- Lesbian Sex
- Lizzie's Mistress
- Comments
All Comments on 'Lizzie's Mistress'
by Palistus
- 14 Comments
Anonymousover 11 years agoI liked this one - thank you. As to justifying fantasies, I really wouldn't bother; your readers will either accept your fantasy or they won't read it through to the end. Keep writing!
Myhands316over 11 years agoWhat you have here is great. But again, in my opinion, you moved way too fast to get to the sex part. I won't comment on the "It couldn't happen", because in actuality, it could and does happen all too often. Unfortunatly, not many get the happy ever after you've set up here.
As with many other writers I've commented on, you have a great premis, but you rushed it. You didn't let the story tell itself in the rush to get to the manditory sex scene. If you wanted to get to the sex that fast, you should've started there and do the rest as a flasback.
Just some food for thought...
Keep writing!
Myhands316
lilithuover 11 years agoIt is such a great premise and I was looking forward to the process by which Lizzie gets won over, And you set up the story so nicely - I quite enjoyed it up until the teen sat on the couch. IMO, it all happening on the same day, within an hour of their getting to the house was just not believable (to me). Also, after emphasizing Lizzie's innocence - school girl, 4.0, aims to please - it was jarring to hear her say "make me cum" and "you're so fucking hot." (Apparently not so innocent.) Similarly, the mistress' confession that this was her first time too was equally jarring. It contradicts the dynamic you'd set up beforehand of the older, more powerful, more experienced woman and the younger, helpless, innocent teen. I expected and wanted a happy ending for the couple but in a way that was more believable. Great premise tho. This is my first comment on literotica; I was moved to comment because I think this story has so much potential.
