Living In The Shadows Ch. 05

Sorry for the delay, I got the Covid again. That shit sucks, trust me. Okay, I'm man enough to admit when something doesn't work, and this idea didn't work. If you're still reading this, thank you, you won't be disappointed going forward. I'm scrapping the weekly shorties as they are a pain to do, and no one liked that format. I'm sticking to the outline I've got and I'm just gonna write a few longer stories to tell their tale. Those take longer to write, so it may be another week before the first one is ready, but they will come with shorter intervals to completion. Thanks for your feedback. They may be my ramblings, but without you reading them, I'd just be rambling to myself. -- BH

***Melanie***

It was the worst three weeks of my life. Joe avoided me, Keri was pissed at me, Lainey didn't return any of my calls, and my parents told me I had to grow up. The closest I got to normal treatment was my mom feeling bad for not saying goodbye before I left after Thanksgiving.

It was Winter break. Keri flew home a week before, and I didn't know if Joe stayed or went home. He spoke to me once after we got off the airplane, and that was to tell me he thought we should take a break from each other as we dealt with our end of quarter exams. Those were taken two weeks ago, and I hadn't heard from him.

I was afraid to reach out to him because I didn't want to hear that he didn't want me anymore. I was like Schrodinger's cat. As long as he didn't tell me we were done, I was still his girlfriend. It was similar with my parents. I hadn't spoken to them and didn't tell them that I was staying at school for Christmas. Mom called once when Keri got home and she realized I didn't go with her, but I didn't return the call.

I wore comfy jammies and hadn't showered in two days as I watched the marathon of Hallmark Christmas movies. I cried so many tears, I didn't think I had any left, but I was such an emotional wreck, every movie made me cry.

It was December 23rd, and I was alone. I was alone at Christmas for the first time ever and it sucked. It sucked, but I didn't deserve anything better. I was living in a hell of my own design, and I had to suck it up. I had to grow up and I knew it.

I had a discussion with Keri when we got back that hurt, but I needed to hear it. She didn't hold back when she told me that sometimes I did act like a bitch to people. She told me that I did try to control all of my relationships, including with my friends and family. The worst was when she told me that some of my friends were only staying friends with me because I knew Kinsey Greer. That broke me and I wasn't the same since.

She told me that it was when Lainey started dating Ken that I changed. I could hardly believe it, yet it made perfect sense when thought about it. My head got so big because I knew a movie star, I was surprised my head fit through the door. I decided at that moment that I needed a factory reset. I had to go back to my original programming and become the woman I needed to be. So what, I knew Kinsey Greer and Jim Steele. That didn't make me more special than anyone else. Keri didn't let it change her, why did I?

I was looking at a self-help website when my mom called. I decided to bite the bullet and have the conversation I avoided since Keri went home.

"Hello, Mom."

"Hi, Mel. You need to let us know when you're flight comes in so your father can pick you up."

No small talk. Straight to the point. I knew I made the right decision not going home.

"I'm fine, thanks. I did pretty well on my exams, all things considered."

"Sorry, how are you doing?"

"Doesn't really matter, does it, Mom?"

"Mel, don't be like that. You know..."

"Anyway," I interrupted. "Dad doesn't need to pick me up. I'm not going home for Christmas."

"What?" she shouted. "Don't kid around, baby."

"Yeah. It's no joke. After the Thanksgiving cluster fark, no one wants to see me anyway. It's better that I just stay here."

"Melanie Evans, that is not acceptable. You're going to..."

"No, Mom, I'm not. I'm not going to sit in a room of people that are so pissed at me they haven't called me or returned my call since I went back to school. You said what time I was leaving slipped your mind last time, but that's emblematic of the situation. People are too upset with me, so I'm playing the martyr and will save everyone the discomfort of me being in their presence and ruining their holiday."

"That's ridiculous. No one is so upset with you that we don't want to see you on Christmas."

