All Comments on 'Long Sentence'

Definately Cajun wierd.

I have to say that I started out laughing at Michael’s actions and then quickly started rooting for bad things to happen to him. Well done…first character of yours that I’ve really disliked! 😁. Well done and a nice return to your “world”.

Marry in haste, repent in leisure!

5

Too much world building not enough story

He was a dick. A continuation might include that the preacher/car salesman had counseled Pamela right into bed, and impregnated her. Just a thought.

5 stars

Thanks again...

The Anons who comment in this category are going to just kill you. But I liked this story a lot, though I hope you intended it to be funny, because it was hilarious. Michael was a horny husband stuck in a marriage that was bad and not getting better. His story was sort of the Book of Job if Job was a likable rounder fucking and fertilizing women he never intended to get pregnant. He is a great addition to the southern Louisiana community you've created and I'm sure he'll find his way in the Arkansas world you've written about. Excellent writing and 5*****

This guy is a wife besting asshole.

How many times did she run into the door, or trip down the stairs? How many times did she burn herself on the stove?

She’s 18, never been in a relationship and her husband beats her, insults her, treats her like shit and humiliates and degrades her at every opportunity but you expect us to believe she “slammed the door and it hit her in the face”? Because that’s how doors work, they only hit you in the face.

And I don’t believe he waited until she was 18. He’s an Andrew Tate follower so he wouldn’t have cared how old she was, or what he had to do to get her clothes off and if that means traumatizing her, we’ll, he’s a man’s man who doesn’t take no.

So I will take this opportunity to say go fuck yourself, you wife beating piece of shit.

LMAO

Well at least Michael knew he was being a dick by disappearing on two women pregnant with his children. All of the characters are terribly flawed but Pamela is the only one that is a little sympathetic as she grew up being brainwashed by false religious teachings, an overbearing mother, and weak father. I say somewhat sympathetic because Pamela had no problems making out and telling Michael there would be lots of sex once they were married.

What a miserable cast.

good story

looks like you left it open at the end to add more to it if the mood struck you.

well done

Love your work, dude. I was literally rolling on the floor laughing.

absolutely loved this yarn mate it was well told excellent writing. i feel i missed Michaels age somewhere tried going back to look not that important really keep going though by all your stories your probably sick of writing thanks again buddy.

graham

It was okay, although goofy as a bed bug, until the litany of characters at the end. Quite frankly, who gives a shit?

not one of your best

What a mean spirited and awful story. You wrote a character, Michael, who I hope gets hit by a car

Story could be tighter and shorter.

FTDS.

Well written although it dragged at times. I enjoyed the read and would have liked to read a real conclusion. Putting Faith and Pam face to face would be worth a few sentences, as would finding the Rev Smith the father of Pam's baby. I write comments for my pleasure and if not read that's okay.

Writers' Workshop criteria all check out with high proficiency. Creativity of the story idea is exactly that--creative. The hapless main character is both sad and depressing, and while his situation with Pamela is of his own making in accepting her "pre-nuptial conditions" for marriage, his despair at the "post-nuptial performance is quite understandable.

Overall, the M.C.'s character is portrayed as universal, with "Everyman" characteristics--and is thereby rendered no better and no worse than every other man. Except--leaving Faith to deal with the delimna all on her own without making provision for his/her child is despicable and cowardly. I would hope that once established in his new job and life situation the M.C. would have second thoughts and do something about that.

All in all a very good read, entertaining but not very erotic--which wasn't a necessary factor in the entertainment. 5 out of 5. (Please write a sequel wherein the MC gives Faith some reason to believe that her name is not a totally misapplication of that necessary ingredient for making the human condition bearable.)

MLJ

thought your story was funny but could have been longer. I guess the next chapter would a new story.

No likeable characters in this one. But Some hellaciously funny lines in Michael’s screeds.

He'd be better off switching teams. Interesting read, but no likeable characters.

Did not like this story. There were no likable characters in the story and the story was a sad ending to a marriage which had a potential for great joy. 5*

He sir is definitely a dick and that's being charitable

Damn! What an incredible character study. As outwardly amoral as Michaels’s actions were, he still somehow managed to evoke a pathetic sympathy. In the end, I thought someone - Georgie or Pamela or even Cindy’s husband - was going to ambush and kill him. What heartache he left in his wake. Dark and depressing and powerful story. Well done.

Fells unfinished

Four stars. It's not bad, but there were too many moving parts, too many pieces swirling about. The plotline kept dipping below the horizon, but eventually it recovered. Love the world you created... it's wild and fun. Oh, you could use a proofreader, too.

5 Enjoy everything you write. The sense of place, the rythm of the dialogue, and down in there somewhere a grim grip on all the old truths. Ty

I can't help but feel bad for Pam, more specifically the baby.

