All Comments on 'Looking for Daniel Mason'

The beginning where our hero came in and overheard the conversation was completely confusing. I could see no reason for him to jump to the conclusion that "they" were all in this together for some nefarious plan.

I didn't like it much.

Ah, a heart warming and charming tale of failure, betrayal and reconciliation. A few typos and the like here and there, and like all 'misunderstanding' plots, the premise is a bit shaky. But who really cares?

You have dealt with serious issues in a thoughtful way.

I enjoyed it very much, and thank you for putting your time, talent and effort into providing your readers with an ultimately uplifting story!

I hope there are going to be many more like this.

Read it and i guess i am different because i don't know how anybody could believe a word she said after doing what she did. I can see him wanting a relationship with the kids but to take her back into his life makes it a fantasy.

I did enjoy this story although I must confess in places it was a little hard going, but please do not misunderstand me, I certainly can not throw stones my dialogue sometimes wanders around sometimes as well.

Anyway the romantic in me says yes the husband did right to forgive the wife. BUT the cynic in me says, "No." he shouldn't have done so. But that is my personal view, and that view can be very jaded at times.

The misunderstanding and the main reason why the husband left really could and should have been resolved, much easier than it did. And in the 'real' world it possibly would have been. The other part that involves the wife cheating and concieving the kids, well to me that is a different thing all together. And if it was me as the husband in the story I would take a lot longer and lot more convincing that I should stay married.

BUT all that aside, I am feeling generous with this story, and I will admit that I think the wife is genuinely sorry for what she did.

4 stars from me for a well written very good story that I enjoyed reading, even if I am thinking with my 'romantic' head with this story.

Regardless of what I say or anyone else for that matter, you are a VERY good writer keep the stories coming and I will keep reading them.

Sorry for rambling on too much.

Regards

Average_Writer

I can't say that I hated this story, but I didn't like it much. The deception and the fact that the wife went and got pregnant again does not sit well with me. I would never be able to forget what she did. That's just me.

All the issues are dealt with thoroughly without unnecessary melodrama.

No. of incidents and exploring the emotions are well balanced and made the reading worth the while.

If the story is happening in your place, it is not clear, it would have been nice to have brought the details of the place, society and the language into the narrative. Not everything has to be American.

Amazingly you are able to depict man's POV very well. It is more manly than that of some men here, authors and comment-makers.

Thanks for nice couple of hours.

The fact is that she made a slut of herself and Dan was incredibly foolish to involve himself with her again. As the saying goes, "once a cheat, always a cheat." Dan is NOT the father of the children, regardless of how you sugar coat it. He is the person who ended up raising another man's children with the full knowledge of a cheating woman.

I liked this story a lot and have come to enjoy all of your stories. Don't have to take them too seriously, but they are well written, have interesting characters, and one gets a rooting interest in the outcome, which is usually a happy ending. I confess, I like happy endings although many here don't seem to.

Nicely done, and I hope you have another story in the works.

Another bitch writers fantasy of what a non-man wimp husband should do when they find themselves married to a cheating slut. I found it especially repulsive when non-man Dan apologized for being upset at his wife's infidelity, and not talking about it. What was he gonna say? "Gee Whiz, Kat I'm sorry you're a whore?" Or how about; "Golly, Gee-Whilikers it really upsets me when you fuck around on me, I think I'll go pout for three or four years." Kat said; "...it infuriated me to think an arsehole like Eddie could father children and a man of your nature was denied the privilege of having children." That's because his nature was a wimp, and God doesn't want wimps to procreate. She had no respect for non-man Dan and that's the bottom line. White washing Kat's motivations to make the slut wife character more sympathetic just aren't palatable or believable. Kat said that she was used "like a cheap whore" because that's what she is, and just hasn't gotten in touch with her inner slut. Non-man Dan is too stupid and needy to go out and find a decent women, and spends four years with his right hand feeling sorry for himself. I find it hard to connect with or even like either of these characters, so on that level this story fails miserably. The fact that you write so well only makes this fairy-tale that much more dismal.

Still don't like cheaters of any kind, but this story was well written and had an actual plot unlike a lot of the reading on this site.

Keep up the writing and keep posting well written stories.

Tom

Not bad, but nobody speaks that way. It's overly wordy, and reads like a primer on how NOT to write a conversation.

Enjoyable read, your male character's stubbornness reminds me of garyAPB writings. Jumping to conclusions with devout singularity does no good in the long run.

Reconciliation fail. The fact is she ran and had sex with another man that was not her husband TWICE to conceive the twins without ever trying to verify if her husbands SUSPECTED infertility was even reversible. I knew 2 guys over the last 20 years who had trouble with getting their wife pregnant that went and got tested and ended up needing minor surgery to repair the problem. Both guys ended up getting their wives pregnant....one guy got his wife and girlfriend pregnant withing a month of each other.

Katie is a horrible untrustworthy whore. Dan is a pathetic wimp.

I LOVED the bit about mmen/ husbands assuming in an act of blind faith that when the woman/ wife says th baby is ours... or YOU are the father... he really is.

That is very powerful point!

and that I suspect is the reason why so many men/ husbands handle infidelity much worse then women/ wives do.

But the Plot here is crap and makes NO fucking sense. Let me see if I have this right.