"I'm sorry, Mom. It's my penance to bear. Maybe by spring break, I'll be back to my old self and the damage I did to the family will have blown over. I love you and Dad. Merry Christmas."

I ended the call and turned my phone off.

*****

I woke on Christmas Eve and looked out my window. There was no snow. Of course, I knew there wouldn't be snow in California, where I lived, but it still depressed me; I loved white Christmases. I looked at the weather app on my phone and switched to my hometown's weather. It was going to begin snowing as seven in the evening and continue until three in the morning Christmas day. I sighed and a lone tear fell down my cheek.

Later, I ate a bagel for breakfast and thought about the large breakfast my family would have had at Ken and Lainey's. Mom and Dad would have arrived at eight and Mom would've hurried to make her special scrambled eggs while Lainey would bake the cinnamon rolls. I could imagine the kids helping to spread the icing on them and making a mess. His sister and her wife would encourage the kids to make a bigger one and laugh the entire time.

I plopped down on the couch and turned on another sappy Christmas movie. Lacey Chabert was not convincing as businesswoman, and it was distracting throughout the movie when she tried to be. When the movie ended I made a bowl of soup and found that I didn't have an appetite. I looked at my phone which was still off and sitting on the table and sighed when I turned it on.

As expected, there were several messages from my parents, each telling me I needed to come home, but I was surprised to see one from Lainey.

"Hey, Mel, it's me. Mom says you're not coming home because we don't want you there. That's not true. We want you there. I want you there. I'm sorry you feel like that. Give me a call and I hope you get on plane and come home soon. I, uh...well, just come home. Merry Christmas."

I didn't want to bother them during the party, so I texted her. "Got your message. Not coming home. Merry Christmas."

I turned the phone off and curled up on the couch in front of the lonely TV. Candace Cameron-Bure and Holly Robinson-Peete would be our only company.

***Joe***

The smell of cookies and the sound of kids running through the house woke me on Christmas morning. Jim and Abby hosted everyone on Christmas Day because she was a stickler for the traditions of her youth and that's what her family did.

Her parents passed away when she was young and she was an only child, so my family became her whole family. My parents adored her, so her being the daughter they never had come easy for them.

Jim was doing better after the attempt on his life. The paranoia he felt was mostly gone and he had let the security go. That was from mostly Abby forcing him. She felt like a prisoner in her home and wasn't afraid of another nut going after Jim.

My dad was watching the kids play in the den. I sat in front of the fire and said, "Merry Christmas, Dad."

"Merry Christmas, Son. Your mom's making pancakes. Should be ready soon." With the mere mention of pancakes, the kids were off to inspect and find out when we would be eating. I suspected they would steal some chocolate chips too.

"Dad, I need some advice." I was struggling with what to do about Melanie. I overreacted to her bad joke, and I'd been ignoring her as some passive-aggressive punishment.

"Oh, yeah? What's going on, Joe?"

"It's my girlfriend. I overreacted to something she did, and I've been avoiding her. I'm not sure if we're still a couple or not. She hasn't tried to see me either, so she may have moved on."

"Well, it's interesting that she hasn't reached out to you. That could mean one of two things."

I leaned forward and hoped he had something that wasn't bad news.

"She's either still your girlfriend or she's not."

"Come on, Dad. This is serious."

"I'm serious, Joe. For a smart kid, you're being really dumb about this. All you have to do is communicate. You're sitting there all worried when what you need to do is talk to her. If you overreacted, apologize. You can't sit around and mope about it though. You're too young to give yourself an ulcer."

I knew he was right. I was afraid to talk to her and find out she didn't want me anymore and it was making it worse. I needed to man up and call her.

"Thanks, Dad."

He nodded and picked up the newspaper while I went to call Melanie.

