All Comments on 'Living and Mind Control Ch. 01'

Looking forward to the next part.

It has decent potential but is very rough. I look forward to future chapters and hope that you find an editor to work with.

One thing I found very disruptive was your decision to name his best friend Justine. Justine is the feminine version of Justin. I can't recall ever hearing of a (non-crossdressing) male being call Justine and even knowing the character was male was not enough to overcome the female connotations of the name.

Maybe add like a row of tilde or some other marks, between scene transitions. I'm getting a bit of whiplash, but otherwise I'm excited to see where the story goes.

>make a hmofa story

>give the human a horse cock for no fucking reason

your fetish is bad and you should feel bad

6 chapters and almost nothing has happened to make this literotica. Practically just a regular story.