Dan early on finds out HE is sterile.... AFTER Gracie was born when they were tying to have more kids. Then the twin boys come along. So dan has his wife followed and he finds out that she saw her old boyfriend only 1 or 2 times... and she was NOT seeing the ex boyfriend OR anyone else.

So dan decides to stick around. So far so good.

MANY years later Dan overhears Gracie and his wife talking about secret wedding anniversary plans.... and on THAT bases... Dan walks away for 4 years?

what a pathetically stupid lame ass dumb fuck plot.

I loved it. I'm not sure I liked the ending but the whole reading experience was great. There was suspense, there was a little bit of

Revenge in the hand squeezing thing. I guess those of us who have been burned always want to see the scorched earth reaction, but this woman obviously loved him and although she did a terrible thing, I mean doesn't adoption exist here, but he never got over her either, all in all I really liked it kudos lady, write another one.

He was weak when he ran away and he was weak when he came back. It does not matter how many coats of polyurethane you apply to a shitty piece of wood, it is still a shitty piece of wood. I can understand talking to the kids. I can't understand why he would say more than two words to a worthless piece like the wife. Pussy is pussy. There has to be something worthwhile attached to make it more than that. When she knowingly fucked another man to have children, she turned into a piece of shit. Period. Dan is a weak man, not a saint. The meek will not inherit the earth, it is more likely they will be fucked over or killed. The story telling was good, but I did not like it much.

You see only the words written, I’ve come to this conclusion from many of your other comments on many stories written by others. You seem to have no concept of inner-turmoil of three-dimensional characters.

Why would someone do what Dan did? How about the fact that he loved his daughter so much, that the idea of losing her was more abhorrent than allowing his wife to bring two more children into their family.

If he had made a fuss in the beginning, then it could quite conceivable be made that since he wasn’t the sperm donor of his daughter, then his wife has the right to cut any and all ties he had with her, not to say that, that would have happened, but was he prepared to take that gamble? He wasn’t, so he put aside his grief as everything else in the marriage was good, but once he thought that his first thought were false, then he did the only thing he could to get out of a situation he felt was lost.

Did he do the right thing? No, certainly not, but that’s just being human, with all it’s frailties

.

Anyway, thanks for your thoughts.

It amuses me that there are those that see only black and white!

I love all the comments brought forward here, both positive and negative. It gives me more insight into the mind of others. In a way, it reminds me of my own trials growing up. I like to believe that everyone tries to do the right thing; I know this isn’t true in some cases, but I still try to be positive.

I hurt my mother when she found out about my sexuality. I hid it believing that she would be hurt by it, and as a teenager; my ability to problem solve wasn’t exactly honed to any degree. Given what I know now; I would most definitely have let her know up front, and I think the hurt wouldn’t have been as dramatic as it ended up being.

Some comments here have mirrored that feeling I had. If Katelyn had gone to Dan in the beginning and relayed her fears, then that would have been the ideal thing to do. But as we all know, there are other mitigating factors that prevented her from doing just that. When presented with problems we don’t always make the right choice and regret it down the line.

Life isn't black and white, shades of grey are forever present! Those that can't see that, are the reason why there is so much conflict in the world today. I have no problem with anyone who has a differing view to my own. The problem I have is when that person refuses to believe that the view of others may be valid and therefore of no consequence. The biblical saying goes...He who is without sin...let him cast the first stone!

To those who feel Katelyn should have been burned at the stake, I ask you this...Have you ever made a mistake that you wish whole heartedly that you could go back and change? I don’t believe that Katelyn is anything like the Katie in my previous story ‘Selling Myself’ she was just a human being, dealing with a problem she was ill equipped to deal with.

Anyway, thank you all for your comments, it makes writing all that more enjoyable for me.

Amanda

A whole lot of words wasted, a cheating slut, yes, SLUT wife, & a weak-wimpy husband, who is willing to forgive & forget. Fortunately, I could sort of see the ending coming, so that I was able to skip through Chapts. 3-6, go straight to Chapt. 7. Yes, just as I thought, a total waste of my time & your words.

You write well and have a certain knowledge that people are complicated and many blessings are mixed blessings.

Probably more than most. How much is enough? I understand gray areas. I know how the world works. I understand that people are different. But how much is enough? Is it when your spouse cheats? Is it when she has another mans babies? Is it when she cuts your throat while you are sleeping? Things like this cause sane men to climb clock-towers with scoped rifles. It does not matter how you cut it, Dan is a weak man. He is a go along to get along kind of guy. That would be the difference between he and I.

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. It was well written. There are a few errors that an editor could but it is far better than anything I could have produced. This will not be the last of your stories I read.

Good Story on the whole, However I really can'y figure him leaving after over hearing the conversation, Sorry just can't buy it, Att the point he knew she had cheated in the past. Just overhearing a conversation would lead to a confrontation not abandonment.

on a side note plomb is french for lead the metal not the verb mene moi would be a better for lead me

Enjoyed it!

I'm sorry, but I don't speak French, although I love the fluid speech pattern. I used three online English to French translators to get the translation.

Obviously they are only partly correct. My apologies to all French speaking readers.

Amanda

with Zed0 , he about said it all on this one . Didn't like the story but it was well written . Please give the husband in your next story have some balls .

Story was unbelievably unrealistic and despicably degrading to any healthy belief in caring human interaction, but Zed0's take on it was entertaining, so at least that was worth it.