I despise cheaters with a passion, but I can also understand why the mc did it this time.

Honestly it felt a bit like entrapment. But I guess they both had different ideas of what the marriage was supposed to be and should have talked about it at length before the "I do's".

Yep, he is a dick.

Doesn’t take much of a man to father a child, but takes a REAL man to be a father TO a child.

MC was a sleezeball. Guy acting like a real “baby momma”

Couldn't really get into the MC on this one. Not because he was an asshole, more because there was no foundation to his behavior other than he wanted out of his marriage. The reader needed more strings connecting his abhorrent behavior to his past or something. 4*

This male character has to be the biggest loser I’ve ever seen. Treats his wife like trash, knocks her and an 18 year old up and then proceeds to flake out. Hope we get a sequel of the wife hiring a pi to find him and then hiring some more men to break every bone in his legs. Now that he can’t easily run she will force child support on him for herself and faith

Well written but I have no clue how to feel about Michael, on one hand I felt bad for him but on the other he was a real asshole to Faith and Pamela after they were pregnant. I still gave five stars even with my confusion.

Not good!

Started out I felt sorry for Michael. Then he turned int a bastard. A couple glaring inconsistencies. First of all Faith's age. At the end you have her 18. Yet she had an internship with an investment company with only a semester or 2 to graduate. She lived in a sorority... so that would put her more like 21 or 22.

Plus pregnant women can always find the baby daddies and the courts will make them pay. The more money the bastard has, the more he pays and you made Michael well-paid so the women are gonna take him to the cleaners. His wife could likely get his pay garnished.

I kept waiting for a confrontation/sitdown and figured it would be fun. Instead all we got was Michael being a bastard and screwing anything that would hold still long enough.

Great to see a new story with different angles on familiar characters. And as a lapsed Catholic boy who dated someone from a storefront church with a mail order pastor and escaped unscathed long ago, this made me laugh, too! Overall excellent work!

Michael is right; he’s a dick.

I usually like your LW stuff. This, not so much.

1) He clearly erred in deciding to get married to Pam.

2) He was needlessly cruel both to her and to Faith in the end, even with the wife being unpleasant. After all, it's not like he didn't know what he was getting into when he married her. Should have just gotten divorced without the drama.

I wouldn't normally read stories with cheating husbands but the "shrew wife" tag peaked my interest and scanned some of the story. What I read on the second page made my decision to read the story properly! I'm glad I did! A very well told story and I suppose I am a bit biased, considering my marriage is similar and I'm still in it after nearly 43 years! What does that say about me? Fortunately my wife isn't that religious but the rest could be said to be true, except for the coke sized cock! Anyway, enough about me, my sympathies were definitely with the husband and understand why he felt it was alright to have extra-marital sex. 5*

Seems like it needs finishing, not your usual wit.

Why bother to stay married to her after that ridiculous performance on the honeymoon?

Just get an annulment on the grounds that they didn't properly consummate the marriage. He could have dumped the frigid whackjob, then just sold up and got a fresh start.

-

The way he actually handled the marriage was ridiculous, cost him a fortune, and ended up ruining a bunch of lives... including his own child. I also don't understand why he treated Faith so badly. He'll be easy to track down if she keeps her baby, then he's going to get stuck with even more child support.

Louisiana most be on a different planet in a parallel universe. I have never related to any of JimBob’ well written tales. MC was written as so smart in business but so clueless with women he married a horrible wife then pussy falls from the sky.

Louisiana most be on a different planet in a parallel universe. I have never related to any of JimBob’ well written tales. MC was written as so smart in business but so clueless with women he married a horrible wife then pussy falls from the sky.

Wasted my time.

You really should find a proofreader, even if it's just a friend or work buddy. Really!

Well, that felt extremely unfinished and with no conclusion really.

I have liked some of your stories. Not this one. Michael's right, he is a dick.

Oh I love the quirky sense of humour. May your mind be able to conjure in similar vein for many moons and your keyboard continue to function. Well done.

Well, I read it and enjoyed it. Main character wasn 't the nicest of guys. Gave it a five.

"The upright vacuum cleaner when into the back seat of his car."

The word you want is "went", the past tense of go.

I also note your hero's speech omits the word "to" whenever possible.

One would think that a guy who presumably got a good SAT score and then attended and graduated from a good university would have stopped using the swamp dialect. Incongruous, I think. It would be fine for a high school dropout perhaps? Oh well, it's a free read and I enjoyed it.

The wife was trash. Religious trash, but trash anyway. And she deserved to end alone and a single mom.

Jeez. Main character is a bloody sleazebag douche, and the author should have given him what Karma he desrves. BAD one.

I got a feeling that Faith is going to hunt him down. She's a bad girl, but not a completely stupid bad girl.

