Little Bright Eyes

"You are a nice man," she said, assuredly. "I know I can trust you, but it still might take some time."

"That's okay, Maria. I'm not going anywhere and I won't force you to do anything you're not comfortable with.

"When you're ready, what I'd like to do is go on a picnic." I saw her immediately tense up. "When you're ready," I reiterated. "I know of a beautiful little park not too far from here. It's right near a river. We could spread a blanket out under a tree and listen to the ripples of the water as we eat."

"That does sound nice," she said. "Mom and I used to go on picnics when I was young."

"I know, she told me. So here's what I want you to do tonight when you go to bed. I want you think about the picnic. Picture yourself there. Concentrate on having your mother on one side of you and Sabrina on the other. The sky is as blue as your eyes and there's a gentle, warm breeze rustling the leaves in the trees. You can hear the current from the river. You're safe without a care in the world."

She'd had her eyes closed the whole time I was describing the scene and opened them again with another smile when I finished. "That does sound nice," she said.

Going home that night, I thought I had made progress, but once again, it proved to be more difficult than I thought. As much as Maria wanted to go on that picnic, her fear just wouldn't allow it.

Again, I was explaining the situation to my folks when my dad came up with a suggestion. "Dylan, this girl seems to trust you, she's just not sure about being exposed to others yet. Why not bring them over here for a Sunday dinner. Since she trusts you, knowing I'm your father, I would think would get me half way there. Then she'd see there were two men she could trust."

"Oh, honey, that's an excellent idea," added my mom. "I've heard so much about your friends, I'd love to meet them."

I thought about it then called to run the idea past Angela first. She was more concerned with imposing on my mom and dad, but did think it might help. She told me Maria talked about me all the time and she was really trying to get over her fear.

A couple nights later I stopped in after work. Sabrina dominated the first half an hour, of course, but then went to play. Maria, Angela, and I sat talking. I was very surprised when I mentioned going to my folks place. I wasn't met with nearly the resistance I was expecting. Maria was nervous, but was determined.

That Sunday, when I drove over to pick them up, Sabrina ran up and almost tackled me. "Mommy's coming with us!" she shrieked. "Thank you, thank you for having mommy come with us," she almost screamed again.

I'd never seen her quite so happy. I looked up at Maria whose smile reached from one ear to the other. Angela's was almost as big. They were all dressed like it was Easter. Maria looked absolutely gorgeous. I didn't think to tell them to dress casual. Oh well, I just hoped my dad didn't greet us at the door in his boxers.

My dad can be a little intimidating. He's six-two and weighs around two-forty. I noticed Maria kind of hiding behind me when she first saw him.

Sabrina, on the other hand, showed no fear as she stepped right up to him and offered her hand. "How do you do, sir? Thank you for inviting us," she stated in her precious and precocious, very grown up alter-ego.

My dad was hooked immediately, I could tell. He got a broad smile on his face and immediately stooped down to shake her hand. "You're very welcome, young lady. Thank you for accepting our offer, and welcome to our home." It took about as long for her to capture his heart as it did for her to capture mine.

It took almost twenty minutes for Maria to step out from my shadow, but she eventually got more comfortable. She helped my mom in the kitchen and again with the dishes after dinner while dad sat making paper airplanes with Sabrina. She was mesmerized by his aeronautical craftsmanship with a piece of paper and a pair of scissors. By the end of our four hour stay, it was as if we'd all known each other our whole lives.

On the ride back, Maria pensively watched out the side window as the world went by. It was the first time she'd been outside their house in over a year. As I pulled into their drive, Angela asked me to stay for a cup of coffee. I helped Sabrina arrange the twenty different pieces of winged stationary in her room while the coffee was brewing, then I joined mother and daughter in the kitchen. They both thanked me profusely for the wonderful visit and asked me to relay their thanks one more time to my folks. When it was time to leave, Maria walked me to the door. Sabrina came up and hugged me goodbye. To my shock, Maria then gave me a peck on the cheek and whispered in my ear.

"I'm ready," she said, quietly, "for the picnic."

It was the first time Maria and I had any physical contact. It was so nice, I couldn't stop grinning on the way home.