I read over other comments first. Don't agree with them all. First not all men are studs, strong all the time. As a father seeing your child for the first time should bring any man to tear up. If not than you are a heartless man. And yes that would be true if you found out later it was not yours biologically - time makes fathers not sperm.

The bond is there over time and doesn't break quick or easy.

The whole story is around poor communication and jumping to conclusion as another comment said.

The starting scene makes the story shaky to me. He would have stayed away so long without proof that what he heard was true that kids did know about parentage. I could see months to a year but not years (4+ years). Especially if he loved his daughter as much as claimed and shows in the story. Other than that I liked the story enjoyable read.

Thanks Amanda for throwing in your comments in the comment section to clarify some points and personnal history of your writing - the french correction didn't matter to me or perfect grammar if I can follow what your characters are saying and the plot it is good for me.

Yes an editor would have helped correct some errors but did not take away from my reading pleasure and in the end it was about me enjoying what you wrote. Mission accomplished. I give it a 5.

Will look for more of your writing!

....but Harry, Zed et. al. are correct, the initial premise was far too weakly drawn to support story, there were too many words(pages) for complexity of plot which showed in the pov mistake between Jasons mom and KateLYN as if you were losing focus but still you bring a unique and important perspective to LW and thus deserve thanks. Why the wife always finds an excuse for compounding her initial mistake I'll never know. Of course with two dummies here,there could have been a backstory about abandonment. Might have thought you of all writers would cast their heroines (tragic though they be) in a more perspicacious light.

what you're looking for

a huge stinking pile

of crap

may a thousand better stories bloom

Well written. Many of the rocks thrown come from gender umbrage and rightly so in my humble opinion.<P>

Writers write from their viewpoint as its the only one they have. The authoress here could only see her vision which she expressed quite well but wasn't a male one.<P>

Knowingly raising another males children through his wife's chicanery just doesn't wash in any man's tub. It just bends a males mind to the breaking point of no return.<P>

Somewhat akin to a woman's want to change a mans want of drugs or booze or physical / mental abuse of his wife.<P>

Phrased another way, female selfishness for bastard children means total disrespect for her unknowing husband which cannot be construed as love in any rational way.<P>

Conversely, a single infidelity confessed is quite another matter regardless of the offended party's gender. Forgiveness in such case is not only possible but rational in many cases.<P>

In my opinion the authoress is quite good and doesn't wish to offend as she grows in her skills so more is hoped from her.

I didn't love it. Unfortnately the story was a bit too long with no real tension...no exciting twists or turns and no really likable characters. The daughter, Gracie was an obnoxious whiny brat that talked and complained too much, the wife kept saying she was sorry too much, Jason became an insufferable goodie two shoes and the husband was too self absorded...neither weak nor strong... what about the twins...no character development whatsoever with them. I was bored with these people. I liked the premise of the story...paternity...and I loved the distinction the author made between maternity and paternity...that was brilliant...but alas and alack, too much verbiage to really love the story.

Well plotted: it all made sense and was entertaining, avoiding the usual excesses found under the LW section. Well written: no glaring faults in spelling or grammar. Two suggestions: tighten up a bit (less is often more); and maintain sexual tension throughout the story.

Well written with a good plot line. I really enjoyed this story. Someone said it was too long- don't agree.

This story got a well deserved 5 from me

Another really good story, though maybe you should have checked with someone (how about me) perhaps about the French bit. It took me a few moments to understand what you meant, and I've been giggling ever since. Didn't distract from the story at all though and I liked the start, the middle and the ending. In fact for a while I was worried that you might end it differently.

Merci beaucoup. C'était superb! cinq étoiles.

The real problem with this story was the utter timidity of the set up. She has babies by another man and he know is but sucks it up and drives on for the sake of the children he loves with all of his heart. Okay, plausible. I've seen it in my divorce practice. But then he overhears snatches of a conversation and, based on something that can be taken in numerous ways, runs off on the family he's spent years swallowing his pride to be with?

Better to have made the dividing factor more believable. Maybe something like Eddie was back in town and he overheard them planning to meet with him or something along those lines. That would be a more believable "straw that broke the camel's back."

Yes, your writing and plotting are excellent, but the set up here was not compelling enough to explain the character's motivation--hell, his all consuming need--to run away.

The first thing that I noticed is that the dialogue seems very carefully rehearsed. As if the characters are actors doing a play, instead of having normal conversations.

About the ending...Basically, what the wife did was unforgivable, in my eyes.

OK, Gracie I understand. Finding out that she's pregnant by a guy who just left her, and having a loving boyfriend, I can understand why Katelyn didn't tell Daniel. But PURPOSEFULLY going BACK to this Edward bastard to have MORE bastard kids?

That straw would break any camel's back. That was make or break for me, and after reading that, the reconciliation was simply not believable.

Make of it what you will, but in the end, Dan the cuckold is raising 3 children who are not his, and that was done purposefully by his wife. THAT is her love for him?

(I kept asking myself, why didn't she tell Dan about wanting more children and it not working? Instead of actually going back to fuck her ex?)

After reading this story, I commented that I didn't like it much. After thinking about it, I didn't like it at all. Daniel Mason was a cowardly wimp. He suffered in silence while his wife was impregnated twice by another man. Then, after misinterpreting a conversation, he ran away without confronting his wife again. I think she had the morals of a rattle snake and there is no fucking way I wouldn't have divorced her ass a long time ago.

