Loose Lips

I called Mark to come to my office. I was surprised he did not seem very happy about my calling. Maybe, our experience wasn't as enjoyable to him as I thought. He came in my office with a 'hang dog' look. I ignored that and came right out and asked if he would like a second chance. He started crying!

"Jill, I can't. Don't get me wrong. Having you ask me to have sex again would normally be one of the top highlights of my life. I can't have sex with you right now. Oh God, give me the courage to tell you. I have a venereal disease. I'm pretty sure it came from a prostitute I have been having sex with for years. I'm not sure if I was infected when you and I had sex, but you need to get tested. I'm sorry. I'll understand if you don't ever want to speak to me again." He left.

Of course, I cried again. When I got back under control, I took sick leave and went to get tested. After a few agonizing days waiting, I got the report: negative for venereal disease. I was relieved but did not celebrate. I decided that I would concentrate on getting Jack back in the time I had left. Of course, I still had 'Mark the dildo.'

JACK

After I said good-bye to Misha, I wasn't sure what to think. Misha was a wonderful woman and seemed to have great potential as someone's long-time partner or wife. I think we proved that she and I were definitely sexually compatible. Yet, I was hopefully anxious about what my new bedroom skills might mean to Jill. It was time to find out.

JACK AND JILL REUNION

Jack agreed to meet Jill at their house for 'the talk.' They exchanged unimportant information updates through a couple of glasses of wine. When the conversation seemed stuck, Jill asked Jack to go first about what he wanted as far as their marriage. She did not want to pour out her heart if Jack had already decided to go for a divorce.

"Jill, I have missed you a lot. Despite what you said about me, I cannot stop loving you. Your words hurt me. You hurt me really bad. The pain has eased, but it has not been erased. I came to understand that you had been living with a less-than-ideal sex life and did not tell me because you did not want to hurt my feelings. If we get back together, you must agree NEVER to withhold your concerns from me. Because I believed you were right about my inadequacy in bed, I did something about it. I would like to say my penis is now larger, but that's not the case. Instead, I went to some women to teach me how to please a woman. I think I have learned a lot. I hope I have learned enough to make you believe I can satisfy you to the point you wouldn't have to have a bigger dick."

Jill quickly reprogramed what she had thought would be her response. "Jack, I want you back. It took me a while to do as you asked. I did try A man, one man, with a larger penis. Although the sex part was good, the love part was not. I will be happy as long as you can provide the love part again. I promise, I will never disrespect you again in front of you or my so-called friends."

Jill then asked, "So, where do you see us going from here?"

"Actually, seeing you here, looking so sexy; I would like to take you to bed and show you what I've learned. That will give you a better idea if I can satisfy you sexually."

Jill was surprised. "I have wanted you so much, I will probably have an orgasm just getting into bed with you." They moved quickly to the bedroom.

Jack's new techniques were evident to Jill from the beginning. He was slow and deliberate and loving. There were a couple of orgasms from his use of tongue and fingers before his penis made its way to the entrance of her vagina. Licking and fingering her anus had her squealing in pleasure. "Please, Jack. No more torture. Put it in and fuck me."

Jack used his experience to insert his penis in the right way to maximize her pleasure. Jill was shocked to feel Jack's penis touch her as never before. She was enjoying the feelings he caused and said, "Fuck me, Mark, fuck me hard."

Jack stopped immediately. His penis shrank and he withdrew.

Jill yelled, "Oh God, don't stop now. I'm almost there." She started rubbing her clit furiously. Suddenly, she realized Jack was getting out of bed.

"Jack, what's the matter? It felt so good. The best I've ever felt."

"Evidently, you're not through with your size fantasy after all."

"What do you mean? You were wonderful."

"You don't realize what you said?"

"No, what did I say?"

"You said, 'Fuck me, MARK, fuck me hard."

"Oh no. No." It was a slip of the tongue. I wasn't thinking about Mark or his penis. "I have a dildo named Mark. I have been using that a lot. It was a mistake. Please come back to bed."

"Sorry, I really had hoped you could be satisfied with me. Consult your lawyer if you want to contest the terms of the divorce. Good-bye."

JILL

You know by now what I did: cried and cried. What is wrong with my brain? Did Jack's new ability to touch me where only Mark the man and Mark the dildo had been able to before, cause me to mix them up? Did I even have a chance of getting Jack back? I had sixty days to figure it out.

My friends said that Jack was being ridiculous. Two instances of misspeaking, one caused by alcohol and once in the throes of passion should not even come close to nuclear war on a marriage. It was obvious to them that Jack had someone else and wanted a reason to blame me for breaking up the marriage. They advised a frontal attack. I reluctantly agreed as I had no other plan but waiting.