The following week, I was on the late night shift so I didn't have to be at work until three-thirty. I had just finished breakfast when I heard a knock on my door. That was very unusual. I didn't get company during the day. My mind pretty much turned to mush when I opened the door. She was just as gorgeous as I remembered.

"Hi, Dylan."

For a few minutes I'd forgotten why we'd broken up and my heart went pitter-patter just like it did in high school. My first emotion was pure joy. God, it was good to see her. "Hi, Sheri, come on in," I said, moving aside to allow her access. "Coffee's not too old, would you like a cup?"

"I'd love it, thanks," she said with that smile that could light up a coal mine at midnight.

She followed me into the kitchen and automatically took a seat at the table where we had shared so many meals. I poured us both of us a cup of java and set hers down in front of her. The euphoria of seeing her again was starting to wear off and feelings of sadness, with still a twinge of left over anger, was taking its place. She was watching me closely and must have seen the change in my face when I finally remembered why we broke up, because she actually winced before speaking.

"Dylan, for the last month or two I've been thinking of different ways to go about this. I'd come up with all kinds of sneaky plans, but I know you. I know you hate it when people play games. You admire people who are up front and just say what's on their mind, so here goes.

"First, I want to apologize for what I put you through. It was never ever supposed to go so far and hurting you was the last thing from my mind. At the time, it was exciting, but you know what they say about hindsight, as I look back now I can see it was the stupidest thing I've ever done...the stupidest and the most hurtful. I've never hurt anyone the way I've hurt you, the man I love.

"The second thing I want to say, and I know you're going to think I've got brass balls, but I want another chance. I've done a lot of growing up in the last two years, Dylan."

What was it about her? It was more than just her beauty. Hell, we had two female reporters at work that rivaled Sheri in looks but I never had any romantic notions toward either one of them. I had to sit down while my heart did cartwheels.

She went on. "I got a job. When I moved in with my folks, dad said I had to earn my own keep so I waitressed at night and went to school during the day to get a beautician's license. I'm working at a high end salon and make pretty good money. I'm still living with my folks so I've been able to save almost five thousand dollars. We could use that for the down payment on a house.

"I've learned my lesson, Dylan. Personally, I'd like to just get married again. I think we know each other pretty well, but maybe you'd like to just date again for a while? I'm good with whatever you want, Dylan, just please say you'll give me another chance."

I sat there, stunned. I couldn't even speak for a minute or so. I had no idea what to say anyway. My insides were churning like a Mixmaster. I'd give anything for things to go back to the way they were, but I'd need a time machine for that.

Sheri just sat there, holding her breath.

"I don't know, Sheri, I just don't know. I'm going to need some time to think this over. I'm sorry, I don't mean to put you off, but..."

"I understand, Dylan," she said as my words tapered off. "I know the hurt is still there, at least some of it. When I go to bed at night, my last thought before falling asleep is that I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and relieve the pain I caused you. I know I can't do that, but if you let me, I'd like to try my best to make up for it."

"Are you still seeing what's his name?"

"Carl? Hell no. I meant what I said that day you confronted me, I haven't seen or talked to him since before we broke up. I did try to call him once. Although he never used it, he did have our phone number. I figured he might try to call when my letters stopped coming and I didn't want him getting a hold of you by accident. I knew hearing the sound of his voice would hurt you even more.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to him though. Evidently, he wasn't as important to that company as he thought. I guess he showed up half gassed one day and they canned him."

"He did call here," I told her.

"Oh, Dylan, I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't your fault. He called to talk to me. He was a little pissed because I told his wife about your affair and sent her copies of his letters. He said she kicked him out. That's probably why he was drinking," I said with a smile.

"Dylan, you...you will at least think about it, please?"

I gave her a reassuring smile and nodded my head, but I was not about to make any commitments. After saying what she had to say, Sheri told me I could reach her at her parents and wondered if I still had the number. I confirmed the number that was in my phone book to make sure they hadn't changed it and she left soon afterward. It was so weird. I'd been living on my own for the last couple of years but as soon as she walked out that door I felt lonely.