I am amused that Stang_Star liked the beginning but not the ending. I liked the ending much more than the beginning. The premise that sin and trespass can be forgiven and overcome where there is true love plus true remorse demonstrated by contrition is valid. If you love a woman it ain't easy to unlove her. Many wish it were. The celibate life Katie leads after Dan's disappearance indicates she is not free and easy with her sexual favors, and that love is imortant to her as a preamble to sex. Sorry to read that a woman is only truly interested in sex a couple days a month. Please! No one tell my wife: we are happily misinformed.

I liked your story. Your writing evokes emotions, certainly in this reader, as I felt the tug on my heart strings a number of times. The only criticism I might have is Jason appears to have a maturity way beyond his years. Normally, that sort of maturity takes a man many years to develope and some, of course, never do. But then again, maybe I am just a slow developer! What I found interesting was: the cuckold explanation, the wifes comments about accepting a child from another woman, patterns (they exist and tend to repeat as shown in your story) and finally Jasons mental condition. You certainly covered a lot of ground in this one ... and I gave it 5 stars. Thanks for an interesting read.

Several things came to mind but to be honest you never made me like the characters once you opened the box of why I shouldn't like them.

I mean you wrote it in such a way that they got back together, but it didn't "feel" like they should have.

For example:

Dan - Dan figured his wife was cheating on him early, but was so "desperate" to keep the family together after he heard that his wife was "pregnant" the second time that he sat on that? Huh? I mean:

His wife leads him to believe she gave him her virginity, but when he later learns that didn't happen he goes "oh well", like it never really mattered she deceived him.

He finds out that she led him to the alter while pregnant with another mans child and he goes, oh well.

He finds out she's giving him yet "more" of another man's children and it's the same man as his wife's first child and he goes, oh well.

The man has no sense of pride that his wife is getting pregnant by other men because she feels he can't get the job done, and that never bothers him? I know it would bother me if she never talked to me "once" about it.

But like a few others said when he finds out that they think he's clueless about it "then" he gets mad? Not before while he's paying to raise another man's children, but then???

Ok, sorry but while there are plenty of folks wanting to be saints this is so off the charts its not funny.

I mean the man knows his wife is cheating on him and giving him other men's children to raise and he's ok with that long as they don't take the other men's kids from him, but his masculinity is only threatened "when" he believes they've admitted they've known how clueless he's been for years??

Then his joking around about Edward getting sued for paternity years later at the end makes no sense. This is the man who's publicly and finally admitted to a select group of people that he's knows that the children he's been raising aren't his and he knows his wife was seeking to have his children by this man, and he can now laugh about this and find humor in it?

That made no sense and really came off as completely implausible. Why did he even leave for four years if it was that funny?

- Kat - Ok, I never liked her. Her confession, while totally out of place at her "DAUGHTERS WEDDING" made no sense. I mean this is supposed to be a happy occasion and she made it all about her.

She cheated multiple times on her husband but because she felt it didn't matter everyone else after she publicly outed herself eventually agreed with her, including Dan?? One person claims how much she hates cheaters, but then welcomes her back to the family after she confessed her cheating is what ran off her husband? HUH??

If you think about it, its a story about no matter how much you cheat on your mate, no matter who's children you give him to raise, if you can get away with it "long" enough, then no one will really care what you've done because you can claim because it was in the past and you've not thought about it no harm no foul.

Not to mention that after she gets pregnant with her first child by another man, turns around and seeks him out to get her pregnant a second time, then goes "Oh that was so unimportant that I forgot about him since Dan was the only one I wanted". Sorry but that is a crock. Her three children are a constant reminder.

That's getting a huge dent in your new car and then telling everyone several years later you've forgotten how you got it. You might not think about it, but you "NEVER" forget. That line of reasoning made her seem petty and supremely selfish. Sorry but it does. She emasculated her husband and she never gave it a second thought or felt it was important? Huh?

And no one believes that's a major strike against her or him, or their character, when they buy that line or reasoning from her. Hmmm

- Jason - Sorry Jason came off as self righteous to me.

I hated that, because I thought you were trying to show him as an impartial third party observer, but the way I read him, he came off as someone who's sole purpose was to be the vehicle to get them back together by any mean's possible.

Even if he had to make the victim(s) feel like the bad guys in all of this to get them to accept Kat back in all of their lives.

Huh???

Most of his arguments were flawed and did nothing but make me dislike him even more in the end.

I know how much work goes into writing a story, and longer ones take more work, and that's the major reason I'm sorry I didn't like this one.

It's not because I hated the ending, because there is no law that says a cheating story can't have a happy ending, but because nothing in the story felt like they should have gotten back together, other than because they were lonely and comfortable with each other.

If Dan felt humiliated enough and had his masculinity trampled on after all these years of putting up with it to leave his family for four years and live like a hermit, living with the fact of his wife's infidelity, never seeking other companionship to try and build back up his lost pride, people like that don't just suddenly go "Oh, what I over heard was a mistake? Whew, glad that's all it was. What do you say we move back in together and pretend nothing happened? Maybe later we can later laugh about all the times you slept with another man so you could have me raise his kids because, while I can't get you pregnant, you tell me that I am a better father and that's really all that matters."