I went to my lawyer and worked out a strategy where we would basically try to shame Jack into reconsidering a divorce or admit he had replaced me in his heart. We demanded a hearing, or we would delay the divorce as long as possible. I had found out that Jack was being considered for the Phoenix office's Directorship. He would not want to be tied down here.

At the hearing, my lawyer made Jack look trigger-happy for a divorce. He presented my so-called 'sins' as things that would not even create a 'blip' on most couples' radar. At worst, the slips of tongue could have been worked out in counseling, but Jack had refused that. In light of the unfairness with which I was being treated, my lawyer proposed a 70/30 split of assets instead of 50/50 split. Counseling would be the only way a more even split would be considered. The grin on my face didn't last long. Jack agreed to my lawyer's terms, signed the papers and left. We would be divorced in a matter of weeks.

Guess what? I cried again but not nearly as much as before. I was tired of crying. It never made me feel better anyway. I gave up. I had lost Jack to some woman in Phoenix. I hoped she would get bit by a rattlesnake and die.

JACK

My lawyer chastised me for folding so easily to Jill's counteroffer. I didn't care. I wanted to get away. The Phoenix offer was time limited. My increase in pay would make up my additional loss in the divorce within a few years. It didn't hurt to know that I was leaving an office where I was known as Dinky Dick.

I admit I was angry at Jill for her divorce conditions. I think it prompted me to overrate the feelings I had for Misha. I know that part of what I was thinking was needing to do something that would really piss Jill off.

It was announced to the Phoenix office that I would be taking over as the Director and that the Assistant Director would be staying on in that capacity. She had already let me know that she was relieved that I was taking over. She did not feel ready, but she hoped to learn from me to be ready the next time a promotion became available.

Once settled in my new office, I called Misha to come see me. She came in probably expecting me to give her a hug, but I stayed behind my desk. I asked her to sit. Misha looked quite puzzled as I spoke: "Ms. Rivek, I understand that you may have violated company policy regarding relations with a person in a supervisory role."

She began to look angry. "It was you. You said you wouldn't violate policy. I have your signed statement."

"I'm afraid there is nothing I can do. You will be terminated immediately."

"You bastard. I'll . . . I'll . . . "

"You didn't let me finish. I have a new job title for you." At that point, I produced a small, black box with a ring in it. I held it out to her and said, "I want your new title to be 'wife.'" I was so proud of my presentation. I should have remembered: 'Pride goeth before the fall.'

"I can't. I just can't." Misha got up and ran out of my office. I waited for a while and then called her station. One of the other workers answered saying she took sick leave and left.

When I went to my apartment that night, I came to the conclusion that my last time with Jill created a rebound situation with Misha. I felt like the biggest loser. I had divorced the love of my life and made the lust of my life cry and run away. I figured my hand would probably refuse to have sex with me next.

JILL

I lay in bed wondering what Jack was doing. I imagined he was making love to his replacement for me. I didn't cry. He was getting on with his life. So should I.

I was more my own self as I worked at my desk. The last thing I expected was that Mark would call and ask to speak to me. I asked him what the point was. He said that it was important and that it was not to announce a new venereal disease. I had to laugh at that one and told him to come on down.

Something looked different about Mark, something that made him seem more mature. He looked at my eyes instead of my breasts, a first. "Jill, the last time we spoke, I confessed about the STD test. I'm sure it made you feel bad, but it totally devastated me. I wanted more than anything in the world to have another chance at impressing you with my love making abilities. To have to tell you I couldn't because I might have infected you nearly killed me. My feeling that day was horrible beyond anything I have ever experienced. But it has turned out to be a conversion experience for me. I took a hard look at myself and what I was doing. I didn't like what I saw. Basically, I have been a selfish pig since I reached puberty. Having a large penis has allowed me to have an inflated opinion of my desirability to women.

"I went to a therapist to help me become a better person. I now try to be focused on others. I have done a lot of apologizing and have offered to help others without expecting something in return. I like the person I am becoming. You are the one I believe I owe the biggest apology. But there is more.

"When I decided to quit being a 'pussy hound,' I thought of what women I would like to have a legitimate relationship. My first thought was of you. Initially, I figured it was impossible given our history. When I heard you and Jack were divorcing, I allowed myself some hope.

"Jill, even if we don't develop a long-term relationship, I would like the chance to treat you like you deserve. Would you please consider going on a date with me? No sex expected."

"Mark, I intend to date other men for a while before I consider marriage again or not. I still have not gotten over the loss of Jack. If you still want a date after hearing that, I would like to go out with you."

My date with Mark went far better than I expected. He was a perfect gentleman, attentive to me and focused on what I thought about things. I really enjoyed the conversation. It amazed me how much fun we had when he was talking without having sex afterwards in the back of his mind. We ended a wonderful date with a brief, non-passionate kiss. My opinion of Mark increased greatly.