Later in the week, I called my parents to see if I was invited for Sunday dinner. Mom answered the phone. "Are you going to have your friends with you?"

Shit, that reminded me, I'd been so preoccupied with thoughts of Sheri, I hadn't stopped in at Angela's all week. "No, mom, it'll be just me this time."

The next day I checked my work schedule and stopped in at the Cooper's to make sure Maria was still up for the picnic. My day off was that following Monday. On Sunday, I was at my folks. After dinner, I helped Mom with the dishes then we all took our coffee in the living room to visit more comfortably.

"You'll never guess who showed up at my door the other day?" Before they had a chance to speculate, I answered my own question. "Sheri."

Neither of them seemed all that surprised. Dad spoke up first.

"How's she doing?"

"Pretty good, she got her beautician's license. I guess she's making good money. She said she's saved up about five grand for a down payment on a house."

"What's she going to do with a house?"

"She's not talking about living there alone, mom. She wants a second chance. She wants to get married again."

"And?"

"I don't know, Dad. I honestly don't know. I found out the other night that I still have feelings for her, strong feelings, but... I don't know. I don't think I'll ever really trust her again. I'd always be waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"What about Maria," mom asked?

I thought mom was trying to change the subject already and was a little annoyed. "We're going on that picnic tomorrow," I said.

"That's not what I mean, Dylan. When we were doing the dishes last week all she talked about was you. You've become almost as big a part of her life as Sabrina and her mother. She's in love with you. You're the reason she trying so hard to get over her fear."

I guess mom saw the shock in my face. "Don't tell me you had no idea."

"No...well, you know...I've been going over there for months and last week is the first time she's even touched me. Did she tell you she was in love with me?"

"No, but it's not hard to figure out. She told me coming here was the first time she'd stepped foot outside of her house in almost a year. You know the fear hasn't gone away. She was scared to death of your father, but she trusts you. She's terrified of going on that picnic, but she's not going to let it stop her. She wants to get to the point where you'll ask her out on a date.

"You can't tell me you've never notice the light in her eyes when she looks at you?"

"I guess I never really paid any attention, Mom."

My dad entered the conversation again. "Do you have feelings for her, Son?"

I had to think for a minute. "I'm not...I don't know, to tell you the truth. I think I've purposely rejected the thought of having any romantic notions because of her condition. I mean...I never thought of her being able to become romantically involved with a man."

"I just mentioned it because I think you're going to find Maria is very much in love with you and is trying her best to overcome her fears. As determined as she is, I'm pretty confident she's going to succeed, so I thought you should take that into account before making any decisions," Mom said.

"Great!" I said, jokingly. "I came over here for help with my decision about Sheri and you guys complicate things even more."

My dad got up to pour himself some more coffee. I raised my cup as well. As he poured, he gave me more advice at the same time. "Sorry, Son, sometimes life gets complicated. Sometimes your brain and your heart fight with each other. When that happens, my advice is to go with your gut."

I didn't get a whole lot of sleep that night. I couldn't turn off my brain. I did have feelings for Maria. I'd known that for quite a while. I also thought of Angela as my second mother and Sabrina as the daughter I wished I'd had. I guess, in the back of my mind, I had suppressed those feelings.

I was anxious to see how the picnic would go. I told them I would take care of the food. There was a new chicken place that opened in town. I'd heard they had a special recipe that was extremely good. It was called, Kentucky Fried Chicken. It was perfect for picnics because you could buy a cardboard bucket filled chicken along with fries and biscuits.

I picked up a bucket on the way to pick them up and the whole car smelled delicious by the time they piled in. Of course, one whiff and everyone was oohing and aahing before we even got out of the driveway.

As I figured, no one was at the park on a Monday afternoon. Except for a couple stragglers, the place was deserted. Sabrina picked out a nice place along the river with a big oak tree for shade. We formed a circle around the blanket we laid down and I dished out the paper plates and a bottle of wine, before we all dug in. Sabrina got grape juice. After a few bites, everyone agreed the chicken place was well deserved of its reputation.

I could see everyone was really enjoying themselves. We were there for about an hour when Maria slid over by me and whispered in my ear to put my arm around her. Another breakthrough, I thought. Until last week she would almost panic at the thought of a man touching her.

