All Comments on 'Little Sisters Ch. 01: Alex Gets Dumped'

If I could give you minus 5 stars, I would.

Let your characters talk

Absolute crap

Please get an editor. I like the story as such, but your disregard of grammar makes it difficult to enjoy. You do have potential, but dialog between the characters would move the story along better.

However, how does that make her want to FUCK Frank?

Now she will want to FUCK ANYBODY including Frank.

You needed to get her to WANT FUCK YOU AND NOT FRANK. Show some love and tenderness. You needed to get her to realize she was more important than a

CUM DEPOSITORY FOR FRANK. Truly he was an asshole and would show her no respect.

The same story was posted back in April.

...right?

Try reading your work. You need urgent help with punctuation and sentence structure. Could not make head nor tail of what you wrote, and I couldn't get through the 2nd paragraph.

Who’s next?