And even if that "was" true, some readers want to feel good about cheering for the person who gets "stomped" like this and want them to come out top, but that didn't happen here for me.

I cheered for no one and couldn't see why they even got back together.

Sorry

-Risq

This story was well written, well thought out and way, way way out of its category. Should have been listed as non erotic, or did I mss something when I dozed off?

Only two stars because you had Dan accept his cuckholdery by taking a cheating whore back and forgiving her. He did nothing wrong early on. All KAT really want was to embarass her husband by spreading her legs, taking another mans sperm into her body, concieving and having another mans kids no matter what her other motives. Thers no sugar coating it.

Please this was a BS story, three kids, none his and he takes that bitch back please.

No one would react the way that Dan did when he found out Gracie wasn't his and the betrayal of Kat would force him away. Love for his daughter wouldn't have held him.

On the technical side, the dialog wasn't real. People don't talk like that.

Interesting premise but needs more realism.

COULD ANYONE EVER ACCEPT SUCH TRASH ?

The error in French in this tale is spectacularly hilarious. The French word "plomb" is not the English verb "to lead," it is the noun for the metal "lead," you know ... one of the elements on the periodical table of elements, indicated by the abbreviation Pb. This list regularly does damage to some of the most basic English grammar, but what have the French done to deserve such treatment. "Plomb sur mon amour ...?"

Just think how weighty that will feel in bed. I'll be chuckling for years.

i can say, having a child i know i am not the sperm donor of, that the premise is not out of the question. the continuing love for the cheating spouse? let's just say i wasn't capable of it. loving the children, still, knowing they were not his? absolutely. now, my biggest problem with this story is that there are far too many missing words or redundant words and it disrupts the flow of the story. i don't get too bent about punctuation but when i have to go back and reread something because a word is gone that should be there or some word is used that confuses the meaning of a sentence it annoys me. over all a good read, though.

After four years, I think Daniel should have moved on. The first infedelity could have been overlooked, but the second one was too far fetched. I can understand the trap that Daniel was in, and whgy he stayed. I also understand why he left when he thought that Gracie knew and was mocking him. Katie would have had to crawl back to him, and offered a jar with Edward's testicles in, as a start to reconciliation.

First, the kids aren't his, he was gone for 4 years and didn't file or move on. I want you to name 1 man that any one here knows, who would stay with a wife that cheated twice and had 2 kids by her lover, and were not talking about a hot wife or some super slut. An everyday wife that believes she loves her husband.

So, she cuckolded him. He got balls and then got them cut off. She is, clearly, a slut. Rest of justification is pure BS.

I'm having three problems with this story. (I rate it a three or so)

One: Not knowing the reason he disappeared, the wife had to ask herself questions. It seems a bit implausible that she would not eventually get on with her life.

Two: And the biggest problem. Dan just left a cheating slut of a wife and his conniving three rat bastard children coordinating his active cuckolding. (Yes, he's abysmally stupid to think this when it's ON HIS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY! You did this for drama but it seriously undercuts the story! The selection of another day would have made it more plausible) So he left the rat pack and went away, shattered...and? And after two years of healing, he didn't prong some other woman? When he had the conversation with his wife at the restaurant, I kept waiting for

"I need to get some forgiveness from you too. You see, when I thought you and the children were conspiring against me, after a few years I met some women. It wasnt' anything long term, but I wandered outside my marriage too because I didn't have one anymore. Well, I was mistaken but that didn't change what I did. This isn't about getting even but something YOU will have to make some choices."

A lot of husbands, bitter would have pronged quite a few to get the bad taste out of their heads.

Third: the Dialouge was painful to read at times. It didn't flow well. I'm not sure I can do any better but it got very stilted at times, enough to booger up the flow, which irritated me.

Thank you for writing.

(Oh, and I'm REALLY getting irritated at these exemplars of life. The Husband who is the best ever. The loyal wife beating the relatives for slurring her husband etc. This is by no means something Mandy centric. It seems that almost every single guy in JPB's repetoire worships the ground his wife walks on and NEVER did anything wrong ever. But it's the fault of the genre)

I liked the plot and ending thanks keep writing

When the first sentence of the story contains a grammatical error it bodes ill for the rest of the work.

Your literacy seem to reflect on poor standard of schooling "down under". Fair story nevertheless. Good luck, you need it.

Fantastic story. One of the best I have read in this site.

Ego is only a small part of why a guy in Dan's position would feel out of sorts.

Why is it when a guy is put out of sorts, it's his siwwy wittle ego. Even when he finds out that his family line is now dead as far as he's concerned. That is some heavy shit for most guys.

But when the woman is wronged all hell breaks loose and by god, you'd better take it or else! Easy for her, no matter the source her family will continue, no skin off her nose.

Trust is mildly important in any relationship, especially when you swear by all that you hold near and dear, be it by God, talk radio, or twinkies, that you will be true to your partner.

Great story. Don't buy into crap from bad crittics. Keep working your craft. It will only get better.

In regard to comments from Roscovich...your critique lost any credibility when you insulted Australia's literacy levels. That only shows you are incapable of reading objectively.

As for Mandy01 - loved the story.

That's what Roscovich was talking about. No credibility lost there. The story was relatively entertaining, but others have pointed out some of its shortcomings. Too many missing words; maybe some cultural terms I don't understand. "Sort" for "sought"? I and me confusion; too many speed bumps to ignore.

