All Comments on 'Little Sister's Man'

I really enjoyed your tale. I would have given it five stars, but the constant changes of tense were distracting.

Too bad big sister can't write. Cyn felt the itch...I tried to fall asleep.

...no that doesn't work at all.

Too many electrons died in this tale. I hope you didn't draft it on paper and waste a tree.

To be pleasantly readable it's necessary to maintain a consistent point of view for each character. You can switch characters, but each one has to be presented from the same point of view to make it sane to read. Switching from 1st person to 3rd person on the same character in mid stream just killed it for me. I am not willing to slog through the confusion to figure it out. If someone helped you edit this, fire them and get another. Any seasoned editor would have sent this back to you to fix this.

Thank you so much for all the feedback. I genuinely appreciate the input. The night I submitted the story I do actually recall thinking ‘i shouldn’t & just go over it in the morning’ but my stubborn impulsive side took over. Hopefully I can edit this story resubmit sometime soon