Looking Backwards Pt. 02

I'm an amateur writer and I'm writing about this time in my life to unpack these experiences from a few years ago. This is the second part and please feel free to leave me comments. I'd love to hear what you think.

I pressed the silver button on the gas pump and said, "Um, excuse me but it doesn't look like the credit card payment is working on this pump?"

A man's voice answered back, "Yeah they went down a little while ago. You'll have to come in to pay."

Crap. I had definitely not counted on this when I was planning to come out to the lake. I decided to make a return trip to Hippy Hollow (which is a clothing optional park on the lake) after my positive experience there the week before. This time I wanted to make the trip on my own. I discovered that experience had not only given me confidence, but that it introduced me to something I hadn't known about myself, that I actually enjoyed being seen while I was nude. As a dancer I knew I enjoyed performing, but this felt different.

Gabi and I lived in a small duplex and it was a little over 30 minutes to drive out to the lake. I had finished classes for the day and had been considering it since the weather was beautiful. I figured I'd go for it. I gathered up my towel, some water, a book I'd been reading, and then went to pick out which bikini I'd wear. "Hmmm... why even wear a bikini?" I thought to myself. "I'm just going to remove it once I'm there?"

I took off my school clothes and grabbed the 2 cover ups I had. One was a gold knit that was totally transparent and only minimally better than nothing. The other was an off white linen, which was still a bit sheer, but I wasn't planning to see anyone between my driveway and the park's parking lot. I slid it over my head and looked in my full length mirror. You could pretty clearly see the shape of my breasts and make out my nipples for the most part. Since my pubic hair is blond, you couldn't quite make it out, but if there were light coming from behind me, I'm pretty sure there would be nothing left to the imagination. As I looked at myself and started to imagine wearing only this outside, I felt my heartbeat start thumping in my chest. This was a similar feeling as I had when I had removed my bikini at Hippy Hollow.

"Okay, don't overthink this Caroline." I thought.

I just grabbed my bag and headed out the door to my car. I hopped in, put on my sunglasses, turned the key and backed out of my driveway without seeing any of my neighbors. July in Texas can be pretty warm but I still wanted to drive with my windows down just to feel the wind and fresh air. I had been driving for about 5 minutes when my gas light chimed. "Crap." I thought. "This doesn't have to be a big deal. I'll just drive out closer to the lake where there won't be as many people at the gas station. I can just fill up, pay at the pump and be on my way without anyone really seeing me. And what if someone does? Gabi never wears a bra. I mean it's not that big a deal." As I thought about it on the drive I felt myself getting turned on by the idea of being nude at the lake again.

I wasn't sure how much more gas I had, but I definitely didn't want to risk running out. I was about 5 minutes from the lake when I spotted the gas station. It had been built pretty recently, probably within the past 8 months, and had 12 pumps and a convenience store inside. There was only one other person filling up their car so I pulled in to the pumps furthest from them and hopped out. I opened the gas tank and had just placed the nozzle to start filling up when I heard a car pull up with its music blaring. They pulled in on the exact opposite side of the pump I was using. I looked over my shoulder and saw an enormous pick up truck with a massive tool chest. Three rowdy construction workers piled out and two made their way inside while the other started filling the truck with gas. I was facing my car with my back turned towards the guy operating the pump.

"I wonder how much, or even if, he can see through this dress?" was the first thing that ran through my mind. "Maybe he's not even looking at me, but I'm going to have to turn around at least for a moment to pay for the gas." I kept my eyes looking over my car at the people going in and out of the store until I heard the "Click" of the pump handle letting me know the tank was full. I turned around and saw construction worker #1 was washing the front window of the truck, so maybe he hadn't paid me any attention at all. I turned around and looked at the pump monitor and it said "not currently accepting credit." I felt myself start to panic.

"I'm going to have to walk in there like this." I thought.