***Melanie***

It was six in the morning on Christmas when I stared out the window. Again, I wished it snowed where I lived, but a white Christmas wasn't in the cards for me. I couldn't sleep but I was exhausted. My stomach was in knots. My tears were cried out. My heart hurt. I was alone. I knew I made the right decision by not going home for Christmas but being right didn't make it feel any better emotionally.

The holiday killed the normal bustle that would be going on along my street. The only activity was the occasional jogger or dog walker and somehow that made it worse.

I turned on my phone to listen to the angry messages I thought I was sure to have, but to my surprise, I had none. I wasn't sure what to make of that. Were they glad I wasn't there to disrupt their holiday, or didn't my absence matter to them at all?

I jumped when the phone rang in my hand and my heart leapt when I realized it was Joe calling. I took a deep breath and answered.

"Hi, Joe."

"Hi, Melanie. I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. I knew I overreacted, and I was scared to call you."

I laughed and said, "I've been afraid to talk to you too. I was afraid you didn't want to be with me anymore."

"God! No way. When I get back, I'm not even going home first. I'm gonna run right into your arms."

"I miss you so much, Joe. I'll be waiting here with open arms for you."

"Are you there now? Didn't you go home?"

"No. No one there wants to see me yet. I'd just spoil their holiday."

"So, you're by yourself? On Christmas?"

"Yep. I'm fine though." I hated lying to him. I wasn't fine at all.

We talked for an hour catching up, and it felt like new to me. There was a freshness that was hard to describe. Not a new start, but more of a rejuvenation. It felt good.

***Lainey***

"Mom, what are we going to do about Mel?" I was pissed that she didn't come home for Christmas. Not pissed at her but pissed at all of us that we let her think we didn't want her with us.

"I don't know. I can't believe she thinks we don't want her here."

Ken shook his head, "Has anyone called her and talked to her? Has anyone let her know that we aren't upset with her anymore? Hell, this is our fault. Every single one of us."

"What would you have us do, Ken?" Mom asked. "Sure, we all overreacted but so did she by not coming home."

"Would you?" Dad shouted. "We all yelled at her. Lainey and Ken didn't return her calls. Worst of all, we forgot to see her before she went back to school for Christ's sake. I gotta tell you, I think we're the assholes in this situation. My baby girl is alone on Christmas!"

He slammed his coffee cup in the sink and stormed off. We looked at each other like we were lost.

"Ken, what should we do?"

He looked stricken. "I don't know, honey. She's not taking our calls. We tried a dozen times yesterday."

I nodded. Mel had her phone off all day.

"What time is it? Is it too early to call again?" Mom asked.

It was a little after seven, which was five in the morning her time. "It's too early."

Dad stormed back in and said, "There's a flight at nine-twelve from Rockford. I'm going to her."

"Me too!" We all said in unison.

"I'll stay with the kids," my mother-in-law said.

"Thanks, Mom," Ken said hugging her shoulder. "We've all got some crow to eat."

Luckily, there were enough seats on the flight, and we were all able to get tickets. It took fifteen minutes to get loaded up and off to the airport.

***Melanie***

I fell asleep and woke at lunch time. I realized I hadn't eaten, and I was starving. I bought a turkey earlier in the week and I was going to make that for dinner with boxed stuffing and instant mashed potatoes. If I couldn't have a nice dinner with my family, I'd get as close as I could on my own.

I prepped the turkey and got it into the oven. It was small, so it wouldn't take all day to cook, but I had to get it going. I had just finished washing my hands when the doorbell rang.

"Who the hell is that?" I thought as walked to the door. Whomever it was, would be received with me in my Christmas jammies and snowman slippers, and I didn't care.

I looked through the peephole and almost fainted. Standing on my doorstep were Ken, Lainey, and my parents. I debated on not opening the door, but I realized Ken had a key and he'd just let himself in.

I opened the door without greeting them and walked back into the living room and sat down. I wanted to cry but I tried my hardest to fight the tears back.

"Melanie!" My mother shrieked and grabbed me off the couch into a hug. The next thing I knew, I had a crying Lainey and Mom smothering me in a three-way bear hug.