LW authors do have to put up with the male readers who are either insecure in their masculinity or just plain hate or mistrust females; especially these erotic stories. It's unfortunate, but look at how many women are abused by the men in their lives, even in the U.S.

I enjoy LW stories from female writers; maybe particularly when taking the male POV. This one seemed to involve too much rehashing of feelings and this hampered the progress of the story. Keep writing.

The small spelling/culture/grammar errors would get polished, the plot made more twisted and someone would add twenty-eight commercial breaks to make it two hours long. Many thousands of women would watch enthralled and teary eyed. Forty-seven married men would watch in hopes they would get lucky after it ended.

I'd be one of the married men watching and making astute comments as the story progressed. Thank you for the written story, I'm ready for the movie.

While at times your tale is predictable, which is not necessarily bad, I did find it entertaining.

I enjoyed this story very much, and hope to read more like it.

...and it was adequate for the premise.

Very entertaining and I enjoyed it - that is all that counts!

4.5 which, rounded up = 5

Thank you

Norm

Dan is a chump. He should have just divorced the lying whore and sued the sperm donor for back child support. I would have cut all ties with everybody and told the kids to blame their piece of shit mother.

In the Beginning I nearly stopped reading because I thought the only misunderstanding was that eavesdropping at the 15th aniversary, which would have been lame, because that really was not much evidence and he would have made an ass out of himself. But later it became clear that he knew from the beginning that the children weren't his, so that explains his harsh reaction.

What made the reconciliation reasonable was the fact that he was sterile from the start. So the only solution for him to have the family he desired was for her to do exactly what she did: Find a Donor. Of course not through cheating but through AI. But for all the shit she did, what she didn't do was what I read in a different Story: Having another mans children INSTEAD of his. Which is the ultimate betrayal. Here the chance for him to be father himself never existed. That DOES however NOT redeem the Wife but made forgiveness possible.

Over used the exclamation point. It may not seem like a big deal but it's important for the rhythm of the story.

San is a cuckold and a pussy, what kind of a man apologises to his wife for being sterile and "forcing her" to cheat on him absolute bullshig.

Dan should of told them all to kiss his ass and let his slut wife's lover walk Grace down the aisle. He had balls, author cut them off. Pathetic tale. Just another "wimp the husband out" tale.

the story stinks.

you had good character development but the "I fucked another man so you could have more children to raise" does not cut it in the real world. her saying now that she did not like it has as much credibility as her saying for all those years that he was the father. she lied, she snuck around, she cuckold her husband, she cost him hundres of thousands if not a million dollars after college, and she caused him to form attachments with another mans child. now i am all for adoption, but you have to know they are going to be adopted. did i forget to mention she committed a crime by lying on a public document - the birth certificate where it lists the name of the bio father? ok he knew from the get go - but that does not lessen her shreading her vows. the daughter is a free bite - she was pregnant when they got together, but i dont buy that bs about it was the next day. the problem is marriage is based on trust and after 15 years she is still a cheater. hell what happens when she get to 25 or 40 years? how many more times will she think she deserves more than she is getting? or when will she decide that she did all this confessing for her husband and he does not appreciate her enough? or the men that will now know her vows dont mean crap and will keep hitting on her until she just "makes a mistake" by letting him inside her little girl parts by accident. or maybe she will not feel loved or appreciated, or not as beautiful as she should.

ok he can forgive her, but now is the time for the divorce so he can get one he can trust the rest of his life.

looking at your age - have you ever had a boyfriend who "cheated" on you or you him? now multiple that violation by a factor of one million.

that is why i said you story stinks - it justifies cheating. hell i would rather she just do it, tell hubby to fuck off that is the way it will be and let them get a divorce.

but you did good character development and the flow was good, your moral sucks. but i am an old romantic.

1. Stangstar06 wrote this genre with more humor : "Forever Gone, Forever You".

2. The female sexual cycle works that at the ovulation period the women want more agressive male sexual partner and during the longer part of the cycle the women prefer a gentle male sexual partner. In the dark cave the female gathered the agressive main mamouth hunter DNA but the agressive mamouth hunter did not like the children and family. During the pregnancy the women sexual apetite increases to stick the gentle male to the female to assist the neborn to bring up.

3. In the XIX Century 20% of the children origined from other as the husband. The husband did not work the sperm cells the wife look for a similar stranger for sex......

4. Today the DNA test is almost 100% sure and it is a difficult thing to use a natural spermdonor without husband humiliation. The sperm bank is less problematic thing or adoptation.

5. The majority of the children say that is our father who brought up us.

6. Dan was the gentle male but today we do not live in cave.

7 The Author of this story is a woman who sees the World throught woman eyes, and she wants to show us a woman wish for reconcilation with the gentle family centered man. The Author detected something from the male ego, because she showed a running husband, but the story from a woman POV to reach the reconcilation. We male readers have to understand a female POV other as a male POV.

Honestly, I don't understand why others have commented so negatively about the story. I thought it was lovely and I'll admit, I even teared up once or twice. The beginning could have been better expanded but overall, very nice.