Then I remembered my experience out at the lake with Gabi and Ravi and how Ravi had said to close my eyes, take a deep breath and confront my feelings. I took a moment, and realized, "What's it matter Caroline? You felt powerful when you undressed fully in the park. You aren't even fully nude and you've seen other women out in public wearing similar things or less. I'm just doing this and they can enjoy the view and think what they want." I walked with my wallet in hand and felt a sense of power like I do when I walk on stage during a dance performance.

I opened the glass door and stepped inside. There were three people in line and the two construction workers I had seen go into the store earlier near the refrigerator were picking out post work beer. I walked over and stood in line. My first thought was to cover my breasts by crossing my arms, but then thought, "The will just make appear to be ashamed of my body and I'm not. " so I raised my chin and felt my height and began to feel more confident. I could hear the loud voices of the construction workers as they got in line behind me. I could hear them talking in low whispers to each other but could only imagine the conversation. As I waited I felt my nipples stiffening and becoming even more visible beneath the thin fabric of my cover up. Time slowed down while I was waiting and I turned as I heard construction worker #1 open the door and enter. "Of course he would need to come in," I thought. "We all need to pay for our gas inside." He glanced at me, looked away and did a double take to look at me again. His eyes scanned my body as he walked behind me to join his buddies. I didn't look back, but I felt like I could sense them looking me over. I finally got to the front of the line and looked at the young hispanic man working the register. He looked in my eyes then down at my breasts, obviously admiring my prominent nipples, and then fixated there for a moment before pulling his eyes back up to meet mine. "Uh, what pump were you at?" He asked.

"Pump two." I replied. He turned towards the register and said, "That's $32.70." His eyes turned back and immediately his gaze went right back to my chest. I handed him my card as he swiped it and waited for the receipt to print.

"You heading out to the lake?" The cashier inquired as his eyes drifted between looking into my green eyes and then looking down to catch quick glances of my tits.

"Yeah, It's a nice day for it." I said.

"I wish I were going out there." He replied and then slid the receipt over for me to sign.

I was actually beginning to enjoy the attention he was giving me, so I leaned over the counter to sign the receipt which had the dual effect of the back of my cover up riding up to almost expose my rear, while causing the neckline of the cover up to fall open enough that the cashier could possibly look down and see both of my breasts revealed. I took a full 3 or 4 seconds to sign my name and glanced up at the clerk who was intently gazing down my dress. "Thanks a lot!" I said as I turned to go and walked out the door. I opened the door to my car and slid into the driver's seat. I closed the door and took a deep breath. I reached my hands up to touch both breasts which were feeling very sensitive and I lightly drew my palms across my nipples noticing how they had reacted to the entire scenario. As I started to pull out of the parking lot I saw the three workers all leaving the store and all looking directly at me as I drove away.

"Oh my gosh!" I thought while pulling up to a stop sign. "I cannot believe I just did that!" My heart was racing and I felt a rush of adrenaline run through my body. I could feel moisture between my legs and I laid my head back on the headrest of my seat for a second to exhale. I must have lost myself in thought and was startled to hear a car horn beep behind me. I looked back, gave an apologetic wave and continued the drive out to the lake.

As I pulled into the lot, I stopped at the admission booth. I noticed it was the same guy as the last time when I'd been here with Gabi. "Good afternoon. It's gonna be eight dollars and we close at 8pm. Just be sure to display the tag in your window" He said.

I gave him a ten and waited while he handed me two dollars back. I pulled into the parking lot and noticed a few more cars than last Thursday. There were probably closer to 40 cars and I figured the way I was dressed it might be better to try to find a parking place close to where the trail entrance. There wasn't anything in the first set of spaces but there was one spot in the second row, so I pulled in, turned off my car, and grabbed my beach bag. I walked down the trail that led to the water and as I got to the limestone slope I noticed it was much busier than last time. There had to have been close to 100 people here. A few people walked past me as I stood there deciding which direction to go, not really paying me much attention.