"Can you let me breathe, please?" I begged. I didn't need them to, I just wanted them off of me.

"Mel, we're sorry, baby," Dad started. "It was stupid on our part to let this whole thing boil over to the point where you felt unwanted. We all overreacted."

I started crying, and Lainey hugged me again.

"I'm sorry, Lainey. I never meant to hurt your marriage." I sniffed and looked at Ken over her shoulder. "Are you guys okay?"

He nodded and Lainey said, "Yeah. We made up pretty quickly."

Ken's face turned red, and he looked away in embarrassment.

Dad said, "Mel, we couldn't let you spend Christmas alone. It tore my heart out."

I sat and said, "Well, it's a good thing I bought a turkey."

My mom was shocked, "You did?"

I nodded. "I just put it in the oven. It's small, but it'll feed the five of us. I wanted to have a dinner like we always had together. You'll be disappointed in the potatoes and stuffing though."

"Oh, Mel. We're happy to just be here with you," Mom said before she walked into the kitchen to inspect what our dinner looked like.

"I'm so sorry about the stupid prank. I know you all think you overreacted and you're sorry, but I needed to come down a peg. In a way, I'm glad this happened. I've learned a lot about who I've been, and I don't like that girl. I think this is going to help me become the woman I need to be, so don't feel bad anymore, okay?"

Dad came over and hugged me. "Mel, you're more grown up every time I see you. I love you, your mom loves you, we all love you."

Another round of hugs started and lasted a very long time.

*****

After dinner, mom fell asleep in dad's arms on the couch and Lainey managed to stay awake while Ken slept next to her on the loveseat.

Mom winced but didn't object when I had a glass of wine at dinner. Leave it to Mr. Hollywood to find an open liquor store that delivered on Christmas. I laughed when I heard the delivery guy scream when he saw the tip Ken gave him.

So, I poured myself a second glass as Lainey and I watched another stuffy businesswoman rush home to save their family's little shop on Main Street in her hometown on the Hallmark Channel.

"Wine, huh?" Lainey asked quietly.

"Tastes better than beer," I shrugged.

She smiled and asked, "How are things with Joe?"

The mention of his name made me smile. "Better. We spoke today and feel like we're on the same page again. I was worried for a while there."

"Good. He's a good kid. We all love him."

"I do too."

She raised an eyebrow.

"I do, Lainey. I love him so much it hurts."

"Okay, little Sis. Just be careful. You're both in uncharted territory and there are going to be bumps in the road ahead."

I nodded. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but we loved each other. The rest of the stuff? We'd figure that out as we went along.

*****

"So, it's settled," Mom said as we ate breakfast the next morning. I nodded and everyone mused their words of happiness at my being convinced to fly home with them for the rest of my break.

I wondered more if they just wanted me there for babysitting duties as Lainey was having a New Year's Eve party. Since I was going to be there now, I got the duty of babysitting Lainey and Ken's and Ken's sister's kids at my mom's house. I hoped Keri wouldn't have plans and she could keep me company.

I took a bite of my toast dipped in sunny side up eggs and Ken said, "There's a flight at 2:40 that has enough seats on it. Will that work for everyone?"

I was surprised Ken was overseeing details like that. He'd come a long way from the guy that had to have his sister rent a car for him so he could take Lainey on a date when he was a movie star.

I had to focus hard to not feel that way. I'm sure they wanted to see me and having me there to babysit was a side benefit. I forced the negative thoughts out of my head and stole a piece of bacon from my dad like I did when I was a kid.

"Watch it, young lady," he warned with a smile. "That was cute when you were six, but as an adult, you'll get your hand stabbed with a fork going for a man's bacon like that."

Mom laughed and gave him a piece of her bacon. When he leaned over to kiss her, I stole that piece too. It felt good to be a loving family again. I needed it far more than I realized.