All Comments on 'Lives Changed Forever'

Wow, hot start especially for your first story. I really enjoyed this and hope you keep going with it. What happens next I wonder? So many hot n sexy possibilities.

Please continue their story. Great start.

Nuff said.

I tried to enjoy your story but the style quickly bored me. I found the occurrence of the word 'had' to be much too frequent. Did you know you used that word 152 times in your story. Almost none of the usage was required.

For example: "Sally had shifted slightly" could have been "Sally shifted slightly" or "Sally had lifted her head and kissed him" might have been "Sally lifted her head and kissed him" with no loss of meaning.

I don't like to be critical but eliminating the number of superfluous words will improve your writing skills. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. Thank you.

Maybe mom was listening outside the door, getting hot and bothered, fingering her hot pussy and thinking of a way to get involved.....

Her warm, wet mouth felt wet and warm.

Starting a story of this kind with a description of the climax that the story otherwise should gradually build up to, is no good.

The point of this kind of story is the development of the emotional play that makes sibling eventually cross the taboo line, but you gave everything away immediately.

Where the ending is at the beginning just doesn't feel right. I quit reading after that.

Hot as😉

Writing in the past tense as though presenting a story of the events is so wrong. Just tell the story like your audience is present. The audience already knows its in the past. Another observation is that you add too many details that takes away from the story, and does not allowing the audience to use their imagination. This is your goal; the imagination is stronger than any word written. Your job is to direct the audience’s imagination’s path through the story.

Don’t give the ending before telling the story. Bring your audience to the narrative; hopefully the audience are truly adults and can read. .

Great plot! Poor presentation. I suspect you will improve, which is why you received 4*.

So much potential, so many little goofs. Don't stop writing but do re-read your work multiple times. I have great hope.

Of those who say writing in the past tense is wrong. Very few stories are written in "real time". Anyway writing in the past tense makes it easier to put the story together. Personally I love where this seems to be going. Keep up the good work. Thanks for your hard work.

I was far too involved in the story, to critique your style, write what you are feeling it was great for me.

Wheel of time is written in past tense. So is a song of ice and fire. As is Ulyssees. And the hobbit and lord of the rings. And many many many others. To quibble about someone writing in past tense is beyond ponderous.

To speak to the actual story, it was good, but not great. A good foundation. I am interested in more, which is the point of a first chapter. Well done