I took a left and walked a little ways down the main trail, then took a right and started walking towards the lake. I set my bag down about halfway between the trail and the water. I glanced around and saw a diverse crowd of people in every direction. The closest group to me were 5 gay men, completely nude sitting around together and two of them waved at me as I laid out my towel. Standing there, I pulled my cover up over my head and let it fall onto my towel. Once again I felt a rush of freedom and excitement as I stretched out my arms above my head and took in the moment. I heard one of the men that had waved at me shout, "Honey, what is even happening with that body? Gurl, you are giving me life!" I laughed and took a bow and all 5 of them clapped.

"I'm really starting to love this!" I thought to myself. "It's like out here, it's not really that big a deal." I pulled out a pair of sunglasses out of my bag and laid down on my towel while propping myself up with my elbows. I looked towards the water and saw around 12 people swimming. Some had swimsuits on, others didn't. The Texas sun felt hot and after soaking in the sun, I took off my sunglasses, stood up and walked towards the water.

As I entered the water I walked towards a couple, both in swimsuits, probably in their 30's, (a guy and his girlfriend maybe?) and they were having an animated conversation about something or another. As got deeper, about where the water reached my belly button, I dove under the water, swam a few feet and came up closer to the couple. I leaned back and filled my chest with air and floated on my back. I closed my eyes and just drifted for a few minutes. As I deeply breathed in and out, I could feel my hips and chest rise and submerge. The water was brisk and between the temperature and the light breeze my nipples were getting hard, as they rose in and out of the water like tiny periscopes. My body relaxed as I floated there, turning over in my mind the experience of the convenience store. "What was I feeling about that? Nervous? Yep. Excited? Definitely. Was it wrong to walk in there like that? It's not like I had a choice given the circumstances."

Even being here, floating naked in front of a crowd, I was experiencing the same mix of emotions, both really natural but also erotic. This was totally new territory for me, but while I floated there I resolved to just take it one step at a time.

I exhaled and slowly sank into the lake, touched the bottom, and came back up. I swam a little way to the shore and then when it got too shallow, I stood up and walked off to my right. "No need to go straight back to my towel," I figured. "I haven't seen much of the park so I'll just take a stroll and explore a bit." As I walked I saw a few men look my way and I wondered what they were thinking. Some watched me the entire time while others just glanced and went back to what they were doing. As I walked along the shore for a few minutes I came to a turn and decided to go back so as to not lose sight of my belongings.

I got back to my towel, sat down and put on my sunglasses. I laid back and as I lay there took inventory of my body position and rearranged myself to stretch out my legs. As a dancer I'm always considering what my body is projecting, especially when I'm performing. Now lying here under the sun fully nude, I thought about what my body was saying. "Is this what freedom looks like?" I wondered. I stretched out my arms above my head, with my back making a slight arch, and brought my knees up just a little. My legs had been together but now I slowly moved them apart. I felt my heart start thumping again as I opened my legs further. It was only 8 or 9 inches between my knees but the further apart I brought them, the more my heart pounded. I looked between my legs, down past my blond mound, towards the water and brought them further part. I put my hands under my head and felt the sexual energy running through me as I saw a few people walk past, looking in my direction.

"Caroline?" I heard someone say.

Startled, I immediately brought my legs together.

"Hi, It's me. Ron. We met out there last week?" He said.

I met Ron here last Thursday, the first time I had been out here, and had chatted a bit. He had mentioned he was an amateur photographer and had offered to photograph me sometime.

"Oh, yes, wow! Hi! How are you Ron?"

"I'm great! I saw you walk by and thought I'd come over and say hi!" He replied.

Ron was somewhere in his late 40's, or early 50's, about 6 foot and was probably 50 pounds overweight. He had dark hair that had gone mostly gray. A very hairy chest and an all over tan from obviously tanning out here often. His smile was friendly and warm. He was standing in front of me fully naked. Last time we had chatted in the water so this time it was a little disconcerting to see his penis this close up.

"Is this park your new favorite spot?" said Ron

"Ha! Well, let's just say it's moving higher up my list!" I laughed

"And how's your day going?" he continued.

"Oh, really great. I'm done with classes for the week, so aside from doing some babysitting this evening and some dance practice Sunday, I have a free weekend. I thought I'd come out here and get an early start."