JACK

I was surprised when I got a soft knock on my office door. It was Misha. It looked like she had been crying. "I need to tell you why I acted the way I did."

"You don't owe me . . . "

"Please let me finish. This is hard for me. It's not that I don't care for you, but I have lied to you about something. I cannot marry you because I am still married."

I must have looked shocked because I sure felt shocked.

"My husband is a low-level member of the Russian Mafia. He forced my parents to agree to a marriage. I was shown off to his friends for a while. Later, after our daughter was born, he found some other women to have sex with. I talked to him about divorce. He beat me up. 'Nobody divorces me,' he said. We don't live together but he still pays me a little money each month. You have never met my daughter because I am afraid she would say something to him and you would be in danger.

"If I weren't married, I would be tempted to take you up on your offer. I do want to be with you as much as possible. We could keep seeing each other like before if we continue to be very careful. It's up to you. I thought you should know."

I went over to Misha, pulled her to standing up, and kissed her as strongly as I could. So, 'friends with benefits?'

As much as I enjoyed my time with Misha, I did not feel the love for her that I had for Jill. I kept thinking back to my last night with Jill. She did seem to be enjoying the sex more than before. For God's sake, why did she have to say his name? Maybe I didn't give her a fair chance. Several friends have been puzzled at my getting divorced over what they consider such a small mistake.

I wondered what Jill was doing now. I hoped she was doing well. That's a lie. I hoped she was miserable without me.

JILL

Although I dated several other men, Mark and I continued to date off and on. I really enjoyed his company. It was up to me to finally broach the subject, "Mark, when are we going to have sex?" His face lit up.

"Tonight, I hope."

We went back to my place. Wow! He added love making to his use of his large appendage. It was fantastic. We spent hours in bed until I was sore. The next morning, I asked him if we could be exclusive. He agreed. We talked about him moving in with me. He said that he was about at the end of his apartment lease, but after that would be fine. I agreed.

I had to admit to myself that Mark did not meet my 'soul-mate' love status I had with Jack, but I figured that would never happen again with any other man. In Mark, I had a man who cared for me and could ring my chimes sexually. Many marriages had less than that. If that's what I had to settle for, no problem.

Then I felt a disturbance in the force. Mark came to my office. He seemed very depressed. "I have something important to tell you. I have a kid."

I was flabbergasted. "So, why didn't you tell me that before?"

"I only just found out. A girl I used to date, Sue, got pregnant and did not tell me I might be the father. Evidently, there were more options than me. Anyway, over a week ago, I was asked for a DNA sample. For some reason, I was not too worried. Well, it turns out that I won the DNA lottery.

"Sue has raised the girl without a father and would have continued to do so, but she has terminal pancreatic cancer. Sue's mother is a crack whore drug addict and there is no one else in her family to raise her. I feel the need to step up and take responsibility, something the old Mark would not have done. I am resigning my position here and moving back to my hometown. My mother has agreed to help me raise my daughter."

"I don't know what to say, Mark." Tears streamed down my face.

"Jill, you don't have to say anything. As much as I want to be with you, I actually feel like this is something I need to do. It's sort of a 'karma' thing for all those years I whored around. I will miss you, but have no doubt there are many men who will be willing to take my place."

"I will miss you Mark and I wish you luck."

We kissed one last time.

As I sat down and tried to absorb what just happened, I found myself thinking, "I wonder what Jack's doing now?"

I said, "What the hell" and called Jack's cell phone. 'Number no longer in service.' I figured he must have gotten a new phone. I called the Phoenix office. "May I speak to Jack Anderson?"

There was a moment of silence. "Is this a business or personal call?"

"Personal. This is his ex-wife. Is something the matter? Doesn't Jack still work there?"

"I'm sorry. I guess you haven't heard the news. He was dating a woman who worked here. According to the newspapers, her husband was in the Russian Mafia. The Russian Mafia got into a gang war with the MS13 gang. Several MS13 members were ambushed. The MS13 gang members started killing Russian Mafia and their family members. Misha and her daughter were among the first killed. When Jack came into the house just after the gangsters had killed Misha and her daughter, he was next. I guess you weren't considered next-of-kin anymore."

I was in a stupor, sometimes a drunken stupor, for months. My life had gone from worse to worst. There was no need for me to prolong my agony. I was able to get sleeping pills prescribed by a doctor. I sat on my bed, reviewing how I had screwed up a perfect marriage, therefore, my life. I wanted to die in hopes I would be with my husband again.

The phone rang. I debated about whether to answer it or just go ahead with my plan. I picked it up. I admit, I was hoping someone would come on the phone and tell me the news about Jack was wrong and he was still alive.

"Hello."

"Jill, it's Mark. I know this is out of the blue, but how would you like to become a mother? Jill?"