First, Dan did exactly the right thing by leaving. He owed none of them a damn thing. I was surprised when Kate slapped Gracie, and more surprised that Gracie didn't hit back. She would have if she had been my character - she would have knocked the old lady into next week. Dan should never have come back, for the wedding, to see the kids, nothing. HE HAD NO FAMILY!! It was ALL a lie. He was right to talk to Jason about it, but then should have asked the kid (and all the rest) to leave him alone. Now he's just a wimpass cuckold.

@ Billitheger was right. Katlyn should have told her husband he is steril. Dan would have adored Gracie and the spermbank may be a source for a second child. The XIX Century solution is mistake today.

I'm glad he took her back.... Yeah she should have been honest regarding his infertility.... But this wasn't a woman who went out & banged everything walking! She loves her husband dearly & her actions showed.... Yeah she screwed up. She had 1 affair, she's not a slut... When her family was trash talking Dan she put them all in their place... I get why she slept with the douchebag to get pregnant but I don't get why she just didn't talk to her husband about other options/method of having a baby? All in all I liked the ending... I'm glad they got back together... Maybe now they'll learn how to communicate better.

Daniel the cuck was correct to leave, but should have actually filed for divorce long before. Gracie should not have allowed the whore to hit her without retaliation, and should not have tolerated her fiance's repeated admonishments - she is old enough to marry, she is old enough to deal with her cuckolding mother.

Daniel made two mistakes - 1) taking up so soon with Eddie's woman and having sex before he could be sure she wasn't pregnant, and 2) trusting a woman.

he should never have took her back she lied, disrespected him, and cheated for 15 yrs. You cant say oops to that, he should have kept seeing his kids and divorced her there was a good trusting woman out there for him that would respect him. His cheating ass wife wasn't it.

Truly an amazing story! I can't believe this is not a movie. Thank you for such a clever and wonderful story. 5 stars from me!

I'm normally not on the forgiveness bandwagon, but in this case it works for me that he took her back. She's an idiot for doing what she did. She paid a significant price for it. I like the reconciliation.

cheating cunt is a cheating cunt and she never gets taken back!

And he wimped out. Should of been allowed to live the balance of his life in peace and tranquility. Didn't need to be reunited to a slut. Hope he wears a condom or else he will get an STD.

As I was reading this, at the wedding I could visualze a scene similar to the last :30 minutes of the John Wayne classic "McClintock".

Chuckle

Thx

As Mousse pointed out, this reads like a 1920-1940s play in terms of carefully contrived speeches! The 'trigger event' for Hubby's abandonment was also contrived to leave nothing overheard by Hubby to raise any doubt about the "lovers' rendezvous" cabal. The three main characters were each perfect in his or her logic and execution, GIVEN the misunderstandings each held. Actually SiL Jason had NO misunderstanding, simply perfect logic and planning! (In-fucking-sufferable)

Very painful read...part of that was deliberate, and the other part was due to excessive speechifying and pig-headedness! The deliberate pain invoked by the story was well-done, subtracting out the quibbles above. The other could have been alleviated by reducing 7 pages to 2 pages, and 4+ years to 1 year.

'Foreign' Language (any language in which one is not highly fluent) is VERY laden with pitfalls. Computer-assisted (CA) translation is OK for getting a cuppa joe* in Bangladesh, shitty for more complex thoughts. Try CA translating the CA translation BACK to the original language to see how garbled it can get!

* 'cup of joe' translated to Spanish is 'copa de José' ; translated back is 'Joseph's jigger'

4*

... I'm certainly no reconciliation man but I confess that I was pulling for Kat right up to point when she said Edward caught her at just the right time in her cycle. What? Earlier in the story, she had stated that she figured out Grace was not Dan's when she wasn't impregnated again after five years. The implication was that she went to Edward with premeditation so all her children would have the same father. In my opinion, that would have been less offensive to Dan than the fact that she just got "too hot to trot", so to speak. Bottom line, I really liked the first 6 pages but things got a little loose at the end.

I was cheering, smiling, pumping my fists in the air. One of the best I have read on this site. A wonderfully fascinating story. This story activated my imagination like none other before. I could see the characters as plainly as if I were watching a movie, or there in person. I could feel the pain, and then the overwhelming joy at the end. You wrote it masterfully to a brilliant climax. Thank you!!

She got him. She deliberately set out to get pregnant a second time but convinced him that she was just "caught" at her most fertile time. Also she claimed that he would do anything to ensure he got together with his children, but her "confession" at the wedding pretty much ensures that new rumors will arise involving the paternity of the children so she effectly took them away for good. She stuck it to him but good!

The same words so differently -

I saw nothing in the text you wrote to indicate - in any way or shape - that she intended to cause humiliation or pain to her husband - it happened - but not by her design just her careless and thoughtless actions no malice.

Her confession struck me as doing exactly what was stated - removing him from the arena of blame and placing herself smack in the middle - an honorable effort, She also worked to protect her children from the embarrassment that a full confession would have caused. There is no straight line from her confession as it occurred to the doubt of her children's parentage - that only happens in the story because we know the truth.and therefore are inclined that way, a confessed affair that was discovered 4 years ago gives no one enough information to infer the worst case.