"You picked the right way to start your weekend. It's definitely more crowded out here than last Thursday!"

Again Ron's eyes had no problem gliding over my body. It wasn't like other guys that would try to not let you see them looking, or quickly look away. There was something confident, but not obnoxious about the way he seemed to just take me in.

"Did you get a chance to check out my photography website?" Ron inquired.

I had looked at it. His work was pretty good. Not professional but definitely a pretty talented amateur. He photographed mostly women, and there were plenty of nudes. I could tell that many of the women he shot didn't have much of an idea how to position their bodies, or what shapes were interesting, but the photographs were still really good.

"Yes, I looked through your entire site." I replied.

"And...?"

"Well I really liked your work and found the black and white images you shot really beautiful. I liked that you used a mix of body types and races and also that everyone seemed "real" and not over glamorized."

Ron had another section of his website that was named "X & O." There were images of 4 or 5 models that were close ups of their faces. Each of the women were covered in various disheveled states, some with their hair partially over their faces, and obviously in states of ecstasy.

"The images you have in your "X & O" section were really something else." I said.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Good, I think? The images were all about women experiencing orgasms? Were the women in those images just acting or actually experiencing it?" I asked.

"Oh you got to see those. Yep, those were the real deal." Ron replied.

"How on earth did you manage to capture that? I mean aren't you holding the camera? Are they doing it themselves while you are shooting the photos?"

"Most of them were able to get there themselves, and two of them asked for a little help." Ron said very matter of factly.

"There was also an image that really appealed to me of a woman being held from behind. Her breasts were covered by one arm and the other arm led down to her pubic area although the image was cropped so It only gave the impression of what was happening. His arms were completely covered in tattoos, but his face was hidden so I'm guessing you photographed her and her boyfriend?"

"Oh yeah. That was Alyssa and no, it was actually my friend Alphonso who assists me every so often. He has tons of tattoos and he just had the arms we wanted to use. And of course he didn't mind getting roped in to help for those!"

"Those images were really unexpected and you really seemed to be trying something different with them. All in all I thought your work was really beautiful and interesting." I said.

"Interesting enough that you'd be down for letting me photograph you?" Ron replied.

I had thought about modeling for Ron when he asked and had chickened out about contacting him, but now that we were talking about it, my mind was starting to change.

"Are you sure you'd want to photograph me? And what kinds of photos are you thinking of?"

"Number one, I'm positive I'd want to shoot you. As for what kind of images, well you seem very comfortable nude, so I'd love to shoot a series of nudes together. I usually start off with the subject clothed and when it comes to undressing it moves at the pace you are comfortable with. Would you be interested in shooting along the lines of the "X & O" series?" Ron inquired.

I was a little shocked Ron went straight for asking me to shoot the most intimate type of shots. I immediately imagined myself masterbating in front of him and what that must be like. He was definitely not my type for many reasons, and I didn't even find him that attractive, but there was something about the way he looked at me, at my entire body, that excited me. He was still standing directly in front of me, maybe 3 feet away and I noticed Ron's penis had started to rise as we spoke about our collaboration.

"I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be with that," I told Ron, "But if you are willing to try shooting together without me having much experience, I think I'd be down to at least try shooting some nude images. I think with my dance experience I could help create something pretty cool."

"Wow, really Caroline?" Ron exclaimed. "I mean you'd be the most beautiful girl I've ever photographed. I'm so thrilled you'd be willing to take a chance on working with me! I know we'll create some really fantastic stuff together."

"I'm the one that's flattered!" I replied. "What do I need to bring and how soon should we do this?"

"Tomorrow is Saturday and I'm free tomorrow afternoon around 3:00 pm if you are. As for what to bring, Why don't you bring a few of your dance leotards, and sheer clothing you might have, and do you have any dresses that button down the front?"

"Sure," I said. "I can pull all of those together. I actually have a sheer black leotard I usually wear with another shirt and skirt that might work."