As soon as she felt my arm, she leaned into me and laid her head on my shoulder. Sabrina was playing with a doll, but as soon as she saw her mother cuddling with me, she came over and put her arms around both of us in a three way hug. Angela had a grin that covered her whole face.

For the first time, I started to wonder if there was a chance to live a normal life with Maria. Then there was also the matter of sex. As afraid as she was with the physical presents of man, I would think sex would really be out of the question. I didn't want to think of myself as being shallow, but I was in my early twenties, I'll be damned if I wanted to live the rest of my life like a monk.

Over the next few days I did a lot of thinking, not just about Maria, but about Sheri as well. Sex with her was pure heaven. She wasn't home when I called. Her mom said she was out shopping. We had a pleasant talk before I finally asked her to have Sheri call me back. The thought I had as I hung up the phone told me I'd made the right decision.

Sheri called back about an hour later. Her voice sounded hopeful. I told her we needed to sit down privately somewhere and talk. Since her mother and dad had no plans on leaving the house, she headed for the apartment. I had fresh coffee brewing when she got here.

She gave me a peck on the cheek as she walked in but didn't say much. We sat down on opposite ends of kitchen table with our coffees in front of us. Well, the stage was mine so I took a deep breath and started.

"Sheri, you were my first love and I can attest to what they say; I will always love you. When I found out about your cheating, I'm not sure what was stronger, my anger or my pain. It's been a little more than two years and most of the anger is gone, but a whole lot of the pain is still there."

I could see her trying to anticipate my ever word. I should have just came out and told her in one short sentence, but I wanted to make sure she understood.

"I've given it a lot of thought since you were here the other day. I had already made my decision when I called earlier but the conversation with your mom clinched it for me."

"My mom? What did she say?"

"When I asked if you were there, she told me you were out shopping."

She made that cute little face she always made when she didn't understand something. "I was," she said. "I needed another pair of shoes for work. I'm on my feet all day so they don't take long to wear out."

"I'm sure you were," I confirmed, "but I wondered if you were out with a man."

She shook her head and opened her eyes wide. "I wasn't, Dylan, honest. I was at the store."

"And I have every reason to believe you, Sheri, but I still wondered."

I saw the look of understanding on her beautiful face as she suddenly realized what I was saying. "The trust...it's gone for good, isn't it?"

I nodded my head. "I'm afraid so, Sheri. I would always have that lingering doubt."

She stared at a spot on the table and looked like she was a million miles away as she took a sip of coffee. I assumed she was trying to think of a way she'd be able to restore the trust, but I knew she couldn't. After a long moment she came to the same conclusion. When she looked back up at me, her expression was one of acceptance. "You're right about first love," she said with sadness in her voice. "I will always love you too, and I'm so very, very sorry I destroyed what we had."

"I am too, Sheri. Believe me, if there was a way of fixing this..."

"I know," she said, interrupting me, "you'd do it in a heartbeat—me too. To be honest, I really didn't think you'd take me back, but it was worth a try. I'm surprised you haven't told me that there's someone else. I really thought you'd shoot me down when I was here the other day. When you didn't, I got my hopes up, but in the back of my mind I knew it was a long shot."

She stopped talking for a minute and looked at me with a smile. "I really do love you, you know."

I thought about saying something nasty like, just not enough to stay faithful, but I discounted the thought immediately. She was truly remorseful. I could see it in her eyes. I was sure she had been beating herself up for a while and I don't kick people when they're down.

"How about you?" I asked her. "Got somebody waiting in the wings?"

"Nah, I've been concentrating on getting my head on straight. It took me almost a year to realize what I gave up. Since then, I've been working to become the kind of person you could love again."

"I'm sorry, Sheri."

"I know, Dylan. You don't have to say it. The hurt I inflicted runs deep. You can't help the way you feel. Sometimes love just isn't enough," she said, forcing her smile this time. "We're both young good looking, successful people, I'm sure we'll each find someone someday. I guess I'd better start putting myself out there again, I've been sticking pretty close to home until now."