked to the picture window in the living room. There were a couple birds singing in the trees. I could see a squirrel scampering around across the street. Life around me seemed to be unchanged. Why then did I feel so terribly empty inside?

I took a deep breath through my nose and let it out with long sigh. I knew what I had to do. I was planning to wait a little longer, but from what Steve told me, there was no need anymore.

I took a shower and got dressed. On the way over to my in-law's I stopped off for breakfast. I took the time to convince myself once and for all that I was doing the right thing.

I saw their car in the drive but had to knock twice. I was beginning to think they weren't going to come to the door when Sheri opened it and stepped outside.

"Hi, honey," she said with a sheepish smile. She looked like she was trying to decide on whether to kiss me and finally chose to take a pass. She invited me to take a seat in one of the two chairs on the front porch. She sat in the other one.

"Obviously, you folks don't want me in the house?"

"No, it's not that. You know my dad. He's more adamant than ever about insisting we're too young to be married. You've heard it all before and I didn't think you were interested in hearing it again, that's all."

She was right. "How come he's on that kick again? He was nice enough at the apartment when they came to pick you up."

"I don't know. My dad never misses an opportunity to say, I told you so."

She was right about that too.

As much talking to myself as I had done, I never really rehearsed what I was going to say when the time came. I wasn't going to start out by tattling on Steve and Bonnie. I guessed the best way was to just come out and say it. I was about to open my mouth when Sheri started talking.

"Dylan, I was pretty emotional last week and I'm not sure I told you how sorry I am. I still don't understand exactly why I did it. I really think I was just trying to capture that feeling of being so popular again."

She looked down at her feet then back up at me with a worried face. "Honey, I...ah...I know you're going to need more time so I thought, why don't I stay here for a few months. My dad suggested we get a formal six month separation, but I don't know if that's really necessary, what do you think, honey?"

Well, that pretty much told me where her mind was. For all she knew I was coming over to ask her to come back home but she didn't even wait to find out. "Sheri, I have the day off tomorrow so I'm going to look around for a divorce lawyer."

I could see from her expression she wasn't expecting that. I really didn't understand her surprise.

"Sheri, you cheated on me multiple times over months. I really can't believe there's any kind of future for us after that," I said while standing up. I'd said what I came to say. I didn't see any reason to stick around longer, debating the subject. I started toward the steps.

"Wait, Dylan, wait. I said I was sorry. Look, I...I don't have to stay here. I'll come home with you. We can settle this, I know we can."

I stopped and looked back at her. "Sheri, six months or six years, I'm never going to forget that you had an affair and I'd never trust you again. I'd never feel comfortable leaving you alone again. No, it's over. You have no idea how badly you've hurt me, do you?"

I saw tears in her eyes again, but somehow I had the idea this was going to be a lot harder on me than on her. She started crying and ran into the house as I drove away.

The next day I found a lawyer from the yellow pages and got an appointment for that Wednesday morning. I was on the late night shift so I had plenty of time. I sat in his office while he explained the ins and outs of getting a divorce. Since we'd only been married a couple of years he doubted the judge would hit me up for any alimony, especially since she could live with her parents. He told me he would draw up the papers and have them ready for me to sign by Friday. His retainer took every cent I had in the bank. I sure hoped he had some kind of a payment plan for the rest.

By the time the papers were ready on Friday, I was already at work. I was on days the following week and would have no time to stop into his office so he sent them to me with instructions for me to sign where he had red exes and Sheri to sign on the blue. I wasn't looking forward to going over there again, but it would cost another hundred bucks to have them delivered and I was broke.

I called ahead and spoke to her dad. I told him what I had and asked when I could come over. He said to make it after dinner. I expected Sheri to there but he was alone. He invited me to sit down at the kitchen table and gave me a cup of coffee.

"Can I see then?"

"Sure," I replied, sliding the envelope to him. "They're pretty straight forward. We don't really have anything except the two cars and I'm giving her the one she drives."

I sipped my coffee while he studied the paperwork. After a couple of minutes he put it down. "I have no idea what started all this, but don't you think you're rushing into this, son? Sheri doesn't want a divorce. She just wants a little time to herself."