You've managed to create a main protagonist with exactly zero redeeming qualities.

I don't know where this hate for Christians come from really.

The only group of people who talks and act on the true meaning of love and peace.

Who never curses people but instead bless them, friend or foe, they are required to loving bless people.

The ones who has some rules so there would be no chaos in the world.

All the chaos come from the so called "enlightened" atheists and free thinkers who invented guns, and the nuclear bombs.

/

**Author's Note: I write these stories for my pleasure; I post them here for your enjoyment. I thank you sincerely for reading my stories."

/

Yeah I bet you had your rocking orgasm having to write a MC hating on Christians.

Luckily, I can't curse you but may God bless and forgive your hate.

What kind of mixed up stuff is this? Where is the loving wife? Why is there so much hate? Try to write something worthwhile the next time.

Five stars. Great story and nice to have characters from previous stories in this story. Thanks for sharing your stories with us.

Page 2

What was that all about? Try for annulment, settle for divorce and move on.

Amused and disgusted in pretty equal measure, verily Michael is a shit! Enjoyed the read.

I admit, I have no idea what this well written story is about or intended to show. THANKS FOR TRYING

Huh?

Guy is a total jackass, terrible not all men are like this piece of garbage individual.

The dirtbag for the main character ruined the story.

Reading this story was like getting a life sentence.

Love the degrade universe

If you "write these stories for your amusement....", why post them for others to try reading? You used to be pretty good, but lately you have gone back to assuming the rest of the world speaks as fucked up as your characters (NOT).

Another well-done story, I love the way the characters tie in to other stories.

Should have been in the humor and satire section. I had a few chuckles.

Awful!! Didn't, among other things, have an ending.

I like to think I’m your biggest fan, but this one missed the mark for me. I got the Pamela thing, but being that cruel to Faith killed the story. I guess I hoped for a happy ending for him with her. I look forward to your next story.

2d reading, no change: still 2 stars.

Guy is a real douche.

Not funny and no ending. Not nearly the quality of your usual work. Felt like you just wanted to get this off your chest?

really 5 pages of why the hell did these ppl get married? the guy marries an 18-year-old he meets that same day and then complains about it. im thinking maybe this guy sticks to casual dating. ppl that dumb shouldnt be getting married to anyone or anything.

Story never really went anywhere,

Not entertaining. Stoppt at the second page, hard to read and even harder to follow.

Could not understand the story. I don’t speak moron. JimBob attempted to make MC dumb enough to marry an obviously untrustworthy woman and tolerate her genetically defective family but smart enough to win win win at everything else in life. I really couldn’t translate most of the moronic dialogue thoughts and actions. 1 Star. JimBob move your stories out of Moron Parish Louisiana. I know people born and raised in Louisiana. I visit there frequently. Your story is not accurate of the Louisiana I know.

Absolutely hated the guy.

Nice to see a story where it is the guy who is the unscrupulous cheater, which has always been more the case throughout history. Not that it was much fun being in the mind of such a loathsome character. Oh, his disdain for trashy aspects of southern culture was fun, for a while. Then his own hurtful shenanigans made him unbearable. Pamela was just beginning to become interesting. Sad that she got so little coverage and development. She and plucky Faith are the future of the South, it seems, even if getting raw deals from their man.

All over the place and a very indecisive main character with no real direction only 4 stars

What was the point of story?????

Nothing was clear, no sense of direction.

Good. Rally like the 1st. 3 pages or so dealing with just Pam and her crazy parents.

You created so many characters that I hated, and still made the tale very entertaining. The only question at the end was how long could he run until the women took him to the cleaners via child support. Maybe one more question... How utterly stupid do people have to be to be taken by "The Church of The Poison Mind Bull Shit....

Michael sure is a grade A AzzHole ... It's hard for me to like a story, very much when the MC has few redeeming qualities ...

Pamela had issues. But I ended up feeling sorry for her. She didn't deserve what happened. I get that people can marry under false pretenses and need a divorce. But Michael's way of doing it was awful. He is a major asshole. In fact he is the villain if this story. Depressing. Such a selfish bastard.

""You, sir, are a dick," Michael said to himself as he logged onto the foreign exchanges.

====> yep. Michael is a massive prick. A true blue narcissist. Forget about Pamela and her hangup, he was a serial cheater and worse just ran out of the state, willing to do almost anything to achieve hsi selfish goals. Hope Karma catches up to him.

Up until the last bit of the story, I wouldn't have agreed with Michael's thought that he was a dick, but setting Faith up with his wife the way it was done was a dick move.

I didn't like this, in fact I got so bored I skipped much of it.

I had hoped there would be some type of quirky ending. Nope. Not gonna happen. A dictionary definition of "DUMB". 2.2 stars. Sorry. Sorry, I actually read it.

The BEAR