All Comments on 'Living In The Shadows Ch. 03'

Melanie is playing with fire trying to swerve her sister about Ken.

This will not play well. She has comeuppance coming, Please do not just brush over that.

She seems to be manipulative as well. Redeem her before she turns into Kate.

Great story!

5

Another good chapter!

5

Another great chapter. Thank you

Unnecessarily convoluted plot weave with no significant movement on any of the primary plot lines. I also find myself as a reader not being invested in any of the characters which appear as cartoon cut-outs rather than "people" with real emotions that can grip me as a reader. I would suggest that further installments focus on the KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) principle and reweave all these disparate strands into a couple of good strong metanarrative story lines. I also strongly suggest that future installments make a significant departure in favor of spending more time developing the CORE characters and their respective plot elements. I would also suggest that further temptations to create rabbit trail sex scenes that are not part of the primary story lines be avoided. I find that this is one of the core problems with writing complex story chains as you go....the author wants to include as much gratuitous sex as possible (after all this is an erotic literature site). Each of these little rabbit trails bring an amazing amount of unintended complexity to the larger story...and inevitably force the author into transforming the story into a chaotic mess as all these irrelevant story additions must be resolved in a deux ex machina manner. As the whole thing progresses...the author becomes increasingly embroiled in a chaotic mess of poorly connected plot twists that become increasingly difficult to resolve. This metanarrative chaos causes the readers to both readers and author to throw up the hands...and try to get out of the whole chaotic mess quickly. Thus the author creates the classic simply awful get outta Dodge summary chapter to quickly resolve this cumulative mess quickly so he can move onto another less stressful effort,.

This one is really trending this way. It already has a way too convoluted metanarrative...and seems to be quickly reaching the implosion point, The only real way to resolve this mess is to do prune your story vine of all non productive rabbit trail subplots and focus on the key main plot line again. I would advise that you take a lesson from the great installment authors of the late 1800's like Dickens and Twain...and write out a clear novelette/novel outline before you start the first installment. Then stick to that outline like it is your life...and avoid rabbit trails like the epic fail cancer they are.

Sorry, you have some really good foundational writing skills here, but this chapter is a chaotic convoluted mess. I am giving it 3 stars when, with a little plot discipline, your skills should have earned you a 5 star rating.

Good story so far. A bit dismayed about the foreshadowing of problems between Lainey and Ken. Theirs was such a great story, working through all the trials and tribulations of his career. I hope you reconsider and have them stay together.

Lots of action and intrigue such is a Bh76 romantic thriller. Thanks for sharing your fantasy and writing talent. I anxiously await the next installment.

Cheers

SAGE

Enjoying this...

Your take on how young immature love developes is fun. It will be interesting o see how the couple grows. The groundwork for future plot twists will lead to a few cliffhangers I'm sure. Thanks for sharing.

DP

Well, ho hum, boring and convoluted. This one was just a filler to increase the word-count in making the story longer. It is now a soap opera, "As the world of Jim turns", yawn.

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Ya lost my following, chapters are two short never getting anywhere. And no I do not need or want sex, I want a plot, a story, definition, intrigue in EACH chapter. Severe cliff hangers are crappy but intrigue to generate a readers desire to want to read the next chapter is needed - this chapter it's NOT.

/

3*, hooyah, yawn

Not really invested in these new characters. Fell in love too quickly without any real emotional buildup. Too much being told and not shown. He was obsessed with conspiracies but we never see it, just hear it mentioned twice and completely resolved. The most interesting conversation is that she's being too controlling, stands her ground and finally relents. None of that is on screen - the controlling, his emotions about it (best thing aboutboth being poverty chars is to see the samesituationfrom different sides), the conversation and the resolution are behind a curtain of her summarising it in a few lines.

I have to go contrary to the disgruntled and say I enjoyed this chapter. It was mostly front end loaded per the cliff hanger you left us with, but still well done overall. I did NOT appreciate the short sentence about Ken and Lainey splitting up later without a commitment for you to go back to their story and walk us through that plot line. As for the naysayers that say Mel and Joe fell in love too fast... Let me tell you about my story of falling in love with a woman right before being ordered to a different base, meeting up a few times over the ensuing months, then marrying her less than a year from the first time we met. 30+ years, five kids, and six grandkids and counting says your world view lacks faith and love. Fuck you - I did it! 5*

What's next?

I’m enjoying this whole series. My wife and I were pretty wild singles then met one night and I took her home from a party and neither one of us was with anyone else for the next 35 years. It happens and loss and family tragedies outside the new relationship, like this story do bring people together.

The first series with Ken and Lainie was great. The first two chapters of this series started off well also but I'm disappointed with this one. The last part after they got back to school seemed rushed.