I think the author has done another extreme;y good job of reading both sides of a conversation and built some exceptional bridges between people. The Jason character is a real person-type I know more than one myself - good observational skills and intu8tion combined with high intelligence. Autistic - possibly - asperger's probably - now if you want to argue whether asperger's is a mild form of autism - let's have some fun lol

when a woman fucks a man not her husband, or a husband fucks a woman not his wofe, THEY INTEND TO HURT THEM! what is this - i never intended to hurt him bullshit. THEY ARE NOT HIS KIDS - she cucked him big time. THEY ARE NOT HIS KIDS! she is a cheating whore and he is better off jacking off than ever being with her again. and not that she confessed everyone knows she is CHEATING FUCKING CUNT and can understand why he left.

it would have been better for them if they both were in on how she was to

get prego. But this is a story . my brother in law could not have kids and

they went for adoption. a good tale that may happen in real life.

The story was long and dramatic. The principal characters were well described and the plot was thick and full of drama and emotion. I enjoyed the story with certain predictability in the outcomes it still was a great story.

so in the end lil cuckie mason never found his cock or his balls.

Garbage, no to getting back with her.

The story could use better editing. "Bare" means naked, and it is incorrect to say, "Bare with it," or, "Grin and bare it" (unless one means strip down with a smile, in the second instance). The correct word is "bear." Maybe I'm being animalistic (piggishly stubborn) about this, but I'm correct. Author, look it up if you doubt I'm right. I guess I can't 'bear' seeing words misused, even though I realize this is not Shakespeare.

Another example is "too" being used where "to" should have been employed. "Too" is an adverb, usually meaning the same as "also." "To" is a preposition, as in "I'm going to the store." I, too, caught the mistake in the French passage, where the noun "plumb" was used instead of the verb for "lead." I know this was only a little rather than a 'weighty' mistake, but again, a good editor would help in this regard.

Now to the plot. I must agree with RHinSC, Zed0, and others who are skeptical that a man would behave the way Dan behaves in this story. Giving the wife a pass because of the first pregnancy, where she used contraception with Eddie but not with Dan, and she honestly thought the child was Dan's, well, that's very credible. After all, she was not even married when Eddie made her pregnant,

But the next time was a deliberate, planned breach of her marital vows. The author would like the reader to believe a man would find it acceptable because, let me get this right, it was not pleasurable? Eddie was not only a poor lover, he had a smaller cock? She foolishly followed her biological urges, deciding her daughter should have one or more siblings with the same father?

Maybe she was being thrifty -- after all, artificial sperm bank insemination is pricey. But you usually get what you pay for, and you don't get much when the price is cheap. Don't women value the genes of the sperm donor? Would a sane woman get back in bed with a man of bad character who treated her like garbage, so he could instill some of those shitty character genes in her offspring? I think that's pretty looney, no matter how you cut it.

No, the purposeful infidelity, the lying and the deceit to her husband, those issues would not be acceptable to any man I could imagine. I think such would turn any man's love to hate. The others who have commented similarly, and I dare say they are the majority, feel she should have come clean once she realized Dan was likely sterile. She clearly intended he never learn of her secret; that she placed her selfish, self-centered wishes for an expedient pregnancy over any consideration for the man she claimed to love.

I'm not homophobic, and I feel anyone can love anyone else where it is mutually consensual, so please don't misconstrue what I will say next. But I've seen this same problem in other stories written by female authors whose sexual orientation is primarily directed towards other females. Oh, there is the theoretical stuff about the male "ego" regarding who is the sperm donor, etc., but consider.

Lesbian couples who want one or more children in their marital relationship still need a sperm donor, so it is no big deal psychologically for such women to accept the third party concept for fertilization (until science enables parthenogenesis, that is).

Symbolically, the author is suggesting that a rational man would do so under the circumstances in this story, because he loves his wife (and she still loves him) despite what she did, or he loves the first child and does not wish a break up. I contend that such is implausible.

Any real male would have at the least confronted her after learning the truth. Maybe they could have reconciled, maybe not. But it would literally eat one up from the inside to keep feelings of hurt and betrayal bottled up inside for the length of time depicted here. Just my own opinion, of course. Three stars, author made a good effort despite my different perspective and disagreement on this subject.

Just a petty comment, the French phrase utilised in the story was obviously taken from an on line translator. Plomb sur mon amour, je suis à toi de faire ce que vous s'il vous plait! Plomb is lead as in lead weight, the metal element lead, rather than to lead as in lead me to the bar!! The phrase would have been better as 'Conduire sur mon amour, je suis à toi de le faire comme il vous plaira' Apart from being a nitpicking pain, I enjoyed the rest of the story!!!

Loved it! Thanks very much for writing.

It's the typical story about one or the other spouse going off half cocked without talking to their spouse. I refer you to JPB's funny story: "The hardheads, Frank and Mary" for an example of this genre that had the benefit of being told in far fewer pages.

This story needed a good editor.

To live a life of a cuckold, offsprings that I can't do anything for medically if anything were to happen and a "loving wife" who intentionally cuckold me

Seven full pages of feminist-centric cuck/wimp bullshit. A real man wouldn't be drinking coffee and forgiving her, he would have sold that lying cunt to a Russian whorehouse. Get real or stop posting stories.

pile of feminist bullshit, should have killed the bitch divorce is to nice start to finish an average white woman's cheating dream, but hey all the wimps love it, reconcile at any cost worthy on MM or JPB. to bad we can't test for slut or cunt when they are young, "sorry sir you daughter gonna be a nasty slut cunt..so you know we got'da down the bitch"